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Depression 2020

Crystal Is a 36 year old mother of 3, She loves to inspire others and she has been writing for over 18 years. She loves all and judges None.

Fake me

unsteady

Many tears leave my eyes as I sit and cry.

Many smiles appear on my face. And at this moment you know it's fake.

For in my mind my life I should take.

I feel like I'm taking up so much space standing alone and face to face. I slide down the wall and curl up in a ball.

Like a riot in the streets, I can feel the hate. Telling myself it is too late. Wishing I could just disappear like the cold winter air.

I feel all the pain like standing in the rain. Yes, this is in my brain.

Waiting for this downpour to wash me away on any given day.

Standing in the distance I hit my knees to pray, Secretly hoping he will make a way for me to stay.

I'm neither here nor there in this world. Just a lost little girl asking Is this my forever reality? False dreams and a broken mind this can't be real please tell me why.

Depression never leaving can you explain what I have to obtain? I stand alone with this pain am I only here for a laugh to gain?

Looking in the mirror I can't see my face, turn the lights off and even my shadow is a disgrace.

I feel like cutting again because only then my mind comes to a temporary end. It's like a rush to feel the cut.

I hate for you to see the bleeding. Now begins the mind manipulating seeking attention they are screaming.

Silent screams only I can hear. I know you love to pretend you care. I know my depression is the key to killing me slowly.

My mind is a playing field for names and such. Asking every day why I'm not enough? Seeking answers just not there my mind is blank just like a stare.

From a child, I was nothing but a hole for the taking. Got older and the same thing my body and my mind your raping.

Everyone tells me I'm nothing but damaged and broken. Seeking truth from the unspoken. Lying every day for the children to be golden.

Smiles on there faces seeming to be frozen.

The meds there giving never-ending. I just sit and gaze while the doc is here. Only wishing I could close my eyes and never wake. Screaming get me out of this hell for heaven's sake.

Planning for the day I must go away by my own hand in such an awful way.

Sometimes I think you put me here for abuse and tears. So you could sit back and laugh at my fears.

This hell is mine and I'm running out of time. I'm tired and my body aches. I would say that I've overcome the worst that's just another lie to get me by. Why don't you understand my mind is weak and I feel like a freak. As I sit here today I have to say. I only want to meditate for this depression to have an expiration date.

©Crlah2020

Comments

Terrance on August 09, 2020:

Wonderful poem

Virgina on August 05, 2020:

Amazing work

Lisa and justin on August 04, 2020:

I suffer from depression and this poem is how i feel sometimes i cant believe that someone as talented as you are here on this site this is amazing work and shows a true insight on how depression destroys the mind

Frank Williams on July 30, 2020:

I love this poem

Brooke on July 29, 2020:

You have a profound way of making people feel your emotions so amazing

Jack on July 28, 2020:

I love this poem

Lynn doss on July 27, 2020:

I love this poem it is sad people go through this often

Rose on July 24, 2020:

Amazing

Hold Up Nigga Im Not Siri Call Me Sugar Mama on July 24, 2020:

great

Johnny Dang on July 24, 2020:

Very impressive

Kevin Porter on July 24, 2020:

touched me

Sandy Williams on July 24, 2020:

Wow young lady you are gifted