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How to Be a Good Ally

With Pride Month coming up, it might be in the forefront of heterosexual and cis people how they might support their friendly neighborhood queer person. Here are some ideas for all of you potential allies to help you be the best ally that you can be.

  1. When they tell you there really is a Queer Agenda, pretend like you believe them and back up whatever they tell others (like the good wingman that you are).
  2. Invent a new kind of bubblegum and name it after your queer friend.
  3. Figure out how to create the most amazing fruity drink anyone has ever had. To make it even better, figure out how someone can drink it without getting a hangover.
  4. Breed real-life unicorns and name them after your queer friends.
  5. Show them the secret handshake that will get them into any straight club they want to get into.
  6. Learn how to roller skate and create a cool dance you can do together on said roller skates.
  7. Sign over the paperwork that states that the queer community is now in ownership of the rainbow.
  8. Topple the patriarchy and install a brand-new government.
  9. Go to Pride and sell people baggies of powdered sugar in various colors.
  10. Dress up as wizards and pretend to cast spells on any haters you encounter.
  11. Go to a golf course and hit rainbow colored golf balls to the houses located there.
  12. Convince a twink that Twinkies do not have any calories.
  13. Become besties with three bears. Dress up as Goldilocks. Go to Pride dressed up as Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
  14. Create edible glitter, but only create it in a vigorous shade of green.
  15. Help them convince a random straight person that the Welsh flag is actually one of the many Pride flags, but it is one that is only available in Europe.
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