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Abortion, the Non-Issue of the Future

John is a middle-school business teacher, happily married since 1989 and grateful to have been given the gift of life.

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The Future Won't Care

Yes. Abortion will be a future non-issue. Why? Technology is advancing like a supernova. Remember the century-old claim that everything that can be invented has been invented? Short-sighted claim, don’t you think? Here’s what’s brewing: The government of the future will know if you’re pregnant. It’s that simple. Uh, yes, both men and women, now that we know that men can become pregnant. Men too will have the pregnant “glow” that women used to have in exclusivity. Anyway, don’t worry; you won’t notice the tiny thing sent by the powers that be; it’s the size of an ant’s brain. It’s called a nanocam. It’s a camera. It flies into you. Via skin pores or any orifice. Slight itch. It goes right to your reproductive internals and sets up camp for the afternoon. Takes high magnification, high resolution pictures of what’s going on there and sends the photos to our federal friends so they can see if you are “with child.” Same as you getting a speeding ticket without being pulled over; the camera just sends the incriminating bitstream to police headquarters. Some folks desire to have sway over your life. That’s why. They claim they know what is best for the world by controlling people. Besides, digital storage, transmission and processing is cheap and will only get cheaper. See?

Termination will be a Tragedy of the Past

So you pregnant folks, sorry, uh, “birthing people,” having been identified with “zygotes-on-the-loose,” will receive timely holographic messages from the DHP, the Department of Homeland Pregnancy. An emoticon of a newborn baby with a giant red exclamation point, appearing in the upper left of your field of vision, at a super-convenient time like when you are bathing or having intimacy. Accessing the message will reveal an official inquiry as to your intentions with the zygote. You will be warned about illegal termination (abortion, to be clear) and the painless ease and benefits of free live extraction by the DHP. They will show up in a nondescript white van but everyone in your neighborhood will know. They will press the “start” button on their extraction machine. You will feel a little warmth down there and some pressure. They will leave minutes later with your (their) fully viable zygote. You see, termination will be a tragedy of the past. Pro-lifers will be happy! Pro-choicers might also be pleased because the unwanted zygote will be gone from their lives. It's a win-win! No more Roe v. Wade controversy. Some of them will still be pissed, though, because that's the way humanity is. The fertilized egg you gave up will be grown to its nine-month fruition in a crystal-clear acrylic, fully-automatic green-fueled gestation chamber, kind of like a hydroponic garden setup, with vitals readouts in a glowing display. The gestation chambers will be arrayed in designated public areas; passersby will be able to look inside and scrutinize the zygotes via integral magnifying lenses. Sorta like aquarium displays in pet stores. There will be a DHP mission-statement, operational profile, adoption pricing with attractive incentives, and financing options. Age progression video loops and comprehensive genetic profiles for persnickety customers. Half-price on blonde-hair, blue eyed ones. Ugly babies will be the rage.

Don't Worry, The Abortion Era Will Leave Colorful Remnants

Like the beautiful nebula after a star explodes, the evidence of abortion being a thing will reside in certain clusters of the population. On the other side of "normal" for example, flaunting playful bicep flexes, some gestating men will insist on carrying their zygotes to term, the complete 9 month experience. Because “full-term” is what God intended. These testosterone-addled estrogen-drizzled men will be stared at by drop-jawed citizens and known as “womb-drivers” in popular culture. They will be heavily muscled and wear olive-colored crop-tops, primp spiky pink-blonde hair and indulge themselves in public appearances as their bellies expand. Feminist women, in contrast, will take pride in their painless microsurgical hysterectomies, sporting clingy t-shirts emblazoned with a uterus and the red circle-slash symbol. “No fucking man will hijack my uterus for some kid I gonna be stuck with forever!”

Let the Supreme Court Guide You

Oh, but wait. Since this “moral decision eliminating” future has not arrived yet, some observations are in order. A birthing person should have the right (freedom) to terminate, within some legal bounds, of which the Supreme Court has or will have ruled. Personally, I believe that life begins at conception, yet I would never insist that my beliefs dictate rules regarding pregnant people because personal freedom for all (with its commensurate rules and responsibilities) is my “ground zero.” I acknowledge, as everyone should, that personal beliefs may be more emotional than what’s reasonable for functional co-existence with our fellow citizens. We believe what we want to believe, not necessarily the truth, which in many cases, no one knows anyway. I think we as a society have a lot more agreement about the criteria for abortion than the news entertainment hatred-pushing media would have us believe. For example, despite all the over-baked narratives of babies being brutally excised from the wombs of irresponsible mothers, I am pretty sure most abortions don't happen this way. Yet, the other side’s narrative is also unsatisfying. The “my body, my choice” blabbermouths should have a better slogan; “my body” is a gross oversimplification of the issue. Try “my responsibility, my choice.” Thereby “choice” is preserved in an atmosphere of responsibility as given by the abortion rules. The Supreme Court will rule properly on abortion because qualified justices reside there, on both sides of politics, who fully grasp the issue; we should ignore the mind-damaged actors on both sides of this issue who slather their twisted, exaggerated, selfish bling upon the rest of us, as though only they can decide the morality of our society.

The State will Raise the Kids

The human population will increase drastically since the government will be the "birth control" of choice: no more vaginal or penile interceptions, drugs or procedures. The state will raise most children via high taxation. The states' new babies, fresh out of the gestation chambers, will be placed in auto-nannies, which are electric autonomous strollers, swaddled upright with body-contoured urethane foam and turned loose in designated urban or suburban areas. Auto-nannies will be everywhere, blending in with the flow of living. They will have independent system redundancy and probabilistic error itineraries so accidents and breakdowns will be rare. They will also be weaponized to neutralize assholes who might otherwise be charged with grand theft auto-nanny. The auto-nanny will run the baby all over town, a daily tour of the microcosm, different each day, even nightlife, grasping reflex opportunities a plenty, "boob-o-matic" breastfeeding with seamless spit up and drool control, fecal and urine separation and skillful avoidance of the bountiful “dangers buffet” offered in the city. The auto-nanny's multi-gender and multi-racial animatronic face will speak and sing to the baby in male, female, and LGBTQ+ voices, as well as make animal and other sounds, as they roam around the town. The baby will be able to reach out and touch the animatronic face, a different culture and/or gender each day. The auto-nanny will manipulate and massage the baby, even stopping in natural places or parks, hoisting it to the ground and letting the infant frolic around independently, prodding it to start crawling and then walking. Don’t worry about having to dodge these strollers as you walk about your day; they will dodge you, even taking wing in emergencies, the giggling baby enjoying every nanosecond of its new existence instead of having had its "clump of cells" terminated by the morally superior abortion rights people.

Some Kids will be Raised by Human Parents

With these morality decisions disappearing in our techno-future, we will be a very fortunate race, human race, that is. Most zygotes will survive and be brought to term as babies, naturally or artificially, the "pro-choicers" able to exercise their "right" to be free from unwanted pregnancies. No, your homegrown baby will not be speeding around town in an auto-nanny, unless you buy one, but you will probably have a zygote extraction machine and gestation chamber in your home, delivered by an enthusiastic Amazon drone, so you don't have to be slugified by an expanding person in your belly for nine months. “Alexa, what are my notifications?” Says you. “One new notification.” She begins in her purposeful voice. “Zygote extraction kit and gestation chamber have arrived.” So the white van won’t be stopping at your place, unless you decide to “abort” at any time in the gestation period, or even after the baby is gently extricated from the chamber by a soft silicone conveyor, wiped and wrapped automatically as 1970s soft rock plays at low volume. No, you won’t have to go to the hospital because, why? And male breasts already have milk ducts, mammary tissue and the hormones required for milk production, so you "malemoms" can get the full experience with a little hormone therapy. Why not?

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Stop Stressing and Love Your Pro-Life or Pro-Choice Acquaintances!

We should stop stressing over abortion. People will get them even if they are illegal because they will. They will not become mass murderers. Conversely, others will not get abortions and some will be horrible parents and they won’t be saying, “gosh, I’m glad I didn’t get an abortion!” as their child grows up to be a misanthropic nightmare. The problem with the issue of abortion, as with most issues, is that the media coverage of them makes us feel like a divided, stressed population, when we are not and should not be. Most of us are decent folks who will make informed decisions, respecting Supreme Court rulings because rulings are what they’re good at. Sometimes laws can have a positive influence on our morality and guide us to good choices. But as individuals, we don’t have to have the same morality. We can find our common ground, agree to disagree, and continue our lives feeling good about us. We humans will never be perfect but we have built a good society, one we should enjoy, strive to improve and be grateful for.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2022 John Sebastian

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