Some of this was written years ago. Some of it was written more than eight years ago, actually. So much has changed, like my address. I no longer own a bike shop or an inn or a home. My address has changed. Some of my intimate friends have changed and my family has changed.
I guess this is a "work in progress". I forget things and add them. I've just added tattoos. I assumed I'd never get a tattoo. Since I turned 60 I've gotten three so far and want another. Some people think I'm just into tattoos for the pain. This will always be an "incomplete story".
All the pictures are mine as well as the words.
Micky Dee At Camp Pendleton, California
My name is Micky Dee I was in the Marine Corps. I entered the Marine Corps Dec. 28th, 1967. This was after my high school graduation. I was the youngest in my class. I turned 18 August the 20th, 1967.
My MOS, which means job, was 0351. I was basically a grunt, which is what all Marines are required to be actually. My MOS was anti-tank assault man. My “job” covered demolitions, the LAAW (light antitank assault weapon, a descendant of the bazooka), the flame thrower, and the 106 recoilless rifle.
I was jetted to Da Nang. We then took a C-130 to Dong Ha. This was referred to as I Corps. This was the DMZ. This was the furthest point north in South Vietnam. I was with the Headquarters and Supply, 3rd Battalion, 3rd Regiment, 3rd Marine Division.
I spent time at CampCarroll, atop Dong Ha Mountain, below Dong Ha Mountain at the “Washout”, C-2, Con Tien, The Rock Pile, LZ Stud (or Vandergrift), above Khe Sahn on what was dubbed Mt.McClintock, Mutters Ridge, and other places I can only guess.
I got dysentery at CampCarroll.
I contracted 2 types of Malaria at C-2 and carried it with me to Con Thien.
I was on mine sweeps carrying an M-60 machine gun.
I sat on perimeters with a 106 recoilless rifle. I was named gunner on the 106 after I used Kentucky windage to hit my targets.
Kentucky windage is simply: when you’re aiming dead center and you’re continuously hitting a tight cluster above and to the right of the bull’s-eye, you aim low and to the left.
I went on ambushes and listening posts. This was with a handful of other Marines.
I did reconnaissance.
I walked point in Laos for the entire battalion.
I stood watch everywhere.
I always felt as though we were pawns, to draw fire from the North Vietnamese.
Cam Lo Bridge
2001 Speech to Sue Ledford’s English Class
It had taken most of a day to put my thoughts together about my "visit" to the Mitchell High School English Class. The morning started off as usual with a visit to the P&R convenience store where I had my newspaper crossword puzzles every day. But today I had pictures of "Nam" that I would show the guys that I visit with each day. The last person that was shown the pictures said "I didn't know. I want to thank you for going." This was the 5th person in 33 years to tell me that spontaneously, without a prompt of any kind. When each of the previous people told me "Thank you." I wept. Not today though. It's time to get focused. I'll possibly be speaking in a few minutes as the high school is right behind P&R.
I was in retail for many years. I have given classes or seminars to groups of people without any trouble. Although I assumed that there would be parts of my speech that would be difficult. I had prepared several pages of "stuff" to read and to remind me of the thoughts, feelings, and happenings 33 years ago. It never occurred to me that I would be unable to speak from the beginning and that I would have as much trouble as I did.
My eyes were faucets throughout the entire visit. Tears flowed while walking away from the teacher, Sue Ledford. I actually thought about bringing a bandana in case of other "leaks" but felt pretty well this day as for colds or flu. Sue Ledford's class was wonderful. I believe all thanked me for coming, many coming to me, thanking me, and shaking my hand.
Although I was truthful I would have answered a few things a little differently if I had time to think. I don’t speak that well, but can say what I am closer to meaning, with writing.
Sue Ledford hugged me, thanked me, and her words and actions were very sincere. She gave me Kleenex tissues. I held it together pretty well walking down the halls and out to my vehicle. From then on I was a mess. Looking in the rear view mirror I saw that I had the tiny white pieces of tissue in my mustache and beard. What a geek.
I went for my 6 mile run to hopefully vacate my mind. I knew I'd have to. I was slow and my legs were tight and a little sore. I had run 6 miles 2 days before and again 2 days before then. I usually didn't run 6 miles every other day. I will run today. I had to do something but I didn't know what.
Almost home, I stopped on the ridge above the house, and sat on a bale
of hay. I looked out at the mountains- the Pizzle, the Narrows,
Spring Creek, Cane Creek and nothing came to me. There was just a huge void of reason. I
don't know what I was thinking about other than I was amazed at my lack of
control in what seemed like a non-threatening environment. Maybe I'm
over-analyzing and I'm not qualified to analyze. Long afterward, I was more
depressed than usual.Go figure.
I was hit a bit hard by a few other incidents. In each case I was honestly trying to do the right thing and have no doubts. I wanted a project that I would not profit from come to its fullest fruition. I had no other agenda. How's that for saying so much and nothing at all? My mind was taxed all week with different things. But I think I was unattached from my decisions, was fair in those decisions, and acted accordingly.
So I stood my ground and took the incoming assaults once more.
But there I was once again, no pat on the back, or “way to go Michael” or “I’m proud that you stood up and were counted Michael”. In fact there was almost total resentment.
The NC motto is "To be rather than to seem" but I had surely run into "To seem is everything".
Micky Dee And The 106 Recoiless Rifle
What does this Vietnam Vet say to students today?
What is "the beginning"? And why were we there?
Quite simply- we were lied to. You'll have to look up the Gulf of Tonkin affair. The US was engaged in covert operations against North Vietnam as it had been against South American, Central American, and Caribbean countries as it had been for a hundred years or so. It's all too sordidly long to write here. Suffice to say- Robert McNamara, President Lyndon Johnson, and Henry Kissinger were liars and murderers.
The beginning could be the glamorizing of wars such as the way the characters are portrayed in movies. Things are rarely as they seem. Growing up I was completely sold on every sport that I could get into. Do well, receive applause. I loved the sense of accomplishment and because I thought of athletes as heroes I thought I could be thought of as a hero. I wanted to be a hero. Athletes are not heroes. I graduated high school. I believed that it was impossible for me to go to any institution for higher learning. What's next? There's a war. We're keeping the communists from taking over the world. If Vietnam becomes totally communist, then next is Laos, Cambodia, Thailand- the "domino theory". I'll be a hero.
Decades later I would come to believe that it was a war for the rich. It was a war for resources. It's hard to sell the idea to our friends or relatives that members of our government (the government of Washington, Jefferson, Franklin, etc.) could be as devious and heinous as whatever wild story you hear whenever you might hear it.
Did Lee Harvey Oswald kill President Kennedy or was it the CIA, the mob, the Cubans, LBJ, or all of the above?
Was Vietnam about "freedom" or was it about tungsten ore that's used in manufacturing steel that's buried in a 30 mile long, 100 feet wide berm that surrounds Fort Rucker in Alabama?
Was Vietnam about freedom, the free market system, capitalistic democracy? Or was it about keeping the rich, rich?
As often as you can - question.When time is allowed, if the person being questioned is truthful, thoughtful, and sincere, you will get your answer. The time to find out if you're fighting an unjust fight is not when you're thousands of miles away from home in the midst of exploding enemy rockets, land mines, snipers, and hand-to-hand combat. At that time you're concerned with the survival of your own "team-mates" and yourself.
How has it affected me?
The USA has had great success in war. Vietnam is supposedly the blemish on the perfect record. Vietnam has been known as the war that America lost. Our soldiers were considered the "losers". More North Vietnamese were killed in one day than the USA lost the entire war. We, our team, the USA, killed over 3 million Vietnamese. The Vietnamese killed 50,000 of our boys. I say boys because that's what most were. Most were not eligible to vote. We certainly kept Vietnam a third world country. We may have taken their most valuable resources.
Who is the rightful loser? We all are. I was unwittingly involved in the destruction of a country and the deaths of millions of people. What our country did was no different than other acts of genocide that have been perpetrated around the world, such as with the American Indian. Until about 1500 AD, this entire hemisphere was isolated from Europe and Asia. For thousands of years The North-Americans and South Americans were here. But the "new white European Americans" (that have only been here for a few hundred years) feel that their lives and livelihoods are threatened by the original inhabitants. Our Mexican friends have been in this hemisphere tens of thousands of years before white people decided they were aliens.
Vietnam was a thankless war. It was more than 20 years after coming home from Vietnam that I was thanked for being there. In all there have been only 5 people to sincerely and spontaneously thank me for what I did. Uncontrollably I cried all 5 times. Upon returning home I was not greeted as a hero. When I called girls for dates I was often told by parents to not call again. I began to think that there was something wrong with me. I was not as morally fit as others. I'm not sure of when it started but I was actually mentally and spiritually ill. People were going to the movies, the beach, or whatever, and the war was to be forgotten.
For as long as I can remember I've kept busy to keep my mind busy. It continuously returns to some un-pleasantry about Nam or life since. I usually work or play until I'm exhausted. Every morning or when I have any spare time, at all, I do cross-word puzzles.
Micky Dee At The Washout
I have taken it personally if I or anyone else was treated with disrespect. If I’m treated badly, someone else is being treated badly. I despise bullies. How could anyone be treated disrespectfully, especially when the history of an individual is unknown?
In Vietnam I slept on a rock in the middle of a mountain stream with a black friend named Rodney Watson from Baltimore. Rodney and I went back to help stragglers who had been injured. In one small group of stragglers that we came upon, there was a misfire that almost killed Rodney or me. We went as far back as we could go. The rock in the stream was as safe as anywhere. It was cold and we slept next to each other to retain heat. We trusted each other. Back in the forward rear of Camp Carroll, Rodney had coached us to sing the background vocal as he sang the lead for the “Duke of Earl”. There was no way that I would renege on our pact of brotherhood. Rodney left Nam before I did. Rodney went nuts, in layman’s terms. If Rodney was not “off”, he was the greatest actor that ever lived. I could depend on Rodney and Rodney knew he could depend on me.
I spent my entire tour with all races; I took offense and still do when I hear racial slurs. Racial slurs are from bullies and fools and quite often there's no cure for the person making the slur. For all the reasons one could come up with to hate, racial hatred is absolutely the most idiotic. Hatred kills. If you hate long enough you make yourself sick. If you cannot feel the plight of another’s anguish, regardless of their origin, you cannot properly love your own family.
To give in to emotional rage is debilitating. There were too many times when the screaming rockets, mines, or other means brought death and maiming, I would have joyfully thrown my life into the whirlpool just to take some of the enemy out, being little different than a rabid animal.
Back In The USA
Our adversaries were not miscellaneous targets. They were people with families. You can bet that they too, after days of war, were ready to go home and see their moms and dads, watch TV, hear some music, eat a home cooked meal, and sleep in a warm, soft bed. I wanted a cold Coca-Cola and some ice cream as well. Believe it or not, our enemies are humans. They laugh and love just like we do.
When I returned to the states, I couldn't believe that anyone could be treated as I was. I remembered that in Vietnam I didn't let my fellow marines down. When put in dangerous situations, when there was time to think about the situations, I would say to myself, "What if "so and so" were here, what would I do? How would I conduct myself if they were here?" Our platoon was tight. When one of us was sent on an ambush or listening post, it was easy for some of us to step up and go as well. This was family. It made no difference what vile reason was made up for us to be here. We had to get ourselves back home. If one of us didn’t make it, we failed.
Back in the states, I came to believe that there was indeed a parallel universe that I was not permitted into. Nobody else was suffering as I was, and for what reason? There must be some code to break and then things will be different. I never did break the code so I guess this is all real.
I wasn't spit on by war protesters. I was "spit on" by conservative hawks who saw something about me that I wasn't.
I couldn't get a decent job even though on my application I wrote that my ambition was to serve God.
I went to college on the GI bill and had behind me 5 quarters of drafting needing only one more quarter for a degree. I quit. I couldn't identify with the people in the class. They were too cold, mechanical. They were jerks.
I wore long hair and a beard because it was the truth. I despised lies. I wanted and had to believe that the world was more screwed up than I was. I became a vegetarian. I was considered a rebel, a nuisance, and an eyesore. I wasn’t treated as a Veteran of war with respect. But then again, everybody deserves respect.
Unable to get a job, I was thought to be lazy even though I’d work in gardens for old folks for free. I was thought to be the town’s drug pusher. I never was. I couldn’t get a job. I should have left, even though homelessness may have been next. I became more confused. I wanted God to have His will. Nobody was more honest than I. I became Job, except that Job had a brain.
I was talked into turning myself into the Linwood Veterans Hospital in Augusta, Georgia. This next sentence took a while to contrive because I wanted to put it cleverly, to mask the pain not from you but from me. My clothes were taken away. I was deloused. I was given pajamas for a wardrobe. I was locked up on Ward 15 East. I was diagnosed to have schizophrenia. It wasn’t true. I was medicated with Thorazine.
Day after day was spent with people who thought the showers were also the toilets. We had a TV and zombies. We got up. We were medicated and we walked around until we got tired. Then we walked some more. If I protested too much about my extended stay, I would be calmed with a “buffalo shot”. That would be enough so that the guards would just walk away because you would soon be on a floor and unconscious.
A day or two on 15 East was horrendous. I was there for eternity. Some people are still on 15 East. Some have died there. I could have been one of those.
They used us for slave labor. We pasted stickers on Proctor and Gamble packages of Tide and Cheer. We were paid a few cents an hour, enough for some candy I suppose.
I managed to get two buffalo shots and spent a lifetime there before I came up with a plan that wasn’t honest. I simply held the pills under my tongue. I could do it so well that even when I was told to lift my tongue I could hide them. I then admitted to being really screwed up, but I was getting better. It was my mantra. I was messed up, but I’m getting better.
My biggest problem was that I was always wanting to go home to that hot meal and warm bed. I wanted a cold Coca Cola and ice cream.
Micky Dee At The Rockpile
The Turning Point
The turning point came when I was arrested for having grains of marijuana in my Prince Albert tobacco. Take my word for it. I have never mixed marijuana with tobacco. When I was in Nam I smoked pot. It was accepted. I was introduced to pot through being in the Marine Corp and a war zone. The beer was always hot. The drunks of our outfit were violent and prone to fight our own brothers. Never trust a drunk. They fall asleep or pass out on watch.
Parents the world over can lie about pot versus alcohol all they want. Not me. If there were no more alcohol today, and people smoked pot instead, there could never be the deaths attributed to pot as there has been to alcohol- not if everyone smoked till the end of time.
I didn’t introduce marijuana to the Marine
Corps or Vietnam.
I was introduced to it. When I was arrested falsely for cannabis I had not even taken an aspirin for 6 months.
I was framed by the State Law Enforcement Division and the town police where I lived. I was sentenced to six months on the "chain gang". I did not take any drug of any kind. This was my salvation. How can being in jail be my salvation? At this time I was seeking a spiritual life and had been for quite a while. Not just the "going to Sunday school" type of religion. I knew then without a doubt that my problems weren't coming totally from within. The father of all lies is Satan. It took me years to even visit that town in the light of day.
Through my spiritual search I've worked at many positions. I worked at construction where I was the only man that would swim into the dark river waters to tie the chain from a "drag line" on fallen trees to be drug out of the river. Let's call the owner Ralph Morrell. He and I were a great team. He could swing that huge bucket within a foot or less of me. I'd chain a tree or log up and he would pull it out. Others complained about not being paid enough. I never counted the little money I got. There were a couple days that I just paddled Mr. Morrell around on a lake as he pretended to fish. He never caught anything.
Since Vietnam I virtually never have a bad meal. Meals and sleeping conditions as well as other conditions are compared to my experiences in Nam and of course 15 East. I can't see how I could ever show fear in any situation unless it would give me some advantage. Not that I was worried about losing my life but in every place I would go I would take inventory of “weapons of convenience” even though I believed in non violence more than anyone I knew. I kept this mindset, not for me but those around me.
As a result of my travels,leaders, and other suspects I've met, I can never fully trust anyone. I can believe in most conspiracies. You’d better believe in them as well.
I really know what violence eventually yields. It’s heartache for everybody. The biggest majority of people who have talked up war never participate. Never have. Never will. They will not allow their children to go to war. They know something we don’t.
Except for matters of the heart I could never be afraid of anything. Is that good or bad? We don't know. I feel that I should have died instead of my enemy. I feel that I should have died instead of someone. I feel that I've outlived my welcome.
I'd like to be able to say that no matter what happens to you, you can mentally and spiritually maintain but it may not be true. As for myself, I have been completely broken time and time again. Amazingly to myself, I have survived and have made tremendous progress. Because I am here at all makes me aware that I am the biggest success story I know of, personally.
Micky Dee and Company at Camp Carroll
The closest person in a vet's life will not understand.
We've all seen terrible things. We all have seen movies and TV where people are in terrible situations. We see people killed graphically. We can see it up close. We can rerun it as often as we'd like. We can become calloused to it if we prefer. It's totally different when you live it. I don't watch war movies.
Part of my salvation has been the bicycle. I’ve ridden hundreds of thousands of miles. I’ve ridden the 34 year old Assault on Mount Mitchell 29 times which is more than anyone else. I may have ridden up to Mt.Mitchell more than anyone else period.
I’ve ridden the 750 mile Paris-Brest-Paris in France, the 750 mile Boston-Montreal-Boston, and the 570 mile Bike Across Missouri. I’ve raced countless races, off-road & on road. I have ridden the roads of kings with kings of the road.
When I ride my bicycle, I am not what people usually see me to be. I do not live down to their expectations. The faster and further I ride, the better I feel about me.
Most people don’t treat themselves to this therapy. Cycling is one of the lifetime sports. When you leave school, many of you won’t play ball again.
The suicide rate is high among vets. After hearing that my friend Stanley committed suicide, my first reflex was that it seemed completely feasible, unsurprising. He was a vet in a small town with PTSD. He couldn't keep a job although he was very intelligent. Stanley was homeless when he died.
Too many vets are in the streets. Too many people are in the streets, period. There is no excuse for it although you will hear a lot of the excuses. When you see a homeless person, don’t think less of the person. Have compassion. He or she may be a Vet. It doesn’t matter. Everybody has a story- the older the person, the longer the story. Some of their stories could be in books. They just don’t have a publisher.
Don’t get so caught up in the machinery of every day life that you can’t frivolously throw a buck or two to at the less fortunate. Leave a buck on the dresser in the motel room when you leave, for the maid.
When you have a rest stop on the interstate, occasionally slip an attendant a buck or two. When you see some rough looking vagabond standing beside the road, wad up a buck or two and toss it to him. What does it hurt? Do you tip 15% or 20% after a meal? Would it prevent you from adding to your CD collection or seeing another bad movie?
Would you like for this person to get a real job? Besides, you already gave at the office and the church. These people aren’t going by your office or the church. I’m just saying if it doesn’t hurt you, throw a buck at somebody such as the old man that cleans the bathroom at Wal-Mart. By the way, how many of you are peeing on the toilet seats?
It seems that the more a person has plus the easier life led, makes for a real infatuation with having everybody else work harder. There isn’t room for everybody at the top. Somebody has to dig the ditch, cut the timber, wash the dishes, and sweep the floor. These are more worthwhile jobs than many of you will be paid more money for.
We’re all leaving people behind. We go to college or we go to war. Be careful how you leave someone behind.
Don't let anyone make you think you can't achieve a better education. You will always be learning. When you quit learning and doing then you're dead. Never think that because you lack an education that you're inferior or that because you do have an education that your lot is better. Most education seems to amount to a lot of unproductive paper shuffling. It does enable you to get more money however.
Question everything. Wars are always started by the rich and fought by the poor. Who decides who will be president? One percent of Americans own 90 percent of America. Think about it. Wonder about what makes everything tick. Know that the world's history is being rewritten to make it more palatable for the masses and wonder about who is rewriting and who is dictating the new script. Always feel regret when someone or something dies.
I want to believe in something other than myself. My God is a creator not a destroyer. There were no carnivores in the "Garden of Eden". Man was not given permission to eat meat until after the flood. By this biblical evidence and the teachings of Jesus as well as other examples of great spiritual leaders of different paths such as Gandhi, check him out, it is very obvious that we should walk very softly in all matters. If God truly did make everything then everybody on this planet is related. None of us is really well or free if one of us is suffering or in prison. Know that you will remember the bad things that you do and they will haunt you someday. Fill your life with memories of good deeds and kindnesses that you've expressed to others. Try to have fewer regrets of things that you didn't do.
Know that although this life is more physical than we'd like sometimes, it will always be more spiritual than we can ever perceive it to be.
I am not an advocate of one religion. Whatever religion you become attached to or imprisoned by you can pray the prayer that Jesus recommended. Dissect it. Especially:
"Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven."
Think about it.
Fill your life with creating.
How does God or the Earth need us if we only destroy or corrupt?
I’m not concerned with how large your recruiters are or how dangerous they may be to me. It should be against the law for recruiters to go onto a campus. They are no more than painted up prostitutes luring people to their deaths. It’s a job and one that needs down-sizing.
War is unacceptable.
Now it’s November 2009. It’s not 2005 or 2001when a lot of this was written. I’ve now ridden the Assault on Mt. Mitchell 29 times. Four more or eight more years have flown by.
I give an interview to two students on Sunday. I have incredible anxiety about it. My girl-friend and I just broke up today. Did my thoughts about Friday or PTSD come into play and have much to do with it? I don’t know. Many Vets are homeless. Many Vets are divorced. Many just live alone. I just know I don’t feel “good for human consumption” right now.
I have a low tolerance for ribbons on the backs of new SUVs. I have low tolerance for government jackasses.
I don’t have a lot of tolerance for the Vietnam Vet look-a-like that I saw in downtown “Hootersville” a while back. He was wearing a Vietnam bush hat. I assumed he was a Veteran. I went up to him and asked about his hat. He snubbed me. I told him I was a Vet, that I used to wear that bush hat. As he sipped his wine, he said he bought it at an Army Surplus Store. He then turned his back to me and I suppose I was dismissed. Or was I diss-missed?
This college graduate asshole American and those like him can play “pin the tail on the ass”. Perhaps it should be “pin the patriotic bumper sticker on the ass”.
One Family-A Century of Vets
For almost a hundred years my folks have been defending this country. I have a picture of my great uncle in his uniform circa 1916.
Now my grand nephew is at Camp LeJeune with the United States Marine Corps. He’s finishing with his training there.
So here I am. I trust no one. I believe in no one. I’m beyond jaded. I put on a “game face”. I take my true identity and bury it in a hole under some leaves, mulch, and then I put a rock on top of it.
But that’s no good. I haven’t cut my hair since 1970. I can’t. Just like Johnny Cash wearing black- I just have to. I should have died instead of the two brothers who were both down to a few days in Vietnam. I should have died instead of the guys in the truck that did flips after it hit a mine in the road. It should have been me instead of the children who followed us too closely.
So I’ve been arrested for something I didn’t do. Even today I receive looks that aren’t so flattering. Still I have to be the truth.
So now I have a tattoo of a map of Vietnam and the campaign ribbon on my left calf so that the officers of our government will know for sure who they are screwing with the next time they screw with me. The tattoo of Vietnam is for the people who judge the book by the cover and it tells them to think while they’re thinking.
But sure enough, it’s evoked displeasure from a lady perhaps from Vietnam. She may think it’s for boasting. She says angrily, “That was a long time ago”.
No. It was this morning and last night.
I’ve stirred demons in this person and it wasn’t my intent.
So now I contemplate more tattoos. Perhaps a Vietnamese woman holding her baby for an image of love would give this tattoo some humanity that would not draw ire. Perhaps a laughing Vietnamese man, a child, or a Vietnamese cyclist would do. And then again, why am I judged by how I look?
I’ve always kept my sense of duty- semper fi, always faithful. I joined the local fire department and found out just how bad my PTSD really was. Upon going to a bicycle accident, and seeing the victim with broken limbs, including an arm that was broken like a bent elbow, I knew that I could not process anymore data such as this. I’ve since quit. I can try but some things may be off limits now.
I don't see enough me. But then my life is so cut up and strewn around that it hardly seems worthwhile to have lived it.
I want to see my daughter. I want us to be as we were decades ago.
I don't make the money. I don't have the family. I shouldn't/can't be a "father figure".
I have all this crap that surrounds me. Pictures, posters, memories of a life that used to be.
There doesn't seem to be room for me anywhere.
I'm out-growing Earth.
I want economic freedom and don't know how to attain it.
I want to live life to the fullest and don't know how.
Two of my most favorite memories are stopping at Margaritaville and riding my bike home with the girl of my dreams..
A regular dose of this seems to be what I need.
But, is it suicide by margaritas?
So, mentally, spiritually, figuratively, "I'm back up at the "Rock" overlooking the Pizzle, Spring Creek, Cane Creek, the Narrows, and nothing is coming to me. There's just a huge void of reason."
I'm now alone and don't know how to be with anyone.
I want more of me and there shouldn't be more of me.
I'm delicate and that sucks.
I'd rather be walking point. I'd rather fall down the waterfall again. I'd rather be with Rodney helping the casualties get back up to the main group much like cyclists in the peloton. I'd rather go all the way back, making sure no one is left even if we're almost killed by our own. I'd rather sleep on a rock in the middle of a roaring stream with Rodney, my friend. I'd rather depend on my fellow Marines. I'd rather pick up the 45 caliber pistol, the C-4, the mortar round that were dropped by my comrades. I'd rather be in Laos, wet, cold, tired, climbing a muddy mountain and cutting bamboo for drops of water. I'd rather drink muddy water with halizone tablets. We'll get to the top. We'll dig foxholes. Then we'll clear a field of fire. The other grunts will march up and by us. A soldier with a machine gun in one hand and a banana tree in the other will come by. The Marines will smell. The banana tree has a bite taken out of it. A comedian names Flannegan asks the machine gunner what his "job" is.
"So what's your MOS?" We know where we stand. We know on whom we can depend.
I'd rather not hear the cries of anguish. I'd rather not see some explosions and know their outcomes. I'd rather not know the brutalities of war.
I would like to know trust again.
So here I am. I trust no one. I believe in no one. I put the rock back on top of my identity, but I cannot hide me.
~By Micky Dee~
Below is a map of Indo China. I included Laos and Cambodia as those countries were divided into combat zones as well. The tattoo map is actually divided into those combat zones. Our battalion definitely went into Laos. The DMZ, where I was, is very narrow. This is a no-brainer. Again- this is for people who judge the books by the cover. I'm not just a hippy-freak. If anything, I'm a Marine Corps Hippy Freak!
Below, I added another tattoo with ribbons. One is the National Defense Ribbon. Two are Vietnam Campaign Ribbons. They're not unusual. Most who have served in Vietnam would have these. The combat ribbon has evolved into a peace sign over a dove. There is a "smoky" effect.
I requested my military records back in the summer. I was told then that it would take the rest of the year to get them. I'm told that the date for them could be in February. There are a lot of requests for them right now. The records must be looked over by an actual person. Names, but particularly, all social security numbers of officers, or that type of identification must be omitted. This is done with a black magic marker. This process is very time consuming. Now there are thousands and thousands requesting records.
Thanks Micky Dee by Greensnob
- Paying Homage To A Fellow Hubber. Thank You For Your Honesty
Have you read all of the articles in Hubpages? As a new Hubber, I am only beginning to thread through Hubs as they appear to me. Some are instructional because I need help understanding how Hubpages works for...
the Vietnam War
- The Vietnam War
The Vietnam War - A pictorial
Veterans Day 2009
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Dr Khalid Rahman from India on December 26, 2019:
Joe Sciuto on September 11, 2014:
Keep the faith! I was in 11th engineers at stud in 69, I think about it every day.
jandee from Liverpool.U.K on May 29, 2014:
Hello Micky,hope all is well....
jandee from Liverpool.U.K on April 23, 2014:
Micky, sometimes the site is down and you see an error 504 or similar. It does happen and we are all used to it now .They are having new hardware as it is growing so rapidly....
Micky Dee (author) on April 23, 2014:
Hey- see a message "no longer exists". Will try other forms of title.
jandee from Liverpool.U.K on April 23, 2014:
Micky the above is very interesting ! I will look for you there,I have been there since last Autumn......I am on $2.50 a write now -400 characters! Not words!going up all the time-no harm to check it out,
best from jandee.....
Micky Dee (author) on April 23, 2014:
Yo jandee -bubblews? Don't know about bubblews. Tell me. I love you dear. Thank you for all your comments.
jandee on April 14, 2014:
you should be writing on bubblews micky !You should!! You are depriving the bubblers of knowledge and facts............Best from
Micky Dee (author) on April 14, 2014:
Absolutely! Amen! The "government"lied to us. We were and we are pawns". "We" do not matter to the criminally insane who are also our "rulers". "We" don't matter to them. We sacrifice. We don't know it at the time when we sign papers, or we train, or we go to war, or when we see the destruction... we really... really don't see the destruction "within". We're a few years behind. We think our great society will pick us up and we're on our way to America. But "we" just never make back to America. The Pentagon Papers say enough. But now the powers of the dark side target all whistle blowers. Tweet tweet tweet.
God bless. America will be reluctant to do so. Sacrifice is forgotten of never contemplated. God bless!
robert vann(will)wilson on April 10, 2014:
choppers into the kahe sanh com bat base in jan69 was sent to the 1st bn 9th marines delta co the quarry didn't take long to find what war is all about got extened 3 times because we were so short of marines don't regreat it I'm 140% disabled our gov lied to all of us it took a long time for me to accept our gov would do such a thing gotta stop
Raymond Pineau on March 27, 2014:
We can look back and wonder....
Micky Dee (author) on November 19, 2013:
When was he there? When I returned from Da Nang and 1st Battailion Med. I met my company/platoon at Qua Viet. I will post some pictures. Give me day or two. He may be one of the men I was to meet. I may write a new hub and post those pics there in hope he is one. I was only away for a week or two. I didn't know him very well but I was never the same after malaria and soon left Nam.
Todd Goetz on November 19, 2013:
Thanks Micky. I know its a long shot so many guys over there, just try'n to get the word spread and maybe get lucky, who knows.
Thanks again! God bless.
Micky Dee (author) on November 19, 2013:
God bless Todd. He may have been before or after my time. I was with 106s in H&S company 3/3/3 from about May of 68 to October 69. There were a few names I can't remember.
Todd Goetz on November 18, 2013:
Harly Lee Goetz USMC vietnam vet 3/3 106's
anyone know him??? please email me if you do!!
Thank you all for your service.
Micky Dee (author) on October 10, 2012:
Thank you - son of Gene Bernier. Tears come to me as I contemplate your father and also the endless plight of soldiers.
Thank you as well Terry. The son never came home. Many of us should not have - maybe. I have been lost and more lost and more lost.
We're required - by oath - by service - by Marine Corps - by faith - duty ... we are bound by knowing intentions then and now - we are bound to a code. We get lost in this callous society of "keeping good thoughts", "put on a happy face", "let's all facebook, but let's just share recipes, pics of trips and joyful times". But warriors remain warriors and there is no place for inconvenient truths here. People must vote! Never mind that the candidates are "appointed" to carry out wars and death, and maiming.
Some of us want the truth as we try to continue to stand for a just cause. We can never "come home again" because home never really was what we thought. Had we not gone to war could we speak so adamantly against it?
Why do we have to speak alone?
Why can't someone share the load?
Yet I ask that God not make my load easier but that I remain strong and with grace please make me stronger.
But - yea though I walk through the Valley of Death - Death walks through the Valley of Life, I fear no Evil.
Yet I am dead. Yet I live.
I want an equality sans the elite, snobbery. I want to stand for true freedom without being shunned for the truth.
I prepare to go to that resting place. Is this Earth the stopping point, resting point, testing point?
There is not one politician that will make the stand for true justice, true love, true values, true peace... and so ...
the votes as well as the dies are cast.
Peace and love will never last.
Be diligent, pray, sacrifice, and fast.
And so the roles of the great society are cast.
And so how quickly the future becomes the past.
A true soldier's work is never done.
His/her battle is never won.
Their sentence is darkness, never the sun.
The warrior's is the loneliest number - one.
Solitary confinement is as truth demands.
Terry on October 08, 2012:
Mickey Dee, somehow I came upon this site it very much touched me on so many levels. Years ago while in OR, a father bought the biggest bottle of wine to celebrate when his son came home 1969. I never knew him, his son didn't make it home, unknown soldier to me. Never felt the right place to bury gift and honor him, for service. It is my hope you would share with me the most beautiful place, and memory so I may lay this to rest. firstname.lastname@example.org Thank You!
janine g on May 08, 2012:
I am looking at my father's original orders as I write this. He was a LCPL who sent to Dong Ha in April, 1968. He died three years ago, taking with him the stories of what he faced in Vietnam and I always wondered. He never spoke about it. He got out of the war and worked for a huge electric company, Public Service of New Hampshire. He worked there for 30 years, never missed a day or called in sick. He was electricuted on the job on day of the 30th year of his start date with the company. He survived but had medical problems and the accident accelerated his diabetes...he became disabled and no longer worked. He hated it...he liked to stay busy and now I can more clearly see why. He must have seen horrible things. Reading your story enhances my understanding of my own life and my father. I am the first on his side of the family to graduate college with a BA. He was so proud of me. I went to school in Hawaii but came back to NH after getting married so that we could raise a family near my family. Leaving Hawaii was heartbreaking but important, especially for my dad who always seemed to have tragic, broken people hanging around him, sucking off his settlement money from his electrical accident. Now I know why he couldn't see things clearly. He died in his sleep at age 63 in his bed during a massive ice storm in the northeast a few years ago. He had been out helping people hook up their generators...he overworked himself being a hero. He had a heart attack in his sleep and I found him in the morning. He was a hard guy to let go of. Your story is so important...I thank you for sharing it with the world and speaking out. I agree with all of your wisdoms and thoughts of war. Just thought I would let you know your story does not fall on deaf ears...I have 2 boys and I talk to them about everything....and make SURE they question EVERYTHING. Thanks for sharing your history....my father's name was Gene Bernier.
jandee from Liverpool.U.K on April 18, 2012:
Hello Micky Dee !
We are all pleased you have had a good long rest!! We now want you back here ! Come on ! Be a good chap and do some writing........
Micky Dee (author) on April 16, 2012:
@ Craig AKA "Chapultepec" - brotherman I left in 69 I guess. Went to Le Jeuene. Didn't take long to wish I was free or dead. I signed up for another tour in Nam. I was stopped in Okinawa. 881? You were at all these? Geeze Louise son - we were side by side and didn't know it.
Thank you nudder Vet. God bless you.
God bless Jay.
Thank you Dave Metz.
God bless you frogyfish.
I don't get notices from this band of traitors on hubpages.
God bless you all for commenting.
frogyfish from Central United States of America on April 14, 2012:
My brother was a Marine in DMZ/Da Nang in '67 and '68. He would agree with you.
I thank you genuinely for your service, and pray for your continued healing.
I believe it will come...your effort is not in vain!
dave metz on April 12, 2012:
Dear Mickey, your writing is great and your honesty is spell-binding. I am doing a Vietnam project down here in Australia, and just found your site by happy accident...I really hope you are feeling well/better/happy/settled... you are doing much good... take care and kindest wishes.
Jay Barnes on March 07, 2012:
john furia on February 26, 2012:
for 35 years i though i was the only one who felt like that finaly got help it is 44 years that i went to nam can only talk to nam vets not about the war just helping each other got ptsd allso parkinton diease they finely got me i don not blame anyone have a grate wife kids and grandchildren they keep me alive god bless you and every one who severd oh by the way welcome home i never heard it either
nudder vet on February 01, 2012:
hope the writin helped.think the worst thing was...come home at 21...and used up all the highs and lows for this life already.
Craig AKA "Chapultepec" Chaloupka on December 02, 2011:
When did you sky up for the Big PX? I was at everyone of those locations I was 3 bn 3rd marines H&S and I was 0351 my Corp was Ringo and I was there most of 69 til Nixon pulled us back to Okinawa. By the way that mountain above Khe Son was Hill 881 South it made big history. Some of those faces looked a little Familiar but I joined at 17 in 68 & did not join up with 3,3,& 3 until early 69.
Welcom Home Man!
Micky Dee (author) on May 12, 2011:
Yo! Brother Squirrel! Welcome home brother man! 3/1 eh! 3/3 here. Semper Fi! Semper Fi!
Squirrel on May 10, 2011:
Welcome Home and Semper Fi brother Kilo 3/1 Nam 69-70
Micky Dee (author) on April 23, 2011:
God bless you Jean. I don't have the desire to print my writings. Maybe someday. I can't seem to focus on "my" situation and direction for "me". I'm really too "taxed" mentally to get some things done. It's hard to explain - I'm "tired". God bless you dear Jean.
Jean Bakula from New Jersey on April 19, 2011:
You are so welcome. You are a very good writer too. Have you ever considered writing a book about all your thoughts and conclusions you have arrived at because of your experiences in Vietnam? It matters that the truth gets out, although I understand many will always call the truth "conspiracy theories." And I sure would like to see the Congressmen and women and Senators send their kids off to the wars they so blithely send our loved ones too. When Michael Moore made his movie about that, they tried to discredit him. But it was an honest question, how many of the people who approved these wars actually have THEIR loved ones in them? Anyway, I think your writing is so good, even if you wanted to tell of your ideas in short stories.
Micky Dee (author) on April 19, 2011:
Hi Jean. Isn't it such an old old story - this racism thing. But it's alive and doing well.
Our lEaDeR$ will not give our laborers work with dignity.
Our lEaDeR$ destroy all hope in many young people and the only alternative seems military and war.
And these criminals that lead our kids to hell need to take that trip themselves.
Thank you dear Jean.
Jean Bakula from New Jersey on April 17, 2011:
It's Jean again. I think the most insidious thing is that young people get sucked into fighting wars, with promises of good careers and college, and they are too young to know better. I see those commercials where the parents are so proud their child wants to serve the military. And it is brave, don't get me wrong. But the wars are for the wrong reasons, it never makes things better, and the US never leaves. My son wrote a big essay as a conscientious objector when it was time, and I was just happy there was no draft. I hope Americans never let the draft come back. You are so right about the whole "divide and conquer" issue too.
Jean Bakula from New Jersey on April 17, 2011:
I "saw" you on my Jamaica hub. I hope you can go there some day. Both my husband & I love gardening, but it's a volcanic island with such beautiful plants, so many things we never saw. The poverty was awful, as I described, yet the people are upbeat and kind. It's almost like they are living in a world from 50 yrs ago, when we were all more innocent. I love it more than any place I've been, but couldn't afford it this year as our son was finishing up college, and we couldn't afford both. I guess R's would have planned the $ better! I'm a registered D, and also believe R's are warmongers who only care about the rich--namely themselves. We've taken grief for going to Jamaica because psst--"there are black people there." I've dropped friends I had for over 30 yrs because I was so shocked they were such racists. It's sad, but many D's move more to the R ideals once we put them in office. I am very disillusioned about politics just from involvement in it in my own small town in northern NJ. All we can do is live our own truth, my friend. Bless you.
Micky Dee (author) on April 17, 2011:
God bless you Jean Bakula.
I saw your comment earlier. Ididn 't want to comment at that time because I would have spoken out against a political party - and one more than another.
I cannot help it and I will do so now.
The republican party is the party that really hates the poor and it really HATES the VETERANS - no matter what they will ever say - the republican party hates the poor and war is their way of reducing "our" population.
No hippie ever spit on me.
REPUBLICANS SPIT ON THIS VETERAN.
And from the hatred that I have seen on these hubpages - the republicans STILL HATE ME.
Democrats all turn into republicans once democrats take office.
But republicans hate peace. They hate people. And they will produce wars like Hollywood produces epic movies.
These people wikll lie because they are business. Advertising sells.
They will KILL ANYBODY on God's Earth to continue their mAnIFe$t dE$tiNY.
MONEY IS ALL THAT MATTERS!
The real-=A$$state developers - MONEY! They don't care a fig if people sleep in the mud or walk in it.
Arms dealer$! America sells HELL around the world. American ArM$ dEalEr$ and most Americans DO NOT CARE WHERE THE HELL OF ARMS GO.
America loves the pLa$Ma T%V, football, basketball, movies - di$tractionS- America as a country does not exist. America is a socialist country - not even country - corporation for the rich.
America is OWNED by the MONEY.
You can see Satan's minions right here on the "pages". Mouthpieces for MONEY.
Sorry if I got a little carried away with your comment. I didn't want to. I left- I came back much later. I just hate the lies that - especially the immoral rWiRgOhNtG wing spews. There ius a hub right here oin the pages by James Twatkins about Vietnam that is so slanted I have to say it's a lie.
In my opinion - he is a traitor to our country, God, planet Earth and should not even have the right to write such a pro-right-neo-nazi garbage.
God bless you.
Jean Bakula from New Jersey on April 16, 2011:
Thank you for an honest and truly moving hub! My Uncle was in the Navy and did 3 tours of duty in Vietnam. It's safer than what you did, although he died from bone marrow cancer and my Aunt is still trying to sue the Navy because she belives it was exposure to agent orange that killed him. Our country was told lies, and I was still in HS when the war ended, but remember that in the US people who were against the war took it out on the brave men and wounded warriors that came home and couldn't even find words to describe what they did and saw there. The military does not care if you never get a good night's sleep. Many people I know have gone back to Vietnam, to try to make sense of it all there. I don't know if it helps them to find peace. A wonderful man who teaches martial arts to my son flew planes there, and although we know he was a bomber, we also know he will never speak of it. He can't. He's one of the most gentle men I know. I hope someday wars end, the 2 and and now Libya only hurt more people. The US should mind it's own business. Thanks for your courage and peace to you.
Micky Dee (author) on March 23, 2011:
God bless you Poohgranma! You've lifted me up.
Poohgranma from On the edge on March 23, 2011:
Dr David Jeremiah said, "God's job is to guide the world. Your job is to "be anxious for nothing" (Philippians 4:6), to rest in the Father's promises.
Whenever I'm really mixed up I run straight to the Father's arms. He is the only one that gives me Peace that surpasses human understanding. Peace to you Micky my brother.
Micky Dee (author) on March 22, 2011:
Well- it's crying time again. I just feel a bit defeated with the defeated state of the world. Nobody seems to work together but the politicians, the businessmen. Life is like "there' a bit in that we can't stop. We have to go on every day. May as well be humping up a mountain with a bunch of Marines. We all had respect for each other "out there". Here- I don't know what planet I'm on. God bless you Poohgranma!
Poohgranma from On the edge on March 22, 2011:
I thought my guts had been ripped completely out by reading the hub and comments and then I came to this reply you made;
"Steve, Brother Man- I could have written every word you just said. I am sitting here with tears reading your words that are my words. I fit NO-frickin'-where. I have a bit of agoraphobia. I have to be on a "mission" to go out into the world. I don't trust the world. I trust no one in it. I miss eating C-rations and sleeping under my poncho. I'm tired of a world just itching for a fight. I do miss the people I could depend on. God bless Brother! .... We'll get home someday....
My first husband and my husband now each feel and felt this way. My first husband, gone nine years this May from Ocular Cancer the Oncologist said he'd seen only in rare cases of exposure to Agent Orange, never came home from Nam. I live now with a man that has so many ghosts our bed gets crowded at night.
You have my respect, my heart felt thanks and my hopes that you can realize how much your writing does for others who just want to go home too. God is surely using you.
Micky Dee (author) on March 15, 2011:
Thank you Alexander Pease. This hub was really about three hubs. Thank you very much.
Alexander Pease from Maine on March 14, 2011:
This hub sounds like it is on its way to becoming an autobiography. I really liked the second tattoo. It was hard to read through some places in the hub.
I hold a lot of respect to the veterans of our country. They do so much for us, and we don't seem to do anything for them.
Micky Dee (author) on February 12, 2011:
Hi SomewayOuttaHere! Thank you. I have mixed feelings about this hub and some others. I've said to much here and it's hard to digest it all. God bless you! Thank you for your deep understanding! God bless!
Thank you Tatjana-Mihaela! Your words lighten my heart today. God bless you!
Tatjana-Mihaela from Zadar, CROATIA on February 12, 2011:
Be always blessed Mickey, for all what you teach this world about, through your painful experience.
SomewayOuttaHere from TheGreatGigInTheSky on February 11, 2011:
...well Micky...Michael...love the name Michael...it's a strong name....you sure caught me with this hub...vietnam...what a terrible terrible war...and then good folks like you were there...and good folks from vietnam...wtf?!....and you know, we still don't learn and just keep repeating the same over and over....i just don't get it anymore...i've much more to say but it'll turn into a hub....i'm so glad to have run into you MD!...i think the most profound words you said in this, for me....were "I was always wanting to go home to that hot meal and warm bed. I wanted a cold Coca Cola and ice cream"...such a simple request..what many of us take for granted...i do take notice of veterans...and wonder where they've been, who they were and who they are and became.....thank you Micky, for sharing your heart and soul....your words hit me straight into my heart....
Micky Dee (author) on January 28, 2011:
Welcome home brother shellshockedmz69."Welome home" is like "thank you". When I hear "thank you, my eyes well up with tears like now. I just want the wars to stop. We're all just in slavery. There's a war every few years for something. We're riled into an action that may be false. We can't trust the government. We sure did appreciate your artillery shellshockedmz69. Welcome home brother.
shellshockedmz69 on January 28, 2011:
mickey dee, i was army artillery attached to the marines on the z from 4-69 to 5-70. thought i was reading my story until 15 E. only by the grace of god did i miss the experience. there is a lot of you in a lot of us. i don't know the reason for coming across this site. but I will say Thanks for saying all you thoughts openly and honestly. very rare Welcome home thanks for serving....
Micky Dee (author) on October 25, 2010:
Oh Brynda, you cause tears of joy to roll. It's a hard road. I can't ask for an easy one. You brighten and lighten my Dear. I wanted some kind of American dream that never existed for me. God bless you my Dear. I love you Dear Brynda. God bless you!
Brynda on October 24, 2010:
This is so moving. I had so many great comments while I was reading, but most have evaporated now. You have such wisdom and I so admire you. I remember those days when you got back from Viet Nam. I don't think I even knew you were gone until you were back. We shared a lot of the same friends, but it took a while for me to know you. I remember hours of talking back in '75. You gave me a bicycle because I walked everywhere unless I road with friends. You had me paint a picture of Jesus knocking on a door for you. These were your better days..after the chain gang, after the war, after the hospital. I'm sorry I didn't ask more questions of you. You deserved honor and respect. I hope that we both will always be friends and may we both live to an age when we will look back at these days and share our memories. You're valuable to this world and God has spared your life many times for a reason. He uses you for more than you know. You are a very gifted and talented human. Your art, your physical ability, your words, what more is there inside you? You're one of my most favorite people in the world!! I love and care about you.
Micky Dee (author) on October 23, 2010:
Oh Dear Petra! You know I do so love my Dear Petra! God bless you my Dear! I do so love you!
Petra Vlah from Los Angeles on October 22, 2010:
To say that your account of the events and their effect on your life is moving will not even begin to tell the story and the way I feel about it.
Your honesty is disarming; the lies we have been told about the glorious victories of America are pathetic and the reality is that America has lost every single war it ever entered, but most importantly it lost ITS CREDIBILITY in the process.
It pains me to no end to see what happens to the young soldiers that are brainwashed today into following criminal orders, just like you and your comrades were let to believe you were fighting for a just cause while killing innocent people.
I know a few veterans and their nightmares are never ending, their suffering is on ongoing tragedy. Sadly all of it is nothing more than GREED and arrogance of the rich, nothing more than ignorance of the poor.
You Micky ARE MY HERO and I love and respect you for who you are, I love and forgive you for who you were forced to be. God may always be with you!
Micky Dee (author) on October 01, 2010:
God bless you Chuck! I love your hubs Son! I'll be over to your place soon!
Chuck RitenouR from Front Royal, Virginia on October 01, 2010:
Viet Nam is a place of nightmares and jungle sweats. Thank you for this very well written piece.
Micky Dee (author) on September 27, 2010:
Thank you Eiddwen. It's easy and hard to write from the "heart" and we don't know how it will be taken. God bless you Eiddwen!
Eiddwen from Wales on September 27, 2010:
So moving and I was gripped until the very last word. So naturally written and straight from your heart Micky. Thank you so much for sharing with us all. Take care and God Bless.
Micky Dee (author) on September 16, 2010:
Dean, I get so tired, so weary. Poor fighting poor. Every war is about power. Every war is making the only avenue for the poor to be- war. Meanwhile the instigators are sipping tea or brandy or wine or...
Truth is the first sacrifice of any war.
cheaptrick from the bridge of sighs on September 15, 2010:
I just spent a long long time reading this over again including comments...It's all been said so I'll leave it alone..bro.
Their hurting our kids now and it will never stop...not for us and not for them.What the hell do we do now.War...All war involves sending our poor people to kill their poor people...I'm out of words.
Micky Dee (author) on September 15, 2010:
Hey Darlin! You're cool my Dear! God bless Sa'ge.
Sa`ge from Barefoot Island on September 15, 2010:
read, not much to say. no use saying much, people say to much sometimes. Voted up!
Micky Dee (author) on September 14, 2010:
Steve, Brother Man- I could have written every word you just said. I am sitting here with tears reading your words that are my words. I fit NO-frickin'-where. I have a bit of agoraphobia. I have to be on a "mission" to go out into the world. I don't trust the world. I trust no one in it. I miss eating C-rations and sleeping under my poncho. I'm tired of a world just itching for a fight. I do miss the people I could depend on. God bless Brother! We'll get home someday.
steve wahlstrom on September 14, 2010:
Hey brother, you speak so clearly, to so many of us who have not come home. I wear a mask faking the person I think society will accept because there is no place for this Marine. Inside I know loneliness, pain, fear and rage. Inside I hide the man who does not fit in with this world. In spite of the dismal outlook for happiness and a full life, I find reprieve and rest, truth and honor when I am with my men again. It is within the group session’s life seems to reconnect to reality. It is with these men of courage who have walked with me in hell that peace can surface. There we hold each other up; we have learned what love is. We are there, no matter what . . . for each other. God, thank you, for reuniting me with my men again. Semper Fi my brother.
By the way, I bought a bike this summer...rode it 3 times, the problem is; I have to go out into the world to ride it. I will keep working on it though. Like you, I am a survivor.
Micky Dee (author) on August 25, 2010:
Thank you VietnamVet68. God bless you and welcome home! But you were in the USMC for the long haul. I thought my one "tour" would last a lifetime. It did. Thank you Sir.
vietnamvet68 from New York State on August 22, 2010:
Great hub I have enjoyed reading and your pictures, look forward to reading more of your hubs.
Micky Dee (author) on August 18, 2010:
Yo Jandee! I left a tome on your hub about "Cua Bono-Who benefits". I know it's better to have atheists who keep the Golden Rule than to have Christians who don't. God's law in every religion is the Golden Rule. Every religion on the face of this earth is in violation of this one law above all laws. Muslims - right now are killing Christians. Right now it is the other way around. Right now Jews are killing and strangling. Every religion is false. And it's because of the VIOLATION of God's LAW above laws. You might read my "Thank You Lord! 12-24-09". God bless atheists that uphold His law!
jandee from Liverpool.U.K on August 18, 2010:
Hey Micky, this is about as religious as I get....My Gods are Women cause are they not known as Mother nature ? Beautiful trees for ancient animals to sleep in as well as the rivers to wash in then the clouds to dream about tomorrow ! Okay we'll have one(male) god who can tell the rest of the blokes about feminism.....best from jandee.keep well
Micky Dee (author) on August 17, 2010:
You're an atheist? Well God bless you! I must have said that at least once at your hubs. I don't care if you're atheist or not. God loves you anyway! Why? Because that is THE law of God! God says to love your enemy (I'm sure that's is at all a possibility). My God is a benevolent God. My god wouldn't want me to love my enemies and then not do the same. That would be a hypocritical God. I don't serve a hypocritical God. God tells us to love our neighbor. God hasn't met my neighbor or has HE? She? I don't care for that argument of whether God is female or male. Both sexes here on earth are stupid and vote the beast of Satan into every public office. We are made in God's image? Some of us could not be.
I love the truth jandee! God bless you for speaking out about atrocities- whether that would be friend or foe. Let's continue to be whistle blowers for truth!
jandee from Liverpool.U.K on August 17, 2010:
Hello Mickey, Yeah! I Know ! New world order! Thanks for speedy reply. One is in fear not of the elected ones but the civil servants! who put them there ! Oops! must admit I am an Atheist ! Thank God...We would go mad if we couldn't hang on to our sense of humour sometimes?Goodnight Mickey,from jandee
Micky Dee (author) on August 17, 2010:
Hi jandee1 The murders will continue with the men running the world who are running it now. There is no doubt that a few people are Satanic, other worldly, evil and they run this planet earth. Some will tell this Vet to shuffle off out of the country my folks have fought for and still are. But earth and outer space is in great peril with the "elected idiots" that are appointed for us. God bless!
jandee from Liverpool.U.K on August 17, 2010:
Hello Mickey Dee,only got through half will finish tom.
I am now thinking of Mohammed Ali who chucked his Gold medal in the water and refused to go to kill working class kids, you have painted a vivid picture of this murder on both sides,well done,jandee
Micky Dee (author) on August 06, 2010:
God bless you Alberto! Welcome home Brother Man!
Alberto Trevino from Modesto, California on August 06, 2010:
You said most of what I've felt, but could never put into words.
Thanks & keep on writing.
Micky Dee (author) on July 31, 2010:
Pollyannalana- you're right. On all fronts- you're right. There is nothing to trust. Democrats believe there will be a democrat to come to the rescue. Nope. There are no Democrats. All that are elected are Republicans. Republicans get everything they want - insanity. They get more insane and insanity with every election and they still go crazy with hatred. The end is not soon. There is more suffering and Satan's henchmen are stirring the pot.
Pollyannalana from US on July 31, 2010:
Not boyfriends, but boy friends that I did love and went to school with, some older,some same age, never came home, several, one really close like a brother I had nearly every class with gone with a land mine and as I look back I see all were only children (even you and you know it), who comes out of school grown up? I thought of them then and still do and now I see through you it was worse than anyone could imagine except the ones who did go through it and this girl with the gift of suspicion believes every word, the 911, how Bush showed no surprise, did not jump up or show shock, that was answer enough for me, without all the other signs. Oh so she is a Democrat...I don't trust any of them, both parties know what is happening, we are the only ones in the dark. How can I give you hope, which is what I would like to do, when I have none myself. Our country is rotten, no one will stop any of them, most want to ignore it, it is like waiting on a time bomb. What is next? Where? I sense it being right here. I hope I am wrong.
Micky Dee (author) on July 19, 2010:
Thank you Always Exploring. Life is crazy at times and then- it gets crazier! We just keep on keeping on. We need to peek around the curve if we can. Funny! Okay! How about, "I'm A Hypochondriac With The Wrong Placebos"?
Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on July 19, 2010:
Loves to read turned me on to this hub,like i said before, i,m finding more stories that i didn,t know existed.This story about Nam really tears at my soul, so many people, like me, just went on with our lives and believed the lies in the 60-70 I hope and pray that u find peace and happiness, God wants his believers to have a joyfull heart, i know that,s hard to do, it has been for me too, but i refuse to give in to unhappiness
white a funny poem, i love funny.
God Bless you and keep u safe
Micky Dee (author) on July 19, 2010:
Loves To Read- you are so spot on! I have seen the videos and other info on all or most you point me to. I do search for truth and doing so takes me by all this sordid information that would shock the average citizen. Thank you Dear!
Loves To Read on July 19, 2010:
Mickey Dee, to you and ALL returned Vets. My heart goes out to you wonderful brave young men and women who went to proudly serve your countries.You are the unsung Heroes and while you fought for your flag, Your country fought against you. God bless you all for giving up your lives.If not by death then by mental and physical health.
I am from Australia and although i did not go to war i do know many that did. Our guys were treated NO better by this government. Many have committed suicide, many are as screwed up as you are because NO-One cares.
Like America their files go missing or reports are left out. Some have no record of ever being out of the country. I want to thank each and everyone who left their homes and countries to keep us free.
My step father was in ww11 and although he was screwed up he used to say that the boys from Vietnam were the worst done by as the vc were not in uniform and it also involved woman and children.
As far as corrupt governments go you are so correct.The Falklands War, 9/11, mad cow, swine Flu, Chemtrails. RFID chip, Bohemian Grove and so on. If you haven't already YouTube the latter three and take a good look.
You are not alone Mickey so hang in there and know that God loves you as He said "If the world hated you know it first hated me" Mankind is too fickle and self absorbed. I'm proud to have you here on HP.
Blessings and Hugs.
Micky Dee (author) on July 17, 2010:
mquee- God bless you Sir! God bless you Sir! You see it! You see it! You are so absolutely correct. Divide and conquer! Divide and conquer! Keep "us" divided! Keep "us" "at one another"! The power seekers are having their way. People will not grasp what we are saying! These political parties are doing the same thing! God bless Sir!
mquee from Columbia, SC on July 17, 2010:
Hi Micky, it's me again. One thing I wanted to comment on was a statement you made about racial slurs and war. (I guess that's 2 things).
I have always believed that anything to keep the working class divided has been used by some rich and most power seeking aspirants.
I believe that race, religion, and gender have been used to keep us divided and therefore our attention diverted while the power seekers have their own way. So many people have bought into these issues. War, has many times been used to conquer that which is all ready divided.
I guess that I am trying to say that when we don't pay attention to real problems and issues things get shoved down our throats that we didn't bargain for.
I just had to come back and read this one again because you make so many down to earth common sense points. Micky, imagine one Vietnam vet telling another Vietnam vet he makes sense, lol. Thanks for your time.
Micky Dee (author) on July 16, 2010:
Thank you for your very kind words mquee! God bless you and thank you for your service as well Brother! Semper Fi!
mquee from Columbia, SC on July 16, 2010:
This is a very descriptive hub, which I can relate to. I was at Camp Red Devil in Quang Tri in '70. You bring out so much, that this hub could probably supply enough dicussion for maybe 15 more hubs.
On returning from Viet Nam, I experienced feelings of being isolated and there were times I felt guilty about serving there.
I don't think any soldier can explain the feelings and images experienced in a wartime situation, but you have done an amazing job. Thank you for this hub as well as your service.
Micky Dee (author) on June 22, 2010:
Hi Steve! Welcome home sir. I had an inn over in Bakersville right across the mountain. Thank you Steve. It's really been a lifetime adventure. God bless you Sir!
Steve Rumfelt on June 21, 2010:
I live in NC Marion i was in Dong Ha 69 everyting you said was if i was speaking,Welcome Home?
Micky Dee (author) on June 01, 2010:
Hi BobbiRant! We're still working things out. Thank you Ma'am!
BobbiRant from New York on June 01, 2010:
My husband was in The Nam in 1968 and he is a retired DI and worked at Ft Leonard Wood Missouri for 27 years. Very nice post.
Micky Dee (author) on April 18, 2010:
Hi NamVetRich! Those letter home should be treasures. I think if you write from your heart you will be great Sir! Thank you for commenting!
NamVetRich from Springfield Oregon on April 18, 2010:
I'm brand new to hubbing - just started reading your hub and I am fascinated - will read the rest shortly. It brings back lots of memories and is a lot to absorb. I am here because I am sharing my letters home and memories from the same time period you were there 68-69. I was stationed on the Mekong Delta, Dong Tam area with the Mobile Riverine Force, 9th Division. I am really looking forward to reading more of your hubs, and I think you have a great writing style.
Micky Dee (author) on April 16, 2010:
Yo Nomoretrucks! Life is often- not what it may appear to be. My folks are form over your way. My folks were definitely Scotch/Irish! They were mostly Irish but they drank a lot of Scotch!
nomoretrucks from scotland on April 16, 2010:
Mickey Dee, i reckon you have got out many times in your life, a lot more than more folk ever will in theirs. A hell of a bloke! Da iawn from Wales(very good) and Scotland
Micky Dee (author) on April 14, 2010:
Many struggles Lamme. Thank you for adopting 4 Vietnamese orphans! Thank you Lamme!
Lamme on April 14, 2010:
Micky, I don't even know what to say. Thanks for sharing your story, it was very emotional for me to read. In 2002, I was led by God to VN, while there I adopted 4 Vietnamese orphans. Vietnam has had many struggles and I'm so sorry for our part in it.
Micky Dee (author) on March 27, 2010:
Yo Brother Charlie.I look around the web at others' stories and my story seems odd to me. So many blanks to fill in. It was near the Rockpile on 9 I guess that we had just cleared the road sweeping for mines. One team had swept from the other side of a bridge. We swept to that point. I know our guys (I didn't know them- we were just protecting the sweepers) swept all the way to that bridge, slowly. The radio called ahead and said "clear. Trucks from LZ Stud came fast. They hit a mine and one truck went end over end. One guy from one truck survived with almost no scratch.
Then later there were the children.
Son- I am so sorry about your child. I am so sorry.
The children are hurt on that side and this side.
I hope you and I can heal more.
Semper Fi! Semper Fi! Semper Fi!
Charlie on March 27, 2010:
I too was jetted to Da Nang. Ithen took a C-130 to Dong Ha. This was referred to as I Corps. This was the DMZ. This was the furthest point north in South Vietnam. I was with the 11th Engineer Battalion, 3rd Marine Division.
I too went to Con Tien, The Rock Pile, LZ Stud (or Vandergrift), Dong Ha We sweep usmc 11 or(route 9) and route 1 to the dmz. I feel the same as you do. Not sure if i ever left nam apart of me is still their with my dead marine brothers whose deaths I see every day of my life asking my self why not me instead of them. I to am 60 and have a daughter with an unkown lungs desies with no kown cure since her child hood. The ringing in my ears constantly remind me of my tour of duty. I think you have hit the point right on. Semper Fi Brother
Micky Dee (author) on March 25, 2010:
Well Aley Martin, what you say is true. I hate to pussy foot around with someone like you who "does know", so let me be perfectly honest with you- the main "job" of Americans is to bury their heads into the dirt after they stuff ear plugs into their ears, put a blind fold over their eyes, stick a yellow ribbon on the back of their SUV, vote for the same liars they voted for four years ago. There will be another war after this one one and another war after that one. The same people will fight them and get their ass handed to them when they return. The reason is People love a lie. They love fantasies. They love the story about George Washington chopping down the cherry tree. For those of you just tuning in- it was a lie people. George Washington never chopped down a cherry tree. Now if you all would get your head out of the sand - there was a cover-up about 911 too.
Sorry to burst bubbles but if the government's version of 911 smells right to you- you aren't down-wind.
Sorry Aley Martin. I have these uncontrollable tics that set off flurries of truth I'd rather not get into usually.
Sorry folks. Just a tic. I'll go back to being a cuddly patriot who will believe anything. Thanks- just a tic!
Thanks for coming by and sharing Aley Martin. I had to say that just now for all the victims of war, 911, and the future 911s. Our "government will do it again just like going to war. I appreciate your family's sacrifices. Thanks Aley Martin.
Alice Lee Martin from Sumner, Washington,USA on March 25, 2010:
Semper Fi Mickey Dee.
My brother Doug was in USMC crash rescue stationed in Danang three times, in 64, 67 and 69. He was really messed up with Agent Orange poisoning, Jungle Rot and PTSD. Was an alcoholic for years after he came back, and it took him years to mellow out. He was also in a jeep that hit a mine and he had ground glass embedded throughout his body, and a house collapse on him while rescuing on ground.
I have always been proud of him. I was 9 years younger and in 1973 in my senior year of High School I wrote a speech about the non-acceptance of his return to the US.
No one can know the hell you all went through, although this post gives us a bit of a look. Looking at the pictures of you posted all I see is "babies"...young men with guns being shot at and shooting into the night. The kids now in Iraq and Afganistan are the targets. So appallingly similar.
My older brother Don died in 2007 of pancreatic cancer. He was USMC chopper mechanic 1960-64. He stood aboard the ships as they detonated atomic bombs in Bikini Atoll. All the men in his squadron are all dying of cancer. Government is not taking the blame either. No wonder it takes so long to get your files...they are scouring them to make sure no one gets anything that can be used against them.
Sad, but true.
God bless you....
Micky Dee (author) on March 24, 2010:
I love you 50 Caliber Dude. You were there. You participated in the East Asia War Games. We didn't come in second. It's a shame so many were killed on both sides and for what? Thanks Bro. You know we'll talk!
50 Caliber from Arizona on March 24, 2010:
I tried I'll be back 'bro
Micky Dee (author) on March 19, 2010:
Thank you Parrster. You have some very warming words there. I'm getting a little "at a loss for words" here. Thank you. Life is "but a vapor". It's a flicker. I've carried myself as though it would be over today. Tomorrow I ride my bike with a group. It will be a race somewhere with this group. There can be potholes like one that took down a friend months ago. Six broken ribs, 2 fractures of the pelvis, 3 facial bones, collapsed lung....He's still walking with a cane.I too have accumulated injuries. I've been hit thrice by autos. But my small ass has been hung out to dry so much that it just comes natural. It could be a death wish.
Perhaps I'm more idiotic than brave. I'll tell you though- when someone says something from the heart like you have -it makes a difference. The eyes well up. Tears form. And- before they get to fruition -I stop typing. Thanks!
Richard Parr from Australia on March 19, 2010:
Appreciated it all. One line in particular "Know that although this life is more physical than we'd like sometimes, it will always be more spiritual than we can ever perceive it to be."
I love that, especially from someone who has known some of the worst of physical horrors man can be involved in.
God Bless Micky Dee
Micky Dee (author) on March 19, 2010:
Thank you very much Liswilliams. I guess we can get through too much. Thank you Dear!
liswilliams from South Africa on March 19, 2010:
Hi Micky Dee, you have an awful lot of courage, this is huge! God Bless you :)