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Five (5) Reasons Why Black People Are Rarely Abducted By Aliens

I have been writing poetry, fiction and short stories for many years and have completed a book of poems. I also enjoy comedy writing.

Alien Abduction - Abduction Racism

Aliens have been abducting people from as far back as when the stupid ass Pharaoh never wanted to free the children of Israel and God had to do what God does best. Punish his Egyptian butt. Since then, thousands of people have come out and have claimed that they have been visited by extraterrestrials and claim to have been abducted. The thing is that the aliens seems to only be abducting a particular race of people in a particular region of the world. Aliens normally target areas in America which is scantily populated and they normally abduct white folks. Do you believe Aliens are racist too? Mmmm. Or is it that white people are much easier to deal with when it comes on to abduction than black people. I have had the opportunity to sit and interview a real live Alien from the planet Zzandix and he gave me a pretty dramatic detail as to why they prefer to abduct white folks. Oh, he assured me that aliens are not racist, they are just smart!

Hey...where yah running to boy

Hey...where yah running to boy

1. They'll Bus a Cap In Their Ass

Aliens who know that black people don't like to be beamed up by light in some space shuttle knows that the abduction of black people is off limits! In the last black abduction the Alien greys were left digging caps out of their butts straight across the milky way. They had beamed up this 'brotha' from the hood named Marcus and forgot to pat him down, little did they know he was packing and not lacking and did what gangstas do. He is now located somewhere on planet Nebula running part of the block for himself. The aliens try feverishly to get him to go back to earth but they know what will happen if they retaliate. Marcus so far has over 2000 rebel aliens under is command, all listening Tupac and shouting Fuch Nebula!

Hey...

Hey...

2. Aliens will be high as Fuch!

Can you imagine aliens abducting a couple black guys late one night each blazing a joint bigger than their heads? What you will eventually find is a couple weed head aliens navigating to the sun when they should be going back to planet Zzandix. Smoking on those God damn blunts and causing space collision. Aliens know better than to pick up black people, they will be packing weed, which the aliens may smoke and eventually get higher than the sun! And not to mention the effect weed has on the female aliens. Could some one say aphrodisiac! This is one reason why the high council of Alien abductors may even ban abducting black folks. The female aliens are getting so aroused by the weed and too much little big head black grey hybrid aliens are popping up all over their planet.

five-5-reasons-why-black-people-are-rarely-abducted-by-aliens

3. Aliens Hate Baby Mama Dramas

A set of extra terrestrials landed somewhere in the hood and found some beautiful black vixens. They took them to their planet and introduced them to other aliens. The aliens who brought them decided to copulate with them. They produced beautiful hybrid, dark- grey children with big eyes. One day the earth girl and her alien hubby had an argument about her not being faithful and had questions about his six kids not being his, spaz, spiz, spuz, spez spoz spyz. These aliens knew that earth people were always screwing around with each other and the Alien decided he wanted a paternity test. The black earth women said they did not trust the aliens procedure and wanted Maury to do it. The aliens agreed and abducted Maury right in the middle of reading Michelle Obama's DNA results. Maury read the DNA. "In the case of 1 year old spaz, you are NOT the father!" The alien cried and all space heard his buffalo moans across the galaxy. "In the case of the other five sp's, you are not the father." Turns out that the alien's dad was the father of all six. He eventually committed suicide. Poor extraterrestrial, welcome to my world!

Bling Bling Motha Lucker!

Bling Bling Motha Lucker!

4. They Are Too God Damn Heavy To Beam Up

When an Alien abducts a white person or any other race for that matter, they normally determine the beam strength by analyzing the persons body weight. Most people are simply abducted carrying just a simple wallet, abducted while sleeping or jogging in a dark lonely serial killer prone park at 1 am, you know, things white folks like to do. Aliens have no problems abducting these people, but when they try to abduct a black man, the beam up ray has to put in over drive. Not only will they be abducting the black man, they will be abducting the 500 lbs of jewelry he has strapped all over his body. A scrawny black man will weigh around 130lbs but his jewellery is like 4 times his weight. Aliens know they have no time to struggle with all that "bling bling" so they simply leave black people alone.

Somali Pirates

Somali Pirates

5. Black people don't investigate Shit!

Black people are not that interested into seeing what is ruffling behind the bushes in a dark lonely woods or visiting a haunted house in search of paranormal activities. Many of the abduction traps that have been set by aliens are sprung by white folks who wish to quench their tickling curiosity. My good alien friend even mentioned their underwater alien base where they have abducted over 5000 white folks and not one black man as black people have no interest in what the hell lurks at the bottom of the sea. When ever they spot a boat filled with black men they know its time to hide as those are god damn Somalian pirates who will rob just about anything in or on water! This is the closest that black people have come to deep water investigation and i am pretty sure it will not change any time soon.

If aliens are constantly nagging and abducting you

Once you look black to an alien, he will leave you the hell alone. Why not simply use a fake skin darkener or tanning cream to fool those aliens. Be black, Aliens keep back!

© 2015 Clive Williams

Comments

Anita Hasch from Port Elizabeth on July 16, 2019:

Loved this hub.

Clive Williams (author) from Jamaica on August 19, 2018:

Hey Ken...I understand. but it is just humor. I know race is a touchy subject anywhere in the world today since trump won. But hey, You can't deny the truth in some of these points man.

Ken Burgess from Florida on August 19, 2018:

Great article, got a heck of a laugh out of it.

Not sure it will stand the test of time though, this type of humor no longer passes the PC and SJW standards I am fairly certain.

I can imagine the tears falling and the blood vessels popping if this happened to hit the Berkley Campus.

Josh on May 11, 2018:

LMAO

Smh on December 29, 2017:

An article written by a white person pretending to be black, hee-larious!

Clive Williams (author) from Jamaica on October 17, 2016:

@ew black aliens! i see millions of people like you everyday. taking bits and pieces of the Bible and twisting it. Tell me about melons and egypt. You have no idea do you.

Clive Williams (author) from Jamaica on September 30, 2016:

Well, it only works for aliens.....but watch out for those cops!

Nadine May from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa on September 30, 2016:

Ha ha ha a funny hub for a change. I was drawn to the title and had to read it. I never even thought about that all abductees are white. Is that true? I must get myself a bottle of fake skin darkener cream.

Clive Williams (author) from Jamaica on August 31, 2016:

@OhTheeIrony. true

OhTheeIrony on August 31, 2016:

The funny part is, you're trying to be funny, but you are actually correct. Except, aliens have no need to abduct black people because the aliens are black themselves. They don't need to study who they are. Whites, on the other hand, are foreign to them and this planet, and they need to make sure they have all of their calculations right.

Clive Williams (author) from Jamaica on October 09, 2015:

LOL@jonnycomelately

jonnycomelately on October 09, 2015:

Of coarse Aliens exist. I'm personally related to them, not just in terms of DNA.....but in name also. They wanted to make an example of me so they substituted "ie" for the "a" in Alan.

Ever since they did that I've been way out left of field and hooked up on Cloud Nine.

Just so you know, like......

Oh, and they removes my jeans and made me white where it matters most.

Clive Williams (author) from Jamaica on October 09, 2015:

You are most welcome, Catherine Jameson

Catherine Jameson on October 09, 2015:

Cheers Clive, made my afternoon. Very amusing!

Clive Williams (author) from Jamaica on September 24, 2015:

Couldn't agree more @bradmasterOCcal

Brad on September 23, 2015:

Clive

It sounds like the Aliens are highly intelligent in that respect.

Compared to our voters who just reelect politicians when they open their mouth.

In which case the Aliens would kill the voters for their stupidity. :)

Clive Williams (author) from Jamaica on September 23, 2015:

bradmasterOCcal....Aliens have a death penalty rule about lying and stupidity. If they abduct politicians it would be a waste for as soon as they open their mouth they receive the death penalty!!!

Brad on September 23, 2015:

So why don't Aliens abduct politicians?

Clive Williams (author) from Jamaica on September 23, 2015:

Thanks for reading my alien hub Frank

Frank Atanacio from Shelton on September 23, 2015:

maybe two Clive.. I'll give you that much..TWO! LOL

Clive Williams (author) from Jamaica on September 22, 2015:

lol. i am glad to be of assistant billy.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on September 22, 2015:

I was howling at the title....feared I would pee my pants as the article unfolded. Thanks for clearing up this mystery for us all.

Clive Williams (author) from Jamaica on September 22, 2015:

hey always exploring, always nice to hear from you

Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on September 22, 2015:

Too Funny! It would have been much more effective if God's name had not been used. You are a riot!

Clive Williams (author) from Jamaica on September 22, 2015:

thanks jonny

jonnycomelately on September 22, 2015:

Great hub, Clive, it's all absolutely true, of course......

But I can't make out why you bought fuch-a-shima into the discussion.