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War on Slugs--Poetic Humour

I started writing poetry as a child. I write performance poetry, observational, sometimes humorous, sometimes serious human rights issues


I Hate Slugs!

With their slimy striated bodies and disgusting creepy habits, they make my stomach turn. Have you ever felt a slug crawl over your hand? Regrettably, I have. It's cold and wet, like a tongue licking you, but not so dribbly. Then you try to remove the slime, and find it adheres to your skin and you need a scrubbing brush to remove it.

I would say "live and let live", were it not for the way they disrespect my garden--they've turned it into their favourite restaurant, and I'M NOT HAVING IT!

The Arena Of War

Last night I remembered to bring in the washing

Before my seedlings welcomed the dark rain......

Little squishy slugs welcome it too,

Revelling in night-time mud.

And when I awoke

Before first dawn,

Slipping warm fleece over nightdress,

My torchlit search for slugs

Revealed twenty four on active engagement,

One caught in the act still gorging

With my snapped beanstalk sticking out of his mouth.

"You won't be doing that again" I whispered

(So as not to disturb the neighbours)

As I despatched him,

along with his cohorts--

Scroll to Continue

Collateral damage, rendition--

Just as it got light;

Waterboarded in a pot of saline solution--

Dawn execution.

© Diana Grant 15th May 2009

Poll About Slugs

Some gardeners behave in a calm and rational way on most occasions. But slugs can bring out strong emotions and the populace is divided about how they view slugs - "lovely silky little wriggly darlings", or "slimy enemies of the people".

What Are Your Thoughts About Slugs or My Slug Poem? Do Leave a Comment

Arpana on April 04, 2021:

Loved your poem, l have lots in my garden during the monsoon, I don't like killing them, don't know what to do.

Jim from Kansas on November 23, 2014:

I guess we are pretty lucky that we don't have much of a problem with them where I live.

Nancy Tate Hellams from Pendleton, SC on November 20, 2014:

Love your poem. I am with you, for sure. I hate slugs.

Diana Grant (author) from United Kingdom on April 09, 2014:

@TanoCalvenoa: I suppose the best way to conceal the taste of slugs would be to use lots of chilli and garlic, and then put them in a paella along with seafood, so you don't notice it. After all, some people eat snails so this is only one step further, isn't it?

Diana Grant (author) from United Kingdom on April 09, 2014:

@TanoCalvenoa: Interesting. I am now featuring this article right at the foot of this page

TanoCalvenoa on April 08, 2014:

I love slugs! Your poem was quite funny. I have a Squidoo page about banana slugs, huge yellow slugs found in Northern California.

Diana Grant (author) from United Kingdom on April 04, 2014:

@Becksta: What would it be - slugs on toast, or sauteed slugs in a rich bechamel sauce on pasta?

Becksta on April 03, 2014:

@Gloriousconfusion: I was going to suggest that we take a leaf out of the French's book - until I saw the part about that man dying after eating 2 slugs.

Diana Grant (author) from United Kingdom on May 16, 2013:

@greenspirit: I agree with you in principle - my brother and I used to have snail races when we were young, lining them up on our black and white tiled path - it would amuse us for hours. I do hate killing slugs, but keep reminding myself of the way they kill my plants, so it's a question of priorities, dog-eat-dog, or what-have-you. I've tried copper bands round my pots of hostas, which I had to plant in pots because they were decimated by slugs when in the ground. I found the copper bands ineffectual, but someone pointed out that it might be because I still had things overhanging the pots, and the slugs might have avoided the bands by climbing round them.......I didn't know slugs had brains, but they must have something like low cunning.

poppy mercer from London on May 15, 2013:

I'm incredibly fond of snails despite the fact they eat my basil, and although I don't find slugs as cute, I do feel for them. They perform an important part in the cycle of decay and recycling, and need to eat too. I wish folk would consider ways of keeping slugs and snails off stuff rather than doing the very unpleasant and cruel things that they do. I find copper bands work.

Diana Grant (author) from United Kingdom on May 01, 2013:

@norma-holt: I didn't know all that. But I've noticed that my cat won't touch slugs or snails, although she goes for almost anything else that moves.

norma-holt on May 01, 2013:

Interesting lens. In Australia we have a leopard slug which eats snails and things so I try not to kill them. They are huge and quite often they get trodden underfoot when they invade the patio. We have had some young children die from rat liver worm in the last year and apparently they are passed onto humans from snails. All of them are nasty in my book. Chickens and ducks keep them at bay.

Linda Hoxie from Idaho on April 30, 2013:

They are nasty creatures, thanks for the info!

Karen Kay from Jackson, MS on April 30, 2013:

I knew I hated 'em for a reason! Had no idea they'd mess up our garden... of course I have no green thumb anyway but still! I'm buying a ton of salt today. That'll be the end of that!

nicolane on October 09, 2012:

I don't want to kill them - I just want them to eat something other than my veggies!

Snakesmom on May 14, 2011:

I hate those garden pesky slugs!

Paul from Liverpool, England on May 13, 2011:

There was a young slug, all slimy

Slid into the garden just by me

Some salt on his tail

He was wasted and pale

And all he could say was "Gor Blimey"

Tiggered on May 12, 2011:

I've heard about a very cruel way of getting rid of snails, I suppose if it works, it works for slugs, too. You need to cut a snail in half and leave until his cannibal friends show up to eat him. Then you can gather them all and dispose of as you see fit :)

Lorelei Cohen from Canada on May 10, 2011:

I have the creepy crawlies just reading through this. is amazing how the tiniest creatures can scare the heck out of a person.

anonymous on November 24, 2010:

What does slugs have?

S L I M E ! Just Gross Stuff! Uck!

I know you never want to walk bare-footed where slugs prowl.

Now that is an experience you will not soon forget.

When that happens, they win the battle that night.

Diana Grant (author) from United Kingdom on August 04, 2010:

@delia-delia: Maybe Wisconsin has a very dry period, which would dehydrate the slugs - amazing, because I fondly imagined they were everywhere.

Yes, they are part of the food chain - hedgehogs love them, and I imagine some birds eat them, but as I have a slightly wild tortoiseshell cat, we don't get many birds in my garden.

Delia on August 04, 2010:

I must say this is a very interesting subject...I for one never liked slugs or snails. Having lived here in Wisconsin have not seen either one...when I was young and went to summer camp in California, I dreaded stepping on either there anything good about snails or slugs? I mean they are a part of our cycle of life...hmmm...cute lens and poem.

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