Funny Story: The Day I Was To Sexy For My Skirt
Ever have one of those days when you just can't believe how incredibly HOT you must look? Well, I think I could count those days on one hand but when I was younger.....
Long days past, in my 30-somethings I was embroiled in the non-ending days of working full-time, child-rearing, pet keeping and all the extras that we Baby Boomers seem to have taken on and called our life. There seriously never seemed much time for myself but really, I had no complaints. I had a good life, a wonderful husband, 3 children who were involved in everything from soup to nuts, 4 dogs, and a lovely home. Juggling it all was sometimes a challenge, but it was a great life.
Most of the time though, I just never spent much time thinking about being sexy. Sure, I thought I was attractive and I knew I could even be termed pretty most days. I knew my husband still adored me (even if he tried to wear my Victoria's Secret panties from time to time). Another story....
But every once in a while, something chemical goes off in our womanly heads I guess and you just wake up on a given day, put on something extra special and you just KNOW you are 'smokin'! I don't even know if in my 30's we used the word 'smokin' in referring to hot women! But still - this day - it applied!
Photo Credit: Sil Kobieta at morguefile.com
How I Came To Be Too Sexy For My Skirt
I worked at the local hospital on late afternoon shift and I decided to pull out all the stops because I was just feeling sexy. Out came the red skirt that I usually saved for special occasions and the black high heels that I usually avoided like the plague for fear of breaking my neck in them. Topping it all off, I styled my hair down and put on a nice tight white blouse topping it off with dangly earrings and a bit of neck jewelry to show off the nice tight white blouse - not the usual look I had for going to work at the hospital as a transcriptionist but like I said - today I was 'smokin' !
Bob dropped in to see me as was his custom after working his job; he took one look at me and I could tell - something good was going to happen to me - nice choice on the wardrobe! That was a plus right there. When you can still excite the old guy after 3 kids, 4 dogs, 2 full-time jobs and the Victoria's Secret Panties problem, hey definitely I'm thinking I've got it all going on in spades! He gives me a quick smack on the cheek, a pat somewhere else, takes the kids out the door and looks back to wink at me....definitely 'smokin'!
Well, now I had a real purpose for quickly ripping through my menial tasks. My fingers flew over the keyboard as I typed out the x-ray reports. I couldn't wait to get home and further confirm how sexy I looked! I'm wondering if I will come home to find all the lights down low, the candles lit and soft music playing. Maybe there was a glass of wine and some dancing in my future not to mention various and sundry activities that involved my outfit but in a less-is-more kind of way! I definitely did not want to waste this mojo I had going on!!
The last duty of my day was to take all the reports I had typed up and disperse a copy to the individual charts on the various floors throughout the hospital. Tonight, I wasn't going to waste all this 'sexy' by throwing a lab coat over it - oh NO! I was hoping for all the miles I could get out of this little experience so off I went, clickity clacking my way through the halls, trying to hurry so I could get home to the LUV SHACK!
Well, I have to say - I did get a lot of looks that night and it did my little conceited heart good. I was busy gathering admiring gazes right and left in my direction. I was so tickled that I had been so bold as to wear such sexy garb to work! I was mentally going through my wardrobe thinking of all the other things I should start wearing that could get this kind of reaction.
Lost in my haze and wonderment, I was totally distracted when I passed the pharmacy. I heard a low sexy male whistle and stopped dead. Now didn't that just prove EVERYTHING? Was it not just the piece de resistance to a perfectly sexy image kinda day? How could it possibly get any better? I had never been whistled at IN MY LIFE and here was some guy whistling at me in broad daylight (well broad night-light) and all because I dared to be sexy!
I blushed (of course - what else could I do?) - and then I turned hoping to look properly befuddled and innocent at someone who undoubtedly looked like Ben Affleck and who was probably at that very moment blowing me a kiss and winking to go with the wolf-whistle!
Hmmm - think again Bozo aka Drama Queen....it was a quick tumble from sex-kitten to pervert turning on disabled people! I turned around to find this Down's syndrome disabled young man absolutely drooling at me and he was winking all right! Only he did not look like Ben Affleck....he did not even look like Matt Damon! When I turned to him and gave him the full benefit of my 'sexiness' it seemed to egg him on even more so to speak and now he is just bouncing around and acting very 'excited' to say the least.
I am now so TOTALLY embarrassed that I am just trying to get out of the hallway as quickly as possible with as much dignity as I have left intact. The pharmacist and the techs are crowded around the window laughing hysterically - where is back-up when you need it? I did not want to hurt the poor guy's feelings but he was just really making a scene and becoming more excited by the minute. By this time, I have definitely lost my 'smokin' veneer and I know I will be a laughingstock by morning. 'You should have seen the guy Audrey turned on last night.'
I am blushing for REAL now and so totally disgusted with myself for being such a conceited idiot that I can only think of escape! I managed to mumble something to the fellow about 'thanks so much for the compliment and the whistling but you really need to be quiet - this is a hospital and we can't have that kind of behavior here.' The more I said, the worse it got so finally I just turned and clackity clacked my way back to the office, out the door and safely back to the confines of where I KNEW how to be sexy!
All's Well That Ends Well
So ends the saga of trying to be a sex goddess. I decided it was wiser (and safer) to just confine my sexiness for Bob's viewing pleasure and not try to expand that part of my nature to the world at large because you never know what's going to come along and bite you in the behind! It is much better to be adored by a few rather than mocked by many!
Yes, I was the laughingstock of the hospital for quite a while and no, I did not attempt to be quite that sexy ever again....at work!
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Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on September 23, 2012:
Thank you James~
James Timothy Peters from Hammond, Indiana on September 22, 2012:
This is sooooo funny...you remind me of my two younger sisters. Awesome HUB!
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on August 15, 2010:
Too funny, Ken - yes of course I am a true life siren...only problem is usually there is a good dose of comedy that goes along with the sexy! I guess that is important in a relationship as well....laughter and god knows he has a lot to laugh about!
saddlerider1 on August 15, 2010:
Even though you got the wolf whistle and the crazy man's dance of attention to your sexiness, a gurl still must get down and smokin for her man from time to time. There are so many ways to make that happen, I'm sure you have a few up your skirt:0)) or sleeve. Hugs
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on August 15, 2010:
Perhaps you are right Dallas! Thanks so much for the read.
Dallas W Thompson from Bakersfield, CA on August 15, 2010:
Perhaps the thought you "felt sexy" was what made you sexy... The rest enforced what you felt... Thanks for shazring...
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on August 12, 2010:
Hi K - I didn't either to be honest! I just had to believe that if I thought I was 'too cute' something was going to go off the radar!
kaltopsyd from Trinidad originally, but now in the USA on August 11, 2010:
Hahaha, poor guy! That was a good one. I don't know what else to say. :-)
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on August 10, 2010:
Thanks, Freya - I think I always hit on my husband's heart thankfully! Nice of you to stop by!
Freya Cesare from Borneo Island, Indonesia on August 10, 2010:
Wow! 100! Well done, Audrey!
Hahaha! So funny, dear. Unless you managed to hit on your husband heart that day. Must be wonderful glory to you both. :)
Thank you for the good laugh, dear.
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on June 07, 2010:
Msannec - you are too kind! Glad I could give you a laugh or two hopefully! That is my life.
msannec from Mississippi (The Delta) on June 07, 2010:
Great hub, Audrey, I love it! Keep being the fabulous hub diva that you are.
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on June 03, 2010:
Thanks epigramman - I do have fun!
epigramman on June 03, 2010:
you're too sexy for your own hubs because you're so hubdelicious!!!
Harvey Stelman from Illinois on April 28, 2010:
I enjoyed enough to follow you. I think you should try some my SEXY Hubs, something like you but different. What did I just say.
As a singer, nude male model and lover of trying to shock people (when younger) I too have a million stories.
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on April 23, 2010:
I hate to tell ya but I gotta million of 'em - thanks so much for reading, Holle....it's always something!
Holle Abee from Georgia on April 23, 2010:
How did I miss this gem?? Wonderful story!
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on April 20, 2010:
Thanks Shell - you are too kind! I try not to ever think in terms of being sexy anymore - just if it happens and it's a surprise, I'm better off!
theherbivorehippi from Holly, MI on April 20, 2010:
lol LOVE it!! I get in moods like this too where you just know you look good that day and simply must play it up!! I love that you referred to your Victoria's secret panties story...one of your funnest hubs!!!
Simon Cook from NJ, USA on October 23, 2009:
LOL great story! IMHO women are sexy without all the trappings - it's something about their eyes, their smile etc. My wife can simply look at me sometimes and my legs turn to jelly....you should feel proud that you still 'have it' - even though you thought people were laughing at you..there were probably a lot jealous that this downs syndrome guy had the 'balls' to whistle...
BkCreative from Brooklyn, New York City on October 21, 2009:
I just loooove hot stories like this. Thanks so much!
Steve Leveen on October 20, 2009:
Boy your writing is great. You really took me there to the hospital. Look forward to many more reports.
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on October 20, 2009:
Too cute~! I have learned over the years though that it is best kept our little secret though as every time I seem to get it into my little head to be something I'm not - well disaster seems to strike! Humbling to say the least...comedy has always been my forte! Thanks for the fan mail - getting a little discouraged as my bubble blonde head is overflowing with information! One of these days it'll all just click in - I can only hope!
Richard Bivins from Charleston, SC on October 19, 2009:
This was quite an entertaining story Audrey. I'm sure Bob is very happy with leaving your sexiness for him but if you have it you might as well... you know...lol
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on October 19, 2009:
Ah yes - that sustaining brilliance thing....I figure if we hit it every now and again on any level and in any realm, it's all good!
ParadigmShift... from San Jose, CA on October 19, 2009:
Hilarious! I've always wondered when I see a "smokin" hot woman, if she's able to stay that way throughout the entire day. Now I know it can go either way!