It does not matter who you are - or how decent and kind you are, not everyone will like you. Discover why, and you'll soon understand.
I was inspired to write this article after observing several incidents that caused me to wonder why people could be incredibly nasty, especially to people they didn't know.
While travelling on a train, I overheard a gentleman say to his companion, "I can't stand her." Shortly after, he added, "I've yet to meet her." That means he must have only heard rumours or stories about her, which could be biased or based on blatant lies or prejudiced.
On another occasion, while travelling on a bus, the behaviour of two girls on the top deck astounded me. They were pointing and laughing at passers-by. Why? I didn't know. It upset me because those people are just strangers, someone's child, friend, or grandparent. Why were they so mean? What was so funny? The funny thing is, I bet they would not be so mean if they cared to take time to know them.
In this article
- Why would people take an instant dislike to me?
- People can dislike you because of their phobias (fears)
- Why would people hate me without knowing me?
- Social Anxiety - everyone hates me syndrome (video)
- Additional reasons why people might dislike you
- Things that make people hate you (video)
- What can I do about people's hatred or dislike of me?
- Why do some people hate themselves?
- Inspirational quotes
- Poll: Do YOU judge people by their initial appearance
Why would people take an instant dislike to me?
You may not realise or even believe that people can take an instant dislike to you just from your very first meeting and without even knowing you. How often have you said, "I don't like the look of them?
After reading this handy guide, you'll wonder no more why someone may not like you - to learn to get over it and realise it's just a fact of life and sometimes, it's not personal.
There are numerous reasons, including personal appearance, people's phobias, and people's compatibilities with you. It could even relate to your star sign or personality and so much more.
People can dislike you purely because of their phobias (fears)
The following phobias are a few of many words relating to the fear of people and why they could fear you, (not hate you)
- Alliumphobia: Fear of anything relating to garlic.
- Androphobia: fear of adult men.
- Gynophobia: fear of women
- Coulrophobia: Fear of the look of clowns.
- Peladophobia: Fear of bald people.
- Pogonophobia: Fear of people with beards.
- Xenophobia: Fear of strangers or foreigners.
- Sociophobia: Fear of people or society in general.
- All Phobias Listed on Wikipedia.
Why would people hate me without knowing me?
After a considerable amount of time and research, I studiously discovered why people take an instant dislike to you. I accomplished this by asking everybody I knew — as well as random strangers I found in various online adult chat rooms, who were brutally honest with their answers to my question when they were hiding behind a keyboard of anonymity.
I asked them: What would make you instantly dislike or hate someone you've seen for the first time? A consensus of their answers appears below in no particular order. The average ages were between 18 - 70.
Note: I have omitted expletive, racist and homophobic obscenities which were said.
It was bizarre how such trivial things like the clothing someone chooses to wear and how they wear them. For example, guys wearing their jeans and trousers too low and exposing their underpants were enough for people's hatred of them. Women with low-cut tops revealing too much flesh, or clothing that showed people's large tummies, were reasons for people's hate or severe dislike for someone.
Things as ridiculous as people who want to express their individuality or personality by dyeing their hair green, blue or pink. Facial piercings (nose "Bull" rings were the worst). Too much facial or body hair. The dislike for the rich (probably by poor people) was a reason for people's hatred for others.
Racism, prejudices, bias, and discrimination; It's a sad fact of life that some people will dislike you purely because of your ethnicity, age, religion, class or culture, and things are not getting any better. People can also be sexist and ageist because of their personal insecurities or lack of compassion.
New research has suggested that a single glance of a 10th of a second (a blink-of-an-eye) is sufficient to form a reliable first impression of someone, and "increased exposure time led to more differentiated person impressions".
Being very similar in appearance to someone will make it harder to be liked by a person who hates that person that looks like you.
Unfortunately, in this day and age, far too many people are still homophobic. Some people said they hated those who were not just gay, but straight men who "acted or looked too gay".
Some people hate people who wear religious attire. From Burkas to veils which cover the face. How could someone feel hatred or dislike for someone without conversing or getting to know them? Do they have to see what's under their coverings to make an opinion or judge them? Even though males and females had no problems with a 'nuns' outfit or the tradition of wearing a veil at a wedding.
Video: Social Anxiety - Everyone Hates Me Syndrome
Additional reasons why people might dislike you
I also asked: "If you had no bad feelings about someone you've just met, what would make you dislike them once you're engaged in conversation and are better acquainted"? Here's a sample of the answers they cited.
Bad breath, body odour. People whose sprays spit when they speak. Others mentioned that they dislike some people (not so much for what they said), but 'how' they said it — the tone of voice and look.
Those who think they know everything - those who feel they are better than everyone else. People who were always so negative in life. The greedy, angry, selfish and rude. The disrespectful and unreliable — always turning up late — time-wasters were all mentioned as reasons for someone's dislike or hatred of someone they know and initially liked and respected.
People's circumstances, mental health problems and disagreements arising from allegiance to different sports teams, political views and personal values were all cited as a cause for people's hatred.
Lastly, one person said, "I hate people that ask too many questions." That was my hint to leave. My work was complete. The hatred of humans can be so severe it has led them to commit murder — probably for some reasons mentioned here.
Video: Things That Make People Hate You
What can I do about people's hatred or dislike of me?
You can try to persevere through any outright prejudice. Unfortunately, sometimes, with some people, there is little hope.
What people like or dislike about people could be as simple as one's natural aura, chemistry or zodiac sign. Or why they don't get along. Or misunderstanding, not knowing, or not trusting someone well enough and could be seen as someone disliking you.
Why do some people hate themselves?
- Body Dysmorphic. A mental health condition where a person constantly worries about flaws in their appearance.
- Self-deprecation. The act of belittling, undervaluing, or disparaging oneself or being overly modest.
- Narcissistic personality disorder. A mental condition in which one has an inflated sense of their own importance, a need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.
- Self-hatred / Self-Loathing. The hatred of oneself. Also, too much hate for oneself will attract hatred from others. Just as much as projecting happiness and having love for yourself will be just as attractive.
LBC radio presenter 'Nick Abbot' has said on his shows — "Everyone hates everyone. If they don't dress like you, look like you, talk like you, or have different views than you, then you're not going to like them". What surprised me about that comment was no one disagreed with him. Was he right?
You only have to observe people in public to notice this, much like the well known proverb, 'birds of a feather flock together' which means people of the same sort or with similar tastes and interests will be found together.
There is also so much hate on social media posts from trolls on Facebook and Twitter, filled with hatred. If you Google search the name of any celebrity with the words "I hate", you will discover why people hate them.
We also have to understand when individuals feel bad about themselves or are struggling with mental health, they will project their self-loathing onto others instead of dealing with them. Others may have a paranoid personality disorder, or a just an outright narcissistic.
No-ones perfect. We all have flaws, some more than others. But we can all change our ways if we know what those flaws are. Having honest people around us, who can explain constructively to us and without making us feel like our personalities under attack, will help.
All you have to remember is, the things that people dislike about you, others will find charming and likeable. The things that people hate about you, others will love. That's the weird and wonderful reality of life that should not make you feel inferior to anyone else.
I have also discovered there is so much ignorance and hate in this world, but thankfully, there still is much more understanding and love.
- You cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself.
- To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.
- People are like chalk and cheese. They don't always go together, no matter how hard you try.
- Owning your story and loving yourself through that process is the bravest thing you'll ever do.
- Be proud of who you are and not ashamed of how someone else sees you.
- "The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference." ― Elie Wiesel.
© 2012 Tony Sky
Cheryl E Preston from Roanoke on September 14, 2020:
People have hated me on sight since childhood. The same happened to my children. Girls would play with my daughter until someone else came along then they all ignored her. My son would try to talk to his "friends" and they would turn up their nose and walk away. I had cousins who turned away from me when e2 other cousins came to play and I walked home sad. I wish I knew why this happens. I was very quiet and shy and it was like everyone zered in on it. I actually had 2 teen boys on separate occasions say they hated me and I had never had a conversation with them.
N M Page on January 15, 2020:
Maybe some people dislike you because you are special, which would make you different. It is true that we have all kinds of reasons why hate is acceptable in our societies, it is not. Hate hurts the one that sends it out and those who accept it as truth in their lives. Hate is ignorance of what love is. If self worries about those that hate, the self feeds the energy that is not wanted. When the self changes it focus, others will change. Send those who hate love and compassion.
kitty on August 07, 2017:
I have people give me dirty looks or sneer at me even when just walking past. I've had people who are with me even comment on how most people give me dirty looks. I also have people take an instant dislike to me when meeting me. I am different. I look a little different I guess. I've been told by a Dr that I just have an aura about me that is confronting. I'm not an angry person or nasty. I smile, try to be friendly however after years of people not reacting positively towards me I have become self conscious and now feel awkward when I'm out. Funny enough I excel at sales work and public speaking. People respond to me differently in that situation and I have continually exceeded top records when working. I can't work it out but I can tell you I've tried everything to fit in and I just don't. It has really affected my self esteem. I'd rather not go out at all nowdays.
Sanxuary on November 28, 2014:
You listed a lot of discriminatory reasons but there are a lot of other reasons. Social Status, Lack of Social Norms within a group, Personality Conflicts a big one, Personal Profile its self, Personal Beliefs, In cognitive predisposition of a person, I for example hate dishonest people and drama lovers I tend to stay a way from. You would think that these things would be hard to determine but its not to hard to figure out. Most of these things can be used in team building and are less negative when you recognize them. A people person can be a great sales person, just do not put to such people together or they will talk about work all day and get nothing done. If your boss is one and you our a numbers person you better be good at making your own plans to meet your job requirements. In most cases its not about hate but understanding yourself and others.
D on June 12, 2014:
I hate people who hates me without reason :d
CraftytotheCore on April 23, 2014:
This is such an interesting Hub and I love how you had the curiosity which resulted in writing this. There have been a few people that I have never met, but just at the sight of them I know I would not get along with them. I can't explain it. It's definitely my personality. I'm a quiet easy going person, but I'm also outgoing in certain areas.
Jack on October 20, 2013:
I cannot stand and to the point of hating girls, woman who have there hair in dreadlocks, it's so uncool and looks filthy and is probably filthy as they don't even wash it,,grrrrr
fcuk_u_all on July 29, 2013:
i hate anyone who talks down to me. Who think they are better than me or anyone. i hate people who think they are the dogs bollocks, those people who think just because they have more money than others they are so great but guess what poor poor you. i hate it when forenhners come to my country and do not want to obey our laws. i hate you all and if i ever get the chance to smash your faces in i will.
h8er on July 22, 2013:
I hate disrespectful, unreliable, untrustworthy, selfish, greedy, inconsiderate rude people.
All the above costs NOTHING!!
doctor lechi/leki on November 11, 2012:
i hate my patients who arrive late. I hate my patients who do not listen to my advice. i my hate patients who think they know better than me. i hate my patients who do not embrace chinese medicine and continue their western ways.
Dr Lecki/Leki. Bedford hill practice, balham. London, sw12.
Ann Omynus on September 22, 2012:
Why do people hate me? That WAS my previous and ignorant thoughts.
My thoughts have now become obvious. they don't hate me at all, it's just pure jealousy.
Ausseye on August 19, 2012:
Hi C Smart:
I hope that we can get over our own individual shortcoming
That drive our hate
Good hub for thought and inspiration for better.
litlestarr on August 16, 2012:
one thing that annoys me is someone that tells me their tragic life story in the 1st few minutes I meet them.
john on August 11, 2012:
I was at a party recently and a nice girl was paying me a lot of attention. Until, I revealed my star sign. Unfortunately it happened to be the same as her previous two boyfriends that ended badly.
From that point on-wards, she closed up and I can only guess that she ignorant of the fact that I am an individual in my own right. The next morning I was pissed off about it but I eventually realised that she had a lot of problems that she hadn't addressed yet. Probably preferring to live in denial than face the issues that my star sign (in this case) would remind her of.
I like the quote by Benjamin Disreali along the lines of
Don't complain and don't make excuses. Your enemies won't believe you and your friend already understand.
Sometimes not ending up with someone is a blessing,
remembering that I'd rather be single than poorly matched.
Enjoy the journey. . . .