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Should I Date a Married Man?

I'm an eclectic gal with many diverse interests. They include relationships, film, trivia, and an assortment of other things.

By Definition: Married = Not Available

Despite millions of single men in the dating pool, some women choose to date married men. Sometimes it's the woman's fault and sometimes it's the man's fault. Frequently, the woman will pursue. However, a lot of time the man presents himself as single. These men are scumbags, which is a good reason alone not to date them. If a guy tells you he's single, that's his word. If you later find out that he's married, run the other way as fast as you can.

Women need to take control of their lives and avoid married men at all costs. No woman in her right mind should ever willingly date a married man. It doesn't matter what that married man says about wanting to get a divorce. Let him get the divorce first, then you can date him. Don't be the beginning of the end of his relationship because that will be what defines you and your relationship. It is a very hard thing to overcome.

Unfortunately, this kind of logic just isn't that easy for everyone. So, here are ten good reasons not to date a married man.

(CC-BY-3.0)

(CC-BY-3.0)

Well, He's Married!

This is probably the most obvious reason not to date a married man. If you are dating a married man and weren't already aware of this reason then you're probably not very smart. In fact, if you knowingly date a married man, reasons don't matter. It's not a smart thing to do. Ever! So, let's get the basics out of the way. In case you're still not getting this: when another person marries, their availability is zero. They've made vows to another person. He signed a legal contract. He wed. You can't technically "date" a married man since he's not really available. Got it?

Let's focus on your excuses for the moment. Here's one: "well, he's not happy with his wife"! Here's another: "he's going to leave his wife"! That's all well and good. Let him leave his wife first. It's not like he's going anywhere. Also, a married man who's dating a woman has serious trust issues. For example, you can't trust him. What happens when divorces and the two of you marry? I'll tell you what. You're going to be wondering if he's cheating on you. NOT WORTH IT.

Marriage certificate (public domain)

Marriage certificate (public domain)

Availability

Married men have availability issues. When you want to go somewhere on the spur of the moment. Of course, his family obligations will interfere. Does he have kids? He might have to pick them up at school at the same time you want to go to a movie. This will totally suck. Want to have dinner together? Your married man is likely going to have to eat dinner with his wife in order to keep your secret. Thus, you're going to have to figure out activities at a lot of odd times. If this guy has a job, he's not likely to be available during the day. Think about the nights. How will he hang out with you at night? Leave his wife home alone? Not likely. In other words, you're going to be seeing him at a lot of odd times and probably not very often.

Money

Depending on what a married man makes, it's likely that he'll have to be careful with his money. Random, unexplained credit card bills are bad. Obviously, that means less money to spend on you. Do you want to go out to an expensive dinner? Dancing? A vacation? Unless he's got a separate bank account he can hide from his wife, this is going to be pretty hard. Are you hoping he'll buy you something expensive? Then you'll be taking food right out of his kids' mouths. Nice job there, kid starver.

Kids

You may not know this, but married men sometimes have kids. When married men have kids, that usually means they have obligations. Kids like it when dad is around. Mom grows suspicious when dad disappears for long periods of time. Kids need stuff, like attention. Every second you spend with a married man is seconds he's not spending with his kids. So this is a guy who's probably not a very good father. Or he just doesn't care. Is that the kind of guy you want to be with?

He's Sleeping with Somebody Else

When you date a married man, you already know that the guy you are dating is sleeping with another woman. The relationship already has a built-in flaw. Obviously that means the man you are dating is cheating on you with another woman. All the time. The woman just happens to be his wife. Ask yourself a question. Can you build given such a foundation? That's the kind of relationship we have a word for. Doomed.

Wedding rings (CC-BY 2.0)

Wedding rings (CC-BY 2.0)

The Wife

Imagine for a second that you are the wife of the married man you're dating. How happy would you be to find out that your husband is dating some skank (yes, that's you)? Of course, you probably wouldn't be too happy. Perhaps you'd follow your husband and see if you could figure out who this woman was. Maybe you hire a private investigator. And what would you do once you knew this woman's name and address? Contact all her friends? Stander her on social media? Naturally, you'd probably show up at her door and give her a piece of your mind. Or worse. Maybe you divorce him and take half his assets. Suddenly your ideal man has half as much money. Catch my drift? Do you want to live in fear?

What Goes Around Comes Around

Let's imagine for a second that everything you want with your married man comes true. You date for awhile and you manage to hide all of it from his wife and kids. Then he decides that you're the one. He divorces his wife. Next thing you know, you and the divorced guy are heading to the altar to tie the knot. And a few years down the road, he's out late one night and you don't know where he is. And then you remember back to how you met. How can you ever trust such a man?

You're the Other Woman

You will always be the other woman. Always. You will be ruining something for somebody. It doesn't matter what your married man's marriage is like. And it won't matter if his wife is a crazed lunatic. She's a horrible person? It won't matter. You will always be the other woman. Maybe your married man's wife may killed the family pets and drowned her children. Still, being the "other woman" is not going to be any fun. Generally, society reveres marriage. The husband and the wife are the core of that institution. You are an outsider. People will blame you for the break-up even if the man pursued you. You better have a very strong constitution to make this work. Ultimately, most rational people would say it's not worth it.

The Foundation of Your Relationship

Let's say everything goes perfectly in your relationship with your married man. What is the foundation of the relationship? No matter how you may look at it, other people will regard your relationship as built on lies. You had to date your man keeping your relationship quiet. Your man had to lie to his wife. He also had to lie to his kids. It just doesn't seem like something built to last. That's not to say that it doesn't, but it's yet another challenge.

You'll Lose Friends and Family

When a relationship defies convention, not everyone is going to pat you on the back and say "way to go". In fact, prepare yourself that friends and family may ostracize you. Some of them will say very nasty things to you. You have absolutely no idea how people are going to react when you date a married man. Further, if this man has children, you are breaking up a family. People have very different experiences with such things. They may express emotions you may not expect and it could hurt a lot.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2014 Sychophantastic

Comments

ladybroken on October 05, 2016:

yes don't date a married man....he will always have a emotional connection to his ex wife..if he gets divorced especially if they have kids together.....i decided to date a married man now divorced man and its the most stupid mistake i have made in my life.....you will only waste good years that you could have shared building a good relationship with a single man...even if you find Jesus together...there will be problems related to how the relationship started up.....i was 24 years old...young/lonely/new in my career....i was away from the Lord thats why i made the wrong choices with dating...all that i wanted was not attainable because i failed to respect myself.....Ladies out there thinking of dating or messing around with a married man....SaVe yourselves....I regret all those years....I could have met a Godly man and have kids with IF ONLY I had gone to church..and kept my faith Strong.....now im 35...with no real relationship...scarred from my bad decisions.....still want a family but dont know where to find a good man because I have gone blind and allowed myself to feel not deserved due to my sins....ugh..save yourselves young ladies...

Sychophantastic (author) from Texas on August 16, 2014:

Thanks for your comments. Hopefully it was obvious that the article is a bit tongue in cheek.

Elaine Flowers from Dallas, Texas on August 16, 2014:

My response to,"Availability - married men have availability issues" is that usually the women who are the other woman also have availability issues. This is the reason the arrangement 'appears' to work for them. In some cases...

Great points!

Sychophantastic (author) from Texas on August 15, 2014:

Well, I personally would blame the man in most situations and firmly believe it's the man who's at fault. However, part of the reason for avoiding these situations, particularly if you know that the man is married, is exactly for the reason you're arguing about - the woman will be blamed. She's the homewrecker when, in fact, the man is mostly to blame.

Phoebe Pike on August 14, 2014:

" No woman who's in her right mind should ever willingly date a married man, no matter what that married man says about wanting to get a divorce." Is that the introduction you meant? It's all ready apparent that you have formed an opinion about women who WILLINGLY date married men. Would I ever date a married man? No. I'm married and would be devastated if he left me for another woman, but if a man can be "stolen" then he was never mine to begin with.

Then this little gem- "And you may want him to buy you something, but then you'll be taking food right out of his kids' mouths. Nice job there, kid starver." Again, all the blame goes on the woman... not the man who willingly does such a thing. Let me say this- Not every married man will have a job. My ex, who did have an affair and leave me, never worked. Not once. We had a son and he was a stay-at-home dad, but ended up dating someone behind my back.

Though I respect your opinion, I just don't see how this article can be so biased towards women. You also excluded the fact that men can also date married men. Just food for thought. *Shrug*

Sychophantastic (author) from Texas on August 14, 2014:

Clarified in the introduction.

Phoebe Pike on August 14, 2014:

I think this article points the finger at the woman an awful lot... I've had friends who accidentally dated married men because they didn't know they were married. Seriously, a lot of women get a lot of crap for dating a guy that they legitimately believed was single. Does it make them unintelligent? No... it just means they were lied to and believed it.

Perhaps it might be a good idea to write a little more in-depth about this subject before passing judgement. Just a thought...