The Okonkwo Syndrome: Things Falling Apart for Men and Why Emotional Expression is Paramount
Things Fall A part: Book Cover
Werezi Books
In Chinua Achebe’s timeless novel Things Fall Apart, the character of Okonkwo stands as a poignant reminder of the silent battles many men fight, often with tragic consequences. Okonkwo, driven by a deep fear of weakness, suppresses every trace of vulnerability within him. To him, showing emotion is a betrayal of masculinity, a sign of failure and shame. This obsession with appearing strong isolates him emotionally, and when life becomes overwhelming, he has no one to turn to, no outlet for his pain. In the end, Okonkwo succumbs to his despair, choosing death rather than facing a world that demands more from him than he believes a man should ever reveal. His story, though fictitious and set in a distant past, mirrors a modern crisis that continues to claim lives—the mental health struggles of men.
Across the globe, men are grappling with an epidemic of silent suffering. Statistics paint a grim picture: the World Health Organization estimates that men die by suicide nearly twice as often as women worldwide. Globally, the numbers are even more alarming. Men account for over 70% of the approximately lives lost to suicide annually. These deaths are not just numbers; they are fathers, brothers, husbandsand sons who carried burdens too heavy to bear alone.
From an early age, boys are conditioned to suppress their emotions. When a boy falls and scrapes his knee, he is told not to cry because "men don’t cry." When he struggles with fear or sadness, he is taught to "man up." Meanwhile, his sister is comforted, allowed to express her feelings, and reminded that it is okay to cry. This difference in upbringing is not just a cultural quirk; it is a foundational lesson in emotional suppression, one that follows boys into adulthood and shapes how they cope with life’s challenges.
As men grow older, this conditioning manifests in alarming ways. Unlike women, who often have emotional support networks and are encouraged to share their struggles, men are taught to endure silently. This creates a dangerous cycle. When life becomes overwhelming—whether due to financial pressures, marital conflicts, or societal expectations—many men have no healthy outlet for their pain. Instead, they internalize their struggles, which can lead to depression, substance abuseand even acts of violence.
In marital conflicts, men are often cast as villains. Women, who are more open about their emotions, attract empathy and support. Men, on the other hand, are silent, their struggles invisible, their voices unheard. This perception further isolates men, pushing them deeper into despair. The lack of emotional expression also takes a physical toll. Studies show that men who suppress their emotions are more likely to suffer from stress-related illnesses such as hypertension, heart diseaseand depression. These health issues contribute to a grim reality in the world today: in rural villages and urban centers alike, there are far more elderly widows than widowers. Men are dying earlier, often due to the silent battles they fought alone for they do not want to be viewed as namby-pamby.
This emotional suppression has far-reaching consequences, even beyond personal health. The rise in femicide in the global sphere, for instance, is often rooted in unresolved mental health issues. Men who feel cornered, misunderstood, or overwhelmed by societal expectations sometimes resort to violence as a misguided outlet for their frustration. While accountability for such acts is non-negotiable, addressing the root causes is equally important. Encouraging men to express their emotions and seek help could be a significant step in preventing such tragedies. Vulnerability, far from being a weakness, is a powerful tool for healing and connection.
The fear of appearing weak, which drove Okonkwo to his tragic end, still grips many men today. Society’s expectations have not shifted significantly. However, true strength lies not in suppressing emotions but in confronting them. This is not a call to make men effeminate but rather to redefine masculinity in a way that allows for emotional authenticity. Men who express their struggles candidly are not less masculine—they are more human. They are better equipped to handle life’s challenges, build stronger relationships and live longer, healthier lives.
The world must address this crisis urgently. From homes to schools to workplaces, we must unlearn the toxic scripts that equate vulnerability with weakness. Boys should be taught that it is okay to cry, to feel, and to share. Men must be shown that seeking help is not a sign of failure but an act of courage. Support groups, community counselingand awareness campaigns should be accessible and stigma-free, creating safe spaces for men to open up.
Okonkwo’s story reminds us of what happens when men are left to fight their battles alone. His life was a series of suppressed emotions and his death was a culmination of unspoken struggle. But it does not have to be this way. Men must learn that expressing emotions is not a betrayal of their masculinity but a pathway to a fuller, healthier life.
We must reimagine what it means to be strong. True strength is the ability to confront one’s fears, acknowledge one’s struggles and seek help when needed. It is time to leave behind the Okonkwo Syndrome and build a future where men can thrive—not despite their emotions, but because of them.
