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Destroyed by LSD - Bruised and Broken by Hate - How I Learned From My "Special" Brother

Innocence Gone

As far back as I can remember, my brother has always been "the brain". His IQ was tested at a genius level at a very early age. Of course, this meant he was considered a target in school at all times. From first grade on he was teased, beaten up, had his glasses broken, etc. Yet when someone wanted help on their studies he would be the first they turned to. Nice.

When he was in 11th grade, someone decided it would be a great joke to put LSD in his school lunch to see how he would react. A lot of LSD. They found him wandering the streets later that day yelling and crying about fires all around him. His brain was destroyed. Well, part of it. The part of his brain that handles reality, that knows the difference between real and not real. The part of his brain that handles socializing, self care, etc. That was all destroyed by this fun little joke played by his peers. The part of his brain that can create a computer program in under 3 minutes, the part that can write an equation that none of us can even imagine and can write it correctly, that part survived. Basically, he is now "Rainman", this brother of mine. In the blink of an eye and the playing of a joke, he went from sane and wonderful genius to "Rainman".

I will always remember him growing up. He was the youngest boy, I was the youngest girl and somehow that brought us together in play and friendship during those days before the fall. Or shall I say the push, that took him from me in the worst way. His innocence was gone. My innocence was gone.


For the longest time, as my parents and the rest of our family dealt with this, I was consumed with hatred. Strong, deep, unending hatred. I hated everyone at the school to which I still had to go. They never caught the kids or kid who did the deed. No one ever admitted to it, tho I had my suspicions. I lived off my hatred for the next 20 or so years. Every time I saw or spoke to my brother it was reinforced. I wrote hate letters to the entire city, hate letters to kids I suspected and their parents. I ignored every one's attempt at talking me out of the hate. Counselors, pastors, teachers, parents. They all tried. None succeeded.

One day I was sitting and trying to have a conversation with my brother. Emphasis on the word trying. He had come to visit me out in CA and I had taken him to Disneyland. We were sitting at an outside table eating french fries drowned in ketchup, the way we both loved them. At least some things had stayed the same. Suddenly he said, completely out of the blue and totally unexpected in it's clarity, "Do you think I'm weird? Some people think I'm weird but I'm not. I am having very much fun. Fun is good. Are you having fun? In your whole life I mean? It is important to have fun."


Wow. I was blown away! For years I had thought that he couldn't conceive of certain concepts. Fun and being weird being just a few of them! That day at Disneyland, that talk over fries drowning in ketchup, that was the biggest eye opener of my life. We spoke at length about how he was not weird, but one of the most special people in the world. We spoke of fun and how there had to be fun in life. He told me he had a "sort of" idea on what had happened to him. I asked him if he was angry. He then spoke a sentence that I will hold on to for the rest of my life and beyond. "Being angry is stupid. Then you can't have fun."

Words to live by. Words from the mouth of one of the most wronged people on the planet, in my opinion. Words we all must heed at one time or another in our lives.

Bruised and broken.  Never beaten!

Bruised and broken. Never beaten!


It's been three years since I received a call from his caseworker. He had been living independently for many many years. He has a job as a dishwasher, has a friend he goes to the movies with, does artwork at a center. When we moved my parents out to be with us in CA due to their declining health, he decided to stay there. His choice. He was happy. He was having fun.

I have been in touch with him twice a week on the phone. We send letters by old fashioned "snail mail". He sends me pictures of the latest art projects he has done.

His caseworker called me to tell me someone had assaulted my brother. He was walking to his friends house a few doors down and someone had beaten him up severely. His face was bashed in, his ankle broken, he had a concussion. Before they took him to surgery, they had to check to see if he had any brain damage. Ironic, that. They asked him what had happened and who did this to him. His answer was this:

"I don't know. Someone should call my boss and tell him I can't work today. I don't remember who did it. Someone who isn't having fun. I hope they have fun soon."


There it is. My brother's take on life. I flew there the next morning to be with him. He needed special care for a while to stay off his ankle until it healed. The caseworker and doctors are told us it was best for him to stay there and not move out here to be with us. He had a traumatic experience and moving him out of the life he has created for himself would have caused more trauma. So,I went to be with him. We did eat fries drowned in ketchup and talk. We colored some and admired his artwork. I found someone to be with him full time for some months. I couldn't bring him back with me, I couldn't stay. My 8 (now 11) year old daughter needs me here.

His caseworker is an angel from heaven as far as I'm concerned. She had assured me he will be well taken care of and he was, and still is. She knew I'd be calling her two to three times a day after I leave there, and she was fine with that.

He's going to be okay. He's all healed. He will go to his movies, create his art, wash his dishes. But most of all, he will have fun.

My Bro!

David showing off his art!

David showing off his art!



Suzi Rayve (author) from California on August 03, 2013:

I just have to share with those of you who have read this hub. Today I had a phone call with my Bro. For the first time EVER he said "I Love You" first! Before I did! So he was not parroting me. I had a joyful moment and cried!

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Suzi Rayve (author) from California on July 19, 2013:

Thank you! I appreciate the help!

Shyron E Shenko from Texas on July 19, 2013:

That is Beautiful! Savannah, I will share this again with my followers and pin it on my Awesome HubPages board again.

Voted up, Beautiful, Awesome and Interesting.

Shyron E Shenko from Texas on July 19, 2013:

You are welcome. I hope more people read this, it will benefit a lot of people who are letting hatred grow and it eat them up. Your hub could help a lot of people. If they would read it.

Suzi Rayve (author) from California on July 19, 2013:

You do have a point Shyron! I originally wrote this hub right after Dave was assaulted out of sheer frustration and pain, not really expecting anything but being able to vent. I will think on this. Thank you.

Shyron E Shenko from Texas on July 18, 2013:

This is such a good hub, that everyone should read it. But I don't think people would do a search on "The Innocents Will Always Win."

Shyron E Shenko from Texas on July 18, 2013:

Savannah, I wonder how this hub would do it the title were: ' How does LSD affect Your Brain - Does it Secretly Make You Smarter?

Just a thought.

Suzi Rayve (author) from California on July 18, 2013:

Thank you MG Singh! I hope so.

MG Singh from UAE on July 18, 2013:

It's a nice post and will give encouragement to many

Suzi Rayve (author) from California on July 18, 2013:

Thank you for your kind words Au fait. Deeply appreciated. Sometimes I feel Dave's new normal outdoes everyone elses regular normal by far in just the way he lives his life.

C E Clark from North Texas on July 18, 2013:

My friend Shyron recommended this hub. What an awful thing for those kids to do to your brother! I have an idea that we get a bigger break from The Boss if we pay for our sins here, rather than waiting to do it in the next life where interest and fines have been added. I have no idea if that's true, but what they did was unconscionable. It would be egregious no matter who they did it to or what that person's IQ was.

We have all lost. There is no way to know what amazing discoveries or inventions your brother might have accomplished that would have benefitted many many people.

I admire your ability to forgive because forgiveness and mercy towards other people is essential. Hate will not change the past or improve the future. In reality, for all the talk about it, there is no such thing as closure. There is only learning to live with the new normal. Finding a way to face a new day in the morning and move one's life forward.

There are so many important messages in this article. I hope everyone will read it. Voted up and awesome. Will share with my followers.

Shyron E Shenko from Texas on July 18, 2013:

You are so welcome, believe me I know exactly what you are saying.

Sharing this with my followers.

Suzi Rayve (author) from California on July 18, 2013:

God Bless You Shyron E. Shenko! Thank you! It is very important to me to get this out there. People look at Dave sometimes and don't see what an amazing person he truly is. All people see when they look at the mentally challenged is the disability. Which is a complete misnomer. There is NO dis in their abilities. Just Love.

Shyron E Shenko from Texas on July 18, 2013:

Savannah, as promised your hub is pinned on my Amazing Hubs board with this caption: In the story of how SavannahEve, conquered hate with the help of her Brother pictured here, showing his art work.

Suzi Rayve (author) from California on July 18, 2013:

Just put a pic of Dave in.

Suzi Rayve (author) from California on July 17, 2013:

Thank you so much Shyron! I'll see if I can find a good plc of. Dave. He's rather camera shy but I think I have a few.

Shyron E Shenko from Texas on July 17, 2013:

Savannah, this is beautiful, I am so glad you brother is healing and that you no longer hate. It takes more energy to hate than to love, and it is a waste of time.

Do you have pictures of your brother you can post on here?

I wish you every happiness and loads of fun. Voted up and shared. When you put a picture of your brother on this hub, I will pin it on pintarest.

Suzi Rayve (author) from California on September 09, 2010:

Thank you cyn791. I appreciate the comment. If I don't share, I explode. And yes, it is stupid to waste years on hate. Only took me 200 years to figure it out!

cyn791 on September 04, 2010:

This is such a POWERFUL story. I understand wasting years on hate. He's right, it's stupid. thank you for sharing such a personal and painful part of yourself..

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