Skip to main content

There once was a tweaker in Seattle...


These limericks will provide you a preview of a rather riveting article about evil and the nature thereof.

It is not a shot in the vein, just across the bow.

The ghost of abe Lincoln one day,

Appeared before Adolph Hitler to say,
Between your stash and this hat
Let's hang out more, ol chap!
I've got tickets to a theatre matinee...

There once was a man named Jon and one night
He got hit by a car that ran a stop light!
But he was vile and perverse
So they threw the car in reverse
And hit him again to make sure they did it right.

There once was a witches cat named Wickers
Finally fed up with the strays and their Snickers
He conjured boils on their cockers
But inflated their girlfriends knockers,

And bewitched his way into their knickers.

Once a sisterly nun, comely and kind,
Undressed herself tontake a bath and unwind,
But a blind man at the door
Came in just before
And said nice tits where should I hang the blind?

Politics can turn a country red or blue
You can make sure that your voice is heard too
The first amendment is that which in
You can vent most of your bitchin
And for all else there's amendment number two.

Mr potato Head was very mean
Cared only for himself it would seem
But they peeled and sliced them
Chopped him and diced him
And he got French fried into poutine.

Scroll to Continue

There is a Lord named Casey they say
A most gifted writer of his day
But despite his high station
His rank and education
He always spelled "cunt" with a "K".

There once was a "scary" bro named Howard
His friends talked him up so his reputation towered
But he's all hat with no cattle
Never once fought his own battle
Hiding under their skirts like a coward.

Once a scorned wife of a horny politician
Rode a high horse like it was her mission
But she is as tired as sin
From all the beds she's jumped in
Now she's a candidate for the county commission.

There once was a party girl named Betty
She was always so hot and so ready
But she did not know how to twerk
But while she was at work
She made Little Caesars pizzas with confetti.

There once was a man from China,
On the TTC heading toward Regina,
Bet you thought this rhyme dirty
But really it's just flirty,
Because for pussy he'd be headed for Spudina.

There once was a man with some cattle,
He liked to kiss and tell secrets of the saddle,
But cut him some slack
What happens on Brokeback
Is nothing that any should taddle.

There once was a man from Wasilla
Making puppy eyes at my man -- hold up killa,
Quit your bitchin and wailin
You're a dollar store Sarah Palin
And you look like zombie extra from Thrilla.

There once was a guy from the east,
Ambitious coworker at least,
To get the promotion
Instead of hard work or devotion
He unzipped the bosses pants for a feast.

Once a ballsy penguin at the zoo
Tried to make off with a vampire's boo
But Buffy the vampire slayer
Staked that smooth Penguin player
Turning his tuxedo from black to ice blue.

Related Articles