Another denizen of the internet, and a collector of stories.
The Best Sex Of Your Life Is Going To Happen Much Later
My first time was in a swimming pool, which is farther down the list as a sex no-no for many people.
Water will make sex weird sometimes. So does sneaking around as a teen, or the faces your partner makes when you do "the thing". You know the one.
Don't Be Afraid To Laugh
There will be weird sounds.
Someone might slip and hit their head.
"On our honeymoon, my wife was about to get on top, stood up in bed and hit her head on the high speed fan. She just dropped to the bed crying. After I made sure she was ok, I laughed and asked if she was still in the mood."
STDs and Unplanned Pregnancies Are Real
Sucky topic, I know.
There were several of these and heaps of upvotes for them.
Contraceptives are available, inexpensive and many offer a bit of protection as well.
You can take PPE to the extreme with goggles and a raincoat if you like to keep things spicy, but plan ahead.
5 minutes of fun can lead to 18 years of responsibility, and kids are great, but not with the wrong person. They're tough to do right by even if you're with the best person ever.
Use Lube/ Foreplay
I pushed two of them together into the same bed because they seemed useful for similar reasons.
You can't run an engine without lubricant without breaking some stuff.
It's gonna hurt, and her more than him. Bottom more than top.
"Like going down a dry waterslide. Not fun for anyone ☹️"
Preheat the oven before putting your meat inside.
It'll be just like Boston.
Afterwards, A Slow Warm Kiss
"Nice and warm kiss after sex will have its magic."
This sounds right, and never fails to make my night. If you live by this, I think you're going to move closer to having the best nights of sex of your life.
But then someone commented something that stole my heart.
"You feel you partner push something into your mouth. A small square-ish object. Confused, you stop kissing and take it out. You unfold the odd card rectangle, only to find that it's the 10 of clubs. You look back to your partner only to find they are now David Blaine, staring intensely at you knowing that this was, in fact, your card"
I slow clapped.
That's just beautiful.