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Shattered Pieces All Over, after Granny's Passing

Granny in Tobago 2009

Granny in Tobago 2009

When it all Started...

There i was that dreadful morning,
The day i feared most was here.
As my phone rang my fingers shivered
To answer, but i did anyhow.
It was the nurse calling from the Hospital
To give me the sad news that my grandmother
Had passed away.

Words cannot express how i felt at that moment.
You mean she is really gone? Gone as in never
Coming back, i won’t see or hear her laughter or talks
again? My heart was shattered, my soul melted deep
Inside me, my whole world had finally fell apart.


My mind started twirling around i wondered
If the doctor checked you well, before pronouncing
You dead. Did you fall into a deep sleep, a coma?
No no no! You just couldn’t be dead.You were the bravest

Soldier i knew, you fought battles anytime, anywhere.

You always beat death at his game!

I was already going through a hell of a lot... With silent
And hidden tears. I wasn’t well physically for over two years
And now this? Oh No! This was the runny icing on the cake
That made everything smushy, something i did not
Wish to taste. But i had to swallow it, though it choked
Me, eventually it would go down.

Granny On Her Funeral Day

In the arms of an angel

In the arms of an angel

Gran back in the late 1940's or early 1950's

Gran back in the late 1940's or early 1950's

Gran back in the 1950's with her first two sons

Gran back in the 1950's with her first two sons

After awhile i couldn’t make to work anymore.
They didn’t understand, because some had forgotten
You already, or others just dealt with it differently.
I had to leave, i needed to be in my inner closet
Where i can try to digest the eerie blow of death.
It was I who stuck it out with you all those years,
So digestion would take much longer.

Through the good times and the bad times.
We weren’t always sweet like honey...But one
Thing i knew was that you loved me no matter what.
And i loved you, i couldn’t bring myself to leaving
You all alone, just when you needed me most.
It was through the bitter and the sweet. That
Our lives were complete...

Yes, i was glad your sufferings were finally over.
God give you eighty three years on this earth.
Some were filled with joy and laughter and others
With GREAT GREAT pains and disaster. Your last
Few years wasn’t nice at all, being sickly,

yet you did not want to die.

Every time you would get up and fight and kick the devil once again.


Granny back in the 1950's

Granny back in the 1950's

You always tried to be positive...I remembered asking you,

A few months before you died. If you were ready to die? And you said

“No! But death has reign over us”. For all your life you almost
Thought you did not want to die. Until you walked through Heaven’s
Pearly Gates.

I just fell my desire and paste for everything keep decreasing daily.
They say time’s a healer, but what they did not know was just how badly
My heart was BROKEN, when you had to go.

It would take like forever to mend. They say
Life goes on, but how far can it go without you?

You were my everything.
You were my sunshine and my rain
You heard my first cries, and changed
My diapers. You bathe, wash, fed and clothed me.
Told me wonderful stories, bought and made nice
Clothes for me. You were a grandmother and mother in one.

Stephen Meara Blount soothes my aching heart!

To Grandma With Love

You were with me from bows to clips
Crayons to perfumes, socks to stockings
From every step of the way... So tell me
How can i stand when my pillar has been removed?
How can i keep walking without my shoes!

How can i go back to the way things were
When you were my everything? How can i
Live when my life line had been taken from me.
How can i breathe when my breath was gone?
Nobody knows the aches that i felt and feel.
A smile sometimes cover it up, but that burning
Sensation down in my heart it is REAL!

Everyday i hoped and wished to be with you,
For nothing in this world is worth living without you.
I know if i were asked, i would have given my life freely
For you. NOTHING matters anymore to me.
I tried in different ways to try to cope with my lost.

She flew up to Heaven

Flowers are Blooming Forever

Granny's Grave

Granny's Grave

I tried to put back the pieces of my heart together,
But shattered pieces were all over. The biggest splinter
Was you. How can i mend it with such a big part of it
Missing? There’s two holes in my heart now, that only God
And Heaven can renew. One for you and one for my brother.

It is only when i see you all again... That my life would be renewed.
I know God did what was best, but sometimes i feel like I’ve
Failed the test. Sometimes i wish He can loan me you for a
Day or two. Or what if Heaven had phones or wifi maybe i can
Still talk to you. What if God could send down a ladder,
every once in awhile?

I know you always wanted the best for me, you thought
Me to be brave and bold, to have courage that was never told.

To never be a quitter. I just wish i can gathered enough strength
To be solely back on my feet again. To face this world in my
Armour of gold, and to stand behind the shield of all the things,
You thought me. To get by in this world, not to easily crumble
And fall, but to stand tall through it all.

Flowers on Gran's 1st Birthday in Heaven 7/7/2016


Happy 84th Birthday Gran

We know there are no birthdays in Heaven, but we still bought you flowers.

We know there are no birthdays in Heaven, but we still bought you flowers.

Though fifteen sorrowful months have passed... I know
That each passing day, brings me even closer to being
with you. May your soul REST IN PEACE Grandma, as i
Know it is resting, until we meet again.It’s ALL i live for now is to see your beautiful face again.And to lock you in my warm embrace.

A soul that went back to Heaven to it’s maker, God.
I Promise you that no matter, how busy life gets i will
Never forget you. Your name will be spoken from the
Mountain tops. I will remember you ALWAYS.

Love you FOREVER Grandma!
Maybe someday soon i will get myself back together!

© 2016 Joanna Chandler


Joanna Chandler (author) from On Planet Earth on February 13, 2019:

Hello Nell, was so nice hearing from you today. Yes i will be back soon :) my inspiration is coming back. Can't wait to read some of your funny writings

Nell Rose from England on February 11, 2019:

Hi Joanna, I came across to read this after your email today. I can't believe I never read it before. I am so glad you are starting writing again, and I hope to see you back on here soon, Nell

Nell Rose from England on February 11, 2019:

Hi Joanna, I came across to read this after your email today. I can't believe I never read it before. I am so glad you are starting writing again, and I hope to see you back on here soon, Nell

Joanna Chandler (author) from On Planet Earth on July 19, 2018:

Thanks, Frank May He Bless you also!!

Frank Atanacio from Shelton on July 19, 2018:

God bless you....

Heather Johnson from California on June 30, 2018:

I hope time has brought healing to your heart. I recently lost my grandmother to her battle with cancer. She raised me as her own since I was 2. I can relate to your pain. God bless your heart.

Joanna Chandler (author) from On Planet Earth on October 27, 2016:

Hi Blossom, Happy to see you and thanks so much for your lovely comment. Yes, knowing that they made it to Heaven is our only solace, that someday we too would see them again.

Bronwen Scott-Branagan from Victoria, Australia on October 26, 2016:

What a lovely tribute to your Grandmother - and how it hurts when we lose a loved one! It's a very special comfort to know that she has gone to be with her Heavenly Father and now there are no more hurts for her, just joy forever.

Joanna Chandler (author) from On Planet Earth on October 26, 2016:

Hi Flourish good to see and hear from you. Thanks so much for dropping by.

God Bless You

FlourishAnyway from USA on October 25, 2016:

I'm so sorry for your loss. The poem conveys just how much you loved her and what a big influence she had on your heart.

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