Why Domestic Abuse Victims Often Can't "Just Leave"
Disclaimer: I do not purport to be an expert about Ms. Delcamp or any associated parties; I am merely basing my opinions on varying news accounts, outside research about intimate partner abuse, and on my own prior experiences as a survivor. I suggest you view my slants as neither correct nor incorrect but as simply my own balanced viewpoint about a woman who was reportedly a domestic violence victim.
Recently, a young Sunbury, Pennsylvania woman named Samantha Delcamp received a prison sentence with her former boyfriend, Jahrid Burgess, after Burgess abused Delcamp and Delcamp's 3-year-old daughter, Arabella Parker; although Burgess is the perpetrator, sources indicate that Delcamp may receive more time than Burgess, who was convicted of murdering Arabella. Delcamp was subsequently accused of being an accomplice to the little girl's physical abuse, and of child endangerment, due to the court's opinion that she failed to protect her daughter:
Although I have no first-hand knowledge about the internal situation or the individuals involved, I feel, based on my own experiences as a domestic abuse survivor, that few see the possible shades of gray.
I am mostly concerned about why Delcamp, the victim, may receive a sentencing of up to 63 years whilst Burgess, her abuser, has received 24-50...or why Delcamp is in prison at all.
When I came across one of Delcamp's former Facebook accounts, I said, "Wow, what in the 'go back to your mother's basement and 20 cats' is this &$#@%$&#@*&**%$#*@!!!!!?"
Consternated, I read damnations, death threats, even vicious ridicule about Ms. Delcamp's physical appearance, (comments comparing her to a cartoon character named "Squidward", etc.), in response to an old Facebook post by Delcamp, in which she wrote, "Honestly, what did I do for y'all to hate me stop much?" followed by her tearful emojis.
The general theme or consensus behind the vitriol demeans Delcamp with the accusation that her daughter died because she cared more about her man than her own child:
As one who lived through a situation similar to Samantha's, I know how it feels to be reabused, blamed for my own abuse, treated more like a criminal than a victim, and, generally, given a far harder time than my actual perpetrator — in my case, a man who literally almost murdered me.
I also know how incredibly confusing and dangerous leaving abusive partners can be. Because of my own past horror, I could not help empathizing with Delcamp...and feeling this unexplained compulsion to protect her.
I seem to come across the Samantha hate train on pretty much every social media platform I find in regards to the death of her lovely daughter; and with all due respect to those who are understandably grieving this tragedy, I simply can't condone more hate being directed at Arabella's mother than at her actual abuser, or really any hate at all. It is as if Delcamp does not get the message by now, or has not already suffered enough.
By this point, most are almost acting like Delcamp's abuser.
Confronting Samantha Delcamp Hate
It is interesting that it is possible to want to offer the trolls some wowwipops while also hoping to find them walking around with toilet paper hanging out of the backs of their pants without my ever telling them about it, I thought, upon beholding a photo of a weeping Samantha being compared to Donald Duck...although none of her haters appear to be Firefighter Calendar material themselves.
Why society places far more concentration on victims leaving, or on not being abused to begin with, than on abusers not being abusive is a trip that never fails to make me cringe, but it tends to fire up my post-traumatic stress disorder whenever I see another survivor being revictimized. So, I decided to reason with Delcamp's revilers, while remaining respectful and diplomatic to the best of my ability:
"To show you my level of restraint, I will tactfully refrain from telling you that you are one of God's most unattractive creations since the hyena."
"Did anyone ever tell you that you are quite possibly the human manifestation of Rice Krispies?"
"It is a good thing you are the soul of wit, because your face looks like a dump my dog took this morning."
Watching me typing comebacks to Samantha's haters, my boo bear told me, "You know Rose, when you swoop down to the level of those who lack understanding with name-calling and insults, you kinda make yourself out to be no better than they are."
"Sometimes these folks need a little of their own medicine," I grunted, seeing someone compare Samantha to a blobfish. "And rest assured, I take no pleasure in any of this." I smugly giggled as I typed "*tosses a few Milk Bone biscuits for fresh breath your way while I furtively contact Animal Control*" to the owner of the blobfish comment.
Some of it did backfire, though, being that I never quite look at Rice Krispies treats in the same way anymore.
I do wonder if it would have made a difference to people if Burgess was Arabella's biological father, or a man Samantha was married to. Even though Delcamp was in an abusive relationship, this was likely what that was, a relationship, and a legitimate one...with many complex dynamics; believe it or not, many domestic abuse victims can't "just leave".
Lundy Bancroft, domestic abuse counselor and author of Why Does He Do That?, writes: "The U.S. Surgeon General has declared that attacks by male partners are the number one cause of injury to women between the ages of fifteen to forty-four. The American Medical Association reports that one woman out of three will be a victim of violence by a husband or boyfriend at some point in her life. The emotional effects of partner violence are a factor in more than one-fourth of female suicide attempts and are a leading cause of substance abuse in adult women. Government statistics indicate that 1,500 to 2,000 women are murdered by partners and ex-partners per year, comprising more than one-third of all female homicide victims, and that these homicides almost always follow a history of violence, threats or stalking."
As Bancroft addresses, many of his clientele saw their abusive partners as Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde-type dualities; I well remember how unpredictable, manipulative, and complicated my own toxic boyfriends were. Anyone judging the situation from the outside-in rather than the inside-out would never see the full scope of what victims go through.
Stockholm's Syndrome, masochism, substance abuse addiction, suicidal ideation etc., are legitimate mental health conditions that can potentially hamper abused parents from making rational decisions for either themselves or their children. It is often not that they are being deliberately selfish or neglectful, it is simply a reality. If Ms. Delcamp belongs in prison, then, basically, any domestic abuse victim does as well.
Many victims unfortunately do suffer unwarranted incarceration; the justice system appears imbalanced, which could be yet another reason Ms. Delcamp felt unsafe reaching out for help. I myself well remember the police officers who joked about my plight or threatened to make me the one they throw in jail.
I don't know if society will ever gain enough education about domestic abuse to heal what it does to stories like Samantha's; said stories are often so intense, and people run with them so fast...that they begin to take on lives of their own. The media tends to go by he said-she said than by actual facts.....but is it really the victim's story?
Alluding to his experiences in counseling batterers, Bancroft writes: "Counseling abusive men is difficult work. They are usually very reluctant to face up to the damage that they have been causing women, and often children as well, and hold tightly onto their excuses and victim-blaming...they become attached to the various privileges they earn through mistreating their partners, and they have habits of mind that make it difficult for them to imagine being in a respectful and equal relationship with a woman."
Batterers already often have difficulty owning up to their wrongdoing instead of blaming their victims, just as much as victims have difficulty not blaming themselves, without society to help them, and many victims are too emotionally crippled by the psychological abuse to leave. The lasting scars are the ones people can't see...and only another reason I can't fathom others talking to Samantha in the same way her ex probably had. If people seriously were speaking to her this way, no wonder she probably felt she couldn't trust anyone.
PTSD, anxiety, depression, guilt, etc., can be incapacitating enough without others exacerbating victims' struggles. This is why in regards to Ms. Delcamp "standing there watching and doing nothing", some misunderstand the difference between murder and involuntary manslaughter.
Others are unfamiliar with the Power and Control Wheel, and the vicious cycle that keeps victims "stuck":
The Dangers of Victim-Blaming
Before I address the examples of victim-blaming I have seen taking place around Ms. Delcamp, I think it is important to first explain what this term means.
Victim-blaming happens when you take a situation of a person being a victim of something, such as, a rape, and then you take that rape and blame the victim for it.
"It's your fault you got raped because..."
"You caused the rape because..."
"You provoked the rape because..."
Or, say a person has been robbed:
"What did you do to cause the robbery?"
"Well, it's your fault you got robbed because..."
"Had you not done this, you never would have been robbed in the first place."
That's what victim-blaming looks like: you take all the responsibility from the perpetrator and place it onto the victim.
Why does our culture do this? I believe it is a desire for control; our society wants so much control that we start to control the uncontrollable.
E.g., we might take responsibility for others, or every thought or feeling we have...many believe we control every single thing in existence and we can't; however, in this attempt for domination of the entire world, ourselves, and every person in it, we blame the victim in the erroneous belief that we can control the actions of abusers.
When we victim-blame, particularly in regards to abusive relationships, which does not include only physical violence but also other types of abuse, including emotional, verbal, sexual, economical, etc., (which in many cases all go hand-in-hand), when a victim remains in these situations, people frequently say things like, "If you allowed it, you deserve it."
They even say this to those in the middle of being mistreated and oppressed...including in regards to bullying:
"What did you do to provoke the bully?"
"What did you do to make that group of mean kids harass you?"
"What did you do to make them want to make your life a living nightmare?"
I don't think people are even aware of how ridiculous they are which is why I feel so strongly about the Samantha Delcamp-Arabella Parker case; however, even though most of these folks have never been in abusive relationships, others who say these things claim they have:
"I've been through your situation, and I got out, therefore everybody should be able to pick themselves up by their own bootstraps and walk away because life can't possibly be harder for you or anyone else than mine has been for me."
"If you enable/stay with your partner, it's your fault you get abused."
Examining the meaning of "deserve" in this context, which technically means, "to merit or to be worthy of", implies that when others tell you that when you deserve abuse, then you are worthy of mistreatment/oppression, or that if you allowed it, that must mean abuse is suitable for the likes of you.
I've also noticed that many have a problem with the term "victim". They get all up in arms and go, "When you call others 'victims' you take away their responsibility for their actions or role in it."
"Victim" is literally defined as "one that is acted on and usually affected adversely by a force or agent," or "one that is subjected to oppression, hardship, or mistreatment."
I don't see anything in there about avoiding accountability, just a title on the person being wronged. If someone robs you, you are a victim of robbery. If someone abuses you, you are a victim of abuse. You were the person who was done wrong and affected negatively.
"Victimize" means to "make a victim of."
Many talk about how some can victimize themselves; of course, there might be those who act like victims for no good reason. However, I am not referring to those people...I am addressing the ones who actually are victims; the only people who actually victimize real victims are the perpetrators, wrongdoers, abusers, manipulators, and oppressors.
Real victims don't victimize themselves. Their victimizers do.
Keeping those definitions in mind, when we tell someone who is being abused, who literally has been the victim of someone else's wrongdoing that it is their fault, you are telling them that not only are they responsible for their own actions, but someone else's.
Delving into this further, usually, when others say when you allow it, you deserve it, they go on to say, "You know what? I can't even blame him for abusing her. I can't even blame her for cheating on him, yelling at him in public, because he allows it, he stays with her...we shouldn't be blaming her at all. We should be blaming him."
One of my favorite YouTubers, Soncerae Monique, and the author of Owning Opulence, addresses her opinions about these problematic reasonings in her vibrant videos (see below)...even though I encounter trolls on her content too.
"Abuse is a choice," I once wrote to the naysayers. "There is no excuse for it. The victim is not responsible for the actions of the abuser, the abuser is."
Response: "Yeah, but dating an abuser is also a choice and you are responsible for that."
It usually doesn't matter how much I reason with these individuals, refer them to valid sources substantiating my claims, or redirect them back into their mothers' basements; they pretty much accept only what they want to hear and block out what they don't.
Bancroft provides further insight on abusers, leading me to wonder if the anonymous online cowards might be just like them: "The differences between the verbally abusive man and the physical batterer are not as great as many people believe. The behavior of either style of abuser grows from the same roots and is driven by the same thinking...physically assaultive men are also verbally abusive to their partners. Mentally cruel and manipulative men tend to gradually drift into using physical intimidation as well."
One of my former batterer's family members minimized the abuse said batterer gave me and, yes, blamed me for it, defending and enabling him, and essentially, further encouraging him:
"Well, he told me you irritate and provoke him."
"He is not verbally abusive. He is just straightforward."
"You knew what he was like when you met him."
Needless to say, my ex-abuser's sister, who told me the latter statement, was previously arrested for assaulting her former cheating partner with a blade, and her last husband eventually divorced her.
Abusers: Masters at the Art of Manipulation
Contrary to popular belief, not entering into an abusive relationship can be just as tricky as leaving one. Abusers know how to select, charm, and lure their victims, keeping them dependent on them, and keeping them trapped.
"One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusers don't seem like abusers," Bancroft states. "They have many good qualities, including times of kindness, warmth, and humor, especially in the early period of a relationship. An abuser's friends may think the world of him...He may simply not fit anyone's image of a cruel or intimidating person. So when a woman feels her relationship spinning out of control, it is unlikely to occur to her that her partner is an abuser."
I certainly remember how well my last guy and I first hit it off. He was amongst few who allowed me to do silly things like push him around in a shopping cart or on the swings at the park and who approved of the caricatures I created of our least favorite people by dressing up stuffed animals in the types of underwear I believed they wore and such; he seemed to have many redeeming qualities that made me initially brush off his subtle little cut-downs, no matter how much they dug into me and made me feel bad. I was used to this sort of thing from my parents, who abused me throughout my childhood in every way imaginable...which made not gravitating towards what I was familiar with a struggle.
Like with Samantha, I received flack for not believing this bright charming cutie could possibly be abusive...as if I am psychic and should know.
"The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs," Bancroft reports. "Early generosity turning more and more into selfishness. Verbal explosions when he is irritated or doesn't get his way. Her grievances constantly turned around on her, so that everything is her own fault. His growing attitude that he knows what is good for her better than she does. And, in many relationships, a mounting sense of fear or intimidation. But the woman also sees her partner as a human being who can be caring and affectionate at times, and she loves him. She wants to figure out why he gets so upset, so that she can break his patterns of ups and downs. She gets drawn into the complexities of his inner world, trying to undercover clues, moving pieces around in an attempt to solve an elaborate puzzle."
I doubt that if Ms. Delcamp knew Burgess was a vile and dangerous child abuser, that she would have dated him...much less let him around her daughter.
Entering into an abusive relationship is like slowly sliding inside an enormous basin; once you find yourself stuck deep at the bottom, you must struggle to find a handhold/foothold to get out.
"The abuser's mood changes are especially perplexing," Bancroft says. "He can be a different person from day to day, or even from hour to hour. At times he is aggressive and intimidating, his tone harsh, insults spewing from his mouth, ridicule dripping from him like oil from a drum....at other moments, he sounds wounded and lost, hungering for love and for someone to take care of him. When this side of him emerges, he appears open and ready to heal....he may take on the quality of a hurt child, difficult and frustrating but loveable. Looking at him in this deflated state, his partner has trouble imagining that the abuser inside of him will ever be back. The beast that takes him over at other times looks completely unrelated to the person she now sees.
"Sooner or later, though," Bancroft continues, "the shadow comes back over him, as if it had a life of its own. Weeks of peace may go by, but eventually she finds herself under assault once again. Then her head spins with the arduous effort of untangling the many threads of his character, until she begins to wonder if she is the one whose head isn't quite right."
In many ways, leaving an abusive relationship is like navigating an emotional minefield. Any misstep could be the wrong one...which could have been yet another reason Ms. Delcamp "did nothing".
Responding to D.V. Victims
There is a line one should not cross when giving domestic abuse victims advice. It is certainly okay to offer suggestions and emotional support, but telling one what to do? Huge no-no.
Remember that a d.v. victim is surrounded by four walls struggling to find a safe way out. Although telling her to leave seems obvious and easy, the only true expert on her situation is she herself.
Demanding of an abuse victim to "just leave" is not only audacious...it could even be dangerous. The number of times my ex came close to killing me and the child I was pregnant by him with because I attempted to leave him after others called me "weak-willed" for refusing to attests to that.
"To make matters worse," Bancroft's book reads, "everyone she [the d.v. victim] talks to has a different opinion about the nature of his [the batterer's] problem and what she should do about it. Her clergyperson may tell her, 'Love heals all difficulties. Give him your heart fully, and he will find the spirit of God.' Her therapist speaks a different language, saying, 'He triggers strong reactions in you because he reminds you of your father, and you set things off in him because you remind him of his mother. You each need to work on not pushing each others' buttons.' A recovering alcoholic tells her, 'He's a rage addict. He controls you because he is terrified of his own fears. You need to get him into a twelve-step program.' Her brother may say to her, 'He's a good guy. I know he loses his temper with you sometimes—but you're no prize yourself with that mouth of yours. You two need to work it out, for the good of the children.' And then, to crown her increasing confusion, she may hear from her mother, or her child's schoolteacher, or her best friend: 'He's mean and crazy, and he'll never change. All he wants is to hurt you. Leave him now before he does something even worse.'
"All of these people are trying to help," Bancroft continues, "and they are all talking about the same abuser. But he looks different from every angle of view."
Even if two people are together, or the victim does not leave, there is absolutely no justification for abusive behavior. The folks who have victim-blamed me for becoming a single mother as a result of domestic violence could not stand to walk even one day in my life; I beat situations that would have pulverized those who judge me, many of who don't even know that my children are products of literal sexual assaults. I simply chose to respect these beautiful angels' lives because I knew their fathers' actions were not their faults and that I had no right to take that from them.
Ms. Delcamp's case is probably the most advanced, extreme, inhumane and powerful form of victim-shaming and victim reabuse I had ever seen; and with all the judgment, bullying, stigma and victim-blaming that society places on single mothers, I am quite sure Samantha would have been relentlessly victim-blamed even long after she left.
Regarding the online trolls, there are unhappy people in this world, and whenever I see a comment or video bashing victims, I usually have a difficult time not envisioning someone banging away at the keyboard in their Mama's basement, broke as *&$#, can't get laid, etc., who couldn't stand to see others happier. They've even stooped to belittling my guy for choosing me knowing I have children by men who physically abused and sexually violated me.
Many create all these narratives that have nothing to do with fact, even to the degree of devaluing innocent children:
"So you didn't believe in killing a rapist's seed?"
"Why did you deal with a rapist to begin with?"
"Your man must be a simp for dealing with someone with judgment as lame as yours."
"You women with kids are trash. We don't want all your saggy boobs, stretch marks, and floppy kitties." (There is a nastier version of the latter word that they actually use but I am just trying to keep things clean.)
"Rose," my simp warned while watching me write my latest comeback. "I am afraid those maniacs are gonna come looking for you."
"Why don't you ever support my wackiness?" I mumbled. "I would do it for you if you were a cuckoo-for-coco-puffs feminazi."
I proceeded to type to Mr. Online Crazy Dog Man, "Awww, somebody's mad that I found a guy who is 10+ times hotter than you. *Lovingly tosses you more virtual Milk Bone biscuits*."
The overall thought process and belief system of the general manosphere appears to consist of: "Well, I will have you know, that the reason, that I am over here creating all these women-hating videos in my mother's basement, is because it is you stupid women's faults that I can't get laid. Because you always choose the handsome thugs over us, while you ignore us nerdy fugmoes. Now, allow me to return to my stolen department store mannequin while I proceed to enjoy watching all your hunky bad boys smash your faces into the wall."
Any community that makes it their life's mission to bash away or takes the time to hate on those they don't even know, whose life circumstances they know nothing about, can't be happy. Men who whine about women exude feminine energy. Masculine energy and leadership is where you move forward and don't give too many f's what others think.
If you are part of a pack, you are not an alpha. Alphas lead packs. Bashing women is whiny accountability and misogyny. You never learn to dig for gold if you just learn to sit around and complain.
Whether these men who are online complaining about women would fight an actual woman in physical reality I cannot say, but I do know that men who buck up on women often become very respectful when a real man walks in the building. "Yes sir. Yeah Boss. Okay. I'll be there at 9 o'clock."
In terms of looking at women as a collective and expressing that level of hatred, online bullies not only fail to protect women as real men would, they become additional victimizers of these women as well.
Many trolls eventually walk away and delete their own comments because truth and masculinity is a disinfectant for people like that. That mindset is like a fungus or bacteria. My refusal to fold to their garbage makes them leave the chat. Who chooses to date me is not their concern; they need to fix their own lives.
Getting advice from people who are only cheerleaders for one's dysfunction won't make a man healthy in the long run. It might make him feel better to complain about women all day and feel more correct if 10,000 other smelly Bert-from-Sesame-Street-looking betas agree... but it won't give him the life he wants.
Elaborating further on the complexities of leaving toxic relationships, Bancroft states: "The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: 'He's mean'. But she knows many ways in which he has been good to her.' Friends say: 'He treats you that way because he can get away with it. I would never let someone treat me that way.' But she knows that the times she put her foot down the most firmly, he responds by becoming his angriest and most intimidating. When she stands up to him, he makes her pay for it — sooner or later. Friends say: 'Leave him.' But she knows it won't be that easy. He will promise to change. He'll get friends and relatives to feel sorry for him and pressure her to give him another chance. He'll get severely depressed causing her to worry whether he'll be all right. And, depending on what style of abuser he is, she may know that he will be become dangerous when she tries to leave him. She may even be concerned that he will try to take her children away from her, as some abusers do."
Domestic abuse survivor and victim advocate Leslie Morgan Steiner, author of Crazy Love, reports that many victims of domestic abuse, along with their children, get stalked, harassed, threatened, bullied, etc., by former partners, in some cases long after the abusers remarry; leaving abusive relationships, Steiner says, can be the most dangerous, vulnerable time for victims. Statistically, too many battered mothers and children even get killed for leaving.
Many who allow others to inflict pain on them are helpless; allow me to explain what I mean by "helpless" because I know many will go up in arms about this too.
Sometimes, people are in a place in their lives in which they are simply not in the right state to help themselves or anyone else, in some cases even their own children.
A woman suffering abuse is not in a state at this moment in which she can really help herself, or any children she might have. She will need to decide if she wants to leave but is usually not able to get out by herself, not when she has reached a point to where the man has began isolating, physically abusing, or threatening to hurt her or one of her loved ones, including, quite possibly, her child(ren), if she leaves. She needs help.
Even the ones who escape physically might not have escaped mentally; I believe PSYCHE/101 teaches the power of the mind, and just how powerfully a person can abuse the mind. It is nothing to play with; it's like an addiction. When a person suffers from abuse over and over, it is like an addiction they can't stop. They need help from others around them.
An abuser's job is to crush his victim's self-esteem into the ground, destroying her to nothing. Much of the time, the root of all her beliefs is that she already believes she deserves the abuse, which is why she stays. That is why she allows it. She believes she deserves the mistreatment/is a bad parent/person and then for you, as someone she is looking to for encouragement and support, to tell her if she allows it, she deserves it, or she is a bad parent for being unable to protect her children, you just confirm her negative beliefs about herself. You sound just like her abuser.
We can get others to take responsibility for their actions without placing the blame for someone else's actions on them. They are not responsible for the actions of abusers, who would have been the same people regardless of what their victims allowed. If they could not have abused that person, they would have abused someone else.
Abusers are looking for victims. They know who to choose, how to reel them in and keep them trapped; and, sometimes, if they further hone their craft, they will make victims. Some who were once strong can also be made weak.
It is not like people are just walking around and it is obvious who they are. In fact, much of the time, people describe abusers in positive words: kind, caring, smart, successful, loving, and, in fact, are often very surprised by the things people do behind closed doors.
Abusers can be so good at covering up who they are that even if their victims do come forward, they are never believed.
No one is wearing a sign around their necks that read CAUTION: I Am an Abuser. This is why abusers are so good at what they do, because they can fool anyone, including you.
Really, anyone has a chance to become a victim of abuse. No one deserves it. And just because we allow something to happen to us, it doesn't mean we deserve it. It simply means we have allowed ourselves to accept less than what we deserve.
Victim-blaming keeps the cycle going. If anything, it is helping the victimizers avoid accountability/responsibility if they hear you tell their victims they deserved the abuse they give them:
"Well, if she allows me to beat/cheat on her, or if others blame her for the abuse I am giving her/her child(ren), then I will keep abusing her and her child because they think she deserves the abuse I give her and it is her fault I abuse her kid. There is nothing wrong with what I am doing because everyone thinks she is the bad person/mother. And if she didn't deserve it, she wouldn't stay with me and she wouldn't allow it."
I am not saying we don't have responsibility or accountability in these situations because we do, and we do need to give ourselves more power in these situations, but there is such a thing as giving oneself too much power, which can hurt more than it helps. We cannot control others. We can influence to a certain extent but we can't control anyone. We are not responsible for how others react to us, and abusers are going to be who they are regardless of how we act.
We must stop victim-blaming. We are hurting victims. In fact, when you tell someone, "When you allow it, you deserve it," you keep her in that place. She already believes she deserves it, is a failure as a parent, or a rotten human being so this is essentially like tossing gasoline on fire. You reinforce what she already believes about herself.
You keep telling victims that, they keep believing it, the abusers keep abusing them, the victims keep allowing it to happen to them...and so the cycle continues.
We must stop the cycle. Stop reabusing victims. We can give power without giving too much power; the only actions we are responsible and accountable for are our own.
If you were victimized, did you deserve it because you allowed it? Were you worthy of it?
Having unconditional love for yourself means knowing that a mistake such as allowing yourself to accept less than what you deserve does not mean you deserve it or are not worthy of better. Accepting accountability and responsibility for your actions means acknowledging that you have the power to control what you accept or don't accept, to control who comes in and out of your life and how you react to others. It never means you have the power to control how others react and behave or that you are to blame if someone does you wrong.
How You Can Help
Based on what limited information I currently have about Delcamp's situation, I don't know that any of us can ever know the whole picture; however, I tend to be of the school of, "Never judge anyone until you walked in their shoes."
What is being done to Samantha is so far beyond cruel and heinous that I would be very shocked if this young woman still has her sanity; but at the end of the day, only Ms. Delcamp knows her complete experience and why she did not leave, and only God's verdict truly matters.
If you agree that Samantha should be released from prison, sign and share the following petition:
If you are a victim of domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or visit https://www.thehotline.org/
If you are a victim of sexual assault, contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline RAINN at (800) 656-4673, (or 800-656-HOPE) or go to https://www.rainn.org/
For all emergency situations, call 911.