Tales of Men Aged 40 Years and above Still Living at their Parents Houses in Nairobi
In Nairobi city Kenya, it is no longer uncommon to find men, some as old as 40 years still staying at their parent’s houses. Walking around the shopping center and other joints in the estate, one will always see aged men sitting around the shopping center while chewing miraa and hissing at ladies. Others also throng cyber cafes where they spend a better part of the day on betting sprees. Still, there are those who have lost to wines and spirits and other alcohol joints.
A visit to the estate by the Nairobian confirmed the situation as being perverse and requiring intervention from relevant parties.
One resident Maurice Kawiti blamed this situation on parenting styles. According to Kawiti, most of the culprits are those who used to get pampered by their parents to the point of not being able to do any income generating activity to live independently.
“The problem with such people is that they are not oriented to doing any job that comes around.. They just want to lazy around and find easy ways of living like looking for sugar mummies and betting” argued Mr. Awiti.
Mrs. Patricia Sande, another resident also concurred with Mr. Maurice and confirmed the problem to be a serious one in this estate.
It is a serious problem in this estate. These are the people we used to fear so much in our school days, the "born tao." Infact, 30 is on the lower side; some even get to 40 while still living on their parents roof” claimed Mrs. Sande.
On her part, Bett Wamuyu felt sad of the situation and lamented how guys, some of who are aged 40 still go to their mothers place to demand for food.
“Aki this is very sad aki, mtu jioni anaenda kwa mamake kuangalia nini imepikwa very sad na ako 40”
(This is very sad, somebody is going to his mother’s place in the evening to check what has been cooked yet he is 40?)
However, the culprits seem to have their own reasons why they don’t want to move out of their parent’s homes.
One, Isaac Njogu, a 33 year old catering graduate claimed that life has been too expensive and if you still have a room at your parents home, then there is no problem living in it.
“Why do you want us to waste money and enrich landlords yet we have our own rooms in our family homes” asked Njogu.
On the other hand, Moses Abayo, a 39 old man who dropped from Mt Kenya University says that he still lives in his parents’ home out of choice. He told the Nairobian that although he found a casual job at one of the companies in industrial area, the job did not last long and so he has been remaining jobless ever since. He is also unable to start a business due to lack of capital.
“If you can connect me with a job or give me capital to start a business, then you can tell me to move out of our family home” claimed Mr. Abayo.
Asked on how a lot of men are found at Muguka and alcohol joints yet they are jobless, Moses Abayo told the Nairobian that many are doing it as a way of relieving stress caused by joblessness.
“Lack of jobs is mostly affecting these young people psychologically and some maybe into drugs just to relieve stress” he argued.
On her part, Mercy Njogu another Buruburu resident observed that the problem with these grown up men staying with their parents is that they don’t want to explore opportunities and be self reliant. She argues
“You see, some of these big boys are only waiting for jobs related to the courses they learned in school.. If such a job is not forthcoming, they just stay idle since they are used to getting food and free housing from their parents” observes Ms Mercy.
Dr. Stephene Kamore, a Counseling Psychologist, Researcher, Author and motivational speaker based at the Counseling Research Institute of Kenya (CRIKE) termed this situation as failure to launch out syndrome. According to this researcher, this is the best term that is used to describe young adults who fail to venture out on their own upon reaching adulthood.
“People with this syndrome (failure to launch) finding it difficult leaving their parents home to live on their own. In other words, they are used to a life of dependency”
Dr. Kamore attributed this problem to a number of factors including poor parenting style, lack of mentorship and environmental conditions.
“Some parents or guardians do not prepare their children in a way that they can become self-dependent upon reaching adulthood and so such children find difficult to go out and start life on their own’ argued Dr. Kamore adding that “this, coupled with lack of mentorship especially towards the boy child constitute the key factors that makes the boy child less empowered”
Dr. Kamore furthure directed the blame on society which has placed more emphasis on the girl child in terms of mentorship and empowerment programs while neglecting the boy child.
“If you see today in Kenya, very few people or organizations are interested in mentoring and empowering the boy child, while prominence is given to the girl-child. The boy child has no knowledge, skill and motivation on self reliance” explained Dr. Kamore.
The motivational speaker further argued that the environment is also to blame to some extent.
“The lack of employment opportunities is also a big issue that should not be ignored. Many young men are frustrated when they complete their schooling but are unable to secure jobs in their line of studies” argues Dr. Kamore adding that this coupled with lack of mentorship leaves the young people vulnerable since they do not have innovative power on alternative ways of earning income without necessarily waiting for employment opportunities to come their way.