I attend the University of The Living. All my education comes from first-hand experience's life throws my way.
To act unfairly or dishonesty to gain an advantage, is how Google defines the act of cheating. I second this. Cheating is a cold, manipulative act that always hurts others because rarely can one cheat at something in life, and it is not directly linked to another person. Let's take, for instance, cheating in a relationship.
These are the people who promise to never cheat on their partner, by singling out someone else on the side. What cheating does to the one being hurt, can cause a lifetime of pain and suffering. Along with trust issues for the next relationship if the one being cheated on decides to end the ties with the selfish one.
Excuses on why someone cheated runs a mile long. Yet, nothing one says after promising to be monogamous will ever equal up to acceptable. Cheating is one of the biggest reasons a couple break up or have future issues if they remain together. Infidelity is at an all-time high.
There is not a valid reason in my way of living to have multiple partners but that is who I am as a person. But some like variety. Some need it. It is either an addiction, an enjoyment, or a game. None the less, these are the souls that have struck my interest. The ones who are honest from the very beginning. The one who gives warning that they have cheated, will cheat, need to cheat, and do not expect them to be loyal.
They Are Not Cheaters
Let's say you meet someone. They are honest about not being monagamous. They want to be with other people. And you, as well. You however, still want to be with them. You vow to be faithful and hope you can have them turning to only you.
What you just did, was set yourself up to be hurt. So when your honest partner is found in the bed with another, do you really believe you have the right to flip your wig? They were honest with you from the beginning, remember? Now you want to accuse them of not being faithful, and cheating on you.
Reality bites. Especially when the crow comes home to nest with the brutal truth. The truth is that not every cheater is a cheater.
When you lay expectations upon someone, those are your feelings. They do not belong to anyone else. Your lover told you from the very beginning who they were, and what will probably happen. To flip a lid after the fact is due to your expectations that they will be like you when they already confessed their personality traits and habits.
This is when cheating is not cheating.
Knock it all day but the matter of the truth is, the men (or women in some cases but for blogging purposes, I will stick with saying men.) are not lying to anyone. They enjoy the freedom to have multiple wives. Even if being married to more than one person in most states is illegal, the fact is that they are not cheating.
Stepping off the subject of polygamy, as that is a blog topic within itself and does not fit fully into the thoughts of my writing, I am still left with a ton of stuff I feel needs to be addressed so the non-cheaters can stop receiving a bad rap.
It is a cut and dry situation. If you are warned about this person with this type of personality, and you take the chance, knowing you are into the monogamous side of life, then do you have a right to cry foul?
Do Not Bash, If You Were Warned
Feeling done wrong, someone will go out of their way to step on someone's back to feel better about the betrayal they feel. Trust me. I've been here before. When my ex hooked up with my friend, it was a very painful experience in my life. Never in a million years did I ever see her as being THAT type of person. But in hindsight, she already had this type of personality with a past that only stepped forward. It was already written in the stars. What gets me about people like this, is how lying is the way they go, verses being true on their personality. Had my old friend came to me and was honest, do I think it would have gone differently? Yes. I truly do. It would have still hurt like a mother but lying and backstabbing on me was far worse a cry than being honest and having to process facts at hand.
Trying To Keep My Personal Opinions Out
In an attempt to give an honest round about how a cheater is not a cheater, it is exceptionally hard for me to eliminate my personal opinions, based on having lived through the backstabbing of a liar. In the next sentence, it is also the very reason why I see two sides to this plot.
Know Before You Go
Dating and trying to find the love of your life is hard enough. Falling for someone who has told you straight up they will not be faithful, is now in your ball court. Your decision on how bad you want to be with this person lays strictly on you. So if they go out and "cheat" per se, knowing they promised the opposite would happen, you need to brace yourself. You are about to land into a whirlwind of unhappy emotions.
The best thing a monogamous person can do for themselves is to find another like soul to grow with. Someone who promises their heart, mind, and body to only you. At least this way, you will not become damaged goods for the right man, because you decided to hook up with the wrong one first.
Be Picky! Be Very Picky!
The bottom line is that while you may think you will find no one, there are plenty of singles looking for the exact same thing as you are. And if you are already in a relationship where someone promised you faithful and they keep cheating, then they are being true to who their character is. They will not change.
If you are a legit cheater who prefers variety, then the person you are with now or later, be truthful. Stop being the true definition of what a cheater is.
The only way cheating is not cheating ... is when you were forewarned.
© 2019 Julie
Would love to hear your thoughts on this. Feel free to respond. :)
dashingscorpio from Chicago on October 11, 2019:
"Let's say you meet someone. They are honest about not being monogamous." Essentially this is how all new introductions are.
The mistake a lot of people are making these days is they confuse "situationships" with "relationships".
When you first meet someone you have no idea if you're going to want to be in an (exclusive relationship) with them. You are also not in a position to make any demands upon someone you don't know.
And yet people have accused others of "cheating" or being a "player" when there has been no talk of being a "couple".
Some people prefer to date one person at a time even right from the beginning while others behave as if they were job hunters.
If you were looking for a job you wouldn't send your resume to just (one company) and wait around to see if they made you an offer before you would submit your resume to other companies!
The company would also be conducting interviews with multiple candidates in hopes of finding the right person for the job.
If you're not in a "committed relationship" don't pretend or assume you are. If you've never had "the talk" about being exclusive and learn the person you've been going with is also going out with other people that's not cheating.
Lets say you met someone on an online dating site and decided to go out for dinner on Friday. This person is not under any obligation to instantly deactivate their profile, inform you they have plans to go on another date on Saturday, or brunch on Sunday with other people.
A few phone conversations, text exchanges, and a couple of dates does not mean you are in a "committed relationship".
Truth be told there are a lot of folks who HATE the whole "getting to know you" phase of dating. They want to "fast forward" to exclusivity as quickly as possible without investing any time getting to know them.
This dating style also causes deeper hurt when they end up being "ghosted" by someone. Had they slowed down and kept their own options open by continuing to meet and go out with (other) people themselves they wouldn't be so easily traumatized.
Bottom line is it's not cheating if the two people never discussed becoming an exclusive couple. If you met online and the person still has an active profile you should assume they're keeping their options open!