Dealing WIth What You Cannot Control
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Experiences have taught us to fear failure. Loss teaches us to need control;it provides a sense of order, stability, and predictability, which are fundamental for achieving goals and maintaining well-being. Whether on a personal, organizational, or societal level, control plays a crucial role in shaping our experiences and outcomes.
We seek control over our lives to navigate challenges, make informed decisions, and pursue their aspirations. It fosters a sense of autonomy and empowerment, allowing people to shape their destinies and respond effectively to the dynamic nature of existence.
In essence, the need for control arises from our innate desire for security, progress, and harmony. While excessive control can lead to rigidity and stifled creativity, a balanced and adaptive approach empowers individuals and societies to thrive in a complex and interconnected world.
Why we always want to control our circumstances
The desire to control situations is a complex and multifaceted aspect of human nature that various factors can explain. Here are some reasons individuals may have a tendency to want to be on top of situations.
- Uncertainty and Anxiety: Humans often feel more comfortable in predictable and certain environments. Uncertainty can lead to anxiety and stress, and the desire for control is a way to reduce these negative emotions.
- Fear of the Unknown: The unknown is intimidating, and some people may try to exert control as a way of dealing with unfamiliar circumstances.
- Sense of Security: Having control over a situation can provide a sense of security. Knowing what to expect and having influence over our circumstances can create a feeling of safety and stability.
- Achievement and Success: Control is often associated with achievement and success. People may believe that by controlling situations, they are more likely to achieve their goals and desired outcomes.
- Autonomy: Human beings have a natural desire for autonomy and independence. Managing situations can be a way of asserting one's autonomy and making decisions that align with personal preferences.
- Coping Mechanism: For some individuals, having control is a coping mechanism. It provides a sense of empowerment and can be a way of managing stress and challenges.
- Past Experiences: Previous experiences, especially those involving a lack of control or negative outcomes, can shape a person's desire to micromanage himself and others. Traumatic events, in particular, may lead individuals to seek control as a way of preventing similar experiences in the future.
- Cultural and Social Influences: Cultural and societal norms may also play a role in our need to manage. Some cultures place a high value on control, order, and predictability, which can influence individual behavior.
- Financial Stress: Economic pressures, debt, and financial instability can have a significant impact on a person's sense of control over their life.
- Evolutionary Perspective: Evolutionary psychology suggests that the instinct for survival ex. Early humans who could control their environment were more likely to secure resources and avoid threats, enhancing their chances of survival and reproduction.
- Perceived Competence: One can link control to a sense of competence. When people believe they have control over their lives, they may feel more competent and capable, contributing to positive self-esteem.
- Goal Achievement: Control is instrumental in goal pursuit. People often seek control to align their circumstances with their goals and aspirations.
How to Release Control
Managing things that are beyond your control can be challenging, but there are various strategies and approaches that can help you cope and navigate such situations. Here are some suggestions:
1. Acceptance:
Recognize and accept the fact that there are certain things you cannot control. Understanding and acknowledging this reality is the first step in managing your response.
2. Focus on What You Can Control:
Identify aspects of the situation that you can influence or control. Direct your energy and efforts toward those areas rather than dwelling on things outside your control.
3. Mindfulness
Practice mindfulness to stay in the present moment. This can help you avoid getting lost in thoughts about the uncontrollable future and bring your attention to the things you can do right now.
4. Develop a Positive Mindset
Cultivate a positive attitude. Focus on the positive aspects of your life and the opportunities that may arise from challenging situations. This can help you maintain a more optimistic outlook.
5. Set Realistic Expectations
Be realistic about what you can achieve and the outcomes you can expect. Setting unrealistic expectations can lead to frustration and disappointment.
3. Seek Support:
Share your feelings and concerns with friends, family, or a trusted colleague. Talking about your challenges can provide emotional support and different perspectives.
4. Adaptability and Flexibility:
Develop the ability to adapt to changing circumstances. Being flexible in your approach allows you to adjust to unexpected situations and find new solutions.
5. Develop Problem-Solving Skills:
Focus on finding solutions to the problems you can address. Developing problem-solving skills can empower you to take action in areas where you have control.
6. Prioritize Self-Care:
Take care of your physical and mental well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and stress relief.
7. Learn from the Experience:
Use challenging situations as opportunities for personal and professional growth. Reflect on what you can learn from the experience, even if you can't control the outcome.
8. Detach Emotionally:
Practice detachment from the outcome. While it's natural to care about the results, try not to tie your emotional well-being solely to external circumstances.
Releasing the Scepter
He who wields the scepter
Holds rein over the world and the mind
Is the master over matter
A memento that is precious
He holds it tightly in his grip,
Fear when it wobbles, cautious
His fingers loosen their grasp
The pain they feel relieved
Wanting liberty from yielding clasp
Clasp loosened when he learns
To get others to hold it upright
And shares what he yearns
Clasp loosened when he learns
Why he needed the scepter
Sets his mind to assuage concerns
The scepter is never lost
But he needs to set his mind to search
Must tune in with what he needs the most
And not fear Ridicule's cost.
