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6 Tips to Bounce Back from a Long Term Relationship Breakup

Hi! I'm an MBA grad, business consultant, avid reader/writer and podcaster! Check out my 6 tips to survive a long term relationship breakup.

The breakup of a long term relationship can be devastating.

The breakup of a long term relationship can be devastating.

Love is Easy -- Breakups are Hard

You may remember the first time you fell in love with your significant other. You probably thought the love you felt for each other would never end, but would last forever. However, circumstances as well as life situations change. For some couples the relationship continues happily in spite of these events; however, for others it does not. In fact, your relationship may have lasted many years before the breakup occurred. The steps you take after the breakup of your long term relationship can determine how well and quickly you recover in order to move on with your life.

1. Unless Children Are Involved, Make a Clean Break From Your Significant Other

Unfortunately, in some long term relationships, children are involved. If so, remember that your children will always be a part of your life, regardless of how you feel about your significant other. For that reason, it is not possible to break from the relationship completely. Even if you decide to not see each other again, your children will always be shared by you both -- whether it be from a physical or emotional standpoint.

If you were in a long term relationship that ended and no children were involved, it will be easier and probably much simpler to make a clean break from each other. You may have heard of couples who broke up and told everyone they are still "friends." Even though this is possible, it is in your best interest to break ties with your significant other completely. By doing so, you open up the doors for someone else special to enter later when you are ready to start a new relationship.

You may have heard of celebrities remaining friends and staying close to their exes, even after the breakup or divorce. Remember, celebrities are in the public eye and may be carrying on a facade to avoid press which could negatively affect their next job opportunity.

In your case, if no children are involved and you have separated from your significant other, do exactly that and break away from him or her completely, so you can began your new life.

2. Dispose of or Discard His or Her Belongings in Your Home

You may have seen romantic movies where the woman angrily takes off her engagement or wedding ring and tosses it. It's as if the ring symbolizes their relationship and she is separating herself from it.

Similar to this scenario, dispose of any gifts, trinkets or other objects obtained from your significant other that may remind you of happier times. By the way, if you were engaged -- that means you should return the ring as well. Yes ladies -- I see no reason for you to hold on to an engagement or even a wedding ring when you are no longer married or preparing to get married. Men -- On the other hand, I'm sure if you were married, you will get rid of your wedding ring after a breakup quickly to let other women know that you are now available.

After a long term relationship has ended, you probably captured memories either on video or in photographs. You should not keep these reminders in your home. The videos and pictures serve no purpose but to cause you to remember previous happier times you had together with your ex. There is no need to wallow in your sorrow this way by reliving old memories. Just dispose of or discard the videos, photographs and anything you have that reminds you of your significant other.

It may be humiliating to admit not only to your friends but to yourself that the relationship is over.

3. Consider Ending Mutual Friendships

When you are in a long term relationship, it is likely that you have mutual friends you share with your significant other. It is also likely that as friends, you partied or went on trips, etc. together. However, after your breakup, you are no longer a couple and these events will no longer happen.

Should you refrain from socializing with the mutual friends you had prior to your long term relationship breakup? The answer depends on the degree of friendship you shared. Just be sure your mutual friends know that your long term relationship is over and that if they invite you to an event, they should not invite you and your significant other as a couple. Also, depending on the status of your breakup, you probably will prefer not to be in the same room or location as your ex which could present not only an awkward situation, but may rev up angry emotions you thought had long dissapated.

It may be humiliating to admit not only to your friends but to yourself that the relationship is over. However, your emotional well-being is far more important than what others think about you. In fact, you may be surprised at the positiive responses you will most likely receive, especially if everyone could see that your relationship was already on the rocks or was headed in that direction.

4. Give Yourself Time to Mend before Jumping Into Another Relationship

You may try to regain the warm, cozy feeling that comes from being in a solid, happy relationship by prematurely dating other people right after your breakup. Refrain from doing so since in all liklihood you would be dating someone on the rebound. You will not only inconvenience and possibly hurt the other person's feelings, but you are putting him or her in an uncomfortable situation. He or she may be ready to have a relationship, but you certainly are not.

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A possible exception is if you plan to casually date someone. The problem presented here is sometimes it's difficult to control feelings and emotions. While you are fine with casual dating, the other person may be ready to be in a committed relationship. Unfortunately, you are not ready to start another relationship right after the breakup.

Either let the person you are dating know that upfront. Do not give him or her false hope that there is a chance that you are ready to be part of another relationship. Eve better, just don't date anyone else at all for awhile. Don't worry. After a fair amount of time after the breakup, you may be ready to start a new relationship with someone else.

5. Talk to Friends or Relatives

Once your long term relationship has ended, confide in trusted friends or relatives. Do not keep your pain bottled up inside. Of course, spare your friends or relatives the gritty details of your relationshop; however, you may talk about how you are feeling, whether you are experiencing relief, sadness, etc. I'm sure they will listen to you with a kind ear. They will probably offer you suggestions on how to cope with your situation, including whether you should exercise, go to yoga classes or other ways to recover from your long term relationship breakup. More importantly, they will be able to provide emotional support and lend an understanding ear to you.

At one time, support groups were the thing. This may still be an option for you; however, I think you will will receive more genuine empathy and support from your friends and relatives versus strangers.

6. Do Not Blame Anyone for the Long Term Relationship Breakup

After your long term relationship has ended, you may be inclined to analyze and try to find out why it did not last. Maybe there was cheating involved, financial problems, you grew apart from each other, or a myriad of other reasons that caused the breakup.This is not the time to point fingers at anyone -- yourself included.

Instead of trying to place blame on the other person or yourself, simply acknowledge the fact that your long term relationship could not be saved. More importantly -- Don't look backwards -- keep moving forward after your long term relaionship has ended. Happier days are ahead.


Courtlney Davis (author) on February 10, 2018:

Hi dashingscorpio, Thanks! I think soulmates' feelings for each other should be mutual as indicated. By the way, I like the Oscar Wilde quote which is good advice. I appreciate you taking the time to comment. -- Courtlney

dashingscorpio from Chicago on February 10, 2018:

Great advice!

In order for him/her to have been "the one" they would have had to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a "soulmate" is someone who actually wants to be with you! (And vice versa).

"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

- Oscar Wilde

Every ending is a new beginning!

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