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Revenge, Inc. Part 1: A Short Story

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Dohn121 is a freelance writer who currently resides in the foothills of the Shawangunk Mountains of New York's famed Hudson Valley.

Author's Note

There are many factors in which inspired me to write this story and I owe much to some of the current events of the world, certain movies, with its wide range of characters, books, graphic novels, and especially comic books. This is the first time I'm giving this genre a shot towards what I hope, will be something that I can build upon. Please feel free to comment as I am always curious to know what others think of my work. I hope you enjoy...



Revenge, Inc.

You don’t know me and I know why. But like everyone else, you didn’t know that I was watching you, did you? Of course that’s for the best, because who the hell wants to be watched—unless that is you're one of those crazies I see from time to time—cross-dressers and the like, but I won’t get into that. My point is that we all have to be watched. Just ‘cause you’re old enough to not have to be watched by your parents doesn’t mean you don’t need watchin’. Even as adults, we gotta have someone watch over us—you know, to make sure we don’t stick our tongues into wall sockets and keep our filthy hands out of the cookie jar, or not touch things that don’t belong to us, like eleven year-old girls who haven’t yet been fitted for skinny diapers—you know the ones—and that’s where I come in.

Now, ask yourself these questions: Have you ever been late on alimony or child support more than a few times? Have you sold drugs of any sort? Have you ever taken anything that wasn’t voluntarily given to you? Have you ever physically abused anyone, be it a woman or child? Obviously, these are trick questions, because if you answered yes to any of them, you would have known me well by now, which brings us back to the first thing I said: You don’t know me and I know why.

I’ve done my share of vengeance. I’ve knocked out teeth with my bare fists, punched holes through walls with someone else’s head, dislocated a few knee caps with the use of a hammer, and have even castrated a few pedophiles with my katana so to cure them of that Burning Urge and in short help to get rid of their little problem...But I’ve never killed a man and that’s the truth. I am the finder of lost children and the avenger of the innocent. Death would just be an easy way out for these fools and believe me, they deserved it—every single goddamn one of them. One of my subjects once had the balls to ask me this question while my hand was wrapped tightly around his throat no less:

“Who the fuck do you think you are anyway? God?” This made me smile, so I say to him, ‘There is no God, because if there was, I wouldn’t need to be here.’

And that was when I really began to go to work on him and even put a bit of extra overtime into it so to speak. By the time I was through, he looked like he washed his face with spaghetti sauce but hey, he’s gonna make it and will be making those payments to his three year-old kid out in Atlantic City just like he promised. You see? This is what happens when you don’t take on your responsibilities and cause others to suffer. After freshening up, I’m sure he’d be able to get back to work. The last thing I wanted was for him to miss work and miss even more payments just ‘cause of little ole’ me.

“Forgive them father, for they have sinned.” The father grunted.

“That is not for you to judge, my son. The Lord will make His own judgments, as this is His Kingdom…Do you have something you want to confess tonight?”

“No, I have nothing to confess, as I have done no wrong.”

“For reasons I cannot divulge, I don’t believe you, if that is my station…If that really is the truth, then why are you here?”

“I told you already…Forgive them father, for they have sinned.” The father placed his hand upon his face for a moment and then took in a deep breath.

“This is not how this works, my son. You cannot ask for forgiveness for someone else’s sins…It does not work that way. We’ve been through this before.”

“Then who will, father? Who will ask for forgiveness?”

“THEY SHOULD!” Again, the father covered his own face again, both embarrassed and surprised by his own outburst. I could’ve sworn I heard him say that he was sorry and if so, it would’ve been the first time. He then cleared his throat and said it again, only this time around, he was much calmer: “They should.”

“They can’t, father”

“Why not? Are they busy?’

“No, nothing like that”

Scroll to Continue

“Then what?" I could hear him, as he was trying so hard to suppress that anger again.

“They are unable to.”

“Are you saying they asked you to come? Because if they did—“

“No, not at all”

"Then why are you here?"

“I told you already, to ask for forgiveness.”

“Okay, okay…What are their sins?”

“I brought a list…Here.”

“Again, this is not how I run my congregation!”

“Well, would you like me to read it for you? I can do that too.”

“I KNOW HOW TO READ!” Echoes again, throughout The House of God. “And what makes you so sure these…People want to be forgiven, huh?”

“Because they certainly won’t receive forgiveness from me and especially not from those who they have hurt badly…Because no one else is going to, that’s why.’

“Right…So maybe you are the one that has sinned. Maybe this is really your list that you compiled.” I had to laugh. He was trying so hard to get back at me.

“No, father. I’m not the one that has sinned. The sinners created this list, not I. I’m just simply…Delivering it.”

“Are you now? Is that your calling?”

“You know it is, dad. I don’t criticize you for your calling, so don’t criticize me for mine. And if Haley were here today…”

“Haley’s case is unfortunate, son…There was nothing you could do.”

“Exactly. So your granddaughter is just a case, huh? She was raped and taken from me, from us—your blood! Unfortunate is not the word here.”

“You know me better than that. I can understand your anger—any father would want justice. But it’s blood and revenge you seek, not justice. You’re filled with rage to no end. Doing what you do will not bring her back”

“They showed Haley no mercy, so why should I? Where the FUCK were those cops when she needed them?”

“THAT IS ENOUGH! Remember where you are!” After a moment of silence went by, I nodded my head. He was right and I was tired. I stood up and pushed the list to him. ‘You are the one that needs forgiving, you know that? You don’t even believe in Him.’

"No, I don’t. But the people on this list do…They do now after they met me."

"Peace! I will pray for you."

"Don’t waste your breath, father."

I have an abandoned apartment in the crux of a ‘Y’ intersection between Haven Avenue, Perdition Street, and the rundown corner of Ware Road which the low-lives happily nicknamed, ‘Nowhere Road.’ I like it here because the rent is dirt cheap and the crime is sky-high. There is plenty for me to do here. I live among the sewer rats and cockroaches and that is not by any stretch some damn metaphor or anything, or maybe it is. After having my father and son talk, I headed home for more necessary equipment. There was so much more for me to do tonight.

But as soon as I get home from the rooftop and through my window, something isn’t right. I come in slow and listen with all I’m worth. I can hear the rats in the walls scurrying it’s so goddamn quiet. You can never be too careful. That’s it, I heard a whisper, now another. I heard another guy’s throat click and can’t help but smile: Rookies.

“It’s about fucking time,” I say to my door. “It sure as hell took you guys long enough!” Just then, I reach behind me and unsheathed my katana and readied it like so many times before. Haley and I were going to be together again.

Read Revenge, Inc. Part 2...

© Copryright 2009. All Rights Reserved.

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Shyamkumar on July 26, 2013:

Thank you for the well written post, very rare ineedd to find some one who writes and makes perfect sense on the web now days. Will keep in touch, totally enjoy reading your site!

Pierre on July 24, 2013:

I got what you mean , appreciate it for ptuitng up.Woh I am pleased to find this website through google. Don't be afraid of opposition. Remember, a kite rises against not with the wind. by Hamilton Mabie.

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on May 30, 2012:

Thank you blain33. This was my first attempt to write a hero-based novel so to hear such approving feedback was well worth the effort to do so. Thanks again!


blain33 from Afghanistan on May 22, 2012:

This is really great. It feels like the Punisher. I can't wait to read the next one. Thank you for writing this.

New follower, fan, subscriber

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on November 22, 2011:

Thank you, jambo87. I hope you read so more since :D

jambo87 on July 28, 2010:

Sweet introduction, I have a lot of reading to do.

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on May 31, 2010:

Thank you so much for reading this. I hope you like what you find. Thank for taking the time to read my work.

John B Badd from Saint Louis, MO on May 30, 2010:

Very cool story so far. I will catch up on the rest.

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on May 28, 2010:

How are you? It's great to see that you liked this story, as I've been working on it for such a long time now (almost eight months now). One of the points that I wanted to make in creating this story is to bring forth the inner desire of all of us to take a stand against injustice. If you do decide to continue reading this, I sure do hope that you'll empathize with my main character.

Thank you so much for your kind words and insight. I really do appreciate it!


stars439 from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State. on May 28, 2010:

Thank you for and excellent story. The world loves heros. This one took care of a dead beat that did not take care of his child. It reminds us all that right and wrong can still be options, and not all this in between pity for whining dead beat parents is not the way it is supposed to be.It is just plain wrong to leave children wishing for their basic needs. Great story. It does not get any better than this. God Bless You.

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on May 15, 2010:

Thank you so much, Katie. That's so kind of you to say that. There's nothing more I want out of life than to write for a living. I sure do hope that it happens, thank you.

Katie McMurray from Ohio on May 14, 2010:

dohn, I'm hooked, what an honor to read this before it gets picked up by some big time publisher... Peace :)

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on May 04, 2010:

Thank you, mquee. It's always good to see new readers of this series. I sure do hope that you like what you find and that you continue reading this at your leisure. Thank you so much for commenting!

mquee from Columbia, SC on May 03, 2010:

Hi Dohn, I can see from the comments that you don't need me tell you this is good stuff. I have to catch up, so I will be coming back often. Good shot!

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on May 03, 2010:

Hey, Wedding Tips. Thanks for the comments. Yeah, I did my best to work all of this out and for my audience to empathize with him. I guess that you could say he's a bit of me and bit of someone else entirely (but whose authors' characters aren't?). It's great to hear that you are enjoying this.

There are many here at HubPages that have published their work of fiction here...There are no guarantees on the amount of traffic you'll receive or the money you'll make, but rest assured that your sharing with all of us will be greatly appreciated.

Only time will tell where this story will go--and it's not quite completed just yet!

See you next time, WT.

Wedding Tips from Hudson Valley NY on May 01, 2010:

Dohn, lots of intriguing philosophical stuff here. It's tough to keep a dark, flawed hero likeable. I think you're on the right track; he's got a moral code. This excerpt really starts to gain traction toward the end.

I've got a novella mostly written about a real life vampire (in other words, a real human being who drinks blood and knows he isn't immortal.) He turned out to be a nicer guy than I thought! Funny how these things evolve.

Since you got this novel completed now, I'm wondering where this ended up?

Thanks for sharing!

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on April 12, 2010:

Thanks, Chicagovision! I really do appreciate that.

Chicagovision from Chicago on April 09, 2010:

Nice work here, you are creative.

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on March 31, 2010:

Thank you, deepanjana. No need to wait--the story is almost finished and there will be a total of 25 more installments/novels for you to read by Friday. I hope you like it.

deepanjana on March 31, 2010:

such a nice read! Thanks. Waiting for some more

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on March 29, 2010:

Hey, samboiam. That's fine and thanks for doing that. I'll be sure to come and read your story as well--Let me know what you think of mine.

samboiam from Texas on March 29, 2010:

Dohn, I have linked this hub with my hub In The Grip Of Darkness Part 2. I will continue to link this series with mine.

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on March 24, 2010:

Thank you for coming by and reading this, Just A Voice and thank you Rebecca E. for getting your attention! Yes, I've been working on this novel/series for some time now (since October) and have been publishing a new installment every Friday (sometimes Saturday). I always welcome new readers--don't worry at all, you're not late, rather you're right on time! I should be wrapping up this series pretty soon, so if you can, please try to catch up :D

Thank you so much for joining me. I really hope that you like what you find!



Just A Voice on March 24, 2010:

Because of Rebecca E and her list of favorite hubbers I have found you.

I really enjoyed this first hub, and realize I am woefully behind and have much reading to do to catch up.

I love a good story and am very interested in how this will develope. I am one of those people who if interested in a story end up inhaling the book way too quickly and then find myself with nothing to read until I can get to the bookstore again.

Thank you for giving me a treasure chest full of stories I can now pull from. :)

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on March 21, 2010:

Yes! I'm so glad that you did, Shari. I can't wait to hear what you think. It looks like you have the "first publication" of this story in your hands now! Should you find some typos/errors please disregard them as it is in fact the first draft! I'll be waiting for your reaction, buddy ;) Thank you.

Shari from New York, NY on March 20, 2010:

ok....its official . .i have printed out all the parts of this story ( idid in in the office so my printer wouldnt get too tired) and its time I gave it a read . . .Ill be back with my thoughts ;) Im so excited for this one;)))))

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on March 13, 2010:

Ha! Yes, after I saw that pic while searching for an appropriate one for this series, I found this one and thought it would catch the attention of others. Now I see this pic everywhere, if you know what I mean, lol.

New readers are always welcome! I'm honored to have you aboard and reading this. It means so much that you are. I sure do hope you like what you find. Until next time ;)

Anthony Goodley from Sheridan, WY on March 13, 2010:

After having heard your Revenge series mentioned several times, most recently by Rebecca E., I thought I should come check it out. This is great so far and I'm hooked. I'll have to read one per day or something until I'm caught up.

I'm looking forward to finding out what comes next.

Oh yes, I love the picture of the clearly mad kitty in the bird cage. That bird is sure dead if he ever gets out. That made me lol.

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on March 07, 2010:

The only thing I like more than receiving feedback for Revenge, Inc. is receiving feedback from NEW readers! Thank you so much, loveofnight! It means so much to hear that I'm gathering more readers. I hope you don't stop reading!

Loveofnight Anderson from Baltimore, Maryland on March 07, 2010:

I just read your first installment and it is great.I look forward to reading the complete works.This is definitely a worthy investment of my time.Already I am trying to anticipate what comes about in part 2.

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on March 05, 2010:

Hi, Sage. No worries. It's never to late to get started! I'm overwhelmed that you're embarking on reading this. That alone is great to know. I usually pick up about 5 new readers every week, on average and am always excited by the prospect of more. Thank you so much for the encouragement and compliment. I've worked really hard on this series and am amazed that I was able to carry it out for the past 5 months. I'm simply enthralled.

Just a head's up, this series is almost over, so get cracking ;) I hope to see your at the closing of this BOOK.

Thank you so much!

Sage Williams on March 05, 2010:

Dohn - So sorry that it has taken me this long to get around to begin reading your story of Revenge. You are a truly an amazing writer. I do believe you have found your niche. This genre seems to be a terrific fit for you.

I love the intro, wonderful job in creating this very powerful character.

It's gonna take me some time to catch up, but I am so looking forward to it. I absolutely love the visualization that is goes through my mind throughout reading.

Great Job!


dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on February 26, 2010:

Thank you, Maurice! It was a pleasure. I appreciate the feedback!

Maurice Goodwin on February 26, 2010:

This is wonderful, the way you put this together! Thanks for sharing with the gang!

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on February 23, 2010:

Yes, I'm very familiar with Sin City. It's one of my favorites. It's great that you're embarking on this series. I trust that you're going to enjoy it. Thanks, Freya!

Freya Cesare from Borneo Island, Indonesia on February 23, 2010:

Took little time for me too finally able to grasped the form of your character, Dohn. And when I got one suprisingly for me his form become something like 'sin city' character in my head. Interesting! I'm surely will read more!

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on February 06, 2010:

Very cool to hear, CG! Like I said in response to your comment in Part 18, welcome aboard! I'm really happy to see you here and hope to hear from you soon. Thanks a bunch :)

Cassandra Mantis from UK and Nerujenia on February 06, 2010:

I am reading this in the proper order now, Dohn! I read your latest chapter and loved it! reading the whole thing now!!! You sure write great! Yes, I see you like graphic novels and comics! So do I! I'm re-reading "Akira" right now!! Will visit often!! : )

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on February 05, 2010:

Haha. Yeah, 18 and counting :) I won't tell you when I'll be finished with the story (only the story can really dictate that) but I will say that it is soon. Don't worry, you'll be caught up in no time! There are some hubbers here that have stopped and just read the existing installments in practically one sitting (i.e. Zsuzsy Bee).

rmcrayne from San Antonio Texas on February 05, 2010:

Holy Moly! 18 installments! That's fantastic. Let's see, if I read 3 a day... I could be caught up with everyone else in a week. Or I could be a slacker and still catch up in 2 weeks. I guess that's do-able.

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on February 05, 2010:

Nope, you're right on time, Rose Mary! Thank you for stopping in. I look forward to hearing your comments! My new installment (Part 18) will be ready soon!

rmcrayne from San Antonio Texas on February 05, 2010:

I know I'm late to join this party, but figured I better quit putting it off before I got any further behind!

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on February 04, 2010:

I really am amazed that this story is still going (more so than anyone else) as I really didn't see it at first as a series, novella, or a novel. Thank you so much, Dolores for taking on the task of reading this. It does mean a lot to me.

Dolores Monet from East Coast, United States on February 04, 2010:

Dohn, you did the best thing here with the ending, you dropped a bombshell then stopped, encouraging us all to read on. I've read plenty of your hubs, but this is my first read of your series. Looking forward to reading more.

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on February 01, 2010:

Hi, Marco! It's so good to see that you're going to give this series a try. That's really funny about Casey Jones--I've been a huge TMNT fan, actually, before it hit mainstream television and became a phenomenal success with the kids--when it violent and in a black and white medium as a comic. You sure do have a great imagination and so are a man of my own heart :) See you soon.

marcofratelli from Australia on February 01, 2010:

Hey you! I figured it's high time I sat down to read this series. This is the first part and I'm hooked. I wonder how the character develops in the next installments - will he remain a Casey Jones from TMNT sort of fella? Will he meet someone that will make him change his ways, a woman perhaps? Do supernatural elements enter the picture? Well, that's how my mind is working at the moment. On to the next one!

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on January 19, 2010:

Thank you, nadiaj1980! Wow. I look forward to hearing from you again and hope that you do like the upcoming installments. Good luck in your writing and your hubbing ;) In the meantime, I look forward to reading some of your work as well. Thank you!

nadiaj1980 on January 19, 2010:

I am new to Hub Pages and boy am I glad that I found your page!!! It has given me the inspiration and kick in the pants I needed to get my writing out there for all the world to see. :-) I am going to finish reading all the installments of this story, and then I will read some of your other writing as well. Keep up the great work, and keep inspiring passion in scary writers like me. :-) Take care.

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on January 19, 2010:

OMG. I think my neighbors think that I'm a cackling fool now because I just laughed myself right onto my floor!

Thank you so much, apricot for reading this and for taking my advice! I really thought that you would enjoy this (in the meantime, I will add to "I, Fraternity" just for you ;) I really got into character with this first installment.

I hope that I can hijack some of your precious time and get you to now follow this story/novel/epic!

Thanks again, my friend!


Bengali Bratisha from Italy on January 19, 2010:

Wow! This is really powerful. And gripping too. I have to admit I was holding my breath at some points. I liked the father in the church - that was a nice touch - I don't know why but it added to the 'lost' feeling of the main character becayse I get the impression that father and son are both searching for something. I loved the dialogue - it was like being absorbed into a film. What's the violence level like in the next chapters - I only ask because I've fainted at violent films before. (oh dear, it's not the sort of thing you should admit I know...!)

By the way, I've found out the following chapters to I, fraternity - don't know where I was looking before - better do more eye exercises).


dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on January 17, 2010:

Thank you! I really ran with this story as I now have enough for at least a novella. I'll have another novel completed by the time I finish. I sure do hope that you continue reading this as I'm having a lot of fun writing it. 'Til next time?

Mystique1957 from Caracas-Venezuela on January 17, 2010:

Hey Dohn...

Great appetizer, my dear friend! It sure leaves you wanting for more! There`s a powerful inside in the protagonist that you can grab right away!

I look forward to keep on reading with your story until I catch up...

Keep on giving them hell, Avenger!

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on January 07, 2010:

Thanks so much, G Miah! I must say, I like your selection of my hubs thus far. Whether or not you want to continue with this ongoing series is totally up to you, as every Friday, a new segment/installment is published. I'm glad you liked it.

Gous Ahmed from Muslim Nation on January 07, 2010:

Bloody Hell Dohn, this is brilliant! I didn't know what to expect, and after i read it, i want to read more!

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on December 23, 2009:

Thanks, Manly. It's never too late to start reading, I say. There's still a heck of a lot more that I still have to cover. I'm glad to see you're into it!

ManlyPoetryMan from (Texas) Boldly Writing Poems Where No Man Has Gone Before... on December 23, 2009:

Ok...getting into it...ready to read more. Great start to a suspenseful story!

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on December 18, 2009:

Just to hear that you've taken interest in reading it is enough, TFT! Thanks for sharing that with me. Please let me know what you think ;) I'll always look forward to your feedback!

Truth From Truth from Michigan on December 18, 2009:

Sorry Dohn I got side tracked from your intriguing Revenge, Inc Story half way in to the 4th part as I had too much going on at once, I really enjoyed it so I am starting over from the beginning. I apologize as it was certainly not from a lack of interest.Thanks.

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on December 16, 2009:

Wow, you've been sailin a "bit too much lately?" I really wish I had that problem, JM! Thank you for reading me! I hope to talk to you again!

James J Mills from Northern California on December 16, 2009:

Dohn, I've been sailing a bit too much lately to keep up with your stories, but I had a brief stop in San Blas yesterday, and today I started this series of yours. I will read more soon and have enjoyed it much. Thanks, JM

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on November 21, 2009:

Thank you, Celia! It's great to have you on board. I look forward to hearing from you again.

Celia Myers from Canada on November 21, 2009:

Very nice. Excellent prose! I look forward to reading more.

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on November 15, 2009:

Thanks again, TFT. I'm happy to hear that you're following this story and appreciate your support and encouragement. Thank you!

Truth From Truth from Michigan on November 15, 2009:

Ive wanted to write a novel for years , and ive tried several times . I think you inspired me to write again

this is really good when you get published I will buy your book. I will read the rest of your work now. thanks.

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on November 13, 2009:

Thanks, liminal! Part 6 will be ready in 10 minutes!

liminal on November 13, 2009:

Great story! Dark and dirty and very human!

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on November 07, 2009:

:D Thanks, Green Lotus! I was a turkey for about an hour last night and then decided to change back!

Hillary from Atlanta, GA on November 07, 2009:

nice to see that youthful visage once again

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on November 06, 2009:

Thank you Green Lotus! It's great to see that you're into it :D I look forward to hearing from you again in the upcoming installments!

Hillary from Atlanta, GA on November 06, 2009:

Just got started reading your series. Wild and wonderful. will continue...

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on November 06, 2009:

Thanks, GPAGE. I appreciate the comment ans look forward to hearing from you again.

GPAGE from California on November 06, 2009:

VERY cool! Glad I found you. I'm looking forward to reading more of your hubs. Best, GPAGE

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on November 05, 2009:

Hello, Redelf. Thanks for that! I hope you enjoy the next installments.

RedElf from Canada on November 05, 2009:

Okay - I'm hooked! On to the next installment!

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on November 04, 2009:

Thank you so much for the compliment, mjt122649. That would be a dream come true for me. I appreciate that.

mjt122649 on November 04, 2009:

WoW ! Your story sounds like it should be a motion picture.

With all the details you put in it. A true story it is based on so well.

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on November 03, 2009:

Thank you Shalini! I've always tried to be as dynamic as possible when it comes to my writing. My dream is to someday publish and I believe this ever since I began to take my writing seriously (about 9 years ago). I do see this as a movie, but I don't want to write the screenplay. However, someone could buy the rights for it! I'm so glad that you enjoy it Shalini! Thank you.

Shalini Kagal from India on November 03, 2009: that you Dohn?? You could have knocked me down with a feather! Very different from your usual style and yet as good - in a different way - if you know what I mean. As someone said earlier - is Hollywood calling?

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on November 03, 2009:

Thank you for the compliment, Auntie M. I would need representation before doing something like that and I'm working on doing just that right now. Shows are a bit reluctant to accept unsolicited manuscripts from nobodies like me :) That is, you're nobody (as a writer) until an agent loves you! Thank you for reading me.

Auntie M on November 03, 2009:

I am enjoying the story, but I must admit it was easy to continue reading since it reminds me of the TV shows "DEXTER", and "LEVERAGE". Maybe you should send some of your work to them. Good Luck

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on October 31, 2009:

Hello, prettydarkhorse. It looks like you have some catching up to do ;) I hope you continue to read this series and of course I hope that you like it. Thanks for stopping in.

prettydarkhorse from US on October 31, 2009:

hi Dohn, this is a start of a long read to your novel, have written a hub the art of forgiveness..let us see, but i will definitely read your story, I am hooked and I am your fan till you stop writing!

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on October 29, 2009:

Hi, Tatjana-Mihaela! Thanks for reading this story. Yes, with the urge of several of my friends and fans, I was forced (by gun-point) to add to the storyline and continue on with this story as hubs. Part 4 should be ready by tomorrow, so please stay tuned! Thank you!

Tatjana-Mihaela from Zadar, CROATIA on October 29, 2009:

Wow, I missed your newest articles somehow....Have to start to read immediately. Up till now - is excellent!!! I enjoy every word...

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on October 28, 2009:

Hey, lancelonie. Thank you for the compliment! I hope you'll follow this series to the (bitter?) end.

lancelonie on October 28, 2009:

Well versed. You're an awesome writer! Keep it up! :)

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on October 27, 2009:

Thank you very much for that Justine76. There are many heroic characters that inspired me to write this. I really do like the character of Marak and hope to do him "justice" as a no-nonsense protector. Thanks for the compliment!

Justine76 on October 27, 2009:

Hey, I sure wish I could think of something good and original to write here, but, wow!! I really loved this!! It sorta reminded me of The Maxx, just in his defense of the innocent and all. I am so excited to read the rest!! You have a true talent, and your such a nice guy too!!

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on October 23, 2009:

Thanks, wrenfrost. I hope to hear from you again! (I just published Part 3, by the way). It's always good to hear from you.

wrenfrost56 from U.K. on October 23, 2009:

Cool story, great character and voice. Looking forward to reading the rest.

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on October 21, 2009:

Hey, Arthur. Thank you for reading it. I hope you like the next installments.

Arthur Gulumian from Pasadena, CA on October 21, 2009:

Great job, that was some pleasant reading Dohn.

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on October 20, 2009:

Thank you! Yes, in a few days I'll be posting it. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

tiffany and co on October 20, 2009:

I can hardly wait for the next installment. Thanks dohn.

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on October 19, 2009:

HPWriter--Thank you so much for that comment. No, revenge is definitely not a good thing but my goal is to get readers to empathize with Marak--the main character--in that "revenge" is necessary, like when the entire system is broken. There is so much more that I want to share with everyone and hope that I can keep my readership up for this series. I just want to keep readers interested enough to read it to the very end!

Flightkeeper--Thank you for reading! I should have the third installment out very soon (within the next 2 or 3 days). I'm glad you liked it.

Flightkeeper from The East Coast on October 19, 2009:

I can hardly wait for the next installment. Thanks dohn.

hubpageswriter on October 19, 2009:

I agree with most people here. You definitely have the gift of the gab and you make this super amazing stories for us to share and rejoice. More often than not, revenge and forgiveness are like night and day. If one can learn how to have forgiveness in the heart, they can forget about revenge too. Great article. Will be looking forward to the next few.. which I saw you already have.

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on October 18, 2009:

Thanks so much for that wannabwestern. I'm floored to hear that coming from you! I'll have the third installment in a few days :D It's always great to hear from you.

Carolyn Augustine from Iowa on October 18, 2009:

You have a powerful gift. I loved this story. It is gritty and dark, and yet on the cusp of exploding into something even more wonderful. I'm off to read the next installment. Then maybe I'll find that other hub you asked me to read. :O

dohn121 (author) from Hudson Valley, New York on October 18, 2009:

Thanks, CorriStar! What better compliment could I ask for?

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