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The Great American Ostrich

Bonnie-Jean grew up discussing politics and history at the dinner table. This diversity of viewpoints generates perspective.


The United States of America is the home of a very unique animal, the Great American Ostrich. Thanks to a vast range of natural resources and often demanding terrain, this bird has roamed the territory throughout history unencumbered. It has become so ubiquitous that few people even notice it.

The GAO, as it is often called, has no known predators, due to its large size, strong legs and irascible temperament. Those legs allow it to run away from impending danger, as well as afford excellent kicking strength when cornered. Its garish plumage is a warning to other species that it cannot be ignored while it wears a costume imitating more elegant birds. When confronted, this bird will scream, stare at its opponent with huge accusing eyes, and peck with its formidable beak.

But probably its most unique attribute is its tendency to bury its head in the ground, in the mistaken idea that what it does not see does not exist. Perhaps in response to its fear of its own power, this allows the GAO to reach a comfort zone it appears to prefer.

Since the American civil war, the ostrich’s territory has been mainly the Midwest, but it can be found throughout the United States, even in coastal and industrial areas, where it makes no pretense at adapting to changes in the environment. There has been very little evolutionary change in the species, as if it expects its environment to change around it instead.

When birds from other territories moved into the GAO territory, it was in an effort to escape predators and other controlling species, and they quickly adapted the GAO mentality of individualism, brute strength, and a disdain for refined plumage. They devolved into the GAO, to the point where being homely and ignorant are a source of pride. These two attributes were apparently the attraction for mating. They lay huge eggs which they defend viciously even when the egg is not viable.


Currently, these birds are more often found hiding their heads, trying to reach that comfort zone which is getting more and more difficult to achieve. Sheer denial seems to be a preferred approach to standing up and kicking back. And the species seems to be separating, the head-bury-ers being very intimidated by those birds who are struggling to be aware and trying to maintain their status as the denizens of the United Sates by adjusting to a new world and perhaps even evolving.

By hiding its head in the ground, the GAO hears only those little sound bites that continue its comfort zone, filtering out shrieks of would-be attackers. Sunlight cannot creep in and hurt those huge eyes. Quick forays to the surface allow the bird to scoop up the plentiful food and water around its hidey-hole. And it sleeps peacefully, thinking nothing has changed around it in the past 400 years.


Bonnie-Jean Rohner (author) from Williamson, New York on September 29, 2020:

Unfortunately the GAO refuses to recognize other birds from its own territory, and therefore denies any responsibility for other species' actions.

CHRIS57 from Northern Germany on September 29, 2020:

Being a foreign bird, i look at the GAO with great respect, because they don´t leave their territory. This displays much oversight, as they can rise their heads high up - if not stuck...

However previously dominant American bird species (not the GAO) left their eggs (called WMD) on our territory, even keep some guards here to protect us and the eggs.

Please, we can take care of our own territory, some of us are migratory birds that enjoy free interaction between other birds and territories. Possibly the GAO doesn´t know about this, because they stick their heads into the ground.

So i beg the big GAO chief bird to take back the eggs and have them bred and grown and prosper on own territory.

For us foreign birds nothing better can happen than that the chief GAO live long and keep all American birds from straying outside their territory. Even though i have to admit: i don´t like the manners of the chief GAO.

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