Quick, Easy Love Language Quiz for YOU to work out your partner's love language.
Here you can Discover your Partner’s Language WITHOUT them doing the Quiz!
Yes, you can work out your significant others primary Love Languages without having them wade through the official Love Languages Quiz! Observing their reactions and behaviour towards you (and indeed others) is the key. For example, the ways in which they try to impress you or make up to you are huge clues as to the way they themselves like to be treated, nurtured and loved.
Gary Chapman is the author of the celebrated 5 Love Languages book and official Quiz. He explains that in situations where one partner is earnestly flooding the other with heartfelt Words of Affirmations - when in fact their partner’s primary love language is Acts of Service - it's unlikely that the relationship will be much enhanced. This is because Words of Affirmation just do not "cut it" for the other spouse. Moreover the partner making all that extra effort can start to feel resentful that their spouse takes little or no notice of their endeavours.
However, if a person takes a little time out to actually assess what their partner actually needs to feel loved up and elated, then they’ll likely be well on their way to a more fulfilling and loving relationship all round.
The book is an international best seller and from reading the reviews you can see why Dr. Chapman's approach to enhancing long term relationships is of merit.
Most people show their love to their partner and others by doing and saying the things they would want for themselves.
However, there are more effective ways to have your partner feel your love.
For this 5 Love Languages Quiz, there are 7 scenarios/questions below
For each one, read the 5 possible responses and put a tick beside the numbered answer that best fits your husband, wife or partner.
- NB: One tick for each scenario/question is preferable, but if you really are torn between two answers, then put a tick beside both numbered answers (but certainly no more than two ticks for each question/scenario.)
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
QUIZ - Assess the Love Language of your Partner
SCENARIO / QUESTION ONE:
When they have upset you and are trying to appease you/ make it up to you, which of these are they more likely to do?
- Tell you how amazing you are, how much they appreciate you or how glad they are to have you in their life
- Clean the house, mow the lawn or catch up on any tasks previously neglected
- Buy you aftershave or scent, your favourite edible treat or hand make a personal gift for you
- Try to engage you in a game, activity or outing and spend more time with you than usual
- Be more touchy/feely, more hugs, caresses, kisses, tickles, pats on the arm or back.
SCENARIO / QUESTION TWO:
When they moan, which of these is closest to their most usual complaint?
- I always have to be the one to say I love you first OR I’m just not sure how you feel about me OR you never appreciate my good points
- Why do I always have to remind you to do … OR How come I always have to do …
- Don’t I deserve a little treat now and then OR you never bring me anything back when you go on a trip
- Why do I have to make all the arrangements for date night OR we never get to spend any time together OR you’re always too busy to make time for me
- I can’t remember the last time you gave me a foot massage, OR You’re always groping me OR Can’t we ever just snuggle OR We don’t have nearly enough marital intimacy.
SCENARIO / QUESTION THREE:
Which of these is your partner most likely to remark
- I can’t remember the last time you said thanks /praised me/asked how was my day
- I long for the days when you used to run a bath for me and make my favourite cooked breakfast on the weekend.
- I know it’s not your birthday or anything but I just wanted to give you this little gift.
- We really ought to make more time to do … together.
- I remember when we just couldn't keep our hands off each other OR I feel great just being in your arms.
SCENARIO / QUESTION FOUR:
Which of these is more likely to make your spouse’s face light up?
- Someone taking a genuine interest in something they are doing OR giving them encouragement, praise, showing appreciation.
- Telling them to put their feet up whilst you take on some of their chores for the weekend.
- A handmade surprise gift, a flower hand picked from the garden, some jewellery (it needn’t be expensive).
- You arranging for a sitter and taking them for a meal out or planning a special evening in together, perhaps just talking, without any distractions.
- A tender kiss on the forehead, a gentle squeeze of the arm. A cheeky tap on the rear.
SCENARIO / QUESTION FIVE
Which of these best describes your partner?
- Kind words make them feel appreciated and valued.
- They love when you offer to help them with practical tasks or chores.
- They cherish unexpected cards or gifts, big or small, regardless of cost because it’s the thought and effort that's important to them
- They love spending quiet time with you, going for walks, cooking together, or watching a movie and exchanging views on it with you
- They like to hold hands, hug and/or gently caress you or they tend to “accidentally” brush against your intimate areas occasionally during the course of the day.
SCENARIO / QUESTION SIX
They tend to admire people who
- Take the time to encourage and praise others
- Go out of their way to help out in practical ways.
- Have the knack of finding just the right unique and thoughtful gift
- Make time to think through and initiate doing activities which bring people together.
- Do not hold back and spontaneously raise their arms for hugs and purse their lips for a kiss/peck on the cheek.
SCENARIO / QUESTION SEVEN
Which of these best describes your partner?
- Harsh words hurt them deeply and are not easily forgotten
- When you do not do things/tasks you were scheduled to do in a timely manner, it puts them in a bad mood
- The price tag on a gift is not nearly as important as the thought that went into selecting and presenting it
- Having to postpone a planned joint activity/event leaves them extremely disappointed.
- They are comfortable and relaxed with close, frequent physical contact and/or intimate touch.
5 Love Languages - find out more...
5 Love Languages Quiz - What Your Answers Reveal About your Partner
If your ticked answers are
mostly 1 - Words of Affirmation
mostly 2 - Acts of Service
mostly 3 - Gifts
mostly 4 - Quality Time
mostly 5 - Physical Touch.
NB: Some people have two love languages of equal ranking.
Channel your energy to help achieve the relationship you desire.
Having completed the Five Love Languages Quiz, it's time to express love in the focussed way which the Quiz results have revealed your partner can readily appreciate so that they feel valued, appreciated, heard, important and loved.
Knowing what it is your partner needs to fuel the love means you can put your energy into the right area and save yourself the wasted energy, frustration and resentment which occurs when your efforts yield insignificant results. Click here for help and examples of how to express Words of Affirmation.
How and Why the 5 Love Languages can help your relationship
For further clarity on your Partner's Love Language ...
In additional to the Love Language Quiz answers above, think back to how they reacted in the past - for example
- Did your partner particularly enjoy spending quality time with you or with you together with others?
- Did your spouse show genuine appreciation of a simple but unique gift you gave them?
- Did they respond well to words of affirmation, encouragement, praise, endearment or similar?
- Are they largely indifferent to hugs and shows of affection and touches? If so there they love language is not physical touch
- Do they take it for granted when you go out of your way to do things for them/perform acts of service in the form or practical help in day to day life? If yes, then their love language is not Acts of Service.
Of course you can ask your partner to take the official love languages quiz . This will take around 15 minutes of their time. If for any reason you do not want to ask your partner to take the quiz or if for any reason your partner isn’t keen to do the quiz, just use the information herein to uncover their love language and act accordingly to help sustain, bolster and enhance the relationship.
Even if your partner is okay with doing the official quiz, you still might like to do the above quiz and see how your results compare! (NB: Some people feel uncomfortable with revealing their true feelings and may simply answer quiz questions in the way that they feel is expected of them rather than give their true answers!)
NEXT - PART 2
Click here for alternative methods to ascertain the Love Language of your partner PLUS ideas for combining the application of two primary love languages.
If you have found this page to be of interest, please LIKE it, tweet, pin and share. Many thanks.
Further Reading on the 5 Love Languages by Ebonny
- Five Love Languages - rekindle your Relationship
By applying a partner’s love language a spouse can communicate love in a channelled way, regaining and maximising that “loved up” feeling.
- Words of Affirmation Examples and top tips for this ...
Unique examples, advice for those who cannot think of anything great to say about their partner! ways to convey words of affirmation, accept gracefully and why.
- Silent Treatment Relationships and Speaking your Par...
Applying love language principles can strengthen the bond between you and your partner - and help diminish silent treatment in the future.
- Words of Affirmation – when you express this love ...
Why some people reject, question or suspect compliments & affirmations from a partner AND what to do about it. Essential reading for this love language.
© 2014 Ebonny
Share your views on this Quiz and discovering your Partner's Love Language
Ebonny (author) from UK on August 03, 2016:
Hi Deborah - Many thanks for your feedback and I hope things go the way you want them to.
Deborah Demander Reno from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on August 01, 2016:
Great article. I think my husband responds best to words of affirmation and physical touch. I'll be sure to use more of them in the future.