I've learned that no matter how rich or poor you are - or how decent & nice you are, not everyone will like you
I was inspired to write this article after observing several incidents that caused me to wonder why people could be incredibly nasty, especially to people they didn't know.
While travelling on a train, I overheard a gentleman say to his companion, "I can't stand her." Shortly afterwards he added, "I've not actually met her". Which means he must have heard rumours or stories about her, which could be biased or based on blatant lies or prejudiced!
On another occasion, while travelling on a bus, the behaviour of two girls on the top deck astounded me. They were pointing and laughing at passers-by, why, I did not know. It upset me because those people are just strangers, someone's child, friend, grandparent. Why were they so mean? What was so funny?
- Why would people take an instant dislike to me?
- Why would people hate me without knowing me?
- Social Anxiety - Everyone Hates Me Syndrome (video)
- Additional reasons why people might dislike you
- Things That Make People Hate You (video)
- What can I do about it?
- Some people actually hate themselves
- Inspirational quotes
Why would people take an instant dislike to me?
You may not realise or even believe that people can take an instant dislike to you just from your very first meeting and without even knowing you. How many times have you said, "I don't like the look of him?
After reading this handy guide, you'll wonder no more why someone may not like you - to learn to get over it and realise it's just a fact of life and sometimes, it's not personal.
There are numerous reasons including personal appearance, people's phobias. Some people will be incompatible with you. This could relate to your star-sign or personality.
People can dislike you purely because of their phobias
The following phobias are a few of many words relating to the fear of people and why they could fear you, (not hate you)
- Alliumphobia: Fear of anything relating to garlic.
- Androphobia: fear of adult men.
- Gynophobia: fear of women
- Coulrophobia: Fear of the look of clowns.
- Peladophobia: Fear of bald people.
- Pogonophobia: Fear of people with beards.
- Xenophobia: Fear of strangers or foreigners.
- Sociophobia: Fear of people or society in general.
- All Phobias Listed at Wikipedia.
New research has suggested that a single glance of a 10th of a second is sufficient to form a reliable first impression. Not only whether we find someone attractive, but also, of their social and professional standing, and whether we believe them to be trusted or not.
Why would people hate me without knowing me? The reasons people gave why they didn't like, or hated certain people
After a considerable amount of time and research, I studiously discovered why people may take an instant dislike to you. I accomplished this by asking everybody I knew — aswell as random strangers I found in various online video chat-rooms who were brutally honest with their answers to my question. Which is easy when you're hiding behind a keyboard of anonymity.
Here's what I asked them: What would make you instantly dislike or hate someone you've seen for the first time?
A consensus of their answers appears below in no particular order. Each of the reasons cited was given at least once. Average ages were between 18 - 45.
Note: I will not write the expletive, racist and homophobic obscenities which were said.
It was bizarre how such trivial things like the clothing someone chooses to wear, and how they wear them. For example, guys wearing their jeans and trousers too low, exposing their underpants was enough for people's hatred of them. Women with low-cut tops revealing too much fat or clothing that reveals stretch marks on tummies were all reasons for peoples hate or severe dislike for someone.
Having a weird haircut or having a challenging look. Facial piercings. Too much facial or body hair. The dislike for the rich were some reasons for people's hatred for others.
It's a sad fact that racism is still rife. Some people will take an instant dislike to you purely because of the colour of your skin. The accent or language you speak. Or the country you come from, and things are not getting any better.
Being very similar to a person that someone already knows and dislikes will make it harder for you to be liked.
Your gender: Unfortunately, in this day-an-age, far too many people are still homophobic. Some people said they hated those who were not just gay but straight men who "act too gay," or "looked too gay." Religious Beliefs. Some people hate people who wear religious attire. From Burkas to veils which cover the face. How could someone feel hatred or extreme dislike for someone without even conversing, or getting to know them? Do they have to see what they look like under their coverings?
Video: Social Anxiety - Everyone Hates Me Syndrome
Additional reasons why people might dislike you
I also asked: "If you had no bad feelings about someone you've just met, what would make you dislike them once you're engaged in conversation and are better acquainted"? Here's a sample of the answers they cited.
Bad breath and/or body odours were often mentioned. People whose mouth sprays out spittle when they talk. Others mentioned that they dislike some people, not so much for what they said, but 'how' they said it.
Those who think they know everything - those who feel they are better than everyone else. Negative and stressed-out people. The greedy, selfish and rude. The disrespectful and unreliable — always turning up late — time-wasters were all mentioned as reasons for someone's dislike or hatred of another.
People's circumstances, mental health problems and disagreements arising from allegiance to different sports teams, political views and personal values were all cited as a cause for peoples hatred. Lastly, one person said, "I hate people that ask too many questions." That was my hint to leave. My work was done. The hatred of humans can be so severe, it leads them to commit murder, and probably, for some reasons mentioned here.
Video: Things That Make People Hate You
What can I do about it?
You can try to persevere through outright prejudice in the hope that this barrier to friendship will overcome in time. Unfortunately, sometimes, with some people, there is little hope!
What people like or dislike; Sometimes it could be one's natural 'aura' or 'chemistry' as to why they don't get along, or misunderstanding, not knowing, or not trusting someone well enough.
Radio presenter, Nick Abbot said the following repeatedly on his shows - "Everyone hates everyone. If they don't dress like you, look like you, talk like you, or have different views than you, then you're not going to like them". The thing that surprised me about that comment which he repeats often was no-one who called into the show disagreed with him.
Daily social media posts from trolls on Facebook and Twitter are filled with hatred. By Google searching a "name" of any celebrity, and the word "hate" will you discover why people hate them.
Having said all this, the things that people dislike about them, others will find charming and likeable. Those that hate things about you, others will love, that's the weird and wonderful reality of life. This should not make you feel bad or inferior to anyone else.
Having said that, no-ones perfect. We all have flaws, some more than others. But we can all change our ways, but only if we know what these flaws are. Having honest people around you who can explain constructively to you, and without making you feel like your personalities being attacked will help.
Some people actually hate themselves
For a number of reasons.
- Body Dysmorphic: a mental health condition where a person constantly worries about flaws in their appearance.
- Self-deprecation: The act of belittling, undervaluing, or disparaging oneself, or being overly modest.
- Narcissistic personality disorder: A mental condition in which one has an inflated sense of their own importance, a need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.
- Self-hatred / Self Loathing: The hatred of oneself.
Too much hate in oneself will attract hatred from others. Just as much as projecting happiness, and having love for yourself will be just as attracting.
- You cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself.
- To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.
- People are like chalk and cheese, they don't always go together no matter how hard you try.
- Owning your story and loving yourself through that process is the bravest thing that you'll ever do.
- Be proud of who you are, and not ashamed of how someone else sees you.
Do YOU instinctively dislike people? Why do YOU think people hate or dislike you?
Please share your views in the comments section to help others understand why people hate so much.
© 2012 Tony Sky
Cheryl E Preston from Roanoke on September 14, 2020:
People have hated me on sight since childhood. The same happened to my children. Girls would play with my daughter until someone else came along then they all ignored her. My son would try to talk to his "friends" and they would turn up their nose and walk away. I had cousins who turned away from me when e2 other cousins came to play and I walked home sad. I wish I knew why this happens. I was very quiet and shy and it was like everyone zered in on it. I actually had 2 teen boys on separate occasions say they hated me and I had never had a conversation with them.
N M Page on January 15, 2020:
Maybe some people dislike you because you are special, which would make you different. It is true that we have all kinds of reasons why hate is acceptable in our societies, it is not. Hate hurts the one that sends it out and those who accept it as truth in their lives. Hate is ignorance of what love is. If self worries about those that hate, the self feeds the energy that is not wanted. When the self changes it focus, others will change. Send those who hate love and compassion.
kitty on August 07, 2017:
I have people give me dirty looks or sneer at me even when just walking past. I've had people who are with me even comment on how most people give me dirty looks. I also have people take an instant dislike to me when meeting me. I am different. I look a little different I guess. I've been told by a Dr that I just have an aura about me that is confronting. I'm not an angry person or nasty. I smile, try to be friendly however after years of people not reacting positively towards me I have become self conscious and now feel awkward when I'm out. Funny enough I excel at sales work and public speaking. People respond to me differently in that situation and I have continually exceeded top records when working. I can't work it out but I can tell you I've tried everything to fit in and I just don't. It has really affected my self esteem. I'd rather not go out at all nowdays.
Sanxuary on November 28, 2014:
You listed a lot of discriminatory reasons but there are a lot of other reasons. Social Status, Lack of Social Norms within a group, Personality Conflicts a big one, Personal Profile its self, Personal Beliefs, In cognitive predisposition of a person, I for example hate dishonest people and drama lovers I tend to stay a way from. You would think that these things would be hard to determine but its not to hard to figure out. Most of these things can be used in team building and are less negative when you recognize them. A people person can be a great sales person, just do not put to such people together or they will talk about work all day and get nothing done. If your boss is one and you our a numbers person you better be good at making your own plans to meet your job requirements. In most cases its not about hate but understanding yourself and others.
D on June 12, 2014:
I hate people who hates me without reason :d
CraftytotheCore on April 23, 2014:
This is such an interesting Hub and I love how you had the curiosity which resulted in writing this. There have been a few people that I have never met, but just at the sight of them I know I would not get along with them. I can't explain it. It's definitely my personality. I'm a quiet easy going person, but I'm also outgoing in certain areas.
Jack on October 20, 2013:
I cannot stand and to the point of hating girls, woman who have there hair in dreadlocks, it's so uncool and looks filthy and is probably filthy as they don't even wash it,,grrrrr
fcuk_u_all on July 29, 2013:
i hate anyone who talks down to me. Who think they are better than me or anyone. i hate people who think they are the dogs bollocks, those people who think just because they have more money than others they are so great but guess what poor poor you. i hate it when forenhners come to my country and do not want to obey our laws. i hate you all and if i ever get the chance to smash your faces in i will.
h8er on July 22, 2013:
I hate disrespectful, unreliable, untrustworthy, selfish, greedy, inconsiderate rude people.
All the above costs NOTHING!!
doctor lechi/leki on November 11, 2012:
i hate my patients who arrive late. I hate my patients who do not listen to my advice. i my hate patients who think they know better than me. i hate my patients who do not embrace chinese medicine and continue their western ways.
Dr Lecki/Leki. Bedford hill practice, balham. London, sw12.
Ann Omynus on September 22, 2012:
Why do people hate me? That WAS my previous and ignorant thoughts.
My thoughts have now become obvious. they don't hate me at all, it's just pure jealousy.
Ausseye on August 19, 2012:
Hi C Smart:
I hope that we can get over our own individual shortcoming
That drive our hate
Good hub for thought and inspiration for better.
litlestarr on August 16, 2012:
one thing that annoys me is someone that tells me their tragic life story in the 1st few minutes I meet them.
john on August 11, 2012:
I was at a party recently and a nice girl was paying me a lot of attention. Until, I revealed my star sign. Unfortunately it happened to be the same as her previous two boyfriends that ended badly.
From that point on-wards, she closed up and I can only guess that she ignorant of the fact that I am an individual in my own right. The next morning I was pissed off about it but I eventually realised that she had a lot of problems that she hadn't addressed yet. Probably preferring to live in denial than face the issues that my star sign (in this case) would remind her of.
I like the quote by Benjamin Disreali along the lines of
Don't complain and don't make excuses. Your enemies won't believe you and your friend already understand.
Sometimes not ending up with someone is a blessing,
remembering that I'd rather be single than poorly matched.
Enjoy the journey. . . .