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The Plot to Kill Republicans: A Confession

As a long-time card-carrying Liberal, I am leaking this information about the evil Liberal agenda.

Culture war gets deadly


Mea Culpa

Recently conservative writer John Nolte broke the silence about this insidious liberal plot – but not being an insider to the Liberal Mafia, he has revealed only the tip of the glacial cap that hides the depths of the liberal plot to rid America of conservative voters by employing reverse psychology. ““The organized left is deliberately putting unvaccinated Trump supporters in an impossible position where they can either NOT get a life-saving vaccine or CAN feel like cucks caving to the ugliest, smuggest bullies in the world.”

I must speak out. I have a confession to make. Nolte is right. There is such a plot to kill conservatives by trying to convince them to save their lives.

Let me explain how I know this:

I have been a card-carrying liberal (yes, we actually have membership cards) for many years – back to the days when we put flowers in our hair and staged sit-ins for peace and tried to live out the credo of love and joy -- but while I have gone along with various liberal “do-gooder” schemes since then -- such as feeding the poor or providing health care to all Americans -- my conscience will no longer allow me to keep silent about a “final solution” to rid America of conservative voters who have opposed such measures.

I have known about and have even participated in these efforts. And I am here to reveal what I know about the Jedi, mind-bending tricks employed by Liberals to kill conservatives (or otherwise shorten their lifespans) using reverse psychology.

This effort – or, actually, a series of efforts that have been less or more effective over the years -- has been going on for a significant amount of time, with a number of schemes to “reverse psych” conservatives into killing themselves, or otherwise shorten their lifespans.

These ploys are hatched out of periodic “Libfests” which are held in various, top-secret locations around the country. At these gatherings, at which liberals recognize each other with secret hand signs and assorted winks and nods, much like criminal street gangs such as the Sharks and the Jets (West Side Story is a favorite amongst the Broadway musicals shown at these gatherings), Libtards plan how to win elections, or subvert them by changing or even stealing Republican ballots, and in some dark recesses -- the back rooms of the back rooms, if you will -- even plot how to reduce the pool of Republican voters by killing them, or even more insidiously, getting the conservatives to kill themselves.

It used to be that liberal attacks on right-wingers were no more virulent than reminding conservatives to mind their manners, such as Army Council Joseph Welch’s famous retort against conspiracy theorist Senator Joe McCarthy – “Until now, Senator, I never gauged your cruelty or your recklessness. I fear this young man's career will never recover. Have you no shame, sir, at long last? Have you no shame?"

Of course, such a rebuke was only effective at a time when conservatives were capable of feeling shame. Sadly, that time has passed, as many liberals have increasingly believed, which realization has resulted in their resolve to mount even stronger countermeasures against what they consider the disease of conservatism.

These endeavors began with the determination that if we couldn’t “beat ‘em,” we should kill them. Hence, the first salvo in the movement under the aegis of Mothers Against Drunk Driving, a campaign ostensibly against driving intoxicated. But its true purpose went much deeper than that.

The Libfesters present when the idea was first rolled out thought that this campaign would be a sure winner, since no true, red-blooded, patriotic American conservative likes being told what to do by his mother, and indeed at the campaign launch, conservatives everywhere made up their minds that they weren’t going to do what their “mothers” told them and as one, they rose up in defiance – or, in this case, raised their heads from where they had been passed out on the bar top and woozily demanded “Ow mo fo da ro” before staggering out to their cars at closing time.

Unfortunately, there are only so many drunken cowboys (urban or otherwise) you can get to go 120 miles an hour down a dark, deserted highway, so while the idea was solid in concept, it came up short in execution (pun not intended) – that is, not much of a real rise in the death toll of conservatives – they were already behaving stupidly: what difference would a few more highway fatalities make?

Then came what I thought was a brilliant effort by Michelle Obama to get everyone to eat healthy, which conservatives predictably rebelled against because after all, it represented – and was comprised of -- the things Republicans hate most: a black person, a woman, and vegetables.

At first, we were hopeful. Conservatives all over the United States started force-feeding their kids hot-dog-stuffed double cheese pizzas, yelling at the cafeteria ladies for trying to sneak vegetables into their kids’ lunches, and following Rush Limbaugh's example (RIP) of ordering a second 16oz steak smothered in a half pound of bacon.

The campaign saw as a result a significant rise in coronary heart failures amongst conservatives, but not enough to tilt the electoral map, so while the predictions of the reverse psychology effect was accurate, what we hadn’t taken into consideration was that congestive heart failure is a “long game,” as they say -- 50 years or more -- so after all was said and done, ultimately the campaign had to be shelved.


Mea maxima culpa

But then a couple years ago at the Libfest in one of our brainstorm sessions -- between the tofu-and-squash pasta and grilled baby thigh lunch and the white-wine-and-yoga session, somebody (her name is lost to history, but I do suspect a certain art-history assistant professor at an East Coast liberal arts college) came up with a wild idea …

What if we invented a plague that infected only conservatives?

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However appealing the idea, it was quickly quashed (though not after we all had quite a bit of fun with it) … “What would it do? Attack their wallets?” or “Couldn’t be a heart disease. Afterall, we know, Republicans hearts are already blackened and whithered.” Or, “It could target what they think – but we all know, conservatives don’t think!”

“No, but seriously,” another participant finally chimed in. “An infection’s effect is partly determined by the behavior of those who are infected.”

“And what if …” another participant picked up the line of thought … “What if we invented a plague and the cure and then told conservatives that liberals actually wanted them to do the things that would save their lives. What would conservatives do then?”

“Nothing, of course.”

“Natch! They’d refuse to do what would save their lives!”

“They’d rather die than do what ‘Libtards’ told them to do!”

We all chuckled over the clever use of the right-wingers’ name for us.

“Perfect reverse psychology!”

That’s when we knew we had a winner!

And then Tony said he knew a guy in China who was working on bat viruses that could be re-engineered to attack human hosts. A big-pharma guy said he knew a couple of companies that could whip up a vaccine easy-peasy. And the medical supply people said no problemo with the masks.

And of course, behind all that, was our certainty that conservatives, Republicans, right-wingers (whatever you want to call them) would absolutely resist and defy any advice from people they saw as leftie “experts” (doctors, medical scientists, researchers) how they might save their own lives or even the lives of their parents or children.

And so the perfect conspiracy to kill vast numbers of conservatives using reverse psychology was born. You can't imagine how we chuckled when we saw how this scheme actually played out, when we saw that it succeeded to a degree than we even hoped to dream: Conservatives actually rioting against efforts to get them to do those things that would save their lives and insisting on behavior that actually ensured more of them died.

All in their determination to “own the Libs.”


Don't let those liberal bastards grind you down!

So, you might ask, why am I “coming clean” now? Liberals will accuse me of betraying the cause. Conservatives will suspect that Big Pharma is paying me to get more people to buy their vaccines.

But I assure you: I have nothing to gain financially, as I don’t own stock in any pharmaceutical companies, nor am I employed by any.

Simply, as I stated above: My conscience will no longer allow me to stand by silently as the Axis of Liberal Evil (ALE, as we call it), plots to kill American conservatives by encouraging them to save their lives.

I can only offer this, and this is the effect I hope my confession has. Conservatives can defeat the evil Liberal scheme by not dying! Get the vaccine. Wear your facemask. Socially distance.

Show those evil Libtards they can’t reverse psych you into refusing to live!

© 2021 cp turner

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