My long-term dream as a girl was to become a stay at home mother. I have always wanted to have a large family and to take care of them in the way that I felt was traditional. The dream has (as dreams will) changed quite a bit over the years and reality has sunk in in its slow way. For a long time I would look around myself and see a cluttered mess. The truth was, a mess was all I saw, and I didn’t know how to clean it up. I was irritable and constantly annoyed with my husband and my daughter. It never occurred to me that the real focus of my negative emotions was me. I didn’t feel very good about myself.
The truth is that we have a great deal of power as women. My husband is the head of my household (by mutual choice) and I feel that as a stay at home mom, I should be the heart of the home. It simply took me a long time to figure out how to create joy in my family.
The Heart of the Home
Many women don't understand the profound impact that they have on their families every single day. As wives and mothers, our moods dramatically affect those who are around us, and we can pass our cheer on to our children (and thereby our husbands) or we can pass off our bad mood and share our personal misery. If a housewife is happy, her family will be happy and her home will be peaceful; if she is unhappy, there will often be dissention in the ranks, disobedient children and an argumentative husband.
As women, we have a great deal of power. The trouble is that very many of us don't know how to wield that power we have been given! I feel strongly that knowing how to use our femininity will change the way that we look at ourselves and change the lives of our family for the better!
Women, Know Your Place!
Did that get your attention?
Before you call me misogynistic, bear in mind that I am, myself, a woman. I am a happy stay at home mother who knows my place -- or rather, who knows my strategic position in the home. While my husband is the head of the household, I am the heart of the home. I have an understanding of my position in the home and what I mean to my family. I strive every day to learn more about how my moods affect them and I attempt in every way possible to pass to them good feelings: about themselves, our home, the world in which we live.
If you want good things for your family, you need to begin by understanding just how important your happiness is to the rest of your household! And then you need to act on becoming that happy housewife!
How to be a Happy Housewife
1. Recognize that while you may not be employed outside of the home, you still have a "job."
It's true. Even if you don't work outside the home, you have a great deal of responsibility, and we, as women, do quite a lot of work. I often say to my husband that he comes home from work every night, but my work never rests. Even at one in the morning I might be up rocking a sick child.
2. Do the housework.
Most of us can't hire someone to do the housework for us. If you can, then good for you! But if you are like me, you need to go through the daily grind. Experience tells me that this gets easier the more you do it. Not because you have more experience, but because you will spend less time the tidier your house is.
You and your family deserve to have a nice place to relax at the end of the day. While your job might never end, you do have time to sit down and relax from time to time. Make sure that you can enjoy that time by keeping your house clean and tidy1
3. Plan your meals.
I am still learning about how to do this. Once I have it all figured out I will post another hub on the subject of menu planning. For me, this has been the most difficult part about being a housewife. I don't enjoy cooking and I have a hard time planning what my family should eat as a result. I have discovered, however, that if you plan your meals carefully you will find that you save time, money and stress!
4. Keep a routine.
Nothing, and I mean nothing has changed my life like getting myself into a routine. When I wake up in the morning and make my bed, shower, fix my hair and makeup, and get dressed, I feel like a different human being. I am less stressed and am generally a happier person. I am also usually more productive if I am dressed and made up!
A routine provides much-needed structure and helps you to move from point A to point B more smoothly throughout your day!
5. Be good to yourself.
I have noticed that many stay at home moms in particular don't take good care of themselves. I used to be one of those. Taking the time to shower and dress in the mornings makes a significant difference in the way that you feel about yourself, however. Makeup can do a lot for the way a girl feels!
6. Consider making an income (from home).
There are several ways that you can go about making an income from home, including selling on Ebay or writing here on Hubpages. Even if you don't make a lot of money, you will give yourself a boost and a bit of pocket money that you might not otherwise have had!
7. Eat well.
This should go without saying but I know that for me, when I'm staying at home all day I can find any excuse to eat junk food. I'm an oddity: when I am eating in a restaurant I can absolutely order a salad and be happy with it, but at home I don't tend to eat right. Be sure, too, that you are drinking plenty of water and staying hydrated!
8. Take some vitamins.
If you aren't currently taking a multivitamin, now might be a good time to start. Organic vitamins are preferable and ensuring that you are getting a B-vitamin complex can be great for boosting the mood!
I hope that this article has helped you in some way. Please check out some of my other marriage hubs below!
My Other Hubs on Marriage
- My Husband's Second Wife
I found a request this evening about the ups and downs of remarriage for a woman and I decided to take a slightly different approach to the question. I am my husband's second wife. I am the victim of his...
joyousjoy on January 24, 2014:
looking forward to marriage, and being a happy wife....
vibesites from United States on December 02, 2013:
Well, I am not married yet but you give me tips beforehand. I really appreciate them, thank you. :)
Becki Rizzuti (author) from Indiana, USA on May 13, 2012:
I don't give that information out, but there is a contact link on my profile page.
hai on May 13, 2012:
Iwant to comtact u persnally on yahoo messanger.....can i have ur contact details...
radhika on March 13, 2012:
This article is at a great help for a housewife like me. I got married last year and before marriage I was doing job. But after 4 months of marriage I was bored up with housework. And after 11am I was almost free for next 5-6 hours and that made me too much frustrated. Now I have joined swimming classes and back to studies this makes me more active. But I still seek a good job. Hope this works out. And gain thanks for nice work!
neelima on February 27, 2012:
yaa very nice.i am thinking that i am only the person who sit in house and waste good time that god gave me.but after reading this article i realised being a housewife we should be proud.but my surroundings r very bad.all the people comment at me,like khana,peena ,sojana ye bhi ek life he kya?
kaye on February 15, 2012:
I feel so sad for you. I can relate to the idea of being very unhappy in a marriage that you want to work. The advice I can give to you is before you can expect your husband to be happy with you, YOU have to be happy with you. I know you probably heard that before, whether from youself or from other people talking about other things, but I promise you it is absolutley essential. You have to think to youself " Am I the person I want to be?". Are you content with the person you are ( or have become) physically, mentally and/or most importantly spiritually? If not than you can't expect someone else to do it for you. For instance in regard to your weight, if you are unhappy in your own skin you can't expect your husband to be (though he should be able to support his wife through hard times). Imagine for a moment you are your husband, when coming home after long hours of being away your wife can't sincerely relax intamately with you, talks about how fat she is, doesn't try to look attractive ( because she doesn't feel it) and points out what she believes to be her imperfections. It would be hard to be happy! It's a vicious cycle, and you have to be the one to put an end to it.
Start by looking at the things you enjoy about yourself. Whether it be your hair, your eyes, your smile etc., and really play it up everyday. Then throughout the day look at yourself and admire you. Give youself positive affirmations like " Oh my gosh, my eyes are sooo gorgeous.". It sounds cheesy, I know, but over time ( if not immediately) you will start to feel really good. Then the next thing you know you'll want to play up your hair, your makeup, your clothes and your body! And your husband will take notice. Trying to lose weight out of depression is ( a lot of times ) a losing battle and focusing on weaknesses will make people do the same. Pay more attention to the things that are good about you, love youself because you ARE amazing and your whole life can change.
Hope this helps, Soontobehappy,
unhappy on November 24, 2011:
I liked ur article I'm an unhappy stay at home wife my husband is hardly home I feel fat and ugly he doesn't touch me please help
kris on May 06, 2011:
its great to know that i found this article makes me feel important in some ways because im fulltym mom , very interesting and inspired. keep it up! and more power.
Bakingwife on April 12, 2011:
I loved this article. However cooking is one of my strong points. I do work 4 days a week but make sure that our house is a home so that when my partner comes home he is happy to be home. When we moved in together we fall into the pattern of me looking after the meals and house and he looks after the gardens rubbish etc. I know he loves this arrangement and so do I. It is great that there are women out there who are willing to admit that they like the traditional rolls of men and women.
rabes on March 28, 2011:
feel glad after reading your article....cz i m settlig myself at home which is very difficult for me cz i m more happy n fresh when i use to work. don't know what to do.
jib on January 14, 2011:
feel glad...there is someone out there in modern day who really values meaningful woman's roles rather than enjoy fighting for power and reaching to the top at work ^^v
lyn on November 01, 2010:
i have this trouble about cooking, when do we read your article 'bout cooking?
trevaharter on September 27, 2010:
i love your articles. great work.
floozyfairy on September 01, 2010:
I really like this article ...it inspires me to get my butt in gear...i am a stay at home mum of 2 kids and there is some days i don't have any motivation at all and i have put a lot of weight on..but i need to get to the gym...i also have trouble with the cooking side of things...do you still think u have stressful days?? Everyday Miracles
llbobby on August 12, 2010:
I am so glad that I found this page, I needed a boost as I am a stay at home mom for the 1st time in 13 years and I felt I was fighting a losing battle, thank you so much for the insight.
Fabiola R on August 05, 2010:
Wow! So glad I found and read this article! Thanks for sharing! All this is exactly what I needed to reafirm to get exited to keep on trying to be a better house wife and mom, while being happy. Much of this I have come to learn by experience but many great tips I learned here I am sure that if I put them in action, they will make a huge difference for the better. Also great to relate to other house wives and feel the boost when you're feeling down! I really do agree with everything and will sure try not to forget what I've learned! And that is right!! We do have an inmese influence in our family's emotional and spiritual well being. Thanks !
akhila on July 02, 2010:
one good point i would like to add is about meal planning
after having ur breakfast try to make lunch and items for dinner at one strech. keep items almost common for lunch and dinner. pack them hot in casseroles or hot pot. once ur hubby comes u can go for outting or shoppin. when back home all you have to do is just reheating. this making of meals at about 11am will save ur time energy and also keeps the kitchen very very clean. i even got rid of cockroaches and other things like ants as there were no leftovers in the night
u can involve ur children also while cooking. my 2 year old boy always helps me by throwing waste in the dustbin and cleaning with a cloth, though i have to redo everything again but ya it engages the child so that u can cook care fee
mehz_khan on November 14, 2009:
its is nice learn somthin from u
Info Help from Chicago on September 27, 2009:
This hub gave me some great information. I am currently unemployed and have a family. I, like you do not really enjoy cooking so I have quite a bit of trouble in that area. I can't wait to read your hub on menu planning. Thanks for the great tips!!!
Shekhar K from India on September 15, 2009:
Great hub. Your intention of being submissive housewife, I liked the most. You're true in the sense that if the wife at home is happy entire family will be happy.
\Brenda Scully on May 01, 2009:
Well good for you to admit to it. I would say i am submissive also, but I find other people have a lot of problems with that word..
How would you define submissive.... for you that is.
Becki Rizzuti (author) from Indiana, USA on April 29, 2009:
I am a non-dogmatic non-denominational Christian. And yes, proud to be a submissive woman, even if it is "taboo" in our modern culture.
I do what works for me! :)
\Brenda Scully on April 29, 2009:
I enjoyed your article, and share a lot of your views, can I ask if you are a religious person at all
Ivorwen from Hither and Yonder on April 22, 2009:
As a woman who knows her importance in the home, I can fully agree with you: being happy, choosing JOY, is critical. Order, in all forms follows as a close second!