In the time I’ve served, I mean spent on Match.com, I have learned a few interesting things about some of the women that are on there. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have met some very nice women, but this article is simply about the women that men should steer clear of! Having said that, ladies, don’t hold this article against me, it’s written obviously through the view of a man that has been on Match.com, me! Laugh if you can!
Scanned in, Old and Altered Photos
Red flag number one, the beauty you’re checking out has uploaded what appears to be scanned in, older or altered photos. How dare them! It’s like advertising a filet, you making the purchase and actually getting a piece of jerky (sometimes literally).
How will you know the photos are scanned in? Well, sometimes you can see wrinkles on the scanned photos, and we all know that digital photos don’t exactly wrinkle. Or even better, the photo may have a date of something like, “6-13-89” in the corner. This is a dead giveaway that the pic you are viewing is not exactly recent and that it was scanned!
Other clues the photo you are digging is old, well are you thinking to yourself, “That woman sure does look hot in that bikini, but if she just didn’t have on those JELLY SHOES!” OR, “Man, I had a Spuds Mackenzie shirt JUST like that!” Hmmm...something is fishy!
So maybe the photo is a great scanned in photo, but if the photo is from 1989, and it’s now 2013 – Um, a lot of things can change, drop, fall, sag, sink in and expand!
Now, my favorite, pics that have been altered with Photoshop! Wow, looks great on Match.com, but unfortunately when your date meets you for coffee, they can't be Photoshopped in real life! Photoshopped photos rank right up there with "Glamor Shots" photos from back in the '90s – Another giveaway!
Minimum Salary Requirements of $150K+
A minimum salary requirement of "$150k+ or more" on a Match.com profile is another red flag! If you land one of these gals, you can rest assured that you will be paying for this princess in more ways than one!
No doubt, this woman wants to be taken care of, spoiled, doctored up and flown to Europe on a regular basis. If you do go for this requirement guys, at least make sure the girl is straight-up, super-model quality because obviously she doesn’t seem to have too much depth; and now that I think of it, neither do you guys if you go for this! Eek! Run! – And don’t forget your checkbook!
Profiles Written in Broken “Eng’rish”
Profiles and emails written in broken English or “Eng’rish” – Example? "I woman who good. I seek to find men who want to love. I nice, back laid and smell of goodness..." Usually these women are after one thing and these women are not from the U.S.; and may not even be in the U.S. as they are writing you! So do I have a problem with people not from the U.S.? Well absolutely not! I’ve dated women from other countries, but I do have a problem with, well, read on!
So what are these “Eng’rish” speaking women after? Hmmm, your charm, your gorgeous eyes, your physique, your humor, no! These gals are probably after their lil green cards and will want major commitment, majorly fast!
Now, these women can be gorgeous, but don’t go for it! I’ve seen these relationships, or emotional heists, or whatever you want to it, turn into serious train wrecks! Jerry Springer wishes he could get his hands on this stuff!
Women Posing in Lingerie
Okay, this red flag should be screaming in your face obvious. These ladies, or maybe the word “lady” is a bit much, are obviously seeking that attention that sadly their pops never gave them. Guys on match, I know you have seen these women’s profiles; they are lying on their beds posing in nothing but their sexy undies and a duck face! Now, if you are looking for nothing but a “30-minute” date. These girls will be perfect for you, but I don’t think you will be taking these women home to mom.
“I’ll tell you later.”
Any time you see THIS answer to any of the personal attributes on Match.com, most of the time your alarm should go off. Here is how it usually goes down if the “I’ll tell you later” option is selected.
- Relationship status – Go ahead and assume that this gal is married or recently separated.
- Body type – Most likely this woman is larger than average, if you like curvy women, cool, but if not, here is your sign!
- Smoking – She won’t tell you anything later! She’ll just light up when you two meet! But if you hate it she’ll tell you she is quitting…and has been for months now!
- Children – at least 4!
- Alcohol – She is a recovering and/or raging alcoholic.
- Religion – She may have some weird, made-up religion like none other and end up crying to you as she tells you about it in a Starbucks. Well, that’s what happened to me anyway!
Rich on February 04, 2018:
I really think online dating is the future of dating, in this fast pace high divorced rate of a society we exist in online dating seems pretty practical. Because of the topic I would add another red flag in regards to photos posted is the go to selfie photo taken from above with the camera held above the head pointing straight down, emphasizing the beasts push up pass her ears and just a straight down body shot with the goal of concealing body size giving her that illusion of having a thin or even average body type. This is a perfect way to they can mislead you without straight up lieing about what they look like.
James from The Eastern Bypass on September 16, 2015:
I can never try dating sites since I do not trust them. I guess that there are some people who are there for some insincere reasons.
Elvis Jackson (author) from All around the world! on November 13, 2014:
Just fyi anonymous, Christians, Muslims, Jews, midgets and ninja turtles all have the ability to offend other humans via stalking or whatever else...hence human nature.
anonymous on August 30, 2014:
I'm sorry to say churches aren't necessarily any better. I dated a guy for a couple of years who's been stalking me since we broke up, and that was 10 years ago. I guess it's the "christian" version of stalking because he hasn't threatened me--he just drives by my house, or leaves stuff on my doorstep when he knows I'm not home, goes to my grocery store (he doesn't live in the area), calls me at work from local phone booths in his neighborhood and doesn't say anything (I had to change my home phone number) and other creepy stuff too numerous to mention, so just because he goes to church doesn't mean he's an ok guy.
Elvis Jackson (author) from All around the world! on May 19, 2014:
Hi Ann! Thanks for the great comment! Yep, bars are no good for meeting someone! Ugh!
Ann1Az2 from Orange, Texas on May 19, 2014:
Well done and humorous, too. I have a very good friend who tried online dating for awhile, but didn't have very good luck. The last date turned out to be a very bad relationship. Then, I have an aunt by marriage that got caught up with one of your “Eng’rish” types, only he was from Scotland. They got married and then he took her for everything she had and was a citizen of the U.S. because he married her. He left her and never came back.
Our parents used to tell us if you wanted to meet a nice guy or gal, meet them in church. There's a lot to be said for that. Meeting them in a bar is not much better than online dating because there is usually a drinking problem there, too.
Raising awareness - that's what we're all about - job well done and voted up.
Elvis Jackson (author) from All around the world! on May 18, 2014:
Yep Heather, they do!
heatherdos on May 22, 2013:
Right on! Men do the same darn things!
Jay Samuelli from NYC on March 22, 2013:
Those women from match.com can be scary