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20 Things Wives Should Never Say to Their Husbands

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Lori values relationships and is always seeking ways to improve communication skills.

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It's The Wives Turn

Since I just wrote an article on 20 things a husband should not say to his wife, I thought I would be fair and give a little advice to my fellow female friends. Women can be just as clueless and heartless as the men. Here is a list I have come up with based on personal experience (my mistakes), observing the healthy and unhealthy marriages of others, and doing a lot of reading on marriage. I'm putting these in categories, but many of them could fit in more than one. These are sure relationship busters if you use them often. Let this be a lesson to us, ladies.

Manipulation

1. "If you loved me you would ______."

2. "You don't love me, otherwise you would have done/not done it" (when your husband doesn't do something you ask or expect).

3. "So and so's husband does/doesn't do _______."

"If you loved me you would have taken me to dinner, not the park."

"If you loved me you would have taken me to dinner, not the park."

Humiliation

4. "You are so clueless."

5. "You're doing it all wrong."

6. "It can't be that hard to fix a _____(fill in the blank)."

7. "You look like such a dork in that _____". This can be said playfully with no ill intent and some husbands might chuckle along. It can also be said seriously and hurt his feelings.

Nagging to Convey Inadequacy

8. "You're supposed to love me as Christ loved the Church." This is a true statement; however, you can't nag someone into loving you that way.
9. "Husbands (or fathers) are supposed to ____(fill in the blank)." This is raising the bar of your expectations, and it's nagging.
10. "You're supposed to be the spiritual leader of the home, so why aren't you leading?" This is something between God and your husband. It's best to pray for him privately and be sure to do your part by respecting him.
11. "Why can't you just get another job (or ask for a raise)?"

"The contentions of a wife are a continual dripping."

— Proverbs 19:13

"You're supposed to be the spiritual leader of the home."

"You're supposed to be the spiritual leader of the home."

Dividing Friends and Family

12. "Him again? He's such a pig (goon, jerk, dork, geek)," Said when your husband invites his best friend over.

13. "My mother (father or parents) warned me you'd do this."

14. Your mother (or father) is __________." The blank is always filled in with an unflattering or unkind name or character defect.

15. "You're just like your mother (father, sister, brother)." Not said in a complimentary way, it's insulting.

Unfair

16. "I shouldn't have to tell (or ask) you. You should just know what I want (or think, or need)." Men are not mind readers, and they don't have women's intuition. They have men's intuition and the two aren't even close.

17. "Do I look fat in this?" No matter what he says it's going to be wrong and he'll be in trouble. So decide for yourself or ask a friend.

18. "I know I promised not to spend ____ (fill in the amount) without consulting you, but these were on sale and I saved $____." You don't like it when he does it to you.

19. "You always..." or "You never..." It may seem like always and never, it may be predictably common, but always and never are not always and never.

20. "Jennifer's husband just got a raise and he's only worked at his company for five years." Comparisons like this hit the husband below the belt.

"Honey, do these jeans make me look fat?"

"Honey, do these jeans make me look fat?"

Give It All You've Got

I will leave you with the same words I left with the men. Hopefully, your husband or boyfriend will the read the article on 20 Things a Husband Should Never Say to His Wife while you are reading this one. Once the gaga wears off in a marriage things get real. You notice things in your mate that you once found endearing, or that you'd never noticed before and irritate you. And the same is true for him seeing the real you. Loving each other requires both of you to put 100% of yourselves into the marriage (the 50/50 mindset is a recipe for problems). Actions speak louder than feelings and words. This means sacrifice. May you and your honey find many long years of happiness.

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Comments

Lori Colbo (author) from United States on May 25, 2020:

Dear Stephanie, when it comes to relationships, it almost always goes both ways. I'm glad you found this helpful. God bless.

Stephanie Purser from Australia on May 24, 2020:

I have to admit, when I started reading your article I thought... "does this door go both ways" and of course you provided an explanation where you have an equivalent article for our male counterparts. Overall I feel wiser for having read your work. Well written.

Lori Colbo (author) from United States on December 09, 2014:

Jared, marriage is hard. Communication is one of the most common places where the marriage breaks down. All is not lost. I don't want to get into marriage counseling here. But in relationships we have a choice to react or respond to poor communication from the other spouse. Learning thoughtful responses instead of knee jerk reactions or just shutting down is helpful to get the ball rolling. I will say a prayer for you and your wife. Check out the hub I wrote about 20 things you should never say to your wife. When husbands and wives say the things they say they are trying to give a message in an unhealthy way. It's helpful if the two take a breather and say this isn't working. Let's try new communication skills. Sometimes when one spouse is communicating in an unhealthy way a careful question might draw them into a healthier dialogue. Or just listen and repeat back what they said, like, I hear you saying thus and so, is that right? If you didn't get it right say Okay, I see that this is important to you and I want to understand can you word it differently or could you repeat it. It seems awkward when we make changes but it works if both spouses are 100% committed to listening, valuing the others feelings, and wanting to resolve the issues. I hope you are able to work things out. Blessings Jared.

Jared on December 09, 2014:

My wife says 15/20 of these things to me on a weekly basis. Part of the reason our marriage is not working.

Lori Colbo (author) from United States on May 29, 2012:

aethelthryth, you are so right. It is very hard to retrain ourselves, especially when our hearts have grown a little hard. Thanks for your comments.

aethelthryth from American Southwest on May 29, 2012:

I hope a lot of younger women especially read this. We are told so often that men and women are the same, that I think most women don't know how very different men are. And even those of us who do know something about it have a hard time re-training our bad habits.

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on May 27, 2012:

Now wives will think twice or thrice before they say something they shouldn't. Thanks to you! You're right on!

Sarah O'Brien from Pennsylvania on May 26, 2012:

I'm not married yet, but this is some great information! It will surely come in handy for my future boyfriend/husband. Thanks for a great hub! :)

Lori Colbo (author) from United States on May 26, 2012:

Thanks for stopping by LG. Most of it was from my marriage, but also from what I see in other marriages. They are things we get into the habit of saying. What's most telling about these statements is the attitude behind them.

William Kovacic from Pleasant Gap, PA on May 26, 2012:

LS,

I think you got it right on both the husband and wife hubs. Thanks for laying it out there.

Lori Colbo (author) from United States on May 26, 2012:

Paradise, thanks for your comments. I see what you mean about I"M not your mother, but you can say it two different way; the way you meant it, and the way I meant it was like if he's messy and I have to pick up after him all the time. Thanks for stopping by.

Paradise7 from Upstate New York on May 26, 2012:

"I'm not your mother" is the one I think we should keep. It's true. We aren't your mother, we're your wife, so grow up and stop expecting us to spoil you!

The rest, Lamb, you're right--we should let them go out of our marital vocabulary, and I'm sure relations will improve.

Lori Colbo (author) from United States on May 26, 2012:

Phoebe, I don't think there is a woman on the planet who has not asked that question. Thanks for stopping by.

Phoebe Pike on May 26, 2012:

I've only done the "Do I look fat in this".

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