Cheater, Cheater, Cheater
One of the most popular causes for the demise of relationships is cheating. Cheating is responsible for the destruction of marriages, long term relationships, and families. Even though people know the negative consequences of cheating people still do it anyway. There are many reasons why people cheat. In my opinion, none of them are valid because cheating is the cruelest way to treat someone you care about. However, people use these reasons anyway to do what they want to do. Below are three reasons men cheat on women.
This article started because of a conversation I had the unfortunate privilege to hear. After it was said and done I had lost whatever respect that I had for my co-workers. Obviously, these were guys who were having this conversation, and the things that came out of their mouth were shocking to say the least. Shocking or not I had to realize this was the truth as they saw it so instead of remaining angry about what I was hearing I decided to ask some questions to see if I could gain some insight. Yes, I got the insight and whole earful of the most disrespectful commentary an ear can hear. My final thoughts about the conversation when it was over was that I felt absolutely sad for these guys. If their attitudes remain like this they'll have nothing but trouble, turmoil, and a lonely life as long as they live.
I didn't want to just take their word for it, because at the end of the day these could be the opinions of a few inept donkey butts and not indicative of the many. When I researched the subject of why men cheat the statistics and reasons matched the commentary from the conversation. Shocking, sad, and absolutely ridiculous that men think that it's fine to not have any self control over their choices and actions. Yes, I know women cheat too, and they aren't absolved for their actions or choices either. However, this article is about why men cheat so here goes:
Men choose to cheat on their significant others simply because that's what they want to do. Most men believe that it's perfectly fine to have a main woman, and then other females on the side. As long as he can keep the two of them separate where there won't be any problems then he should continue to cheat, because this is what his penis demands. His penis rules his brains, and it tells him that he must have a variety of vagina. As long as he can copulate then he should go for it regardless as to the promises he's made to his main woman.
Some men feel that since his woman doesn't come with interchangeable vaginas that he has the right to have sex with as many females as he possibly can just in case he gets tired of his main woman. I was told that men get tired of having sex with the same woman over and over again. Even though the relationship should have been built on better things; all that he is concerned about is the newness of her private parts not who she is as a human being. Men cheat simply because they want to, and as simple as that may sound that's the number one reason they do it.
The conversation continues
During the course of this under stimulating conversation I asked the guys why would they do something like this to the person they claimed they loved. One guy stated that it wasn't about love. It was only about sex. He was a man, and that's what men are supposed to do. Men have been doing this since the beginning of time. They have every right to do it. I told them that this way of thinking was very archaic at best, and just downright ignorant . What traditions are you possibly honoring? From what I knew of them none of them were scholarly or traditional in any way. That statement got me to thinking. If men feel like this is just natural to fornicate with as many females as they want what the purpose of getting involved in a relationship?
People today can do whatever they want. You can have sex with as many people without having to marry or get involved in a relationship. This was the part that still doesn't make any sense to me. When I questioned them further about this particular hole in the grand design none of them could seem to answer this question. They literally couldn't come up with a reason valid or not to explain the utter stupidity of that statement. If you can have any woman you want why get involved in a relationship that ties you to just one person? I still would like to get that question answered.
The second most common reason men cheat is because of opportunity. Some men aren't running around trying to have sex like the jack rabbits do, but if the opportunity presents itself and he can get away with it then he'll most likely jump on that chance. Once again, the guy isn't thinking about the consequences, or the feelings of his significant other. He's just thinking about the temporary satisfaction that he's going to get for this moment. I wonder how he'd feel if his girl was this way? I wonder if the reasons he use will be as acceptable as the reasons he use, or will he feel betrayed? Yes, another non complicated reason to jeopardize great relationships, but it's one of the most common reasons.
Ending the conversation
So after the many degrading reasons for cheating I had to make my point. I was getting tired of listening to this crap. My point that I made was simply this, cheating is wrong because when you tell the person that you cheated on the truth what is likely to happen to that person. They're feelings will be hurt, they're definitely aren't going to congratulate or pat you on the back for it. The knowledge of what you've done will be painful. They all had to agree to that statement. When thinking back on their transgressions against their wives and girlfriends even they had to admit there wasn't any positive outcome to behaving this way.
The lies and deceit that has to be practiced is damaging to the person who is being cheated. It takes a mighty effort to conceal this behavior. This effort that could been spent making that relationship better. Nobody wants to lied to and cheated on not even the cheaters themselves. When I asked them how would they feel if this happened to them their reactions were exactly what I thought they'd be. They all said they wouldn't like it at all. With that being said, I told them to put themselves in their significant others shoes the next time they want to do this, because how you feel right now about cheating is exactly how they feel. They'll feel even worse because they want to treat you right, and they're not actively seeking to cheat on you. They may actually be trying to right by you which is what you should be doing for them.
Men will cheat when they're trying to end a relationship. There's no better way to end a partnership than by cheating with someone else. Cheating is a deal breaker for the majority of people. Since he may not have the courage to tell you that he wants to leave he'll opt to cheat instead because he knows this will certainly bring about the demise of the relationship. This cheating is done specifically to dissolve the union that he has created with the person he's trying to leave. It may be a cowardly and cruel thing to do, but most guys do this simply because they don't know any other way to end it.
A girl with insight!! on September 11, 2016:
Men think it's fine to cheat, their God given right, however, when their women cheat, men go into a meltdown and never 'trust' again, poor me!! It is OK for you men to cheat, (you are cool if you do) claps on the back mate, the wife won't 'put' out, males are self centred, insecure idiots, not all, but majority, films and media just about encourage males to behave in this way! But dare a man be cheated on, his world collapses and his 'ego' is distroy! Grow up, nobody wants to be used and abused! Let the men 'come' on with the insults, because you know I am right!!!
Jen on May 12, 2016:
It is so simple and honourable if you feel like having other sex partners... don't be in a relationship in the first place! Also if you are in a relationship and want to have sex with other people... break up! It's like men that cheat are without honour.
Susan on January 15, 2016:
Women also get tired of the same man everyday in sex. Men aren't the only ones. I feel a man should respect their marriage or don't get married. Be single and don't hurt another person. Very selfish. Men and women need to think before they act. It is very hurtful when you are cheated on especially when the man denies it over and over again. Makes the women feel crazy. Form of mental cruelty.
VikingGirl on October 03, 2015:
OK. I am up to my eyeballs and DONE with people straggling in that TIRED old whine about, "you act like women don't cheat - they do it too!" Resorting to THAT as an actual argument is pathetic. That's like someone writing an article about "Why Cats Like to Sit on Your Keyboard" and someone chiming in angrily, "Well, you act like dogs never lie on your keyboard! They do too!" Yes. We get it. There's an exception TO EVERY RULE. But really? Have you stopped and realized that you are not coming up with a single, valid, reasonable response or argument to the issue of MEN cheating - the object of the article and that you are relying on the "me too" flimsy excuse to sail you through to argument victory? That is a VERY fine thread to be hanging your entire argument and subsequent haughty attitude on , people. If you cannot address the key points made in the body of the treatise, then don't say anything at all. And, to practice what I preach, let me do just that. For those of you whose sole argument is that "women cheat too" - let me ask - do they cheat "just because they 'feel like it' or 'because they feel somehow justified solely based on their anatomy'? No and hell no. Do women cheat 'if only given the opportunity' - hell no again. Do they 'focus solely on themselves and refuse to even look at what their significant other might think/feel in the moment for their own selfish pleasure?' Uh, that'd be a large majority of "nope" as well.
So what you have is a total fallacy - a statement that 'women cheat too' - as if the two were congruous, which they are not, negating all the facts and reasons put into the former for sake of a flimsy argument and negating the facts of percentage and most importantly, and the topic of this article (lest you slow readers be reminded again) - why MEN cheat or think IT IS OK TO CHEAT." Period. Because guess what? For all your ranting that women cheat too out there? I'd be gobsmacked if you couuld present any sizable like articles specifically addressing why WOMEN feel it is OK to cheat. Because you won't. Why? Ooo. NOW we've hit a nerve. The reason you avoid it altogether and go for the low hanging fruit. BECAUSE WOMEN ACTUALLY DO FEEL BADLY ABOU T IT, THINK OF THE OTHER PERSON AND USUALLY HAVE COME TO EXTREME EMOTIONAL NEGLECT AND OTHER ABUSE BEFORE MAKING THE DECISION TO CHEAT AND OFTEN STILL FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. And of course, before you say it - yes, and some do it just cause. But "some" does NOT a sound argument make. Happy hunting.
To article writer: bravo. Like a fish swimming up stream, at least you are trying to be heard and tgrying to change the tide. Good for you. I gave up a loooong time ago for reasons you so eloquently outlined. My only final comment is actually a question to the men out there who cheat and feel totally exonerated, guilt free and entitled: Remind me again - when you say things like that...why is it we women are supposed to want to have sex with you in the first place? I forget.
If only there were a third sex. Util then, I am OFF the merry go round of men ego B.S.If a man thinks it's cute to cheat and laugh about it - Ladies, you can have 'em!
Juliet Stewart-Austin from San Antonio, TX. on January 13, 2015:
You are welcome!
ZRMoore (author) on January 13, 2015:
Juliet Stewart-Austin from San Antonio, TX. on January 13, 2015:
Very interesting topic, and I have to say being a Woman that has a lot of Male Platonic Friends, I am privy to the same arguments. The bottom line is Not all Men cheat, and the ones who do, and you hit on two points so I'll paraphrase them. They normally tend to be undereducated and from Non traditional backgrounds. Keep writing, very well done.
ZRMoore (author) on July 05, 2014:
This comment is for man. First of all, the article is called why men cheat. So I guess you should have read the title first before commenting. Second of all, you don't know me so that's another comment you should have kept to yourself. Third of all, if you felt the article was stupid why comment in the first place. Thanks but no thanks for your comment! It was not needed. You do what you want to do. This article was written to bring clarity to people who want to know about this subject.
the victim after twelve years on July 04, 2014:
Yes I do agree a man got to cheat especially when you have a very flat ass. No doubt about it. However a woman would never even think of cheating because of her man's shortcoming or because he's a minute man. Oh well but that's just one woman's opinion.
Jason on July 04, 2014:
This article was clearly and obviously written by a women. It doesn't say in this article that women can be wicked and withhold sex. This article makes men look like cavemen, and women like saints.
levi on June 07, 2014:
Women are more likely to cheat if given an opportunity & they will simply wipe the sin off the body with a shower. No regrets .
Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on June 03, 2014:
P.S. ZR, forgive me. I got so carried away that I never put your name after the "hello," in above comment. I am sorry.
Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on June 03, 2014:
This is an excellent piece of writing. Amazing, to be honest.
I loved every word. Voted up and all the choices because you deserve it. No, liberals. Cheating is NOT okay for men or women. I helped build the "Old School," and we were taught commitment. And outside of spousal-infidelity, NO cheating. I know that I am out of fashion and step with today's open-minded relationships, but I have to live with myself.
You have such a gift for writing. Just keep writing and no telling at how far you will go and how many people you will touch.
I cordially invite you to read one or two of my hubs, and be one of my followers.
That would make my day.
I am so honored to meet you.
Kenneth/ from northwest Alabama
Man on May 11, 2014:
Maybe you just don't have a clue what it is like to be a man. Could it be possible that the the emotional relationship and mutual benefits of a marriage are what's most important? Men need to have sex with multiple women, there's no way around it. The desire is far too strong to ignore or fight. It is your archaic view that will limit your relationship, the resentment will will weigh heavy if a must try to fight his natural desires. If a woman truly loved her husband she would not want to limit his desires she would be happy that he can fulfill them.
littlemama on April 07, 2014:
Y when men's get mad they always have to go somewhere an noing DAT we now what it is
ZRMoore (author) on May 06, 2013:
We can debate this all day. Clearly everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I have spoken to many men and those men have given me these reasons why they do think that it's ok for them to cheat on women. Yes, women cheat too. If a person is stuck with someone whom they're not sure is cheating on them then that person is stuck in a terrible situation obviously from the pain that they have to experience. So knowing the reasons why a person believes something can give you insight as to why they might do something. Of course cheaters want to have their way that's the main reason why they do what they do. So it isn't pointless to know why a person believes what they believe if you can recognize these characteristics in the beginning you might be saving yourself from a whole lot of pain and misery in the future. What you say is definitely the opinion you're entitled, but doesn't make it the absolute authority on this issue.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on May 06, 2013:
My point is I don't believe there is (one) reason why men or (women) cheat other than to address their needs on the "side" while holding onto what is good in their "primary relationship".
Every cheater justifies her or his actions in their on way. There is no "explanation" that would make a betrayed person feel good about it. Clearly it's a pointless exercise to ask a cheater, "Why?". None of us is seeking to "understand" or gain insight. It hurts!
If we had to come up with only one "reason" why cheaters cheat I would say:
A cheater wants to have it all their way! :-)
ZRMoore (author) on May 05, 2013:
and this would be the reason why the majority of men think that it's ok to cheat.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on May 05, 2013:
Cheaters seek to hold onto all of the good things in their "primary relationship" while addressing their other "needs" on the side. Your statement: " I told them to put themselves in their significant others shoes the next time they want to do this..." does not impact cheaters because (cheating) is by default a "selfish" act. Cheaters ONLY think about themselves (in the moment). The reason cheaters to think about consequences is because they don't (expect) to get caught.
Having said that anyone who has ever watched an episode of "Cheaters" or The Maury Povich Show aka "You are NOT the father! is fully aware that women cheat just like men. Neither gender is standing on holy ground when it comes to cheating.
I believe there are 3 basic cheaters.
1. The Incessant Cheater (Bores easily, never been faithful, seeks adventure)
2, The Unbelievable Opportunity Cheater (A Fantasy come true!)
You pretty much addressed the first two.
3. The Discontented Cheater (He/She feels "justified", they've been neglected physically or emotionally, taken for granted, even abused.) It doesn't take much effort for a stranger to put a smile on the face and in the heart of a neglected person. Oftentimes this is the cheater who is forgiven if their mate acknowledges they helped push them.
Last but not least it has been reported that (women) file for 66% or 2/3rds of all divorces in the U.S. This would seem to indicate that unhappily married men are far more likely to (cheat) than run to the courthouse and file for divorce. Even the friends of mistresses warn them: "The husband never leaves the wife" It is a very old cliché but often true.
ZRMoore (author) on April 19, 2013:
I wonder the same thing myself. Cheating involves more people than just the two individuals committing the sexual act. The loss for all parties connected with the cheaters can be significant and devastating. Thanks for the thoughtful comment!
penlady from Sacramento, CA on April 15, 2013:
This is an excellent article on cheating. It makes no sense to me either for men to cheat. If a man has a good woman, he should appreciate and value her. She's a blessing to him.
Also, before men cheat, they should think about all the STDs out there, especially the big A. Let's face it: not all men use protection. And even if they do, condoms can break!
Not to mention, what if their side woman becomes pregnant? This complicates matters even worse.
I'm a strong believer that to cheat is to repeat.
Great article. Voted up, interesting and shared.