Funny Story: How My Husband Wound Up Wearing My Victoria's Secrets
Men! Need I say more? If only they would learn!
We spent quite a bit of time visiting in Central Oregon and once upon a time, they had a North Face Outlet store. Bob has the most amazing blue eyes I have ever seen and I am always trying to get the right "stuff" to bring out those baby blues. On our trip to Bend, we found THE jacket to die for and Bob as well simply had to have it. It quickly became his favorite of all time. That's when the trouble started.
Weeks later, he has all but slept in his favorite jacket and decides it needs to be washed. I have up to this point now been doing his laundry for roughly 25+ years and have yet to have any laundrical disasters. But hey - for some crazy reason known only to Bob, he gives me the news flash that HE is going to wash his precious jacket and I'm not to do anything with it or even touch it. Well, if that wasn't a slap in the face but I figured at this stage in our life, it's best to just let go of the reins and let him ride free....or give him enough rope and stand back and watch what happens. Fine by me!
How My Husband Wound Up Wearing My Panties
A day or so went by and I'm innocently sitting at work at my computer processing files for our medical transcription business; Bob is out performing one of his parts, a 200-mile delivery jaunt that takes him all over the greater Seattle area to at least 5 hospitals and numerous doctor offices daily. About mid afternoon, he bursts into my office quite flushed and more than a little flustered whereupon he proceeds to pull out a pair of my Victoria's Secret blue panties from his pocket. Well, first off I'm more than a little worried. I hear about this kind of thing all the time and although I don't THINK my husband is a cross-dresser, it usually comes out of nowhere and the wives always claim "they had no idea". Could I be one of these women?
I demurely ask if there is anything he needs to tell me and after a few beats of stunned silence he briskly waves THAT off - whew....dodged a bullet there. "Oh don't be ridiculous," he says with great indignation. "But then what are you doing with my panties in your pocket, if you don't mind me asking the obvious, Bob?"
He proceeds to tell me all about his day; he has gone for coffee, he has run in at this hospital to pick up/drop off, this doctor's office, another hospital; gone for lunch, run errands...on and on it went. I don't think 20 stops would be an exaggeration and all the while he is oblivious. Finally, at his very last stop, the dry cleaners in our hometown, he is standing in line (it is a very busy shop) and someone taps him on the back.
He turns thinking he is going to be greeted by one of our friends perhaps or be asked a question only to hear a velcro-sounding "r-r-r-r-i-i-p-p" as in static electricity and something being peeled off. He turns the rest of the way to find a very nice-looking woman with a pair of my Victoria's Secret panties (in a matching blue I might add) in her hand. She says trying not to laugh, "I thought you might want these somewhere else other than on your back".
If only I had been there! If only I had a video of the moment when he spied the panties in her hand and realized that they had been plastered on his back all day long as he tooled around Seattle and environs! Oh if only! He was so utterly mortified he said he wanted to just bolt out of the dry cleaners and leave the clothes - as in forever. Unfortunately, pride and money won out and he stayed while everyone chuckled and laughed and he proudly stuffed my panties into his pocket.
The Moral Of The Story
Appreciate what you have! If your faithful wife wants to do your laundry, it's a gift; get over it! No item in your closet is that important!
If your wife still wears Victoria's Secret underwear after all these years and she can still look pretty good doing so, be grateful! It could have been a big-butt pair of white undies from JC Penney that would have taken up the entire back of the jacket; but then again something like that MIGHT just have gotten noticed before the day started!
There could have been a lacy bra plastered on there as well to go with the panties. No one apparently tells guys to check the dryer when they toss in something! It's not rocket science, guys!
Above all, value the beauty of a make-you-cry laugh and treasure the stories that make up your history together. I consider my 35 years with Bob the ride of a lifetime and worth every moment of laughter and tears.
Life is a ride - enjoy it!
They Did Not Call Bob To Participate
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Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on April 26, 2020:
Thanks, Marcy - it was wonderful living it!!
Marcy Bialeschki from Cerro Gordo, IL on April 25, 2020:
I busted up laughing!!!! I have an anecdote about laundry in one of my articles, but yours is pure fire!!! Awesome storytelling. Really enjoyed it!!
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on August 10, 2018:
Lori - thanks for your comments on 2 of my stories - that is hilarious! I can see that happening to my husband!
Lori Colbo from United States on August 10, 2018:
Holding my sides. That was hilarious. It beats the time a pastor from my past preached an entire Sunday sermon in his wife's best white blouse. He'd gotten up before dawn and dressed in the dark and went to church early to prepare. When the service was over his wife said "Ahem, I was wondering where my best white blouse was."
FlourishAnyway from USA on October 11, 2017:
Cute story! I can just imagine the reaction on a husband’s face.
Kathleen D. on March 06, 2016:
I loved your story, but it was not what I expected. I live in the conservative Midwest Davenport, Ia. area. Over the years I have had a lot of different boyfriends. I don't date a guy for long unless he will wear something special for me under his guy clothes. If he will wear a bra for me then I know he's mine. I don't want to date a crossdresser in the usual outward sense, but if I can get a guy to wear panties and a bra then it makes for some fun romantic times. It also keeps him more likely to be faithful for obvious reasons. I have gotten guy to take me on vacations in the Caribbean wearing panties under their guy clothes the entire trip. I have also gotten guys to wear a bra with large breast forms under a winter coat when we go to a movie. Pantyhose, corsets, and control panties all add to our fun. I won't date a guy for long if he won't cater to this for me. You would be amazed what a guy will do for you if you just ask. There have been some fun times, but not as funny as yours.
Carolee Samuda from Jamaica on May 26, 2014:
Hi Your hub has been stolen at this address. You can delete the comment when you have read it. http:// agoranos.org/ how-my-husband-ended-up-wearing-my-victorias-secrets-panties/
I put spaces between so as not to leave a backlink.
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on October 13, 2013:
Hi Jaye - I have achieved my goal then if you laughed out loud~ Thanks for stopping by and joy to you always!
Jaye Denman from Deep South, USA on October 13, 2013:
Hi, Audrey - With a title like that, I couldn't pass up your story. It made me laugh out loud--the proof of humor. Hilarious, though Bob may not see it that way!
Voted Up, Funny and Useful for guys who do their own laundry
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on September 09, 2013:
Arijit Mahalanabis from Pune, India on September 09, 2013:
Funny story and a very well-conclusive moral in the end...such a casual/simple event made for a very nice hub...
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on August 23, 2013:
Cardisa - I don't think embarrassment is fatal - but guys do handle it in different ways~
Carolee Samuda from Jamaica on August 23, 2013:
Jeez! My fiancé would have just died from embarrassment! LOL
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on August 16, 2013:
Thanks, Virginia - ah yes - just one of many "magical" moments~ Good to see you - haven't been on much these days.
Virginia Kearney from United States on August 16, 2013:
Love your humor, and love the fact that you and Bob have 35 years under your belt (so to speak!). As a participant in a 20 year marriage, I am always amazed at how many new adventures we find together!
Rikkie Lee from Ontario, Canada on September 15, 2011:
One day at work I went out into the hallway and suddenly a pair of panties fell onto the floor, apparently having been trapped (but not all that well) inside my pants leg. To make matters worse, a female colleague was approaching, and as I looked down, mortified (to a degree) at seeing my lingerie sitting on the floor, I bent over and scooped them up as quickly as I could! With a twinkle in her eye (I knew then that she'd seen them) she says "Not your wife's I guess!"
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on February 08, 2011:
Glad you liked it, Wayne - yes, definitely can see Bob in his motorcycle gang jacket. That is a hoot! Except it would definitely be called the Paintywaists....he is all man but definitely NOT the motorcycle gang type. Thanks for the read!
Wayne Brown from Texas on February 08, 2011:
WooHooo! A panty story...I love 'em...stories that is! LOL! Panties are okay too but not on me! You sound like my wife who I made the unfortunate statement to one time of "my next wife will be wash and wear". Now, she cannot help but point out every wash and wear woman she sees and asks me, "Is that her?" LOL! I wonder if Bob could have convinced that lady that she had just ripped the decal off his best motorcycle gang jacket..."The Pantywaists!...from LA no less! LOL! Thanks for a good laugh, Audrey. WB
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on January 24, 2011:
Oh that's priceless, Freya - yes, I put my Victoria's Secret stamp of approval or brand all over the man!
Glad you liked it - we've had a good ride that fellow and me!
Freya Cesare from Borneo Island, Indonesia on January 24, 2011:
Well, in this case, I don't think Bob really have bad day at that time. With Victoria secret panty on his back those who saw him that day might be said: "Damn! That man is so lucky because whoever own that sexy panties must be really hot!"
But still, gyahahaha! It is really hard to not laugh! Bob had been sealed by your panties, Audrey! "Mine!" It said. LOL
Thank you, Audrey.
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on November 29, 2010:
Thanks so much for stopping by, seanorjohn. Panting for more - cute!! Whimsical is a good thing any day, too.
seanorjohn on November 29, 2010:
Great story. Looks like you have us all panting for more. Voted up and following. Please don't feel obliged to follow back. I only write whimsical nonsense at the moment and am trying to change my style.
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on September 17, 2010:
Thanks so much for the lovely comments, Eiddwen - enjoy!
Eiddwen from Wales on September 17, 2010:
I loved this story and it is so funny!Ican't wait to read more of your work.Thank you so much for sharing.
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on August 27, 2010:
Too funny - and glad you like your name - this is important!!
Garrett Mickley from Jupiter, Florida on August 27, 2010:
Thanks, I like my name, too!
Yeah, boxers aren't even attractive to look at.
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on August 27, 2010:
Thanks for the read, Garrett! Love the name - that is my boy Patrick's middle name; I somehow accidentally named him after a gunslinger which is very ironic actually.
Anyhow - yes, I hope the same for you as well! And I hope never to go out into public sporting a pair of Bob's boxers on my back too....though not dainty and lacy, it would still be very embarrassing!
Garrett Mickley from Jupiter, Florida on August 27, 2010:
That story was hilarious! I hope that never happens to me.
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on August 08, 2010:
Thanks K for stopping in - so glad I got your mom a laugh as well! This is one of my favorite Bob stories as he is such a good sport! He did have a good laugh himself about it later although he said he was quite embarrassed to go back to that dry cleaner for a while because the guy kept smiling at him. Oh well! I always say 'if you'd listen to me in the first place....' and all that but at least I got a great story out of it! Thanks for reading!!
kaltopsyd from Trinidad originally, but now in the USA on August 07, 2010:
That's hilarious! Hahaha. I read the last two paragraphs - detailing your husband discovering your panties on his back - aloud to my mother. We had a good laugh together. You're so funny. I love your life stories!
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on July 29, 2010:
Thanks so much for stopping by, Petra! I seem to live one funny story after the other but this is good - they say laughter is good for the soul. Hope you enjoy the others...I seem to have created the 'never ending story' with my life of oops!
Petra Vlah from Los Angeles on July 28, 2010:
Between your panties on Bob's back and your sexy red skirt, the two of you are creating plenty of commotion around. I will read more of your hilarious stories as soon as I get a chance.
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on July 22, 2010:
Thanks, Ken for stopping in and commenting! I look forward to my husband always giving me more to write about - and if not for him, I have myself and my foibles....it is all part of the magic carpet ride I guess called love and life. What would I do without all my Bob stories? I'd be a very bored old lady! So glad you enjoyed it - many more to come. Only need the time to put them to 'paper'. I haven't tapped my other well of funnies - my kids! I think I may be writing until I'm at least 101!
saddlerider1 on July 22, 2010:
omg. I am wetting myself here, have to run for my depends:0)) nah just kidding, but hop dam that is so like us men, don't know when we have it so good and to leave it be. I have often pulled my clothes out of the dryer and found my pardner's panties or socks attached to my clothes but fortunately never got caught wearing them behind her back or on mine. LOLLL too funny:0)) Great hub, rate UPP
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on July 17, 2010:
Thanks Carolina muscle - it is one of my all-time favorite Bob stories!
carolina muscle from Charlotte, North Carolina on July 16, 2010:
Haha... very funny story, and I quite enjoyed it!
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on May 22, 2010:
Thanks for stopping by....my stories just seem to happen and therefore I tell them!
Deborah Reno from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on May 22, 2010:
You are a great story teller.
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on March 21, 2010:
Thanks Shellie - yes - that was what he got for being so 'macho' about his stupid coat....probably a lot of women watched him strut past with it plastered on him and figured 'serves him right'.....god what a nut he is!
theherbivorehippi from Holly, MI on March 21, 2010:
OMG! How could nobody have told him earlier! This is what he gets for doing his own laundry. Men just simply cannot handle the responsibility! lol... JK guys!! :) Love this story!
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on February 24, 2010:
Thanks! Yes and here I thought he was a cross dresser for a moment.
DREAM ON on February 24, 2010:
Your secret pair of panties aren't so secret no more.The cats out of the bag.very funny.
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on January 25, 2010:
I don't think Bob imagined himself being in a situation like this either - he was mortified - but as I say, at least they were Victoria's Secrets - that has to count for something, eh? Thanks for reading.
Holle Abee from Georgia on January 25, 2010:
OMG, this is hilarious! I can't imagine JOhnny in a situation like this!
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on December 29, 2009:
You are too kind~ Now you know why I did not want him to buy me sexy undies - he would have wound up with them peeping out of his pant leg or plastered across his back for SURE! I'm still not convinced that he is not secretly going in and putting them on - ha! Thanks for reading....I haven't even scratched the tip of the iceberg yet - if only I had more time to write....but they're dribbling out....
Nell Rose from England on December 29, 2009:
HIya, do you realise that I am supposed to be cooking?? it is your fault, I am reading all your funny stories instead, and my partner is just looking at me bewildered! Mind you, when I told him this one he was in hysterics!! cheers Nell, I have'nt finished yet....
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on November 25, 2009:
Thanks so much - and I think that might describe my entire life with Bob - a romantic comedy~! Always good to get a laugh....thanks again for stopping by. Audrey
Coach Albert from San Francisco on November 25, 2009:
Funny. Great plot twist at the end I didn't see it coming. Would make a good scene in a romantic comedy movie. Thanks for the laugh.
mercon on November 25, 2009:
very interesting ...
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on November 23, 2009:
Thanks - it was just one of many wonderful stories in my long life with my hubby! Thanks for tagging me!
sunflowerbucky from Small Town, USA on November 23, 2009:
Great story! Loved it!
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on November 12, 2009:
Amen to that one! Grateful for every moment of it! And for all the stories......keeps you smiling anyhow...thanks so much for stopping in.
Salsa Dancing on November 12, 2009:
Well in that case, you have such a great life Audrey!
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on November 03, 2009:
I actually can only give credit to my life - it just follows me everywhere.....beats the alternative.
Ronnie Sowell from South Carolina on October 29, 2009:
Steve Leveen on October 29, 2009:
You're such a great writer! Give us more Audrey...
Rhym O'Reison from Crowley, Tx on October 20, 2009:
This was as funny as promised! Great story....just too bad you weren't there for the pantsing.
Jiberish from florida on October 17, 2009:
Oh how funny! Poor Bob. Wonderful laugh, thank you!
ralwus on October 17, 2009:
@Maven LOL, that's what I was going to say. Buwahahaha! funny indeed. I loved it. Poor Bob.
Maven on October 13, 2009:
Bwa ha ha ha ha!!! This was a lot of fun - glad I stumbled over :-)
Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on October 08, 2009:
Thanks guys - I'm just trying to get the "feel" here and wade about a bit - but laughter is what life is all about as far as I'm concerned! It keeps us all sane in a world sometimes seemingly filled with insanity!
DoodleLyn from Upstate New York, USA on October 07, 2009:
Great hub, and very funny! I needed a laugh tonight, and came to the right hub. Welcome to HubPages. Can't wait to read more of your writing. I'm becoming your fan.
Tom Cornett from Ohio on October 07, 2009:
I loved this...LOL...you sure have Bob's back! Wonderful writing...thanks! :)