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10 Qualities that make a friend a friend


To have a friend you must first be a friend

My mother once bought my daughter a large poster to put above her bed that said, "To have a friend, you must first be a friend." How apt is that? That little saying has stayed with me all these years. What you put out into the universe is what you get back. If you gossip about others, they'll gossip about you. Okay, they'll probably gossip about you regardless, that might not have been a good example. But if you show all the qualities of being a good friend, then people will show the same back to you. Seriously, it does work. If you are a mean old cussedly bitch, criticise everybody and everything, people are going to stay away from you. Who wants to be friends with a moaning whingebag? If you are sociable, people generally tend to gravitate towards you. So, I'd have to say that for me the top quality required, is to be a good friend first. Show the other mugs how it's done. Let them reflect your goodness.

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A genuine friend is someone who doesn't lie to you.  If something's bugging them, and you say, "What's cooking Dude?" and they reply, "Nothing my little petal," and you can see something is bothering them.  Then they're not being honest.  Friends should feel comfortable enough with each other to share their feelings, unhappiness, thoughts, ideas, and all that kind of mumbo jumbo stuff.  If another so-called friend is bad-mouthing you behind your back, a genuine friend will come and tell you and help you to work out a plan of revenge.  If your revenge plan is a little out of whack, a good friend should be honest enough to tell you that your plan sucks big time.  And if your friend is honest with you and you don't like what they say, don't pick up the cast iron frying pan and hit them over the head, because that is just not nice.



A true friend remains loyal during times of stress and strife.  They don't take a knife and go for the jugular and jump on the bandwagon with all the other simple-minded weak-willed friends.  A good friend will stand by you whatever the circumstances.  Of course, you need to practise showing loyalty yourself.  When your friend finds themselves in a spot of bother, stay loyal and true to them.  Don't lift up your skirt, remove your stilettos and sprint off into the sunset never to return.  Otherwise, they'll do the same to you.

Make sacrifices

A simply awesome amazing super duper friend, will even make sacrifices for you.  When you're a bit skint and payday is only a week away, they might advance you some much-needed money to pay your electricity bill.  Always make sure you pay them back before leaving town, as they'll think twice about sacrificing their beer money for you again.  Making sacrifices for each other is what compromising and being flexible is all about.  If you want to go to see Harry Twatter and your friend wants to see Goldilocks and the Three Bare Boys, one of you has to sacrifice what you want to be able to reach a compromise.  Just a little tip.  Don't always make your friend be the one to make the sacrifices.  Sometimes it's quite spiritual to make sacrifices yourself.  You feel good about yourself then.  Okay, if they need one of your kidneys, that might be taking it a bit far.  But it would be great if they gave you one of their kidneys when you needed it.  Or their liver, lungs or heart.



A good friend is always kind and shares. Generosity is very important. If they sit at the movies and don't share their popcorn or box of Maltezers, then they are not showing the quality of kindness. If they accidentally start to goosestep and kick your mangy little maltese poodle mutt with each step, then they are not showing kindness to animals. If they can't be kind to your dog, chances are, they can't be kind to you. People can show kindness in many ways. Not necessarily giving money to the legless cross-eyed lesbian in a wheelchair begging at the traffic lights. Being kind can be something simple like not joining in when a group of friends are analysing and dissecting an absent friend. If both you and your friend need to pee urgently and there's only one available toilet, then an act of kindness would be to let the other person go first while you just bravely clamp your legs and your teeth shut tightly. Someone who is mean to others, might not show kindness to you should you find yourself in a situation when you really need an act of kindness.



A good friend is not one who tells you that the meal you slaved over for hours tasted good and then they leave or sit and watch TV while you slave over the dishes.  A good friend is one who helps with the washing up.  A good friend won't sit with a smirk or smug expression while you struggle alone.  They'll leave their comfort zone and help out.  Basically, a good friend knows when it's time to help and time to support.



If you think of yourself as a double D boob, without support of a bra, that boob will droop down to your belly button, and even your knees, so that you kick them while you walk.  Now, while that might help a soccer player practising ball control, that is of no use to you.  You need that bra to support those pendulous sagging boobs.  Just like your boobs need a bra, you need a supportive friend who'll be there when the going gets tough, through thick and thin.  You don't want a friend, that when the going gets tough, they leave.  A supportive friend counsels you, sets you up with a hot date, and lends you their car if you don't have one to go on the date.  A supportive friend will meet you at the airport when you get back from an amazing holiday in Zanzibar while they've been working 9 to 5 in a dreary office with coffee rings on the desks.


Share interests

A great friend is someone who shares the same interests as you.  It would be pointless going on and on about how exciting a game of golf is, when your friend can't see the point of smacking the shit out of a little dimpled white ball that did nothing to you, and then walking bloody miles to find it.  The same as if you are crazy about spending a Saturday afternoon shopping with friends and having a cappuccino and cheesecake at Starbucks with all your shopping bags, and your friend gets the jitters when someone says the word shopping, breaks out in a rash and starts gnashing their teeth, they wouldn't share your shopping interest with you and would be no fun at all.  Fun is very important.  However, it is not recommended to have too much fun sharing the same sexual partner.  Sharing a love interest will only end in tears.


A friend who treats you and speaks to you like you are the piece of dog doo stuck under their shoe is not worth having as a friend at all.  They need to respect your views and opinions, respect your space, just generally respecting who you are.  A friend is not showing respect when they try to change you into something you're not.  A friend who does not allow you alone time and is constantly invading your space is being disrespectful.  Remember, you need to show respect first, to gain respect. 


Trust is mega-important as a quality. If you can't trust your friend with your confidences and secrets, then they aren't a very good friend at all. If you are scared to leave your handbag lying around as you believe that your friend might swipe some of your hard-earned cash from your Prada wallet, then they are not trustworthy and no point in having around as a friend. You have to be able to trust that your friend has your best interests at heart all the time, and won't step on you to achieve their own ends. You have to be able to trust that your friend will build you up when you are down. If there is no trust, and you are constantly on guard and suspicious, looking for signs that you are being used and abused, then trust is definitely lacking.

Remember, you yourself need to show all these qualities first and be a good friend yourself, before you can expect people to show these qualities back to you in return.


abhisek nayak on September 12, 2014:

true friends

gh on March 24, 2014:

A true friend who understands your tears and troubles is far more valuable than a hundred friends who only show up for your smiles and joys. Because a true friend accepts who you truly are, and also helps you become who you are capable of being.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on February 17, 2014:

Thanks Billy!

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on February 17, 2014:

I love this list and obviously, from the number of comments, everyone else loved it as well. Very true words here.

maddy on November 04, 2013:

i loved it thanks for the help

Lucy Choi on June 01, 2013:

Thanks! :)

torrilynn on March 15, 2013:


I really did appreciate your qualities on what makes a friend

I see friends as people that will care and be there for you in

your greatest time of need

Voted up and shared

Mahaveer Sanglikar from Pune, India on March 15, 2013:

A nice Hub on friendship.....

Maria Janifer Serenio on August 23, 2012:

Honestly, I have a best friend in Bohol. The last time we saw each other was during our graduation day in high school. That was last March 25, 2008. The reason why we are far away from each other is that I am studying here in Mindanao and she is in Bohol. Despite the distance between us we have maintain the strong friendship that we have. I can really say that I am a helpful and supportive best friend to her. I usually help her every time she joins beauty pageants. I usually help her in answering the questions in the said pageants which are actually given by the organizers prior to the coronation night. Also, I support her emotionally by texting her words of encouragement for her to stay motivated and confident enough in pursuing her dreams as an aspiring beauty queen. Moreover, I have this unconditional love for her. She is Ms. Jovelyn Ocay. SHE IS MY ONE AND ONLY BEST FRIEND!!!!!

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on August 18, 2012:

Boby, why so many question marks?

Lexa you are 100% right!

Lexa on August 04, 2012:

A friend is someone who loves u for u and not what u have say or do

bobyjophn from pakistan on July 22, 2012:


I hope you are good and so happy I tell you that GOD is love who is created man ….

He give us eyes to see and lips for smiling .. He give us legs for walking … and hands for working .. and

Summer and winter ………A person who will wish to live happy he control his hart desire ….. and kind on every live things so we speech gently …………????????

I hope you like my comments and thanks for shearing pray for me…????????????

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 13, 2012:

Thanks Yazzine

Yassine Lazrak on July 10, 2012:

To write this hub describing the qualities of a true friend, you must hold these qualities yourself, your friends are really blessed

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on June 19, 2012:

So true Blessed.

Vicky C. from New England on June 19, 2012:

It's important that we do learn as you stated to have the qualities we want in a friend.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on May 29, 2012:

Thanks Afriqnet!

Joe Njenga from Nairobi Kenya on May 29, 2012:

Great Hub on true friendship. Thanks its useful

Bhuwan ;) on April 30, 2012:

really it's great view

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on March 21, 2012:

Mr. Looner, think you are right about the greatest challenge!

Mr. Looner11 on March 20, 2012:

what a really nice hub; i had fun reading on it ...

ill always do believe that the greatest challenge of my existence here on earth is dealing with different attitudes ..."

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on February 11, 2012:

Thanks 20!

T20learning on February 10, 2012:

Best Hub for Friendship and that ship will never submerged.Nice post once again

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on February 09, 2012:

Besun, you are right, a good friend has to believe in you! on February 06, 2012:

Oh! A good friend is someone who doesn't lie to you or someone who make happy for you.As least,this is a person who believes in yourlife

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on January 25, 2012:

We have to start somewhere, Cool Cat!

cool cat on January 24, 2012:

easier said than done.cindy good job.your article open my up my mind.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on January 17, 2012:

Thanks Mira, will do!

Mira on January 10, 2012:

My Bestfriends have all of these great qualities that make a friend. This is a great Hub. Keep writing cindyvine!!~~!!

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on January 05, 2012:

Yes, I am ok thanks for asking.

5rt on January 04, 2012:

are you ok

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on March 27, 2011:

Thanks so much Marcoujor!

Maria Jordan from Jeffersonville PA on March 26, 2011:

Cindyvine~~ really fine~~ Voted UP & AWESOME~~ tahnk you!

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on March 04, 2011:

Rastamermaid, they do say you have to love yourself before you can love others!

Yabbadabbadoo, that is so cool, look after her and treat her right!

Mrs. Wakeelah, but when you find them, you need to be able to keep them!

Ms.Wakeelah on March 03, 2011:

I agree! good friends are hard to find.

YABBA!DABBA!DOO on March 03, 2011:


Rastamermaid from Universe on March 03, 2011:

Great hub!

Very informative,but I've been my own BFF for awhile and I love it!


Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on March 01, 2011:

Eudociadavis, your compliments made my day!

eudociadavis on March 01, 2011:

Tremendous hub,Great pictures used and beautifully described Qualities that make a friend a friend

And good points rises for everyone who wants to make Nice friends.

Really i enjoy this hub.

Good job.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on February 12, 2011:

Kim, keep your friends close and your enemies even closer!

KimberlyAnn26 on February 11, 2011:

Great Hub. Good true friends are so difficult to find these days. When you find a good friend or a few, keep them close by!

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on February 10, 2011:

Sara, I've just been blown away this week by the support I've received from friends all over the world for my second bout with breast cancer!

Sara Dalton from London on February 09, 2011:

made me cry. i miss my friends "Those who care aren't there but to be fair those people are rare"

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on December 21, 2010:

Thanks Sarah, have a great festive season!

Sarah from Melbourne, Australia on December 20, 2010:

This is all so true, awesome hub :)

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on December 05, 2010:

You are so right She_online!

she_online83 on December 04, 2010:

A real friend is really hard to find so if we have found that person, we have to value her same as we value our family.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on November 18, 2010:

Am sure you're doing well on the friend front, AL!

AutumnLockwood from Northern California on November 17, 2010:

Guess I have to have the qualities you mentioned to gain more friends. Thanks for the tips.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on October 23, 2010:

pleasure, Giwrgos!

giwrgos12 from San Diego on October 21, 2010:

You have truly explain which qualities are important to find out in a good frind. Thanks

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on August 31, 2010:

Karibu Rich!

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on August 31, 2010:

Karibu Rich!

richtwf on August 31, 2010:

Asante Dada. Africa is a beautiful continent.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on August 31, 2010:

Rich, good point

richtwf on August 31, 2010:

You wrote:

'If another so-called friend is bad-mouthing you behind your back, a genuine friend will come and tell you and help you to work out a plan of revenge.'

Do you think that a genuine friend with any morals would come and help another friend to work out a plan to exact revenge?

I think a friend with any morals would help you to cope with the situation and to help you to forget what's happened rather than make it worse.

Exacting revenge - may make you feel good but it doesn't resolve the problem and you only sink to the level of the person that offended you.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on November 17, 2009:

Hey Sumind, thanks for dropping by and commenting so positively!

sumind on November 17, 2009:

Wow really an amazing article

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on September 03, 2009:

Thanks Kimberly!

Kimberly Bunch from EAST WENATCHEE on September 03, 2009:

Great Hub! Here's another good one:

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on August 17, 2009:

AIDY, good to see you back!

Tony, it's good to have a target that we try and work towards. There'll be times when we fall short, but as long as we pick ourselves up and try again, then it's all good.

tony0724 from san diego calif on August 16, 2009:

Cindy It Is a crime that I did not read this sooner ! That was just excellent work there and I thoroughly enjoyed It .

Being of the human persuasion I sometimes fall short but I am trying to live up to these Ideals . I may have to reread this several times . Again Cindy I thank you .

Am I dead, yet? on August 15, 2009:

another keeper! Wonderful, Cindy! You are a genius!

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on August 15, 2009:

Connie, we really need to look after the diamonds that come into our lives, otherwise, they might get picked up by others and then we have nothing left. Just a hand full of gravel.

Connie Smith from Tampa Bay, Florida on August 13, 2009:

I really liked that quote about missing diamonds when you were picking up stones. That is so true. I have several life long friends (35+ years) that at one time or another, got put on the backburner while just being busy with new friends, jobs, life etc. The fact that they were always there waiting for me makes me know that I am lucky enough to have a few diamonds in my life.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on August 13, 2009:

Fastfreta, you are going to make me big-headed. Give me the link to your hub and we can link to each others if it is similar!

Alfreta Sailor from Southern California on August 10, 2009:

I wrote a similar hub. I am glad that I didn't read yours before, or else I would have been too intimidated to write mine. I can see after reading your hubs, I have so much work to do. I must stop writing now and go back to reading more of your hubs. Really great hub.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on August 09, 2009:

Good to see you Prasetio, thanks for commenting.

prasetio30 from malang-indonesia on August 09, 2009:

friend is the best part for our life. With friend we can share together. friend can be a family. Friend can be our match in life. great hub. thanks for share about friend. I like it.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on August 03, 2009:

Blonde, had an awesome weekend, still don't have internet at home, but will get on here more once I get internet. Not sure how much longer. they work on African time here which could be whenever.

Thanks for stopping by, James!

James A Watkins from Chicago on August 03, 2009:

I enjoyed your article about friendship, philos. I agree with all of your words. Well done!

blondepoet from australia on August 02, 2009:

Good morning Cin, did you have a bonza weekend. What do you do over there by the way on the weekends. Do you do things like rain- dances and such?

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on August 01, 2009:

Thanks for all the comments guys! Alekhouse, a whingebag is someone who never stops moaning and complaining - and not the passion moaning either!

Al Hawkes from Cornwall on July 30, 2009:

To write this hub describing the qualities of a true friend, you must hold these qualities yourself, your friends are really blessed Cindy.

Charm Baker from Los Angeles, California on July 29, 2009:

Wow! You really got to the meat of the matter! Friendship is an excellent topic that you could go on for days about. Truly great, inspirational hub! I'm linking it to my lone friendship hub. The fact that I had a negative relationship with a "TOXIC" friend has not soured me. Your hub gives me HOPE! Thanks again.

Nancy Hinchliff from Essex Junction, Vermont on July 29, 2009:

Such a good hub and so true. Thanks, Cindy, really enjoyed this. BTW, what's a whingebag??

GiggleDropsKids from TEXAS, UNITED STATES on July 29, 2009:



Eaglekiwi from -Oceania on July 28, 2009:

Another goodie CV , loved the pics specially liked the one being so busy with stones an ya lose the diamond. Last week I missed my diamonds , so good reminder as we walk among the stones( that didn't come out right) but ya know what I mean, haha..

salmanali123 on July 28, 2009:

good hub to make friends..hope i make good friends after read this qualities..

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 28, 2009:

Jerilei, my youngest daughter is going into 9th grade! Those girls are something else!

Ralwus! My friend, I am not one to blow my own trumpet but am glad you enjoyed Debs poem!

Princessa, it's always good to see you visiting my hubs!

Dori, you are doing wonderful work with the spina bifida guy! I am impressed!

Dori S Matte from Hillsborough on July 28, 2009:

Thhis is truly a wonderful hub Cindy, friends are hard to find and the good ones harder. You know who my best friend is? A twenty seven yearol guy in a wheelchair with spina bifida and a brain injury. I am his personal assistant when he is in collge. He actually graduates this Decemeber. I love him not only because I get paid stupid money to be his assistant or because of who his parents are but because he has all of these qualities. I will miss him after this year but he is in DC and his fammily has a room for me. I go and take care of him when they travel or such. Great Hug



Wendy Iturrizaga from France on July 28, 2009:

How sweet, and how true too. Thanks for such a beautiful hub Cindy, it reminds me of the importance of friendship.

All the best to you


Yes, I'll be a good friend and off I am to read your other hubs ;-)

ralwus on July 28, 2009:

Oh, I forgot to mention that picture of you and your daughter and who ever the dude is. I love it. The one with you wearing a hat.

ralwus on July 28, 2009:

Oh what a fun hub this is with your cast iron analogies on friendship. Funny stuff and so true too. Sagging boobs like that would be a trip. LOL I just love how you wrote this one up dear Cindy, and like a true friend you pointed me to Deb's poem and left out this gem. shame on you! As a friend I demand you let me know when you publish a new hub.

Jerilee Wei from United States on July 28, 2009:

Friendship is a hot topic with the 7th grader in the house, whose life revolves around those all important twists and turns in friendship, particularly with the other girls in her class. We'll be discussing your hub this afternoon.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 28, 2009:

Blonde, and I know that you'd make me look beautiful as well!

Shamel, you know I once saw a pic taken somewhere here in Africa, that people were inside a car without wheels and no floorboard either, and they were carrying the car body and you just saw all these legs sticking out the bottom. It really looked quite funny!

shamelabboush on July 28, 2009:

It seems it's a friendship week!!! A person without friend is like a car without wheels. :)

blondepoet from australia on July 28, 2009:

Damn it I wish I was just around the corner. Would be cutting your hair right now, and it would be the most awesome cut you ever had, fair dinkum bud. xo

Isn't Logic a sweetheart for a bloke?

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 28, 2009:

Exactly, Diana. I find that there are some things I can only tell friends and would never dream of telling my family!

Logic, thanks so much for your insights into friendship! Much appreciated and adds to this hub!

logic,commonsense on July 28, 2009:

A true friend is one who will stand back to back with you in a fight and give his/her all whatever the cost and never doubt you.

A true friend is one who will never take offense at what you say and you will never say anything offensive to them.

They will laugh with you not at you. Unless its really funny and they can't help it. :)

They will be there for you thru thick and thin and if you ask they will come post haste.

Just a few of the qualities of a true friend. In my opinion anyway.

dianacharles from India on July 28, 2009:

I so agree with you cindy. great hub. I turn to friends more often than I do to family, when I need a good cry.

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 27, 2009:

Yeah Blonde, wish I could nip over to your place and you could cut it properly for me! Lol no, they won't acknowledge my 'unproductive' comments.

blondepoet from australia on July 27, 2009:

Just saw your comment in did you have a reproductive weekend you beat me to it I was going to post something like that there. Great minds think alike. Noticed you didn't get any comments there :(

blondepoet from australia on July 27, 2009:

As long as you don't shave it off, they aint touching your hair with a number one. :)

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 27, 2009:

It's okay Blonde, you are forgiven. These kind of things often seem to happen to people with blonde hair lol. Ahhhh, need to find a hairdresser today to get my hair cut short ready for equatorial temperatures.

blondepoet from australia on July 27, 2009:

Omg what a dickhead I am this is a new one, hahah, I thought I had missed one, grrrrrr.

blondepoet from australia on July 27, 2009:

Geez Cin I do not know how I missed this one. This is one is so very very true, a lot of misguided people need to come here and learn the basics. Well done buddy!! xox

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 27, 2009:

Exactly FP, even Tom Hanks had a ball as his friend when stranded on that island in Castaway!

Feline Prophet on July 27, 2009:

Truly, what would life be without friends!!!

Cindy Vine (author) from Cape Town on July 27, 2009:

Anath, I agree, a friend needs to be cultivated and looked after, like you do a rare and beautiful orchid.

Rose, I went on a search for pertinent pics and found these posters which I thought were great and gave a good message themselves.

Dohn, you are so right. Most of the people we view as friends are really just acquaintances. There is a distinct difference. You only have a few true friends in life.

Ralph, I've heard the saying, "If you want loyalty, get a dog!"

Mardi, you have the right idea, if you can be as good to them as they are to you. That is the secret to developing a sound friendship.

Brownlickie, I try, I try! lol. Thanks for the compliment!

Candie! Missed you to gal! Yeah, been going back and forth between Hermanus and Cape Town, an hour away, sorting out medical check-ups and doing stuff for my mom's charity trust, giving the kindergarten teachers in the township training, doing all kinds of IT stuff that she doesn't have a clue about - it's been hectic, not much of a holiday, no time for hubbing, but very rewarding all the same.

TM, it is hard finding a friend with all those qualities, but if you are a friend to people and show those qualities, you'll have better luck. Sometimes, people pick the wrong friends that do more harm than good. Children aren't as discerning as adults when they pick their friends and maybe we need to actually teach them how to choose friends. I think that would save parents a lot of grief in the future.

Tamcor, wow, a friend that climbed a mountain in honor of you! You are one lucky lady! Now they have set the standard, what are you going to do for their 50th?

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