Jenny is a woman who is too matured for her age. She loves traveling and she is crazy for food. She has a deep understanding of life.
Cheating is an old game. It existed simultaneously as the monogamous relationships. It is probably in our genes which means that all of us are inclined to cheat in one way or another. Don't despair though, not everyone cheats, thanks to morality and strong family orientation.
I was cheated on once and it left me scarred for life (but i'm totally healed now). Even though i was able to fully move on from that heartbreak, the fear of being cheated on in my next relationships always haunt me. Being cheated on is painful and it is traumatizing for some people. When my ex cheated on me, I didn't see it coming. I was so freaking clueless that it needed one brave person to tell me in my face what's really happening even if it's right under my nose. You see, it was my first ever relationship and being the idealistic person that I am, I've never really anticipated the possibility of me getting hurt.
So it happened. How? Why? When did it start? I had no idea. But when it smacked me in the face I swore that next time I will do my best to look out for some signs. I swore that I will not be fooled again twice. It would be helpful to watch out for some signs not because it will make the pain more bearable but it can help you walk away sooner with a more intact pride. And trust me, you will move on quickly knowing that your pride was not trampled on. So here are the signs...
1. Sweet Gestures and Nice Surprises Out of the Blue
If your partner usually forgets your anniversary or your birthday or doesn't really have a sweet bone and all of a sudden you start getting flowers and kisses here and there, don't get overjoyed yet. He may be trying to make up for something he did because he felt guilty about it. According to experts, being overly attentive to one's partner can be an indicator of infidelity. This typically happens at the start of your partner's affair so it is fortunate if you can spot it right away and stop him from straying.
Other signs of being overly attentive is when your partner suddenly starts calling you and asking how your day went at work and what time you will be home. If your partner suddenly becomes very interested in your plans or schedule it might be that he is just making sure that you do not go anywhere that you might catch them. It is not always a sign of cheating. It can be that your partner is just really being sweet but still, it is best to clear the air and tell your partner about your suspicion and explain why you are suspicious in the first place. After all communication is key.
2. Irritability and/or Increase in Tolerance
Experts believe that when men cheat they are more likely to get easily irritated over small things with their partner. On the contrary, when women cheat, they become more tolerant of their partner's misgivings.
So, if your husband or boyfriend suddenly lashes out at you without any reasonable cause, he is probably cheating on you and the irritation is a result of him not being able to freely do what he wants to do. For women, it is usually because of guilt that they tend to be more forgiving because they know that they are doing something worse than their partner.
Whatever the reason, it is best to talk it out with your partner. It can be that they are really stressed about work that they get easily worked up but if they are not willing to explore the reason and just shrug it off like a bad day, then it simply might be something for you to take note of.
3. New style preference or change in one's usual favorite
New lacy lingerie? A different shade of lipstick? Or a new pair of polo shirts that you didn't buy for him? If you notice sudden change in your partner's preferences and you know them long enough to know that it is not typical of him or her, then it is clearly a sign that something fishy is going on.
Other examples of this would be a change in their preference in the bedroom or the way they dress up. If they opted to wear dress with animal prints and they usually go for floral or when he suddenly becomes conscious of his clothes and shoes and he doesn't really care before, it could be a sign of infidelity. Same is true with their favorite TV shows and music. When they stopped listening to their usual beat and starts to hum a different tune or talk about a different TV series, it is best to confront your partner about it.
4. Change in Grooming Habits
If your partner comes home and immediately takes a shower or when he/she suddenly starts doing the laundry after work and they usually don't do that, then they might be hiding something from you. Cheating girlfriends or wives may suddenly stay longer in front of the mirror or they might shave their legs when they usually don't bother. For men, they might start ironing their clothes and carry some handkerchief with them. They also might start using cologne.
It is not bad to be self-conscious and it is normal to want to be clean. But if there is a change in the grooming habits without any logical reason for it like a formal party at work or joining a beauty pageant, then cheating might be the cause.
5. They Start to Hide Things From you
It is normal for couples to be open about each other and almost no secrets at all especially on things that matter like purchases, schedules, vacation plans and passwords. It is of course not very healthy to share everything but a lot of couples tend to share all their passwords to show that they have nothing to hide. So if all of a sudden you notice that the usual password doesn't work anymore, your partner might be hiding something from you. If you also notice some unusual purchases then it might be something to look into.
Another sign of this is when they constantly go out whenever they answer a phone call or they don't answer it at all whenever you are around. If your partner is always busy with the phone and doesn't want to openly share with you what they are busy with, or when they always say the phone is silent or left in the car whenever you call them, something is really off and you need to be frank about it with them.
6. They Stop Making Future Plans with You
When the relationship is going in the same direction the couples want them to, it is inevitable for them to talk about future plans. It is a sign that both parties are serious about each other. So when your partner suddenly cancels your vacation plans without any reasonable cause or when your tradition of date night starts crumbling down because boy's night out starts to become the norm, it might be that your partner is cheating on you and is spending the date night out with somebody else other than his guy friends.
If they are really serious about their affair, they will gradually postpone all the plans with you like moving in or marriage or having kids. If they brush it off and you don't understand why, they might be reconsidering the relationship because they got distracted by someone else.
7. Change in Sexual Frequency and Preference
When women cheat, they tend to have more sexual drive than usual. It is like a well-oiled machine that performs better than ever. The reason for this is they don't want you to suspect anything and so they try to give you more attention so you overlook what's really happening. On the contrary, cheating men have less sexual drive because they are pretty much exhausted when they arrive home. Although less sexual drive can also indicate stress at work, underlying health issue or financial burden, it is also a sign of cheating.
So when you notice any significant change in your partner's frequency and preference like they don't want to have sex anymore or they stopped doing the cuddling and sweet foreplay, chances are there might be something fishy going on.
8. New Hobbies Appear Out of the Blue
When your partner is normally a health buff and enjoys an active lifestyle on a daily basis, then there is no cause for concern. However, if your partner suddenly becomes interested in running or going to the gym without gradually trying it out first, then it might be something suspicious especially when they step out for a few hours and comes home late at night.
If you are suspecting anything try to ask your partner about this new hobby and ask if you can watch him or come along with him and do it together. If he is very reluctant for you to join which is normally the opposite reaction expected then he/she could be hiding something from you which leads to the probability of cheating.
9. Picking a Fight and Overly Jealous
If your partner seems to be in a constant state of rage or bad mood and is blaming your for everything and if he or she starts to ruin your day upon waking up then there must be an underlying issue that you need to pry into. Sometimes, when people are so intent on continuing with the affair, they actually try to sabotage their relationship by constantly picking fights with their partner until the other party gives up and call it quits.
Another sign would be over jealousy. If your partner accuses you of cheating and is overly jealous of the person you are casually interacting with, chances are they are reflecting their fault on you. If they sound too defensive then it might be true.
10. Unfamiliar names spouting out of nowhere
As they say, the fish is always caught in its mouth. So if you notice that a name keeps popping up in your conversation and it isn't one of your common friends or his old workmate, then it might be someone he is seeing behind your back. I remember my ex once when he talked about a long lost friend who just got back from abroad and he probably talked about her a few more times than I counted but since I've never met the person and he never talked about her before, I just ignored it and treated it as just one of his acquaintances. Turned out, he was seeing this friend and her name was Bianca. The thing is, when men are attracted to someone they cannot help but talk about the person somehow.
If you start seeing a weird name on his contacts or on his social media account's friend's list, it could be someone you need to check. It is right to ask your partner who that person is and how they met and if you've met the person already before and just couldn't remember. If he gives you details then nothing to worry about but if he just shrugs it off and said that the person is not really important and just someone he just met at work etc, then maybe it is time to make your call and find out who the person is.
© 2018 Jennifer Gonzales
Lividmom on June 30, 2018:
Been there! And going through it again. Man does it ever hurt. Is it possible to die of a broken heart?
dashingscorpio from Chicago on June 28, 2018:
Ladies you're with a guy who never threw a sock in the washer and one day you come home to find him washing the bedroom sheets...hmmm
The one thing all of these "signs" have in common is sudden changes! Anytime someone makes (sudden changes) in their habits/routines it always raises an eyebrow sort of speak.
Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.
If you're not the type who has a history of feeling insecure or paranoid its best to assume you're correct rather than wasting time trying to "prove it" or worse yet ignoring "red flags".
The truth of the matter is once you no longer (trust) someone the relationship is pretty much over whether you can prove they're cheating or not. Odds are you'll start to emotionally distance yourself. If cheating is a "deal breaker" for you, get out!
Sticking around playing detective is nothing more than an ego exercise to prove to your mate how smart you were. Ultimately it's a hollow victory at best because you still got played.
If you've given your all to the relationship and your mate/spouse still cheated on you there's nothing more you have to offer.
Move on! Every ending is a new beginning!
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde
Cheating consists of deception and secrecy. If someone is lying to you and betraying your trust they don't think you're that "special".
Travel Chef from Manila on June 28, 2018:
I like the last one! It's pretty obvious if my partner will say another name. More than 100% sure she's cheating! lol