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Supporting Others - Your Way to the Top

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Using Webtalk for 3 years now, Im conversant with how it works and how new members can use it to maximize their benefits.

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You versus the Other

The spirit of helping others to get ahead in life is so rare that when we are offered that kind of help, we ask the question, ‘How much will this cost me?’ When we see someone trying to get ahead, we do not want to see them succeed. We do all we can to sabotage their efforts.

Many people describe that kind of attitude as ‘the pull him down syndrome.’ What causes people to develop a jealous attitude so they start to tear others down? Is it worth it? Let consider a few things.

A bit on Psychology

How Our Personality Develops

A well know psychoanalyst called Sigmund Freud conducted a study published in 1923. This research brought about the structural model of personality in which Freud stated that we are born with what is called the ID. According to Freud, when a baby wants something, he wants it NOW, regardless of the time or circumstances, and he will cry until it’s granted. The reality of life doesn’t matter at this stage and that state will continue until a human being is about three years old. Then the Ego develops. The ego knows reality. It knows that the people around have other things to do and no matter how much you cry, sometimes other things take priority until it’s your turn. So the ego starts to control the ID. By age five, the Superego develops. A sense of what is right and wrong starts to develop at this point, affected by the environment and the influence of people around you.

So the development goes as ID-EGO-SUPER EGO. As if deliberately placed in the middle, the ego controls the ID so a person does not always selfishly insist on what they want. On the other hand, it regulates the superego so a person is conscious of reality – otherwise they would think they reign supreme.

Where the Combative Attitude Comes In

As humans, we have an inborn sense of self-worth. According to Freud, most of what we are, our views, our attitudes, lies in the unconscious. That sense tells us we are the best in certain areas of life. And when someone steps into the territory we hold as our own, our ego is threatened and it looks for a defence mechanism. Then trouble begins! We become jealous of those who do better than us and in the long run we launch an attack on them so we can maintain our number one spot.

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But do we really need to wear combat?

Remember the superego talked about earlier? Well, the superego holds the morality part of us. That self-conscious tells us that no matter how much our ego is hurt, we can’t pull the trigger on someone, so to speak. The super ego will scream – MURDER- and it’s not acceptable!

That applies to when we are jealous of someone’s success. Destroying their work or reputation shows a lack of morality and is unacceptable. When you start speaking disparagingly of someone, or you attack their being, their ideas or their actions, you are actually acknowledging the fact that they are better than you, and you feel intimidated by them. That is the harsh reality.

Will attacking your ‘opponent’ make things better for you?

The Smarter Way to Get to the Top

Imagine yourself climbing a ladder. Your opponent is a few steps ahead of you – that is why there is contention. If you try to shove them aside so you can go ahead, both of you will fall off the ladder. None of you would reach the top and would have to start afresh. Accomplishment would be a long time coming.

Changing the way you view your opponent may be a better solution. Instead of being jealous and contentious, try being envious. Envy eliminates anger from jealousy. It allows you to scrutinize your weaknesses and measure them against the strengths of your opponent without feeling hurt. When you find the honest truth, use it as motivation to improve.

Since the other person is already ahead of you on the ladder, support them so they can move upwards. Remember that they will not jump aside so you can get ahead. The only sensible way for you to get to the top is to let them get there first. So encourage them to move up. View them as a partner and not an opponent.

Tearing others apart by word or action is a waste of the valuable time you could use moving up. You may hurt the other person but you will hurt too because no matter what you do, chances are that they will not give up because of you. Because of their resistance, your ego will be injured and you will lose joy. On the other hand, when you push others up, you gain a partner and it gets more pleasant and easier to get to the top.

© 2018 Skopo

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