“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
Be honest with yourself.
The fact that you’ve identified that you’re not feeling great about how things are is an important first step. ‘Ask yourself if it’s the relationship that’s making you feel flat or something else. It’s all too easy to look to our partners to be everything to us. And if we put all our expectations into our relationship, it’s not at all surprising that we’re not always getting all of these needs met and that some part of us can feel neglected.
Have your own life.
Just because you are in a relationship that doesn’t mean you need to give up the things you love doing even if you feel tempted, especially at the beginning when things are exciting, and you want to spend as much time with the person as possible. It’s important to maintain your normal routine as you can. Make time for the things you love doing. Make them your priority because they contribute to your happiness, so they are just as important as your relationship. Keep some hobbies you only do on your own or with people other than your partner. Plan some time every week when you do things separately. Schedule solo dates. Cultivate a spiritual practice. Stick to your exercise routine.
Doing things on your own will help you stay connected to yourself and cultivate a sense of self. It will also keep your relationship fresh. No relationship can fulfill all your needs and desires. That is why you need different things in your life, apart from your relationship, to keep you growing and expanding in new directions. Also, the time you spend on your own will help you nurture the relationship with yourself and keep your independence.
Know who you are.
Know your needs. Know your desires. Know your dreams. Know your values. Know your priorities. Know yourself. This knowledge will prevent you from compromising too much in a relationship. Your strong sense of self will help you stick to what is truly important to you. This will give you a sense of security, which comes from within and not from your relationship.
I have two little exercises that will help you get to know and understand yourself and your needs better. You need to love yourself before you can fully love another. Falling in love is like a ton of fireworks going off in your head all at once. It’s incredible but it kind of throws you off for a time. Just do your best to only invest in someone that shows a genuine, kind, and open nature, and get ready to have the time of your life.
FALL IN LOVE WITHOUT LOSING YOURSELF.
It’s never a good idea to ignore yourselves and neglect yourselves to make others happy. Firstly, because we can’t make others happy. Every person is responsible for their own happiness. Of course, we can help others and do nice things, but if you’ve ever dealt with a very negative person, you’ll agree that they’re like a black hole — no matter how much attention and nice things they receive, they’re never happy. This is because we people need to address our insecurities and negative mindsets to become happy. Other people can’t do it for us. Secondly, because if we agree that every person is responsible for their own mindset, the emotional state of happiness, and actions in life, it only makes sense to sort out ourselves first before we rush to make others happy. If we ignore ourselves, we very much avoid responsibility for our own lives and as a result aren’t happy ourselves.
So as a result, we aren’t happy and the people we’re trying to make happy are probably not much happier, either. So no one wins really, and we slowly become resentful and tired.
If you can feel yourself becoming a different person, it’s not worth it.
At the end of the day, you don’t know if it’s going to work out. Even if you have really strong feelings for this person — like, Romeo and Juliet-style codependent shit — that does not mean that it’s going to be in the cards for you two. And the worst thing is to leave a relationship feeling like you transformed your whole being, only to be rejected. To lose your sense of self, or of self-worth, because it was better to pretend to be the person they want to date, is about as degrading as it gets. If you can feel yourself changing to suit their desires (and you can always feel it, even if you don’t want to admit it), you need to get out. It’s just not worth it.
Urooj Khan (author) from Karachi, Pakistan on February 09, 2021:
I totally agree with you, Travel Chef.
Travel Chef from Manila on February 04, 2021:
Falling in love is just like a roller coaster ride...