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10 Signs he's committed to remaining single

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How to know if he's a confirmed bachelor

 You've met the man of your dreams, handsome, hunky, funny, entertaining and he has a job.  God, he's perfect.  But, while you might think he might be your ideal partner, he's already found his ideal partner - himself.  He likes his appearance.  He must do as he checks out his looks whenever he goes past a mirror.  He finds himself entertaining as he laughs at his own jokes.  He agrees with everything he says.  He's his own best friend, how can there be any space left in his life for you?

Before you get too involved and start feeling that 'L' word, have a think about whether or not he's showing any of these signs that he's committed to remaining single.  Bachelor for life.  Many women knock men and say that most are commitment-phobic.  The truth is, is that that isn't really true.  Most men do desire to settle down at some point, raise a family, do the whole scene, it just not might be with you, or, they may feel they still have more living to do before they are absolutely certain that they have found 'The One.'   The problem with a confirmed bachelor, is that he has found 'The One,' himself.  Nobody else will quite measure up.

1.  Virtual Life. 

He can't meet you as he has an appointment with some guy in Mongolia playing War Brides or some other game on the internet.  Check out his computer and if you find out that most of his friends and relationships are virtual ones, be afraid.  Be very afraid.  If he has an account at Hubpages, run.  Don't worry to close the door behind you when you leave.

2.  Mommy's Boy.

He can't meet you as he has to go to his mommy for dinner as she's cooking him his special stew which no other person can ever copy.  Worse still, he'll be late for your date as he has to pick up his laundry that mommy did for him.  Of course, if you're sleeping in his bed after a hectic night of passionate sex and his mother comes in to make his bed and clean his apartment, get his skateboard out his wardrobe and hightail it out of there!  It's probably a bit of an oedipus complex thing going on there.

3.  Ex-girlfriends

Sometimes it's good to chat to his friends and find out a bit of the history with the ex-girlfriends.  If there's a pattern of his relationships not working, and him putting on his spikes to sprint down the road when the girlfriends start to make nesting noises, then the chances are he won't change for you.  It's a fallacy that leopards change their spots.  Love just blurs your vision and hides the spots for a bit.  They're still there.

4.  Busy Boy

If he has some serious hobbies, be afraid.  Unfortunately, nothing will come between him and a serious hobby.  Not even if you stand naked on the table and swing on the chandeliers with a strawberry glued onto each nipple.  If he has hobbies and plays sport, say goodbye and leave.  Imagine, Tuesday and Thursday night playing squash.  Sunday morning, cycling with his cycling club.  Friday night, poker with his friends.  Monday is scrapbooking club.  He has such a balanced lifestyle already, where on earth will he fit you in?  Do you really want to compete with all that?

5.  Girlie Posters

If he has a large porn collection, then you know what his ideal woman is like and no matter how deep your throat, you just won't measure up.  However, it is not only porn that should send shivers up your spine and make you head out the door.  If he has girlie posters, nude girl calendars, artistic nude paintings of the female form, then he has this vision of the perfect woman in his head.  No matter how pert your little breasts, how long and shapely your legs, how majestic your curves, how stunning your personality, you will never be the same as the calendar girl or girlie poster.

6.  Rolling Stone

If he loves traveling and likes to go abroad on exotic holidays, or has a job that causes him to travel, he has probably got a girl in every port.  A man who is a travelholic is not inclined to settle down with a white picket fence, golden retriever, six kids and help you to hang the washing on the line.  He is not cut out for such a mundane existence of so-called 'domestic bliss.'  The old adage says, "A rolling stone gathers no moss."  I'm afraid even if you looked like Kate Moss, he ain't going to commit.  Not while he still has jetpacks attached to his shoes.

7.  Straight or bent

If he loves shopping and his place shows good taste in decorating and furnishing, and he is a neatnik, then there is a chance he is as bent as a little old lady carrying a 30kg backpack, but just doesn't know it yet.  Contrary to what most people think, not all gays know they're gays.  Some are just asexual and are not interested in either sex.  Some might go their whole lives thinking they like women, but at night they dream about Tom Cruise in his y-fronts in Risky Business.

8.  Trackpants a no-no

He might look quite dapper for work and when going out on dates, but if he's a slob in his down-time and you visit him and he's wearing torn t-shirts with Wendy's sauce stained down the front and baggy trackpants, then he's really a slob and enjoys being relaxed in his own company.  There won't be place for you there either.

9.  Absence of female friends

If he's a man's man and only hangs out with the boys, doing the club thing and wild drinking sessions with the boys where they take photo's of each other with firecrackers stuck up their rectums, there has to be a reason why he has no female friends.  Of course, if he only has female friends then he's gay and doesn't know it.  So, when you are out on a date with the friends, check to see how many are female.  If there aren't any.  Run!

10.  Future Freak

If you've been seeing him for a month and casually mention something about the future, and he immediately lights a cigarette even if he doesn't smoke, or has to race off to the toilet, or suddenly sees someone he knows, then be warned.  Talking about the future makes him freak-out and reach for his running shoes.  You need to beat him and reach for your running shoes first!

Comments

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on October 16, 2012:

Calvin I happen to agree with your views on marriage.

Calvin on October 08, 2012:

This is quite the article.As usual,it seems that the men are getting the bad rap again.Let me explain what is seriously missing in this article as relating to myself. I am 47,single,MBA own several businesses and I am a self-made millionaire.I have no desire to marry at all! Same goes for most of my friends and business associates.

At least 50% of marriages end in divorce and 85% of the divorces are initiated by the woman.If I got married today I would have to put up half my house(which is paid for)….No way! I would also have to put up half of other assets such as bank accounts,businesses etc..etc….No way! This is a joke!

If I get divorced I will have to sell my house(which I paid for) and give the “Femi-Nazi” half the money.I will also have to pay her lawyer bill and I will be required to give her a monthly “Welfare-Mony” check as well as having her lien on “future earnings” because,I have to maintain her “standard of living”????..No way! What kind of a deal is this? I am a businessman….and I know a VERY bad deal when I see one!

Marriage is down by 50% in the last decade.In fact,a “Marriage Strike” is in full swing! Men have gotten smart.They have seen other men raked over the coals in the Femi-Nazi dominated Family Court and they want nothing to do with it.Can you blame them? I constantly warn younger men to avoid getting married and get robbed for everything that they own!! 40 + years of Femi-Nazism has taken it’s toll…and it looks good on the women!…and they can live with it!

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on October 11, 2011:

haha Love Doctor, you are right and I never thought of that one! Nobody's used it on me before, but I have heard it happens!

Mr Love Doctor from Puerto Rico on October 02, 2011:

Hah-hah! Some good points here. I would add an 11th sign he is not going to settle down - the "God reason." If you're a religious person, you know what I'm talking about. There are so many people, guys especially, who will get into a relationship, and when it gets serious, lick a figurative finger, stick it in the wind, and say, "Now, I'm just not sure if this relationship is God's will." And thus lots of guys lose awesome chicks because they hide their cowardice behind a cover of spirituality.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on September 02, 2011:

Yeah Bryan there are girls who marvel at everything her man does.......initially! Then they get resentful,

Bryan on September 01, 2011:

I disagree with number 4... Its just a matter of if the girl wants the busy boy type, or if she can go along with the flow of her man's life. There are girls there who would marvel at every thing that her man does....

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on March 21, 2011:

Yeah Kenny, have a couple if you're interested!

kennyd on March 21, 2011:

Absence of female friends == eternal bachelor!? =P

Better make some female friends quick. Got any for me? :)

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on February 12, 2011:

Gmwilliams, I agree but stereotyping helps create the humour.

Grace Marguerite Williams from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 11, 2011:

Even though it was an excellent hub, it does contain a lot of generalizations and stereotypes. Nevertheless, it is a great hub!

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on May 19, 2010:

Thanks, Lilly!

lilly_dens on May 18, 2010:

this hub is fun!

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on December 28, 2009:

Honestly, you honestly believe this crap makes woemn undateable?

Honestly on December 20, 2009:

This is the type of crap that keeps women single and UNDATEABLE!!!! Honestly no one is perfect and this fodder is what sales magazines in the check out line. The saying women's intution was created for a reason. I deeply believe more times than not, we know when a situation is right or not. Now rather or not we decide to listen to that inner voice is an entirely different topic.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on September 12, 2009:

Lindalatif, thanks for stopping by and commenting!

lindalatif from Seri Kembangan Selangor Malaysia on September 11, 2009:

hehehhe i love this article very very useful

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on August 12, 2009:

James, you seem to be suffering from a sense of humour failure. I might just send a fatherless paranois lesbian over to help!

James Lewendon on August 12, 2009:

That was the most rediculous load of tripe i ever read.

I could not be paid to listen to such narrow-minded,paranoid,rediculous crap.

I feel you are prehaps a paranoid lesbian who had no father,never had a male friend and constructs 'advice' from 14 year old girl's magazines.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on August 08, 2009:

RK, it has to be from experience lol!

Pam, am glad you enjoyed the hub!

pgrundy on August 07, 2009:

Cute! I'm not sure all of them are dead on, but this was such a fun read Cindy. :)

Thanks!

RKHenry from Neighborhood museum in Somewhere, USA on August 07, 2009:

Cindy my love, how did you know? Great hub! Lol

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 27, 2009:

Hey Pearly! I love Bumbletown men, even if they don't have a clue how to play rugby! I did to a hub devoted to men called How to dump a frump!

Rob Welsh from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. on July 26, 2009:

In defense of Man........ I object to the intimation that I am likely gay because I have an HP account. Clearly you have no appreciation of Bumble Town Men!!

Good Hub Cindy... You should have battered your mountain oysters when you had the chance mate!! lol.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 14, 2009:

Hey Kari! One has got to be a bit more selectivie when settling on a man. You are too good to just settle on anyone.

Kari Poulsen from Ohio on July 14, 2009:

Thank you cindy, now I am off to read the next one. I understand what you are saying and cannot thank you enough! MWAH! Love ya, girl!

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 13, 2009:

LG, just went to India once, ended up starring in a Bollywood movie as an extra and had an awesome time in Goa!

LondonGirl from London on July 12, 2009:

It's a great hub, though, I laughed out loud! How often have you been to India?

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 12, 2009:

It looks like it, doesn't it, Katyzzz! Lol!

katyzzz from Sydney, Australia on July 12, 2009:

You struck a chord there, is that some of my computer art you are wearing?

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 10, 2009:

I love India, had the best holiday ever there! Yes I agree, most men fit into some of the categories. I guess, the problem comes in when they fit into too many of the categories and don't have much time for you!

LondonGirl from London on July 10, 2009:

I do think, though, that fitting into a couple of your catagories is OK. My other half adores shopping for me, and with me, far more than I do. His patience for fabrics, cut, tailoring and fit is far greater than mine. He also likes buying make-up and perfume (for me, not him). And after nearly 12 years together, I'm sure he's not gay (-:

He was also a travel-freak when we met - just back from a year in India. But then, so was I, I was just back from a year in Poland. We travelled a lot together, to Mongolia, Russia, Israel, Turkey, Portugal etc, and plan to take our son to India in the next year or two!

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 10, 2009:

Could very well be, ReuVera lol!

ReuVera from USA on July 10, 2009:

" If he has an account at Hubpages, run."- this sounds like a diagnosis, haha.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 10, 2009:

Lilian, glad I could bring a smile to your dial!

LG, thanks for the compliment. I do try and write many different types of hubs. Unfortunately, the more serious ones do not get the same amount of traffic, but then, at least they get traffic from people who are interested in what they say.

Popintervention, nope, not Blanket! Gosh, need to change that avatar again, that bright pink hurts my eyes.

Writer Rider, thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment.

Writer Rider on July 10, 2009:

This a very funny hub Cindy. Great writing!

popintervention from Atlanta, GA on July 09, 2009:

Is your real name Blanket? Couldn't help but ask because of the Michael Jackson kid-like mask! :)

LondonGirl from London on July 09, 2009:

As always, great hub! Your writing is impressively diverse.

Lilian Schaler on July 09, 2009:

LOL... great hub, very entertaining!

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 08, 2009:

Yeah Balinese, but you'd better not show him my How to dump a frump hub, as it might give him ideas you don't want him to have!

Balinese from Ireland on July 08, 2009:

Very funny - cant wait to show this hub to my boyfriend )))))

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 07, 2009:

Marco, anythig in life that's worthwhile, takes time, work, commitment and energy!

marcofratelli from Australia on July 07, 2009:

Hilarious!! I do see where you're coming from though, as relationships do take work to work and involve commitment, time and energy.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 07, 2009:

Yep, mood swings can be a bit of a bummer. Now are these female PMS mood swings or men's testosterone swings?

badcompany99 on July 06, 2009:

You forgot Mood Swings Boy, great hub as always !

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 06, 2009:

Hey Princessa! I think I'm commited to being single as well!

Allmenaresecretlygay, out of ten signs to look out for, only one was about the fact the men might be gay, so not sure where you get me saying that most men are gay. Strange that that's the sign you focused on and used to sum up the article. Are you hiding something from your wife?

Allmenaresecretlygay???? on July 06, 2009:

Most men are gay according your article? Better dump the wife and find a new fling with a crank. ROTFL. WOMEN!!!! Are you single and angry?

Wendy Iturrizaga from France on July 06, 2009:

Ups Cindy! I've just discovered that I am committed to remaining single. I think that explains a lot about myself.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 06, 2009:

Yep, even Tom Hanks had to have a football as his friend on Castaway. Men just don't survive if they're all alone.

\Brenda Scully on July 06, 2009:

O.K. Men just cant help it, maybe that is why we love them so much, because they need us females so much even the gay ones, though they don't even know it......

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 06, 2009:

Exactly, Brenda! Don't worry, I'll balance this with a nice one for them!

\Brenda Scully on July 06, 2009:

I have to say I really enjoyed reading that, poor men get a hard time these days, but sure it is there own fault ha ha...... xx

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 06, 2009:

Ty, I understand what you're saying, but the point I was trying to make is if your boyfriend or girlfriend for that matter, has so many commitments on, that they only have one night a week free for you, then that will be a problem. Now the activities you mentioned, show that you are a well-balanced individual, and they are not going to be keeping you so busy every evening, that you won't have time to socialise with your boyfriend, otherwise, he would feel neglected.

TOF, yeah right lol

The Old Firm from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand on July 05, 2009:

Ty dyed windows?

Ty on July 05, 2009:

Man or woman, a person without a hobby is a bore. While I understand your point is that a person needs to make room in life for a relationship, I don't understand how being committed to a personal interest is something negative -- unless its gambling. Generally, I regard it as a demonstration of not taking life for granted. I bike, take vacation at least twice a year (sometimes solo), knit, do stained glass and am very involved with community service. These activities contribute very much to who I am and I'd would be out the door faster than a bee to pollen if my boyfriend expected me to forfeit these interests.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 05, 2009:

Hi Linda, am going to make a concerted effort to join adsense now I've left China!

lindagoffigan from Phoenix, Arizona on July 05, 2009:

Cindy, your hub was hilarious and I LOL quite a bit. I think everyone liked your se of words in describing the flying chandlier and strawberries or something like that. You really need to join Adsense and earn for such good creative work.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 05, 2009:

Hi Jodi! Howya doing? Glad you enjoyed the hub. Think I need to work on TOF's suggestion.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 05, 2009:

Thanks Ethel and Mezo!

Jodi Hoeksel on July 05, 2009:

Oh boy...Cindy! Nice and very entertaining!

Motaz from Egypt on July 05, 2009:

it's a great advice, good one, cindy :)

these signs are true if it is over the limits

Ethel Smith from Kingston-Upon-Hull on July 05, 2009:

Funny but so true. Mind you most men are in there somewhere

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 05, 2009:

May, those guys are probably quite rare, most guys want to settle down eventually.

Someonewhoknows, reincarnation, eh? Maybe they were a pig in a previous life?

TOF, Trinations coming soon! Springboks played a shocker yesterday against the Lions!

Blonde, been getting my son settled into his uni and doctor's appointments, now a whole week of doctor's appointments and my shipment arrives, another busy week ahead and I'm supposed to be on holiday!

blondepoet from australia on July 04, 2009:

Great advice Cin gee I have not seen you for ages have you been busy? Miss ya.

The Old Firm from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand on July 04, 2009:

Sorry, someonewho'snose but as I told Countrywoman way back before she married, I don't believe in reincarnation. - I used to, but that was in another life.

Cheers, TOF

someonewhoknows from south and west of canada,north of ohio on July 04, 2009:

I'm of the opinion that most people decide before they are born which sex they want to be and that they most often have chosen the sex they have incarnated into most of their lifetimes either male or female. If you believe in reincarnation they are born that way as a result of some karmic retributiion for how they treated gay people in a previous life or they made the conscious decision to be born in the body of the opposite sex for at least one of two reasons.

1.They want to have sex without having children,and this is a surefire way to accomplish that,not that it is a decision they would remember while discarnate.

2.They are really mixed up as to which sex they really want to be,they could be bi-sexual

OBVIOUSLY JUST MY OPINION

mayhmong from North Carolina on July 04, 2009:

This so call man that you described sure sounds familiar to me! I'm glad to receive these helpful tips from the ya. I definetely don't want to put up with a guy like that?!

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 04, 2009:

Always so pleasing to wake up to so many comments on a hub! Glad most of you found it meaningful and sensible lol Hey TOF, might have to write a hub on 10 ways to dump a frump. I quite like that title, thanks for that! Paper Moon, must admit, anybody who looks as good as that guy in the top pic just has to be gay. Christoph, you might be one of the exceptions to the rule. Will have to check with your wife. Jaspal, if a man is wanting a calendar girl covered in strawberries on a trapeze.....no further comment needed lol

Feline Prophet on July 03, 2009:

LOL, pay attention to what Cindy's saying Jaspal...she speaks words of infinite wisdom.

Well done Cindy...you obviously speak from experience!

Jaspal from New Delhi, India on July 03, 2009:

Haha .... great hub! But I think all guys, at least the worthy ones suffer many of the symptoms!

Which man would want to get married and 'settle down' if he knew how to charm calendar girls into decorating themselves with strawberries and trapeze swinging for him?! :p

Christoph Reilly from St. Louis on July 03, 2009:

I didn't know I was gay. Thanks for outing me in my own mind. Can't wait to tell the wife.

dianacharles from India on July 03, 2009:

Now that you have covered every guy on Earth as being unacceptable, I think women need to move to a new planet and check out what's on offer there.:P

Quite a few men in India suffer from the Oedipus complex. Indian women just accept it or they would run short of bridegrooms.

Susan Reid from Where Left is Right, CA on July 03, 2009:

So basically, 99% of all men out there are either emotionally unavailable or gay. Or emotionally unavailable and gay. Sad. But sooo funny!!!

Paper Moon from In the clouds on July 03, 2009:

Good luck with the guy in the top pic, in keeping with TOF's theme, he is gay!

Tatjana-Mihaela from Zadar, CROATIA on July 03, 2009:

Ha, ha, ha, Cindy, YOU ARE EXCELLENT! Thumb up! The truth is the truth, you can be relationship counselor, you are great.

Just to add: the guy who wants to settle down will show that, will mention that possibilitiy on the beginning.

Thanks for making me laugh, the biggest value you have is that you are able to present the truth on so funny way! You are great writer!

Sheila from The Other Bangor on July 03, 2009:

Dang. A sobering hub (if I were not laughing so hard at your wonderful examples and analogies). You speak the truth, Cindy, the truth. . .

Randy Behavior from Near the Ocean on July 03, 2009:

Cindy you're hysterical. I thought a guy that doesn't want to settle down was exactly what I needed about now. But now that I've read WHY he doesn't want to settle down I'm scared. Thanks for the chuckles.

Al Hawkes from Cornwall on July 03, 2009:

He loves me, He loves himself, He loves me, He loves.........

just the right info here, Cindy

The Old Firm from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand on July 03, 2009:

Hey, thanks for the advice on how to dump a frump.

Mind you, you don't give us blokes much chance:

If I'm neat (which I'm not) - I'm gay;

If I'm a slob (yep) - I'm gay.

If I hang out with guys - I'm gay.

If I hang out with girls - I'm gay.

If I have hobbies (other than sex) - I'm gay.

If my hobby is sex, I'm a crazed maniac - who's hiding the fact that that I'm gay.

If I go on exotic holidays - I'm gay.

If I stay at home with Mummy - I'm gay

(If I stay at home with Daddy we're both gay)

Have I missed anything?

And what the hell am I so gay about anyway if I'm a sodding poof?

Mind you, I did spend some time "sleeping" with someone who was Gay, but she wasn't gay.

BTW, I LIKE the image of the girlfriend swinging from the chandelier adorned in strawberries, but if it rips from the ceiling and she ends up in a fat heap on the floor covered in bits of plaster, she's probably been pigging out and will end up built like a sumo wrestler by the time she's forty. Where's the running shoes?

Love and kisses, TOF

Gypsy Willow from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand on July 03, 2009:

Oh what sensible advice, !