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how to pick a wedgie

The following may be offensive to the prudish and not funny individual. If you are one of these people please read something else as this may not be for you!

how--to-pick-a-wedgie
how--to-pick-a-wedgie
how--to-pick-a-wedgie

Avoiding the wedgies and tips

Wedgies, the bain of women everywhere. It's not bad enough that our underwire bras are poking is the ribs all day,our high heel shoes are wrecking our feet, but then we have to add to our discomfort with what seems like miles of material gathered in between our buttocks? But what can be done you ask? Well, I will give you some hints on trying to avoid the wedgie all together, and if that isn't what you are looking for I can tell you how to pick the wedgie in many different ways.

Lets get started on how to avoid the wedgie first.

  1. Go commando- as in don't wear underwear at all. This solution should work, no material to get in the rear.
  2. Wear mens underwear- ever notice how they don't seem to have problems with wedgies? Well there is a reason, they are cut with a much larger bottom and a little more room for your rear to move around in giving it less opportunity to gather. Try this one out girls, I'm telling you won't believe the difference, just remember that they should probably be tighty whiteys as I have not tried boxers and boxer briefs so I am not sure how they will rate on the wedgie scale.
  3. Go with the perma wedge - Thong underwear. You might think I have lost my mind on this one but the reason is say to use the thong is this, women may never be able to completely fight off the wedgie, unless of course they decided to go with option one, but with chafing and stuff like that it might not be the best alternative. The perma wedge will alleviate most of the material that gathers in our rear and make for a wedgie that is not comfortable, but at least more tolerable. Also another advantage to this is that you will not have to pick this wedgie as it has nowhere else to go. I do not recommend this tip for anyone over the age of 35, I'm pretty sure it's illegal to wear thong underwear over that age, you'll just have to stick with your cotton granny panties, sorry.
  4. Tape a shoehorn to your butt- well actually it does not have to be a shoehorn, it can be anything that will fill the gap between your cheeks. You probably want to go with something temporary though as eventually you will have to remove it. Ok this one may be a bit uncomfortable but nothing will be going in between those cheeks, this could also solve other problems too, which I should not address in this hub, but I think you get the gist.

Ok, now if none of these ideas appeal to you we can get to the tips on picking the wedgie.

  1. The finger slide- This is the act of placing a finger in the elastic band around the leg of your underwear and running along the edge while slightly pulling the excess fabric from your buttocks. This is often seen at swimming pools and beaches. This is probably the most effective way to pick your wedgie, but is also the most obvious. There really isn't a subtle way to do this, someone will probably see you.
  2. The shake - This is done buy shaking your rear in order to free the trapped fabric. This one is also obvious, but on the bright side it might get you a date.
  3. The chair slide- This one involves sitting down and using what you are sitting to brace the underpants as you slide to the side opposite the side that the fabric has entered, thus freeing the fabric from it's hiding spot. This is not as effective as tip #1 but can be done with a little less suspicion.
  4. The Squat- This is when you take the stance of a football player by spreading your legs about 2-3 feet apart and do a few squats until the fabric releases. This technique does not always work, and actually sometimes make the wedgie worse. Use caution with this one.
  5. The pick- This is the easiest way to rid yourself of the wedgie, you just pick at the fabric until it releases from your bum. Effective but not very inconspicuous.
  6. The blow- This is when you have enough built up gas that you can actually blow the underwear from in between the buttocks. A warning to all who use this, it may cause a loud whistling sound. This one is probably best used at home or around you people you are comfortable with.

Now that we have covered all the ways to rid yourself of a wedgie and the different ways to pick a wedgie we can al be a little more comfortable. So don't be afraid, go ahead pick it and be proud, your butt will thank you for it.

how--to-pick-a-wedgie

if this wasn't the how to for you, here are a few more you should check out!

Comments

Oflo on May 23, 2011:

Omg now im a pro wedgie picker

andy gandy on September 17, 2010:

This is hilarious, but why is a wedgie just the bane of women? Men get wedgies too :I

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on March 18, 2009:

Mellas, glad you liked it. I don't think I could go without any underwear, commando style. I would be afarid of getting something caught in my zipper or leaving my zipper down and giving a free peep show or something. I'm full of all kinds of worries like that.

MellasViews from Earth on March 18, 2009:

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lol. This was hilarious. I dont have issues with wedges all too much seeing that Im a #1 kind of slob. lol. hahahahaha. loved it!

johnny yuma1 on January 13, 2009:

I did indeed enjoy it. I became a lifelong fan.

Johnny Yuma

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on January 13, 2009:

crazymommaof4, glad you enjoyed thid hub, sorry you woke your family up in the middle of the night. I should have put a disclaimer at the top of the hub warning not to read as others in your household are sleeping. Really it just is commom sense that the bigger the butt that the bigger the wedgie. The bigger the butt the more material needed to cover the butt which then reslts in a bigger wedgie.

Johnny Yuma, I have to say the thongs on the bottom are definetly more uncomfortable. And besides it's not considered rude to pick a foot wedgie. Glad you enjoyed!

johnny yuma1 on January 12, 2009:

Referring to ProudMom's comment. I triew wearing flip flops when I was a teenager and can't imagine which would be more uncomfortable of the two thongs--those on the feet or those on the bottom. Gwendymom this is a great hub and rather funny as well. I sure like it.

Johnny Yuma

crazymomma of4 on January 12, 2009:

I made the mistake of reading this hub very early in the morning and woke up most of the house hysterically laughing!! I love this hub, can't wait to read more!!

PS-I also agree with the scientific notion that 'the bigger the butt the bigger the wedgie"(someone should do an experiment! lol!)

HoopSkirtMan on December 27, 2008:

Sometimes I get a wedgy when I wear clingy shorts. These are horrible.

Misha from DC Area on December 27, 2008:

LOL fair enough :)

Still prefer women in their natural outfit :P

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on December 27, 2008:

Misha, that might work but not for me. I would probably zip something up or who knows what. If there is a way to hurt or embarass myself I can find a way to do it. So I better stick with wearing underwear.

Misha from DC Area on December 27, 2008:

How about not wearing anything at all? No panty lines, no wedges - perfect ;)

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on December 27, 2008:

Glad you found it rockinjoe! Thanks, I am not really a funny chick in person, if I can actually sit down and think about then my wit becomes a bit sharper. I am glad to be seeing more of you.

Proud mom, I too was used to calling flip flops thongs. I have worn a few thongs in my lifetime, not the shoes although I have worn them too, and they are pretty uncomfortable. I figure there are only a few reasons to wear one of those perma wedgies and those reasons are because you don't want panty lines, but seriously I'll take the panty lines. You are looking for some action and finally because what you are wearing is going to give you a wedgie anyway so what the heck, you might as well wear less clothing to gather there.

Great story about your grandma, what agreat memory to have.

Proud Mom from USA on December 27, 2008:

I agree with the above post about men having more problems with scratching, or adjusting themselves.  Someone should write a hub about that, although I think it probably should be a guy.  rockinjoe????

This hub is hilarious!

My mom took my 84 year old grandma to the doctor for a checkup and he asked her what she had been wearing.  (He was referring to footwear here).  She answered with a hearty, "THONGS!" because that is what she has always known flip flops to be called.  She became physically upset when it took the doctor several minutes to stop laughing and get on with matters.  She went to her grave not knowing what she had said.  We laughed about that after her funeral.  I think she would have rather had a wedgie than wear what we know as thongs.  I do believe THAT would have been illegal.

Joseph Addams from Standing right behind you! on December 27, 2008:

I don't know how I missed this great hub, but I'm glad I found it. You're a funny chick. I'm sending it over to my wife, the wedgie princess.

(I'm finally getting Hubpages mail, so you'll probably see more of me around these parts.)

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on December 01, 2008:

Mezo, anytime you are ready for some rude and crude humor, just come on over. I got plenty of it!!!!

Motaz from Egypt on December 01, 2008:

mmmmmm now i know what they call it ! a wedgie,,, lo0ol that was just hilarious :D

thnx a lot gwendymom

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on October 16, 2008:

agvulpes, did I miss the part where you said you would donate your ass for research. Damn it, I miss all the good stuff sometimes.

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 30, 2008:

I don't know what it could have been, I have been called many an ass name but never numb, hmmm, I might have to take that back. I'll check my records and get back to you.

Spryte, still waiting for that research!!!

Peter from Australia on September 29, 2008:

Hey Earth Angel you been peeking?

and gwendymom I resemble that remark, I've been called a "numb ass" many times before you did. Hmmm, maybe that was "dumb"

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 29, 2008:

Earth angel, I totally agree with you. That's just good math, or science, or whatever!

Earth Angel on September 29, 2008:

I am not pointing fingers or anything, but the size of the cheeks holding said wedgie is in direct proportion to the force needed to dislodge!! lol!!

Blessings, Earth Angel!!

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 29, 2008:

the pay is only research, o I get the information and you get well a numb ass.

Peter from Australia on September 28, 2008:

On the other hand just let me know , what would one have to do to "scarifice" ones rear end. Makes one shudder it doe's! But I'll do just about anything if the pays good.

Peter from Australia on September 28, 2008:

Vewy kind of you but I'll let that pass  for now.

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 28, 2008:

You need some numbing medication, I'm not sure if you can use ambesol in that general region, but I am willing to scarifice your rear end for further scientific research!

Peter from Australia on September 28, 2008:

What could you have been thinking ! With all those baked beans my bum is so sore I could not possibly think of anything else! Well at least not for 15 mins anyway?

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 28, 2008:

I'm a little afarid of what that vaseline might be for, unless you are trying to free a wedgie, I hope. I"m confused.

Peter from Australia on September 28, 2008:

And that was the best part of the experiment!!!!! darn.

Now where is that vaseline?

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 28, 2008:

He should probably lay off the beans!

SirDent on September 28, 2008:

AV, you must be a red ninja to cause that much of a problem. My hats off to you and I'm glad I don't live in Cranbourne

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 28, 2008:

That gas just might loosen a wedgie, and some other stuff.

Peter from Australia on September 28, 2008:

Weeeel guys I rose to the occasion with some minor success but I think I might have upset some of the residents in the area. Take a look

http://www.theage.com.au/national/cranbourne-gasth...

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 28, 2008:

SirDent, sometimes they do!

Agvulpes, I have not seen spryte in her mans boxers or even heard any updates, maybe she found underwear heaven and is trying to keep it to herself! I agree with Misha, you didn't try hard enough!

Misha from DC Area on September 27, 2008:

You didn't try hard enough :P

Peter from Australia on September 27, 2008:

Ok Ok , In the neverending search for k nowledge &wisdom I decided to carry out research on Number 6, commonly referred to as "The Blow" , so loaded up with bake beans, potato chips, Spaghetti and other nefarious items. Plus various types of undies don't know about the 'thong" in OZ we wear those on our feet, not very comfortable on your bum, wouldn't get a wedgie tho. Anyway, away I go farting away ( are you allowed to say fart here) and lo and behold.  Nothing, narda, zip. Still wedged, could not budge the wedge not even that much,(holds thumb and index finger up 1mm apart. So folks moral of this story is as they say in the bible "turn the other cheek".

I would say that this would qualify for a "Myth Buster" segment. working title "Wedgie myth blown".

Hey sweetheart will you please pass the Vasaline.

Peter from Australia on September 27, 2008:

Has anyone seen Spryte in her boxer's yet?

SirDent on September 27, 2008:

They don't always hurt Gwendymom. :P

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 27, 2008:

Haha! I hope your not talking about your husband but I think they are just classified as a pain in the ass!

Wendy Iturrizaga from France on September 27, 2008:

LOL I came in without knowing what a "wedgie" was (that's me, I live with it and didn't know the name... and no, not talking about my husband...)

Very good tips but I don't think I'll try number 6... unless I am alone!

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 26, 2008:

Thanks SirDent, and that is why you are my hero!

SirDent on September 26, 2008:

Just remember that anytime you need to change a hub like this one, add an extra space and the title is actually changed even though it remains the same. ;)

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 26, 2008:

your mine!

SirDent on September 26, 2008:

I am nobodies hero.

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 26, 2008:

Your still my hero!

SirDent on September 26, 2008:

it'sthe way life is. ALthough I am not proud of many things I did, those things helped to make me who I am today. ;)

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 26, 2008:

shame on you! yea, me too, shame on me too!

SirDent on September 26, 2008:

I used to do a lot of things that many would call naughty yes.

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 26, 2008:

So you really are a naughty boy then?

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 26, 2008:

Thanks sweetiepie, who would have known that underwear stuck in your butt could cause so much entertainment!

SirDent on September 26, 2008:

It surely is SweetiePie.  :P  I got way too many skeletons in my closets to run for president. :P

SweetiePie from Southern California, USA on September 26, 2008:

Jackalopes, debates, wedgies, and self-portraits, this is a very entertaining hub for sure :).

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 26, 2008:

Maybe you should SirDent!

SirDent on September 26, 2008:

You may be right about things already being decided, but I haven't made up my mind who I want to vote for. The debate would probably show me what I need to know in order to decide. I am beginning to hate politics even more than I used to.

I think I should run for president.

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 26, 2008:

Sounds like you need a Tv for every person in your house. I am just not wanting to watch. I'm getting so sick of it! I know I should care because my future is probably at stake here, but I don't think things are going to change, I think things have already been decided.

SirDent on September 26, 2008:

Three TVs in the house but all are busy. I am here at the computer. GO figure. :S

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 26, 2008:

If I posted a pic of me everyone would be watching the debate, trying to avoid their puters!

I think you are right though a lot of people are watching it. How come your not?

SirDent on September 26, 2008:

LOL, I was only joking. :P I didn't think you would post a pic like that of yourself. Bored at the moment and not much going on at HP. Everyone must be watching the debate.

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 26, 2008:

Oh SirDent, you very naughty boy! Nobody wants to see that! Like I said I am over thirtyfive, I won't say by how much, but none the less over thrity five. Back in the day apparently my wedgie region was pretty nice. The first time my husband saw me was bent over talking to a friend in a car and he said he fell in love. He later picked me up with the line of nice pooper! Hard to imagine that I fell for a man that used that line but I did. As i have become older my butt has become longer and wider and now it s almost it's own nation. Really nobody wants to see that!

SirDent on September 26, 2008:

I have to ask which of the photos used in this hub was a self portrait of the author. :P

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 26, 2008:

Misty, as I said before this rule probably only applies to me, and I guess it is getting more and more obvious that it does. Thanks for stopping by.

Cindy Lawson from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on September 26, 2008:

As a 38 year old I am proud to say I still have thongs, but would not want to borrow my Husband's boxers in case of skid marks, not something I fancy sharing :)

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 26, 2008:

Just be careful SirDent, wouldn't want my new hero to get hurt!

SirDent on September 26, 2008:

I am not afraid of any Jackalope. BT has overstepped his bounds and given away a secret that only men have known for centuries.

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 26, 2008:

Patty, I am not sure if jackalopes get wedgies, I don't know if they wear underwear, maybe he has an excess of fur back there.

Earthangel, he would be my ex too!

Earth Angel on September 26, 2008:

Too, too funny GwendyMom!!

My ex- used to use method number 6!! "The blow- This is when you have enough built up gas that you can actually blow the underwear from in between the buttocks. A warning to all who use this, it may cause a loud whistling sound. This one is probably best used at home or around you people you are comfortable with."

He could also set off the fire alarms in our kitchen!!

Did I mention he was my ex-??

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!

Patty Inglish MS from USA and Asgardia, the First Space Nation on September 26, 2008:

A Jackalope with a Wedgie would be quadruple the Evil I believe...

gwendymom (author) from Oklahoma on September 26, 2008:

Avgulpes, I'm pretty sure we can say bums, that's probably theleast of the worry words that could be said.

Spryte, I am so anxious to here about the boxers, I really would do some more research If I could only get my hands on a pair of them. I could possibly hang out at a laundry mat, but I think your way is probably better.