First of all, I would like to give my deepest sympathies and condolences to the Woman behind all these prompts. To Brenda Arledge, Bredz as others call her. As she lost someone so dear to her in the fight of Cancer. In these difficult times, May you find solace and comfort from God. God's love to a woman experiencing a lot of things is so much beyond what a human can give and offer. May God give you strength and that may he provide everything you need. Emotional support, financial, strength, love, everything that shall help you get back bit by bit. God is with you all the time. Just have trust in him and lift everything to him. Your fears, your worries, your feelings, your problems, everything, Lift it all up to him and let him do something about it. I'm sure he'll be there to help you out most especially in these difficult times.
I'll be praying for you and for Ron's Soul.
Sending you my warmest virtual hugs.
Get all the rest and recovery period you need. Take it slow.
We'll all be here for you and await for your return.
Until then, I wish you well and safe, stay healthy Brenda!
The Difficulty of Assembling and Assorting the Puzzle Pieces ~ Where to Start?
Ever felt so empty?
You have everything yet feels so lonely.
The material things never sparked joy.
I see people happy and joyful.
Be lively, they say.
But I just don't have the energy.
I was so tired and exhausted.
I've been searching for answers.
Years it took me, but it was worth it.
Tons of questions I asked,
I gathered all clues and evidences.
Why I can't still put it all together?
No matter how much and how hard I try,
It took me several times, to make it sensible.
Thousands of pieces, do really take time.
When you get near to putting it altogether,
You'll see the bigger picture and its beauty.
The Me(my)stery, got me a long time to solve.
I'm thankful it's now solved.
What's the Me-stery? My Encounters with Various Medical Specialists. What Happened?
What's the Me-stery?
Well, there were a couple of things.
My symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis is one.
It took me years to finally get diagnosed.
I took my time to go to several doctors and ask if there's anything wrong.
First was Endocrinology.
A suspicion in hormonal changes,
I ask if there was problem in thyroid.
It was clear and normal.
The doctor said consult to your OB-GYNE.
After consulting to my OB,
A week after taking meds for menstruation,
I got my ultrasound.
It's confirmed I got PCOS.
I then preceeded with my Spinal Problems.
My back has been aching for 11 years.
It was time to have it checked again once and for all.
The Ortho asked me to have an MRI (w/o contrast) and X-ray of my whole spine.
So I did.
The results then came in after a week or so.
They found nothing. MRI and Xray scans were normal too.
The Ortho then asked me to repeat the MRI this time focusing on a specific part and with contrast.
A Creatinine Test was done to see if it was safe to have the MRI with contrast.
I had the second MRI done.
Still the results were normal.
But the doctor was suspecting something wrong and odd.
Of course who wouldn't.
Being in pain for 11 years is no joke.
The Ortho tells me, it's best to consult a Neurologist.
This is were things have gotten tough for me and stressful too.
Hospital trips were tiring as it was 1 hour and a half drive from home.
The hallways of hospitals are so long too.
At this rate my limbs have quite weaken.
I experience overfatigue.
Then the disappointment you hear,
"Go to another doctor, maybe they have the answer."
How many more specialists do I have to see?
I just needed to be diagnosed with something sensible.
The frustration, the disappointments, the stress, the physical symptoms, everything.
It got me so weak, I was so close to just wanna lie on a death bed.
But God saved me.
Finding The Right Neurologist. One that Holds the Key to This Case. Is the Answer Finally Here?
So, I tried to find a Neurologist.
I was supposed to meet one at the same hospital but no one was answering.
So I tried searching at the internet.
One that does physical consultation as I have to be assessed physically.
During this time, holiday season,
Every doctor around the planet only does Online Consultation.
Almost no single soul, have face to face consult.
That's difficulty level 1.
Level 2 was finding a doctor nearby at the internet.
Good Lord knows I tried contacting 50 persons for 5 hours.
Out of 50, 30 contact numbers were invalid. Number cannot be reached or is outdated.
The listed number is somehow correct but the doctor is no longer working for them.
The others, were on leave or vacation or would only accept online consults.
Thankfully one of those numbers answered me.
Thankfully, they have physical consultation.
Thankfully I was scheduled and got an appointment.
Before that, there was a doctor from a distant province I was able to speak to.
He was kind enough to respond to my concerns and inquiries as patient even for a short while.
Just wanna give him thanks for that.
Plus he got some looks too.
Anyway, I went on a trip for my check up on Neurologist.
Brought my xrays and MRI, along with the notebook that contains everything I've been dealing with.
A clinical history, the clues and evidences of this Me-stery.
It was a fine morning at least.
She assessed my reflexes and cranial nerves.
My speech, my eyes, my feet, my lips, how I walk, and everything.
I was adviced to have a work up (head to toe diagnosis) by January 3, after holidays.
Dec. 21, 2021 was when I was checked by the Neurologist.
Uh..oh a little problem arises!
I couldn't have the guts and strength to tell anyone in the family I'm gonna be confined.
Christmas and New Years have passed and I can't still manage to tell them.
That I have to be admitted for the work up.
It was keeping me bothered and awake for quite some time.
I couldn't spoil the festivities, by a bothering news can I?
Remember the Dates! They are Important Clues to Solving The Me-stery!
December 31, 2021.
My parents arrived at the quarantine hotel.
My headache was just starting to worsen.
It started December 26, 2021.
I wasn't in good terms with them for quite a long time.
I hollered to God, I just can't face them yet with a heavy heart filled with anger and hatred. Take me somewhere.
I was so stressed and dwelled so much in darkness.
I needed a place to breathe and rehabilitate.
Somewhere I can restart and heal.
January 3, 2022.
My things were all packed.
I packed like someone who would run away from home.
My clothes, my phone, important documents, and money.
All I took it with me.
My head was hurting so bad.
I can no longer take it.
I took 4 tablets of painkillers with intervals of a few hours.
But it got worse to its extreme extent.
I couldn't even lay my head still to the pillow.
From 7 pain intensity by noon it got 9 in the evening until it didn't let me sleep anymore until sunrise.
I decided to tell them this day too.
I said everything is settled. Nothing to worry about. Just have to get admitted asap.
Cause the pain was no longer tolerable.
It's painful as hell.
January 4, 2022.
Morning, I was coughing and was starting to have a slight fever.
There was an on-going surge.
I have to take RT-PCR to get admitted.
My uncle who took me to the hospital,
Got symptoms too.
Worse than I was initially having.
Cough, colds, and sneezing.
He had fever too.
I knew I was gonna test positive for Covid.
A Bad Habit ~Why Do I Always Get Infected?
Ever since I was younger,
I easily adapt habits of others.
Like when someone sneeze, minute later I'd be sneezing too.
When someone blows or sniff their nose, I'd be sniffing mine too.
When someone coughs, I'll be coughing too sooner or later without a doubt.
Even if I try my hardest not to copy it.
That's how fast I get infected and adapt a habit I shouldn't.
It's a tough skill/talent to have.
The moment I hear someone sniffs, sneezes, or coughs, I get tempted to do the same even if I'm not sick.
But the moment I do it, the colds and cough starts infecting me for real.
It's no trial to see if its fun copying.
I'd be really doing so cause I'm infected,
Not because I got jealous, and wanted to do the same.
My Only Plea : "Can I eat now? I'm Hungry and Starving. Please?"
It took me quite some time to be exposed at the hallways of the emergency hall.
Before I was able to lay in the hospital bed.
I was so hungry, dizzy, and my head was turning 360° clockwise 360°counter clockwise.
At first we had to wait while standing,
But I couldn't take it any longer.
The doctor was taking forever.
I was gonna collapse any moment if I hadn't sit down on a wheelchair.
Finally, they took me in.
Thought I was at least gonna have a drink.
But the next supply of water would be at 8pm.
I got in around 4pm.
There's no food too. Had to wait till dinner time.
Literally, every doctor who went to ask me,
I answered, "I'm hungry, what time can I eat?",
The next hour another doctor would ask me how I'm doing,
"Can I eat now? I'm starving."
Although, it's obviously not what they are asking me about.
They told me just wait a bit longer, by dinner time.
Tell us why you are here first.
I told them everything.
Over and over.
I could have just recorded it and play it for them on loop.
I was able to have a short nap and was surprise to see a couple of doctors surrounding me.
"What's happening?! What will they do to me?! Who are they?! "
Of course I knew they were doctors.
It's just I just woke up and I panic a bit to see new people surrounding me.
I just answered them all I could process in my head.
Allow them to do some tests again with my nerves and reflexes.
Push and pull, up and down, eye movements, mathematics, everything.
Finally, the most awaited meal of the decade arrives.
I was really hungry. LOL.
Believe me, It tasted so great after not being able to eat for like decades.
After 5 neurologists and I don't know nurses later,
The doctor finally swabbed me for RT PCR.
That's around 10:30pm
I was having chills and fever when I got swabbed.
I was coughing and having some colds too.
I was thinking maybe if the swab was done a bit early the results may be negative.
But everything was happening for a reason.
Maybe, deep inside I was hoping for positive too.
So maybe I'd have a reason to stay longer.
I was asking myself,
"What if its positive, what will happen next?"
"What will I be doing for the following days?"
"Will my work-up get delayed?"
Then again I prayed,
"Lord, whatever it is your planning, I'm willing to get through all of it."
"I know you have reasons, if it's your will, and so the results be it."
"Just help me get through to the bottomline of all these. "
So, the next evening, I got transferred.
I tested positive for COVID 19.
God Has Spared Me From A Lot of Things. Lessons I Learned From The Ward. Blessings in The Family.
God spared me from a lot of things.
He healed me first internally.
While he was settling my problems and worries outside.
He made sure everything is solved and settled once I got discharged.
He made sure I'm no longer gonna be broken like I was before.
He has resolved everything for me.
Before the doctor, decided to let me go home.
God spared me from a lot of things.
One, from running away from home.
He has given me an alternative shelter.
A shelter filled with so much love and care.
Two of which my soul needs the most.
A shelter I could be at ease and call it 'home'.
Food was no problem at all too.
Once I was settled after a few days.
I started enjoying and being comfortable.
This gonna be my home for the next coming days, might as well enjoy it.
Two, he helped me subside my anger and burst of emotions first before I meet my family.
He had taught me a lot of things.
Things I wouldn't understand if I did not experience it at a live scenario.
You can explain and give me sermons all day but I still wouldn't understand,
I still wouldn't listen.
Show me an example I could witness, maybe you'd change my mind.
God knows huge percentage of my problem was my mother.
There was a huge emotional gap.
A deep psychological wound.
God surrounded me with Mothers.
Every patient at 4B ward Rm 426 were Mothers.
Various kinds of mothers I have to deal with and encounter.
I've heard and witnessed how it varies that they show their love to their children.
Sometimes , they would never show you their vulnerability.
No matter how tough the situation is, no matter how diffiicult it gets.
But sometimes, toning down your pride and showing vulnerability to your children, gives them opportunity to show how much they love you and that you can somehow depend on them. They know what to do.
So as with everyone.
You can't always keep the mask on showing your strong and doesn't need anyone's help.
Remember, no man is an island.
Give the people around you the opportunity to help you out.
Accept your weakness and vulnerability.
If you can't, let someone do it for you.
You don't have to force it to the point were you'll just end up hurting yourself.
Let them make it up to you.
Don't close the doors of opportunities to make better memories and relationships.
Leave the past behind, but take the lessons learned with you.
Remember what went wrong and what they did wrong, so you won't have to do the same to others.
Everyone is getting old.
The time is gradually running, and we are running out of time too.
You might be still stuck in that year filled with pain, sadness, regrets, anger, hatred, but look around you.
Look how much the years have gone by.
Look how much progress they have made.
You may not be aware, but time now is completely different to were you are right now.
Try to keep up and stay updated.
Appreciate the people around you, while they are still with you.
You'll miss them too one day or another they've gone somewhere far away.
Just like how everyone did, when I went on a hospital journey.
We just used to play around and eat together every afternoon snack.
Now we got two cousins who got married.
Time has gone by so fast.
I can't imagine or recount how much years and memories I missed.
Staying idle for so long.
How much years have passed I wasted.
But all is well now.
God has healed the wound inside me.
He has answered all my prayers.
My dreams and goals have come true.
I'm in good terms now with my family and relatives.
We have all accepted each other back to each other's arms.
February 6, 2022 was a special day for me.
We used to gather and eat together only on Christmas Eve and New Years Eve.
But a gallon of ice cream changed the day completely.
Who'd say no to the ice cream, everyone in the family loves it.
We were complete.
All grandchildren and children of my late grandmother together with their spouses and the spouses of my cousins who just got married were all present.
All for ice cream party. LOL.
My heart was so filled .
What Was The Missing Puzzle Piece?~ A Challenge For All of You.
What was the missing puzzle piece ?
You may be wondering.
The answer can be found above.
I'll leave it up to you to think about it.
The Me-stery case have been solved.
But one of you have to figure out what was the missing puzzle piece that completed Me.
Once you figured it out, I hope you apply it to your life as well.
Let's keep them guessing and go nuts thinking what was it.
Don't be fooled. The answer lies within the reader. Think 'till you blink.
A Bonus Clue? ~ Is the Answer Revealed Here? What's the Verdict of the Case?
Here's a little bonus for all of you.
God spared me from a lot of things.
I was planning to run away from home or just end my life.
Maybe if I got hospitalized, and got sick things would change for me.
They might realize my worth and value if I get hospitalized for a couple of days.
Maybe they'd start to care for me more if I get sick.
Maybe once I'm diagnosed with something, I'll no longer be kept in shadows.
I'll no longer feel invisible.
I'll no longer feel excluded from the family.
Maybe, if I'm gone for days, they'll miss my presence.
Maybe, they'll get a glimpse of what is like without me in the picture.
I may not always be very vocal, but you'd appreciate when I say something longer than a full length song.
That's not through chat/text, or a poetry.
But letting you hear it live face to face.
That, I can be useful too and be a helping hand.
That, my opinion matters too.
Without me, what's your life gonna be like?
I was in the hospital for almost 15 days.
I was right.
The situation has changed... for the better.
In favor of me.
God's plan and God's will , everything I prayed for is now settled.
Not only that.
People who loves me, cares for me, and my supporters tripled up.
I've found a new family with the HP community, the mothers from the ward , and friends I've known for a long time.
I'm never gonna be alone anymore.
Anywhere I go, people will always be there for me.
I thank God for helping me figure out this 9 years in the making Me-stery case to be solved.
I have forgiven the suspects of their crimes too since they have paid their sentence well enough.
I hereby proclaim the patrole of the primary suspect of this Me-stery case,
You deserve to be set free from the prison you acquitted yourself into.
Live a happy life and never go back to square one .
You are much stronger now.
Just have to keep going and no more turning back.
Keep shining, young warrior!
May God Bless you and the people so dear to you always.
© 2022 Gianella Labrador