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E.T.'s, and All Gods Including Zeus, Odin, Manitou, Viracocha...anybody, Please, Save Us From Politicians!: A Satire

Val finds his fun satirizing the flaws of the political, religious, cultural, and medico-pharmaceutical paradigms.

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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

-- Groucho Marx

With No Silly Ambitions

I'm kidding you not -- I am way too much of a political cynic as to ever play anything resembling an activist of any sort. So, it's a sheer coincidence if any of my writings look like a naiive attempt to "make a difference in this world".

Indeed, at this age of 77 I would have no stamina, and even less of a stomach to lock horns with anyone, especially since their horns would more than likely be much longer.

And now, aside of all this apparent chickenshit, let me ask you something -- hey folks, why are we allowing our leaders to lead us from one international hostility to another, from one economic crisis to another, from one national division to another?

Come on, hasn't everybody got tired by even reading history books -- let alone agreeing to keep repeating any of that shameful crap!

So I say -- hypothetically, of course -- how about we all stop voting for this kind of leaders whose careerism and greed for power has made this planet an arena of political gladiators, with massive spectators either cheering or bitching or both in a trance of deception.

Like a bunch of kids playing Superman, political hot heads in power seemingly get carried away inventing one enemy after another, and becoming one as well in the process. Which wouldn't even be but a juicy spectacle for us-the-people, if they ever rolled up their sleeves to personally kick each other's ass in a ring.

Hey, join me in having fun at imagining how it all might go.

Like, I am not sure what color of martial arts belts those Chinese and Japanese leaders may have, but -- sorry to say it, considering his terrible reputation -- but Putin might kick quite a few asses.

As for Sleepy Joe, I picture him going all confused around the ring and trying to make a deal, like: "If you don't kick me in the stomach, I won't kick your nuts...if you don't punch my face, I won't bite your ear, if you don't break my nose, I won't spit on you..." -- and so on, until they would just mercifully disqualify him.

This reminds me of a scene in the movie "Troy", where Achilles (played by Brad Pitt) is summoned as a champion of one state to fight the champion of another, which was to prevent the battle between the two armies.

That's where the unbeatable Achilles mumbles as if for himself -- before rushing to kill twice his size opponent: "Hmmm...when will these kings fight by themselves their fights, instead of this".

Maybe those were not exactly his words, but what kind of memory do you expect from a 77 years old fart.

So, where was I, before this movie story...? Yeah, just look at the inflation, at price of gas and food, and prices of everything else raising like crazy. I can even imagine some of those single dudes already worrying if the whores are also going to raise the price for their noble services.

News are full of nonsense as usual, with everybody hating everybody else, and even good Mother Nature is not treating us as its welcome tenants, with all disasters around the globe going on.

As an amateur quantum enthusiast, I'm suspecting that we are being punished for letting a handful of super rich and their political puppets systematically ruin the beautiful face of our Mother Earth.

Serves us right.

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Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

-- Ambrose Bierce

Why Not Vote "Against All" Candidates

Up there I was a sort of suggesting that we all stop voting.

I already did, at the last federal election I showed them my teeth of a pissed anti-voter, after first practicing well as an anti-vaxxer. And now, during the current provincial elections I decided not to pick the smallest among several evils.

(For all those who don't know it yet -- I live in Canada, as if that's supposed to make any damn difference to them where I live).

All kidding aside -- I know it doesn't matter at all whether I vote or not, because there are millions of those out there who can't hardly wait to get that deceiving taste of being included in governmental affairs -- while the winner in that race in laughing all the way to their throne, acting like a king from that point on.

As always, those who invested the most money into their political ads have the best chance to win, as always -- regardless of their qualifications; they are literally "the best advertised item on the political market" -- that's all.

Really, why else do they need that few months long pre-election period, but for self-promotion. At the bottom line it's only a job, and it should be enough to publicly present each of the candidates "portfolio" -- and then vote based on those qualifications.

Why go from city to city, shake hands, hold some babies, an sweet talk everyone with a bunch of lies.

Well, in short, if there was such an election where we could vote "against all candidates", I would be among those carrying the banners. Maybe even shouting something, just for the hell of it, like to vent my frustrations over the upcoming expensive repairs on my little Toyota.

All others are doing the same anyway, like clueless about what is really pissing them so much -- and with politicians being a perfect channel for that accumulated crappy energy to be discharged.

In my old dreamy head sometimes I am picturing a different kind of leaders. Someone elected by the Supreme court, not by the people who judge a candidate by their looks, and by their style of lying in speeches prepared for them by experts in manipulation with masses.

You know, that well tested bunch of cliches and phrases that always work. Like a trigger-word in hypnotic induction, certain phrases ensure that well conditioned people become instant believers.

Indeed, wouldn't you rather have for a leader one of those meek, somewhat neurotic and unassuming, but very smart academic with thick glasses which don't let them see as far as China and Russia, to "notice" what they are secretly plotting against us. For, by the way, neuroscientists are telling us how we don't "see" with our eyes but with our brains, so we see what we believe.

Really, someone stripped of all those flashy epithets and powers, in short -- someone who knows what the hell they are supposed to do if they are to qualify to call themselves a leader of a whole nation.

Running a country takes some brains, not merely a strong ambition and hunger for power.

I am just wondering how many more generations of us sheepheads it will take before we, the smartest species on earth, happen to hatch from our shells and suddenly realize that we've been played by a handful of political illusionists, who are "representing our best interests -- not the interests of the richest". Yeah, right.

In that sense, there is some promise already in this young generation who are seemingly all into cell phones, tattoos, rap music, and football -- all-in-all not giving a damn about something like politics.

Then I go a little creative in my daydreaming, also envisioning E.T.'s as landing down by thousands, neutralizing our heavy weaponry, and telepathically changing our brains into something healthier.

Of course, not before they would first apologize to us for not doing it right those millennia back in time when they messed up by underestimating the genetic power of that crazy monkey whose genes they combined with their own to create us.

Don't you ever have such dreams after watching our daily news?

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Everything is changing. People are taking comedians seriously and their politicians as a joke.

-- Will Rogers

Don't Pray for Jesus' Return -- For His Own Sake

By the way, no matter how much you may be enjoying reading this literary masterpiece, I am not planning to make it much longer.

But, before I go, I owe an apology to the religious folks, for not elaborating a little on that, maybe the best of all solutions -- of Jesus returning to kick the ass of that dude living in the architectural luxury of Vatican, surrounded by his disciples -- I think they are called "cardinals".

Hmmm... here in Canada that's what we call some cute little birds with red heads and wings. Sorry, birdies for calling you names.

Now, not being a religious dude, I love Jesus, Buddha, and I wish I knew more of such wonderful individuals to love. As for Jesus, he was preaching about everything that we are not. Meaning some loving creatures living in harmony with each other in our big human family.

Instead, we are attending our churches, synagogues, mosques and temples, and then bombing the hell out of each other under some most insane excuses, which only start making some pervert sense if we follow the money.

Yes, we need Jesus -- albeit the question remains whether he would need us, because our politicians are just of a kind that they might crucify him again. They don't want any competition when power is in question. And their bosses -- those mighty corporations, certainly don't need anyone to spoil their grand game on this planet.

In the meantime, while we are waiting for some merciful benevolent force to remove these parasitic specimens like politicians from power, what do you say -- is there any legal way to get rid of them "mis-leading" us?

O.K., I understand, we would first have to snap out of their hypnotic spell, enough to see how they keep using the well tested formula invented by Mafia. That is, invent an enemy and impose yourself as a savior -- for a fee, which means the highest seat in the government.

So that everybody is suddenly an "enemy" -- Chinese, Russians, Vietnamese, North Koreans, Afghans, Iranians, Iraqi, Mexicans, Blacks, Republicans/Democrats, journalists...why not also extraterrestrials.

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Sometimes I wonder if the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.

-- Mark Twain

For a Brief Epilog

Well, it must be nice to live in one of those small countries, whose only enemy is their own government.

The only problem for them arises when they get economically coerced into joining NATO -- now being forced to listen carefully to the American directives whom to start hating and badmouthing -- all according to the America's "national interests".

So that, should they be told -- they would go to kill some poor bastards who never did anything bad to them. (Remember Bush's war, when he announced to the world: "You are either with us, or against us in this war.")

And everybody was with him, not necessarily enthusiastic, but joining -- with the British Prime Minister, by the name of Tony Blair, later on publicly admitting that he got sucked into that illegal war by America.

Hey, Americans are wonderful folks, and none of this has absolutely anything to do with what their leaders are doing, except for one single thing -- they have an awfully bad taste when they elect those leaders.

Well, so much I had for this installment of my badmouthing this second-oldest profession, the next after prostitution. With both being heavily involved in screwing business, this one is taking taxes for their services -- not the money left on the night table.

O,K,, I hope you have been at least somewhat entertained with this bunch of political truisms.

So, I don't expect that anyone should get an "intellectual indigestion", as all ingredients for this article have already been much used, while only the recipe is my own.

© 2022 Val Karas

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