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50 Shades, After and What We Learn From Toxic Relationships

Jennifer has a B.A. in Communications. She is an expert with self- help. She studied two years of marriage and family therapy.

50 Shades of Grey Poster

50 Shades of Grey Poster

Nicolas Sparks

Anyone who knows me knows that Nicolas Sparks is my favorite author. My favorite book by him is The Best of Me . In that book Amanda the straight edge, innocent good girl falls for Dawson the rebel. Life tears them apart but they reunite years later. It is my favorite love story about love and second chances and a real heartbreaker.

In most of Nicholas Spark's books that is his theme the smart level headed girl falling for the rebel. That even happened with Titanic. Remember Jack and Rose?

So Hollywood has been portraying that opposites can attract for as long as we can remember.

In 2015 however in the romance department we started to understand more about toxic relationships than just opposites attracting.

50 Shades of Grey

in 2015 E.L. James Bestseller 50 Shades of Grey hit theaters and skyrocketed the box office. Fans raced to see it opening night.

It starts with Anastasia Steele who is in college and her roommate Kate is sick. She has to cover for her and interview Christian and do a story on him and how he started his company. Anastasia is in awe when she meets him.

They go for coffee Christian tells Ana he does not do relationships. He also tells her to steer clear from him. There is something about Christian that Ana could not stay away from. Things get weird when he wants her to sign a contract and want her to be her submissive.

She wants a relationship with him but he is all about dominance and control. It takes him a long time until he lets go of his past. He has a lot of trauma that he has from his mother from when he was a child.

Anastasia knows he is like this. She sees he is all about dominance and control. She still hangs onto the relationship.


Fans who loved 50 Shades of Grey are racing to read and see After by Anna Todd. It is basically 50 Shades for the younger set. In After innocent Tessa who has her high school sweetheart Noah is going off to college. She thinks she could manage a long distance relationship until she has a rebellious roommate Steph and she drags her to a party and she gets tempted by rebellious Harden Scott.

After was great because it opened up viewers to see what college life was like. That bullying does go on and what how much it can hurt when you go after someone that wants to get in a relationship and get out. It makes viewers see the importance of choosing a partner that is healthy for you mentally and emotionally and not just because they look or are good sexually.

How do we relate to these characters?

How do we relate to these characters? We have heard the saying a thousand times "Women love bad boys," but the question is why? Why would we want to go after someone who would want to go and break our hearts?

If we know from the start that someone cannot give us forever then why do we want to waste our time with that person?

Why do choose to go after the people who use us and abuse us instead of appreciating the people who are respectful and kind?

Do we not value ourselves and think that we deserve love that we keep choosing the wrong partners? How come every time our ex contacts us back we run instead of waiting for Mr. Right? So we wait another year and are single? Use that time to find yourself and grow friendships. It is better than going back to what broke you and being with someone who will only use you and abuse you.

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Someone has to want to change

I am a firm believer in miracles but someone has to want to change. You cannot change someone else. You cannot make someone want to be in a relationship that does not want to be in a relationship. You cannot make someone grow up that still wants to be young.

Each relationship is a lesson until you find your life partner. It hurts when you let the person go because sometimes you do get attached. Sometimes it is a blessing because you do end up finding someone even better.

So if your single and just ended a toxic relationship be glad it's over. Don't try to find someone else just like your ex. Don't contact your ex. Focus on getting your life together, find your self-worth, write down all the qualities you want in a healthy relationship and when you least expect it there that person will be.

Always make sure the person you are with adds peace and happiness to your life. That is how you know you are in a happy relationship and you met the right person!

After Poster

After Poster

Signs of a toxic relationship

Signs of a toxic relationship

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2020 Jennifer Panaro


Jennifer Panaro (author) from Eastchester on May 07, 2020:


Jennifer Panaro (author) from Eastchester on May 05, 2020:

Thanks I will check it out!

Leah on May 04, 2020:

You may be interested in this book titled “A Natural History of the Romance Novel” by Pamela Regis. It’s a well recommended for scholars and for people who have an interest in romance novels.

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