Jenny is a girl who loves many things. She loves street foods, traveling, nature, music, cats, and dogs! She's crazy about purple & writing!
Relationships can be chaotic or harmonious. The extent of harmony determines whether it is geared towards a lasting and peaceful relationship or it is leading towards conflicts. Conflicts are a part of every relationship. We are all different and individual differences can lead to misunderstanding. What makes a couple stay together is their common understanding that conflicts can be worked out if not avoided.
When we feel that we are no longer valued, understood and loved by our partner, our defense mechanism is to look for support and understanding from outside the relationship and we suddenly think of the possibility of a break-up. Now, I am not saying that you have to work it out no matter what. If you are already abused and have been hurt a lot of times, it is, of course, necessary for you to walk away from the toxic relationship without looking back. However, when it is a simple conflict that you know in yourself can still be fixed and worked out with your partner, giving up right away may not be the best option for both of you. There are still a lot of things you can do to bring back the harmony in the relationship and rekindle the fire that is almost lost. Do not give up so easily when you know you still haven’t exhausted all the possible options to fix the conflict. For when you do that, you are depriving yourself of the possibility of a much stronger and happier relationship.
10 Commandments of a Happy and Harmonious Relationship
- You shall not argue with feelings.
- You shall think before you act and say what you feel.
- You shall never go to bed angry.
- You shall always say “I love you, thank you, I’m sorry and I forgive you” when necessary.
- You shall respect privacy.
- You shall compliment your partner when necessary.
- You shall never exaggerate.
- You shall respect your partner all the time.
- You shall accept your partner as he/she is.
- You shall always find time for each other and celebrate special occasions and events.
1. You shall not argue with feelings
When your partner tells you that he/she felt bad because you said or did something that hurt him/her, you should listen. Never talk back and rationalize because you will never have control over people’s emotions. Listen to what your partner has to say and apologize if that affected him/her in a negative way. Then reassure your partner that your intention is certainly not to hurt him/her. This will definitely bring your relationship to a whole new level.
2. You shall think before you act and say what you feel
Individual differences can often lead to misinterpretation and misunderstanding. So it is very important to think first before you say or do something. Be responsible for your words and actions and be considerate of your partner always. When you feel bad, say it. If you want to avoid a heated conversation, write a letter to your partner and say everything that you want to say regarding your bad thoughts and feelings about them. Make sure they can read your letter and forget about it. Smile and move on and let your partner think for himself. This will make your partner realize that he/she should be considerate of you all the time.
3. You shall never go to bed angry
Never ever go to bed with unresolved conflict. Even if you feel mad or upset about something, try to talk it out with your partner. If you really cannot force yourself to talk just say “I am still upset let us talk tomorrow but I love you and goodnight”. This will help you both to get peaceful sleep and it helps to have a clear mind when you talk about the issue over again in the morning.
4. You shall always say “I love you, thank you, I’m sorry and I forgive you” when necessary
So many relationships fail because one is not humble enough to say I’m sorry. Pride ruins a lot of relationships so always remember to set aside your pride when it comes to your relationship. When someone says “I’m sorry” be the greater person to forgive. If your partner does something good for you, always say “thank you”. This will give your partner an ego boost because you show your appreciation for what he does. And most importantly, never get tired of saying “I love you”. You’d be surprised at how powerful this phrase is. When these words are not said anymore, the relationship starts to crumble.
5. You shall respect privacy
Even couples need to have their own privacy. Not everything can be done as a couple. After all, we are still individuals so we deserve to have some quiet time with ourselves at times. When your partner wants to be alone, let them be. Do not invade their privacy because when you crossed that border, your partner will start to feel violated and that will surely lose the harmony in your relationship. Give each other some ‘off’ time. Do things with your friends or family members which do not involve your partner. This helps keep the mystery alive which is a surefire way to a lasting, happy and interesting relationship.
Moreover, respect your partner's personal belongings. Do not go through his things without permission. It is not good to demand that you always inspect their phones or laptops. This shows that you don't trust your partner enough. Without trust, the relationship is doomed.
6. You shall compliment your partner when necessary
To say that praises and adoration only belongs to women is nonsense. Men need to be complimented as well for a job well done. They will really appreciate you more if you yourself know how to appreciate them. When they did something you were happy and thankful about, cook a very delicious meal or treat them with a sweet massage. Men are simple beings. They do not need to be lavishly praised just a simple thank you kiss, or a simple gift will make them extremely happy and contented in the relationship which is an important ingredient to a lasting and harmonious relationship.
7. You shall never exaggerate
Over-reaction or exaggeration can sometimes ruin the relationship. When you feel bad, try to think clearly. Overreacting can lead to all out wars so do not overdo it. Give some time to cool off your emotions and then sit down with your partner, talk it out and solve the issue together. When your mind is clear, it is easier to talk and listen. Avoid shouting or physically hurting your partner. Never ever lay a hand on your partner. When you are mad, tell your partner to let you cool off first then you talk. When you start shouting and getting mad right away without explaining anything why you are mad, then your partner will be confused and he will be defensive. Approach every issue with an open mind. This will prevent over-heated situations which will make resolution easier.
8. You shall respect your partner all the time
Relationship without respect is like a boat without a sail. It is useless because it will only go nowhere. There are many ways on how we can show our respect to our partner. But some of the most important ones are: Never using foul words towards your partner; taking into consideration the topics they are sensitive about and not bringing them up carelessly into discussion; when your partner feels bad, do not add insult to injury; never talk negatively to your partner when there are people around; and never walk out or talk back harshly to your partner.
9. You shall accept your partner as he/she is
Being in a relationship does not give you any right to change your partner as you please. The point is, your partner is already that way when you met him/her so you have to learn to accept them. Never impose your will on your partner because the moment you demand them to change, harmony will surely be shattered. Encourage your partner instead to improve himself. Help him to be the better version of himself. Avoid bringing up the past mistakes just to prove a point that he/she needs to change. You need to learn to acknowledge both the good and the bad and accept that some things cannot be changed. When you accept your partner for who he/she is, they also see themselves more clearly and then they start to realize they need to change some things to make them better.
10. You shall always find time for each other and celebrate special occasions and events
Relationships grow stronger because the couples devote time, money and thoughts into the relationship. It takes two mature people to make the relationship work. It is therefore important that both parties should find reasons and time to be together. Traveling out of town or doing some worthwhile activities together strengthens the relationship. Most successful relationships are those where couples occasionally do things together because it keeps the flame alive. For the relationship to remain harmonious and peaceful, both parties should find time to celebrate important occasions and events with each other. Busy schedule should not be a hindrance for each party to remember to celebrate. Celebrating together an important event in your life as a couple will help remind both of you how far you have gone in the relationship. Some important events include anniversaries, birthdays, special holidays and family celebrations.
© 2018 Jennifer Gonzales
Jennifer Gonzales (author) from The Hague, Netherlands on April 04, 2018:
being "in love" and being infatuated are the same. Being "in love with the person" and loving the person is different. That is why many people say they fall out of love because they never got passed the "in love/infatuation phase". A lot of relationships get broken because people can't accept that the person they chose to be with ended up not being who they expected them to be. But when you love the person for he/she really is, then you compromise. It is not about being compatible but it is compromising with each other that makes the relationship work. Even though you both think the relationship is important if you don't compromise then it is useless...that is why I don't agree when you said compatibility trumps compromise because learning to compromise is what makes the relationship successful. If you ask a lot of people who have been married for more than 30 years, they will tell you so much about how much they have to put up with each other in order to get there...that is not compatibility in my book...that is because they have learned to compromise...to be able to reach that harmony in a relationship, you need to learn to accept your partner wholly...when you are willing to compromise, you put your partner first and his/her needs before your own.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on April 04, 2018:
"Being "in love" is fleeting." - Jennifer
"Iinfatuation is fleeting", that's different from "being in love".
"Infatuation is when you find someone absolutely perfect. Love is when you realize they aren't perfect and it doesn't matter."
There are many couples whose love grows deeper over the years.
It's not so much that "true love" is a "compromise' but rather we decide to accept someone (as they are) instead of trying to change them. No two people are the same but they can still agree on what's important. That's what being (compatible) is all about.
Readmikenow on April 04, 2018:
This is good advice. I've been married over 30 years. I also would add, based on my own experience, you promise to remain dedicated to the relationship no matter what happens. My wife and I have both gone through very difficult things since being married, but our dedication to one another in the face of some very difficult circumstances has proven ro vw valuable beyond words. I enjoyed reading this.
Jennifer Gonzales (author) from The Hague, Netherlands on April 03, 2018:
Being "in love" is nothing but the first stage in every relationship. Being "in love" is fleeting. The moment the butterflies in your stomach are gone and you start to see the negative qualities of your partner and the issues of living together starts to haunt you, that's when you realize what true love really is. True love is COMPROMISE. Most people fail in the relationship because they fail to compromise. Not because they are not compatible. Compatibility is not a real thing. No two individuals are the same. People may share your values and they may want the same things in the relationship as you do but ultimately, we are all different. We will always have individual differences so don't find someone who will always agree with you naturally because that does not exist. Find someone who will correct you and educate you and help you improve in your life as a person instead. I myself would be bored to death if I find someone who always says "Yes" to everything I do and say...
dashingscorpio from Chicago on April 03, 2018:
All of theses commandments are easy when you're "in love".
Essentially it comes down to choosing the "right mate" for oneself.
Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
Each of us has our mate selection process/"must haves list".
Each of us has our own boundaries and "deal breakers".
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde
The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.
Compatibility trumps compromise.
Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!
There is no amount of "work" or "communication" that can overcome being with someone who simply does not want what you want. Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.