I am a novelist. Have written five books that deals with coming-of-age. They are published in Kindle store.
The rainy day did not hamper five feet seven-inch tall brunette woman making her way to the local grocery. The weather was unseasonably cool and damped, and pounding rain was engulfing the roadways with excessive overflowing waters. The densely moist clouds started to pave the way for the Sun to exposed itself for the people to experience but in the current moment, the rain kept falling on the surface. The woman drove her foreign-made SUV onto a very spacious parking space of an organic grocery store. The thirty-something attractive woman placed her car gear in park and walked inside of a blustering grocery. There was noise coming from every angle, and the woman had difficulty concentrating on her task. She pushed the metal cart slowly and observed each display of produce and vegetable carefully and examined whether any of them will be to her preferential liking. Then her phone, covered in a wondrous color protective gear, rang.
“Hi, Alexia. What are you doing?”
“I am at JYG grocery doing some shopping. What a horrible day! I cannot believe the weather is so damp and cold. When it’s going to warm up?”
“I know, some other reason to complain. So what are doing afterward? Do you know Jack? From the Green Street? Who is a stay home dad? Well, he and I are going to meet up at Ray’s cafe for a lunch, are you interested in joining us?”
“Ah…yea I know him. What time are you guys going to lunch? I will be done within an hour.”
“We are meeting at noon. Ok, it means we will see then?.”
“Ok, Lindsey. Thanks for the invite.”
The phones were disconnected simultaneously. The short, verbal intermingling sequenced poignantly. Alexia moved her body in between the aisles in the grocery store, motioning toward the selective displays accordingly. She was methodical, and meticulous, how and which items she chose to purchase: half a pound of celery, one batch of cabbage, two large sticks of carrots, a pound of lattice, two pounds of banana, pint of blueberry, and then on to dairy products, half-gallon of milk, half dozen assorted fruity yogurt and so on. It was just another ordinary day of her conducting her responsibilities, and on this day, her grocery shopping after dropping her 4-year-old daughter at the daycare center. This was her life: just a mundane activity of perpetual duties. Alexia, after the selections of items, were paid, drove out from the parking lot and on to home.
The pressing time brought much concern to Alexia anxiousness whether she will be late to the cafe. She thought she had managed her time appropriately, believing that she will have plenty of time to spare when she left the JYG grocery, but after she placed the food items inside of the refrigerator, the time passed before her in unconscious unawareness of her perceptivity. She grabbed her SUV key that was lying on the kitchen counter and hurriedly gotten inside of her car and drove to her destination. The Ray’s cafe was three miles away in this suburban quarter, where every township line was barely marked noticeably. The multifarious landmarks were somewhat identifiable, but still, strip malls were not too distinguishable from each other on the roads that were pristinely paved. Alexia had lived in this suburban town for four years. After the baby was born, her husband and she relocated from the center of the city’s artery to suburbia. Alexia did not like the idea of moving to the suburban environment after living inside of the bustling epicenter of the metropolis for many years. But Alexia’s husband was adamant about moving to the outside of the city for their future prospect. Alexia's husband was a lawyer, who had his office in the city. Although the drive was taxing to his physiological and psychological health, he believed it was the best choice for the family. Alexia, after living in the outskirts of the city’s circumference for a period of her daughter’s growing years, raising a family in the suburb caused her to be dissuaded in many components of her life’s pursuits.
“Hi, Lindsey!. And Jack! How are you doing?”
They welcomed their greetings by kissing each others’ cheeks lightly.
“Hi, Alexia. It has been a long time since I saw you.”
Jack offered his greeting with a smile. Jack was in his mid-forties. He worked as a business consulting for many years before he was terminated from his company due to restructuring. During his tenure at the very high pressured position, he lost most of his hair and gained 30 pounds that placed him at the obesity level. Jack’s wife worked as an account executive in one of the major players in the telecommunication industry. Jack and his wife decided for a time being, having a sole breadwinner will suffice their financial necessity, although Jack initially balked at the idea. But he had no choice in their decision since no company will hire a middle-aged man whose skill sets were limited in viability.
“Yea Jack, how have you been? I cannot wait until the weather gets warmer. Trying to wake up and be motivated in this type of climate is a hindrance to having a positive outlook.”
“I know what you mean.”
Lindsey responded affirmatively to the complaining that was said by her friend because she could identify with the weather-related agitation.
“Let’s order. I am hungry.”
The orders were taken by the young blond-haired girl behind the register. Each of them decided to consume very simple dishes that did not contain heavy sauce or a hearty portion. Alexia brought her turkey sandwich laced between wheat bread, lattice and tomatoes that accentuated the flavoring of the sandwich. Alexia gathered herself and waited for others to arrive at the table before she began eating her food. Soon after they all sat, almost simultaneously, they began the enticement of having their tastebuds sensitized, awhile speaking casually on some minor issues that were not too thought-provoking.
“So, what you have been doing since the last time we spoke Alexia? I think it has been over three months since I have seen you.”
Jack forward his inquiry innocently: not necessarily because he was curious how Alexia had spent her time. Jack has been out of work for six months and his experience of being a stay home dad was not so rewarding. Most of the days were mundane and ordinarily unchallenging. In the beginning, he did not mind as much, but after a couple of months had passed, taking care of his two young boys did not stirred his responsibilities as meaningful as before he was working.
“Nothing particular. Passing my time doing regular, reverberating tasks what people who are in my situation do. I am sure you feel the same way.”
“I do Alexia, I feel like I should feel privileged that my wife is able to provide financially for all of us and that I am spending some quality time with my boys, but I feel anxious, especially lately, that I need to go back to the competitive office climate and signify my professional ability as viable to the operation of a company. Staying home is making me less of a man. If you know what I mean.”
“From your explanation on your situation, you miss engaging a testosterone battle.”
Lindsey decided to intervene in the discussion two of her friends were having.
“This is one of the structural changes our society has instituted, and I believe it’s better, of course since I am a woman. But the fairness in the job pay is still going to be a long process before there is a somewhat equilibrium. Possibly we may never reach that point, but we should not slow up the process. Today’s job market is much different than a few years ago and many women possess more viable skillsets than men in regard to being efficiently productive, especially that requires much language articulations, both written and spoken. Let’s face it, Jack, today’s world requires a different set of mindsets and abilities than when we were teenagers.”
“I agree, and I have benefited greatly with the skills that were requisite with today’s economy, but unfortunately, I was not able to continue with my career because of my daughter. I supposed I could have continued to work, but my husband forbade me working because his idea of having a model family is having one of the parents raising the child.”
Alexia responded to the Lindsey statement as though she was defending why she was not participating in the workforce.
“Your husband is a swell guy, but maybe because it is his way of conducting his power over you. If you know my drift.”
“What do you mean Lindsey?”
Alexia could not decipher the language that Lindsey was alleging. Alexia reassessed the spoken words by dissecting the comment that was presented, whether Lindsey was implying that Alexia was a weak-willed person who cannot override her husband’s construction. Alexia was a very good student at her University, but her gifting on the academics did not translate into the real working environment. After her disappointment from being unable to climb the corporate ladder, she quit her job and enrolled at a graduate school. However, her extended learning did not provide her with a satisfying job position where she could fit in, so she voluntarily left the job market and let her husband take the responsibility of taking care of their livelihood. Lindsey on the other hand worked part-time doing research at a for-profit college 15 hours a week. Lindsey was not a very good student at her University but she was incredibly shrewd in her assessment of many real-world intricate situations. Lindsey had a habit of making her statement without regard to whether it will be controvertible.
“What I mean is that he is making you utterly dependent on him to be the breadwinner of your family. I don’t want to stir controversy in your marriage, but this is one of the old fashion methods of repressing the wife with her freedom.”
“Lindsey, I think your feministic view is a little questionable.”
Alexia’s response was not meant to belittle her friend’s somewhat over-analyzing statement, but she definitely refuted Lindsey’s opinion as being too biased in her view. A meanwhile Jack remained quiet because the topic of discussion might become a little heated with disagreement.
“Sorry if I had caused any doubt in your marriage: whether your present life situation could be defined by mutual trust. Anyway, changing the subject, are you still on anti-depression medication? I have graduated from anti-depression and now I have moved on to a potent tranquilizer. It’s very sensational, it provides me with the peace of mind that I did not receive with any of other types of psych meds.”
“Yes, I am. But I will look into it. I need to talk to my psychiatrists about what she thinks.”
“This is unfortunate ladies. I am not currently on any controlled medications but I think I may have to very soon. I think our dependence on psych meds is an ill effect of our continual idleness. When humans possess too much free time, regurgitating an obsolescent mindset revitalizes frequently, which produces an endless moment of contemplation. When we contemplate too much, our choices will be questioned often which will lead to depression because if our choices possess a lack of determination then we will become hopeless. Happiness arises from convicting hope and when hope is not consciously aware in our reality due to the indecisive nature of idleness then we succumb to feeling inconsequential. Our minds are wired to be active and engaging, but when the boredom sets in, we began to nurture the mundane, purposelessness of our daily lives. It’s so hard to see the hope beyond the horizon, so we go on with the daily lives that seemed not so satisfying, so we alleviate those imperiled feelings and thoughts by numbing our brain particles with chemicals.”
“You are so philosophical Jack.”
Lindsey replied laughingly and continued.
“But I agreed with you perfectly. What the heck! It’s better to be hooked on a government-approved drug than an illegal narcotic. This is the madness of our society. Who really decides what ought to be legal or not? The federal government, or more specifically FDA has the absolute authority on what type of drugs are allowed to be taken by its citizens. I think this is all part of clever packaging. The powdered cocaine is no good, but the condensed neurotic pill is fine as long as it is dispensed by certified professionals. I love my doctor! He talks my language because it’s good for his business to provide me with what I want.”
“Your doctor may lose his medical license if he writes you prescription indiscriminately though, there is a difference, but I understand what you are arguing. What is legal and illegal is a muddle between who is the source of manufacturing and distribution. But that is how the world interpret what is just and unjust. When an established state invades another sovereign country, that is fine, as long as the country that is invading is a superpower like the United States, but when the violence is conducted by a renegade state or a group of idealist individuals, it’s called terrorism. But anyway, enough of this nonsensical political talk. How is your daughter Alexia?”
Jack redirected his inquiry to Alexia after making another comment on his political philosophizing.
“My daughter is well, physically and emotionally. I supposed that is a good thing. Hey, let’s go back to what we were discussing just now. I am considering taking another form of controlled narcotics: If we can call that. I think you are right Jack. Being bored with our lives have an imperiled consequence on our mental health. I think the boredom is the cause of many ills in our society that produces many forms of illicit behaviors, including criminal activities.”
“Yes, you are absolutely correct.”
Lindsey excitedly offered her agreement.
“People engage in all kinds of anti-social and self-destructive activities because we get bored with our mundane lives. Even taking advantage of others by becoming empowered toward other people’s lives is due to idleness. When our minds are not occupied with some form of productive tasks, human minds project toward demented thought processes. I want to be straightforward about why I have a mental deficiency; it is due to my boredom. Sure I work a few hours a week, but that job is not much of a research position that requires acute diligences on my part. So I just submit to my dependency on tranquilizer. My inability to stirred my mind with interesting engagements, which ultimately affects my purpose in life and I wound up catering to the prescribed substance in order to eradicate my boredom.”
The plates were clear of any food particles. Each of them was satisfied with the dishes they consumed but was distressed with the topic of discussion. Human boredom and the federal government exercising its will on the people by drugging them was what basically was going on. The disposition of governing society was constructed byway of eviscerating pertinent facts. A rich society like America where the goods and services could be generated by a few highly skilled individuals, which result in there will be quite a number of people who will not need to be busybody to obtain necessities of life if that person was associated with a highly skilled individual. Which in return, produces much boredom to those who did not need to work. A mechanism, how the society function was indeed strange or even dysfunctional in the core because due to the wealth of the nation, psych medications were in much usage. They departed from the cafe as soon as the food was consumed.
After Alexia came home, her mind continued to be occupied by the topic of conversation that had ensued. The subject of discussion indeed enlightened Alexia, recognizing her desire for psych medication was prevalently due to her need for tranquility in her life. Alexia’s psychological trial was not because she could not manage her life because it was so hectic, but because she lost her sense of self due to her boredom. After reflecting on what had been discussed with her lunch companions, she reached out to Lindsey to possibly receiving more revelatory insight.
“Hey, can we talk?”
“Hey, Alexia. What up? It seems you have many thoughts going through your mind.”
“Well, I supposed. The reason why I have reached out to you is that I want to converse on the issue that we had dialogued at Ray’s cafe. I didn’t think it was appropriate to discuss in more detail on your tranquilizer usage when Jack was present.”
“Yea thanks. Well, tranquilizer provides me with a more serene effect than pure anti-depression. The anti-depression made me numb most of the time while I was on it, but tranquilizer offers me the relaxation that I need. As we had discussed before, both you and I consume psych meds to escape our experiencing despondency. I cannot say that whether this is the most effective method to my remedy, but since this is what is available for me to use, I don’t find too much harm in it. Hey look, married life is not too adventurous, nor exciting. It is challenging I must say, but it is challenging like doing school work. Not because I have affection toward being married, but that staying married is a sense of accomplishment.”
“Well, actually that is the very reason why I need to talk to you about it. My marriage has been in the state of doldrum for awhile. There seemed to be hardly any purpose why we are staying together other than just for raising a family because this is what society expected in human flourishing. The comment you have made earlier about whether my husband is controlling me by not letting me work, after thinking about it while driving back home, you may have a valid point. And me becoming dependent on the psych medication may be proof that my existence is contingent upon his dictations: both for my daughter and me. He is well aware of my dependence on psych meds, and not once did he discouraged me from using them. Which reveals that he wants me to be both psychologically and materially dependent. I think this is one of the worst things that a person could become: becoming unmotivated due to dependence, which produces disreputability of a person’s character. And plus, we have not been intimate for, I don’t know how long. He is emotionally detached and at the same time, very accommodating to material needs in the family. I don’t know what to do Lindsey!”
“Alexia, if you really desire for his attention, and have him experience immoral rectitude of trying to control you then, use your addiction against him. Why don’t you become utterly dependent on the drugs and wound up harming the physical and emotional welfare of your daughter? He is controlling you because he wants to raise the family in the way he envisions, and when the nucleus of the family is disrupted, then he most likely going to be a lot more concerned about your mental status. I know this is very risk-taking, and it may backfire, but from your voice, it might be worth of try.”
Alexia contemplated for a passing moment, whether to considered the advisement from Lindsey ought to be appropriated. She moved around the circumference of her living room by encircling in a tight circle. The significance of her final decision on the matter was not something that could be trivialized, but taken utmost seriously. But she was on the last remaining tolerance, and she believed that if she did not construct that was drastic, she will not be able to revitalize her relationship with her husband and loosen the grip her husband had on her psychologically. Alexia did not want to be utterly addicted to psych medication, but she needed to execute extreme measures to break away from the bondage that her husband had on her. So she made an appointment with her doctor later on the same day. Alexia’s psychiatrist prescribed her tranquilizer. After taking the meds for a few weeks, Alexia obtained stronger doses of tranquilizer. Instead of applying her discretions with taking multiple psych medications, Alexia continuously took anti-depression and occasionally, amphetamine because she felt so sluggish on certain days. It was a very dangerous combination of drugs, but she allowed herself to become utterly submissive to the substances because she allowed those substances to controlled her to the point of becoming obsessive if she did not have them. Alexia wound up spending most of her days in mental incapacitation, unable to conduct any chores that she needed to be responsible for. Alexia's husband, as Lindsey had predicted, became extremely distraught by the situation and started to be attentive and expressed unwary concern for Alexia. But unfortunately, Alexia was deep in bondage to the substances, feeling utterly hopeless in her predicament that possessed no recourses to her recovery. Alexia’s desire for attention, and wanted to become free from her spouse’s dictation, caused Alexia to become more enslaved to her dependence on the prescribed narcotics.