I'm an eclectic gal with many diverse interests. They include relationships, film, trivia, and an assortment of other things.
The Art of Dating Conversation
If you're going to have any chance with women, you need to know how to avoid turning them off. Believe it or not, a simple conversation can turn a woman on and make her want desire you.
Women want a first date to be casual, free of pressure, and they want to leave wanting more.
Men want the same thing, but it's often the man who sends the date off on the wrong trajectory. Most men do this by disrupting the natural flow of conversation with lame questions. There's an art to conversation. Because many men don't understand that art, they destroy their chances with a woman in the first few minutes. Sometimes, they destroy their chances in the first few seconds.
Are you one of those men? Regardless, a primer on conversational skills never hurts. Makes sure you're familiar with those romance killing questions. Otherwise, a woman is going to thing you're the bum, not the one.
Are those your real boobs?
Asking a woman anything about her body is a bad idea. However, it's particularly bad if you're meeting her for the first time. Any body question is an intimate one. If you're on a first date, you have no business asking any sort of intimate question. Not a one. It's bad manners. Do it and a woman is going to ask herself what's wrong with you. Remember, asking an intimate question on a first date is a sign that you don't understand boundaries. And people who don't understand boundaries are trouble. People who don't understand boundaries are wife beaters, rapists, murderers and such. Of course, not all people who have boundary issues are criminals. Then again, the mere suggestion that you might have a problem will send most women running.
What's your favorite sexual position?
Stupid men think this is a conversation starter. It's not. Sex is an inappropriate topic for first date conversation. Again, like the first question, this is too intimate and indicates that you have boundary issues. It's also extremely crass. Most likely, it will make the woman extremely uncomfortable. That's the exact opposite of what you want on a first date. In fact, here's a general rule of thumb: don't ask any question likely to make your date uncomfortable. Even as a joke.
The environment in which you ask such a question can actually make it worse. It's bad enough if you ask such a thing in a bar where. While I suppose there might be a situation where it's almost appropriate, avoid it. And when you ask in a spot where you've trapped the woman, like a car, failure is soon to follow. As a rule, there should be no sex talk on a first date. There might be actual sex in some situations, but that should be the result of lots of hot, unspoken chemistry.
Dating frequency among men who...
|ask stupid questions||remain silent||understand the art of conversation|
What's with the stupid pictures of your dog?
Never insult a woman's dog. Or any other pet for that matter. Nothing will make a woman get up faster than criticizing her pet pictures. First of all, the dog might be filling in for a relationship. Odds are, her dog is a much better friend than most of her dates. Her dog may very well be her best friend too. You might as well tell her that her mother is a whore. Women take their pets very seriously. Remember, never joke about them. Further, never say anything negative about her pet to anyone, even in confidence. She'll find out.
Can you show me your...?
There is no noun that can follow the words "can you show me your" that make a good conversation starter. Driver's license? Maybe you think she's underage or a Russian bride. Underwear? You're a creep, plus maybe I don't wear underwear. Oh, so that's what you were trying to figure out. Tattoo? Well, that might be in a very private place. That's none of your business. "My best oh face?" Um, no. I'm not showing you anything. I just met you. Go get a clue.
Can we be friends?
You're on a date. You're not there to be friends. Men might not think that women know this. However, we know that when we say "let's be friends" it means that we don't want to sleep with you. We don't think of you romantically. It's also another way of saying that there's no chemistry between us. Don't try to pull some reverse psychology garbage on us. We're the masters of that game, boy-o. And I didn't come out on a date with you to make friends just like you didn't.
Is it okay if I post a photo of you on my Facebook page?
That's creepy. So, let me get this straight. You want to post my photo on your Facebook page so all your friends can see us together? I just met you. We're not friends. Just like I don't sleep around, I don't let people post my photo all over the place either. But thanks for asking.
Can I kiss you?
If you think this is a legitimate question, read my article on kissing. However, suffice it to say, men who ask to kiss a woman are walking the road of failure. If you're a man who's successful with women, you don't ask to kiss them. You just do it. That said, most likely on a first date, I don't want to kiss you. That is, unless I'm sitting there melting while you're talking to me. Or you're Brad Pitt or some other hunk. Other than that, a hug is probably all I'm looking for if things are going well.
Maybe I'm stuffy that way, but most women are like that. You'll know by the enthusiasm of my hug whether it's been a good date. You can try to kiss me on the second date if things keep going well. Just make sure you plant that kiss by the third date. That way, you're not wasting your time or mine.
Would you like to meet my mother?
The first question that comes to mind if a guy asks me this is "you live with your mother?" The next to words in my brain are "uh oh". Dude, this is a first date. We're not marrying just yet. Calm down, Sparky. No matter how well a first date goes, I do not want to meet your mother. I don't want to meet your dad either. Or your brothers or sisters or friends. Or your hamster. I'm just trying to figure out whether I even like meeting you, so don't throw a wrench into the process.
Do you like [ENTER NAME OF VIDEOGAME HERE]?
Maybe I know what video game you're talking about and maybe I don't. But you might as well tell a woman that you spend all day on the couch. Incidentally, that is not an attractive quality. On a first date, be careful about admitting to what kinds of things you like to do. Like if you like to beat baby seals. You might want to keep that to yourself.
Try to talk about things that lots of people like to do and then expand on the topic slowly. Lots of people like to hike. Talk about that. If the woman says she likes hiking, then you can talk about what you like about hiking. And don't say you like something she likes if you don't. Next thing you know, you'll be doing that thing. Surprisingly, women like opinions. Be honest. If you hate hiking and the woman loves it, just accept it.
Do you think the President is the Antichrist?
Politics is a bad subject for first date conversation. It's even worse if you're some kind of nutcase with an axe to grind. Whether it's on abortion (pro or con), gun control, tax reform, free markets - whatever your cause. Just keep your political opinions to yourself. However, if you only date women who agree with you, then bring it up. Sometimes it's good to know in advance about a woman's politics. That way, you can take that potential sort of conflict off the table. Do so by asking in your initial messaging. However, if she's wearing a [THIS PERSON] 2020 t-shirt, you know where she stands. And there plenty of couples who don't agree politically, so it can still work. Just don't express really radical opinions and you'll probably be okay. Being able to discuss politics civilly is a good skill to have.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2013 Sychophantastic
Hailey on June 07, 2013:
LOL funny hub! A first date doesn't have to be like questanning, you can ask each other some general question but know when to stop.
Kristen Bell from St. Louis, MO on May 02, 2013:
Hello there! Unfortunately, I have experienced variations of a few points you made on this list. Those guys did not get second dates. As comical as this Hub is it makes some good points, especially about intimacy and boundaries. Some lines should not be crossed on the first date. Shucks, some boundaries shouldn't even be looked at on the first date! Thanks for sharing! Upvoted :)
wildove5 from Cumberland, R.I. on April 13, 2013:
I can think of a few men I could show this too! Nice job!