Imran loves Anthropology. He loves to study human nature and hunts ways to make life better for all.
A Sacred Union, Is It?
Marriage unites but divorce separates and provides freedom. To be frank, a divorce will certainly free you from your toxic bond. However, what is imperative is to halt, study, and analyze if separation is what you truly need as your greed for freedom will never end. Also, keep in mind that you could end up being lonely, desperate, miserable, etc.
Not thinking wisely, not giving your issues time to heal, and taking decisions hastily are the first few reasons that trigger a divorce.
I understand you want to be realistic and practical about life, but remember. If you are unemotional about your spouse, the thoughts of ending your marriage will haunt your mind regularly. That acts as another trigger.
Therefore, don't make it easy for you and involve your heart as well as your mind while thinking.
Patience resolves a lot of issues whereas impatience piles up problems one after another. To live in harmony and not to invoke separation, be enough patient with your partner.
Let us look at ten more reasons below.
Grounds for Divorce
There is a saying: 'Never decide when angry and never promise when happy'. These two emotional decisions bring plenty of harm. Therefore, don't be reckless and let not anger take over you.
During fights, refrain from mentioning annulment or similar types of negative words that could quickly bring destruction.
Force your mind away or count to ten or take deep breaths or do other silly acts. The best is to remember the turmoil your rage had brought when you last got angry with your partner.
2) Intolerable habits:
There are many awful habits that you overlook in marriage. Eventually, you learn to adjust with some, rest truly ticks you off.
Below is a list of some unbearable habits:
- Alcohol addiction
- Gambling issues
- The use and abuse of hard drugs such as cocaine, heroin, meth, etc
- Physical abuse by a partner
- Emotional abuse by a partner
- Spouses who lie continuously, and plot and scheme and deceive all the time.
If your spouse is too stubborn to change, before concluding the matter, consider the good habits and the admirable changes your partner has brought in him/her only for you. That might help ease the situation.
Your marriage will fail if you don't work as a team. The 'I, me, myself' feeling will detach you from your other half farther and farther away.
Quarrels and rebukes will happen from time to time. You must learn not to shatter your self-esteem in pressure and tension. Never forget that you are two persons living one life together.
4) A bitter tongue:
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: 'what will take a lot of people to the hellfire is a bitter tongue.' He then mentioned our tongue is flexible and has no bone, therefore it lashes out anyhow.
Husbands and wives who are belligerent and always ready to assail each other stand a solid chance of divorce too quickly too soon.
5) Unforgiving mistakes
We all screw up our bonds in one or another way. Married people are no different. At times, an error is so grave that it brings an end. One of the two will go out of bounds and invite wrath, tribulation, and a divorce.
- keeping secrets
- Being over-emotional
- Flirting but calling it harmless and healthy
- Comparing other marriages with yours
- Comparing your husband/wife with other married men/women
- Judging your spouse with your ex
- Bringing a third person in your life: a friend, a close relative, or anyone who carries the risk of getting close to your spouse intentionally, innocently, or otherwise
- Judging your current bond with preconceived notions from your previous relationships.
- Being hellbent to change your partner to your likes and wishes
- Not working out your current challenges, being unhappy with what you have, and displaying greed for more are some of the worst mistakes of marriage.
6) Unfortunate events
Time tests every one and everything. Even marriage can fail the test of time. Unknown conditions can sweep through life and wreck even the happiest bonds.
Unfortunate events such as the unexpected death of a child, staying away from the spouse for long due to work or other commitments, husband or wife found guilty for murder, theft, embezzlement, or other unfair and illegal acts could become some reasons.
At times married couples push themselves into trouble deliberately. They try to experiment with situations that badly backfire. What they are left with is regret, sorrow, hatred, and possible loneliness.
- Striking a bet with friends to test the loyalty of the husband or wife.
- Partners permitting themselves to try out voyeurism or a swingers party, threesome, foursome, or similar options.
- Allowing oneself to try any bold and errant act that goes against the terms and boundaries of marriage.
8) Not keeping an eye on your spouse:
It's vital to know what's happening in the life of your husband/wife. Their life must not be secretive; there must be no blanks. You must have some grip on the events and facts that occur.
These include the professional life, personal life, and social life of your spouse. You must have a fair knowledge of what kind of work he/she does, what type of friends he has, and what kind of people he meets. Also, check how open or secretive your partner is to you about his/her life beyond marriage. That will prepare you to handle matters tactfully.
Stumbling upon the facts and truths suddenly or unexpectedly will put you in shock. As a result, you might jump to conclusions and make bad decisions.
Any person or situation or thing that makes your partner behave abruptly could result in a grievous problem in the future. Therefore look for such signs.
Don't hammer your partner for every damn thing. Keeping yourself aware and updated is not as same as prying excessively or stalking.
You might argue saying excessive interference and control might doom a marriage. That's true and will happen only when you stretch it to an extreme level. That's how married men and women falter.
Therefore, play it smart. Be gentle, crafty, and cool. Don't lose trust, faith, and confidence.
9) Testing your spouse from time to time:
Framing situations to test your bond with your better half will give you heartbreak. Avoid doing that. If your demands were not fulfilled or some of your work was not done, it doesn't mean your partner does not love you. It could simply mean he/she forgot to do the work or was too busy to do it.
When you test your partner, it's like you are deliberately setting him/her up. In such a case, you build expectations and stipulations. When things do not work out to your satisfaction, you feel hurt and dejected.
So, cooperate and be at ease with your companion.
10) Not playing your part properly:
Marriage is a union of two and needs teamwork. One advantage is that you can switch roles and aptly define the part you want to play. Usually, husbands go to work and earn money whereas wives handle the household. It can be the other way too.
Goals can be achieved with discussion, agreement, and, most importantly, adherence.
But when one of the two is not doing justice to his/her role especially for long, the alliance will fall and the association will end.
Incompatible partners and couples who don't invest quality time will screw up their marital bond a great deal. Similarly, marriages devoid of love, affection, compassion, kindness, and trust land one step close to divorce.
The reason to split could be a common reason or a unique one. It depends and differs from situation to situation. What matters is to have a solid purpose and a clear vision of the present and the future. Otherwise, it will become the worst mistake ever, and you will have regrets and sorrow for a lifetime. So, decide carefully.
© 2021 Imran Khan