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5 Signs of Domestic Abuse


Whether you're wanting to understand if someone you love is entangled in a domestic abuse situation, or you've started to realize you might have become entangled yourself; the goal of this article is to help you learn to spot some of the biggest signs of Domestic Abuse.

From there, you can look into further ways to help your loved ones or get help yourself.

When abuse victims start to recognize they're in abusive relationships, they often try to speak up and walk away, only to find their abusers ready with all manner of emotional, financial, social, and psychological blackmail.

They might become suicidal, or say you have to help them because of XYZ (they're broke, have kids, are mentally ill, etc..).

They might have already created legal entanglements and debts with their victims, and when those don't work, they are often very skilled at getting you got under the collar enough that you do something out of overwhelm and anger, that they then use to make you feel just as bad as them.

Abusers often also have a way of being so off putting to anyone who genuinely cares about their victims, and doing things that embarrass and bring shame, that victims start to isolate themselves before anything truly big has happened.

Which really is the opposite of what to do, though if everyone knew that and felt brave and self loving enough to walk away at that point, there wouldn't be as many domestically abusive relationships as there are.

Domestically abusive relationships don't always include physical violence, though it's very common for them to go together.

A big sign that domestic violence is occuring in a relationship, is injuries that either have no explanation or injuries that defy explanation.

With the father of my children, who got entangled in a DV relationship the minute we separated, I knew that the relationship had become fully violent when he turned up with a broken leg that was broken in such a way that it didn't match up with how he said it got broken.

Following that, I heard from others who had asked him about it, and he had given a different explanation to each of them, and then a different story to me when I asked about it again.

It was shortly after that, when he stopped talking to most everyone and really pulled away from the kids.

Following that were injuries to his nose, arms, neck, and other areas that either he refused to discuss or that came across as "I'm just clumsy"/"I just fell into the doorknob".

When I was in a domestically violent relationship many years ago, and got punched in the eye, I remember lying to everyone about what happened.

I didn't want my employers to think I was bad for not having seen how abusive that boyfriend could get better it had happened, and I didn't want my friends or family calling the police or intervention services.

So I made up different stories to fit what I thought each person asking, would find most believable.

I had already left that former boyfriend the night he hurt me, though many don't.

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Many people stay in relationships with violent partners, often because of psychological, social, and financial enmeshment that tricks the mind.

You can most easily spot this, by the avoidance of discussing the inuries, the strangeness of the injuries to a person who isn't usually that 'clumsy', and the story never seems to stay the same.

Excessive weight gain or loss, migraines, intestinal troubles, idiopathic illnesses, increasing injuries, frequent hospital trips, lethargy, oversleeping, insomnia, increased addictions, and more; are all often seen in domestically abusive relationships.

Some for obvious reasons.

Gaining or losing a lot of weight, is often from the stress of going through abuse cycles and feeling like you cannot talk to anyone about them.

It's also often because abusers encourage horrible dietary habits and ridicule any healthy habits because a poor diet leads to lack of strength and good health; physically unhealthy victims are much easier to manipulate, especially if you can keep them exhausted and too busy to practice good self care.

The only way out of abuse, is self love and self worth. That doesn't mean aid won't help along the way; it just means the same inner work needs to be done in order to really heal.

The only way out of abuse, is self love and self worth. That doesn't mean aid won't help along the way; it just means the same inner work needs to be done in order to really heal.

Domestic Abuse often strongly features feelings of being trapped with your abuser.

If you're observing a loved one you fear might be in a domestically violent relationship, it will likely appear to you and outsiders, that they could pack up and leave or tell their abuser to GTFO.

Though what confirms the abuse, is often forms of enmeshment that make it feel for the victim, like they're trapped.

Most commonly it's legal, financial, and social entanglements like lease agreements, marriage, pregnancies, taking on other people's children and elders, shared bills, triangulation with family and friends, and starting shared businesses.

Often times with domestic abuse, you'll find that no matter how promising the arrangements sound and no matter how many times it seems effort will be made to create healthy dynamics, the victims will constantly be struggling to cover increasing debt that's often created by the abuser who leaves it on the victim to cover.

When higher commitments like marriage are then involved, especially second and third marriages for victims, it creates internal psychological strain to try to make things work - especially when friends and family have been triangulated in, to keep the pressure on the victim to make things work out.

A Hallmark of DA, is that the victim will often use language that makes it obvious that they're miserable, being abused, and want out; though they don't get out, and when confronted, they often talk about the lease, marriage contract, familial obligations, debt, what everyone night think, and so on.

You can often spot someone trapped in an abusive relationship easily, by trying to get them to talk about it, talking about it yourself to others, and by trying to suggest they get help and do things that are good for them that would help them find the inner strength to get out.

This is often because abusers are skilled at making victims feel like they are the bigger abuser, like they would be helpless without them, and abusers often make it clear that they will hurt other loved ones too.

Victims often feel like if they talk about it, it will be discovered that they are monsters to, or that they're abusers will go after others they care about, if the truth comes out.

Abusers are often also skilled at making truth tellers appear crazy to social groups and finding others ways to get rid of them, and when they succeed at doing that, victims feel even more powerless and afraid.

Because of this, victims often avoid anything that might be helpful to them.

Therapy, counseling, coaching, seeing doctors, addiction help, calling DV hotlines, hobbies, healthy social activities, and so on.

This was a music video at a DMV, that reminded me of those I know, who are trapped in DV relationships because they need to sober up.

This was a music video at a DMV, that reminded me of those I know, who are trapped in DV relationships because they need to sober up.

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