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Rating The Filthiest Bathrooms That I Have Ever Visited

Kenneth is a rural citizen of Hamilton, Ala., and has begun to observe life and certain things and people helping him to write about them.

By way of introduction, let this section stand as a bold declaration to the bathroom: America's Poster Room of The Most-Neglected Room in the home. Actually a bathroom and the kitchen are always a dead-heat when they are in use. They are both vitally-important rooms that we have to have in our homes, but in the extreme rural locales of the south, some people in the early days of the 1960s, forgot the bathroom and just "went" inside the wooded areas that surrounded their homes. Don't ask me to elaborate.

What I want to do with this piece, is talk to you about 10 different bathrooms that "I" have had the grand privilege of "visiting" over the years and how they rate on my scale of 1 through 10--with 10 being the dirtiest and number 1 being the cleanest and most relaxing.

No caption required because this is a very dirty bathroom.

No caption required because this is a very dirty bathroom.

Bathrooms in 2018 Are Not

designed for the males in our country. Although "we" spend a great deal of time in our "john's," it's our wives or girlfriends who know everything there is to know about how to design a bathroom that is sure to be award-winning.

Bathrooms in 2018 are more than a general space allocated where the human body can relieve itself in privacy, and when the bathroom came to the inside of our homes and the outdoor toilet was scaled away, bathrooms formerly were just simple and easy to use. We had a commode, a bathtub, a sink and a medicine cabinet. That was all. Until some quick-thinking architect begun planning showers to be put in homes and then it was like a range war--with families competing to see which bathroom was the cleanest and prettiest.

So you see, there is more to our bathroom than meets the eye. In the text following, I want to share a few memories that I have kept to myself just for a time like this one. Now that Americans are more-tolerant and sensitive to the needs of others, I can share my bathroom talk without being belittled and ridiculed.

Writer's Note

the information you will be reading in each of the 10 bathrooms "is" about real people. Some of the people's names have been changed just so I will not be beaten-up or told to never show-up at their homes or both. Thanks, Kenneth.

Let The Bathroom Scale Begin

10.) "Wildman" Stone's Man Toilet -- I have a good friend whom we attended high school and worked after we graduated in one of my hometown's leading industries. Now with that factory gone, thanks to some slick out-sourcing, he is still at the Walmart Super Center and I am retired. But years ago before I married, I was attending a party at this guy's home and with nature calling, I made the mistake of visiting the bathroom. Inside this "chamber of horrors" were magazines ranging from Sports Illustrated to Guns in America, a sure red flag on that one. Although this bathroom was clean, I was concerned at the big can of Red Devil Lye that was sitting near this guy's bathtub and I made my visit short and didn't speak another word about what I saw.

9.) The Childers' Gang Bathroom -- was surprisingly-clean and not so dirty being that three guys and their little sister used their bathroom but only in emergencies. Inside "this" bathroom was a collection of arrow heads that one of the Childers brothers had found and along with these treasures was a turtle shell placed oh so strategically over the commode and NO turtle was found. I instantly felt strange and got out of there. I did ask my friends about the turtle, but they all just sniggered and mumbled something to themselves--not bothering to give me a straight answer.

8.) My Sister-in-Law and Brother-in-Law's Bathroom -- was, if anything, too clean and too orderly. OCD? I guess. But over the years I have found that even if a person has OCD, this can be considered an affliction and I was so nervous about "using" the commode, I flushed it several times and then dowsed the commode with some Lysol that I found in the bathroom. Actually there was a wide-selection of cleaning supplies, but I only used the Lysol. I should have put this bathroom closer to the top of this list, but I didn't want to play favorites.

7.) My Friend, The Preacher's Bathroom -- okay. This took place in 1973 and this was before I married. I was with my parents and my married sister and her husband and we were visiting our then-church's pastor and for what reason, I forget. But my kidneys were on fire and needed relieving in a bad way, so I whispered to one of the adults where the facilities were and upon finding the bathroom, I stayed in there a good 20 minutes. I had a huge bladder. But their bathroom was clean, not very clean or overly-clean, just clean enough to get by. There were no awful aroma's or weird displays such as rattlenake rattlers. I wish that I had found this room to be more interesting, but how?

6.) Our Daughter and Son-in-Law's Bathroom -- was, during my first visit, super-clean and orderly. The soaps and lotions were in place as well as the wash cloths and towels were stacked in some attractive design so I was more taken by my daughter's sense of decorating a bathroom. No rattlesnake rattlers or empty turtle shells here either, but I did notice a burning aroma--a mixture of sulphur mixed with gasoline. I didn't say a word, but did find out that my daughter's husband did dabble with auto mechanics, so some of his oil rags were laying in their tub and this was all their business.

5.) Our Bathroom at The Local Paper -- actually there were two bathrooms in the newspaper office that I worked in until the year 2000. One of the bathrooms was clean as a pin while the other one was like a pig sty. The reason: our boss, a man, took the dirtiest bathroom to himself because he worked some on the weekend and he liked to dip smokeless tobacco in that bathroom while he perused all of the other daily papers while Mother Nature was being in negotiation with him.

4.) Our Bathroom at The Local Paper -- at our first office that we had out-grew. And as for a critique on this bathroom, I wish that I had the details on if the bathroom was dirty or clean, but (even in that day, 1975), there was no light to be had in this bathroom because the light-bulb was shot. Sorry.

3.) My Church's Bathroom -- I have to admit is very clean. Not that I am prejudiced at saying this. Our men's bathroom is spotless. There are no gum wrappers or pieces of bath tissue in the floor and the mirrors are spic and span. And there is a light-bulb that is on when the church is having service.

2.) Our Men's Bathroom in our Walmart Super Center -- in my hometown: Hamilton, Ala., and I have to give the janitor or custodian a big pat on the back for the last time I used this bathroom, I was impressed. The atmosphere smelled like flowers and the floors were clean enough to eat lunch from, but I did NOT! This bathroom could have been my Number One choice, but you might think that I was trying to make points with them--if they ever read this.

1.) The Men's Room at our Hometown's City Hall -- that I happen to use in June of 1993, when three friends and I had formed the Kudzu Playhouse, a non-profit community theater. Upon using this bathroom at times when we met to rehearse our plays, of course, the men's bathroom was one of beauty. the sinks, toilets, and floors were ideal and very clean. There was nothing on the floor like gum or empty soda cans or anything. I was very proud to put "this" bathroom as my Number One bathroom that I have used over the years.

Writer's note: as for my own bathroom, or should I say, "our" own bathroom at our home, well I can tell you that both Pam, my wife and I, take turns to keep our bathroom clean. Not barely enough to get by, but really clean. I like to practice what I preach. Thank you all for reading this most-bizarre hub. Kenneth.

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This is a lovely, clean bathroom--a bathroom that dreams is made of.

This is a lovely, clean bathroom--a bathroom that dreams is made of.

© 2018 Kenneth Avery


Kenneth Avery (author) from Hamilton, Alabama on August 18, 2018:

Hi, Mercedus: nice to meet you. And thanks for your input. Certainly you are right about the bathroom and pranks. In my high school years ago, the school bullies, dropped cherry bombs into a rest room causing the entire set of plumbing and commode to be reinstalled and the bullies of course, got away clean (sorry for the pun).

Come back and see me anytime.

Kenneth Avery (author) from Hamilton, Alabama on August 18, 2018:

Hi, Liz -- thanks for coming by and leaving such an interesting comment. I appreciate it and look forward to hearing from you again.

Kenneth Avery (author) from Hamilton, Alabama on August 18, 2018:

CWanamaker: may I ask you if the late, great Lewis Grizzard, the syndicated columnist/author, influenced your writing? The reason why is your name which sounds very much like a story about a good friend of his with a similar name.

I did not mean to offend you because I looked up to Grizzard for years and have met and wrote about sportswriter guru, Paul Finebaum, but Lewis Grizzard had a certain down home take on his work.

Write me more often.

Mercedus Long from Maryland on August 14, 2018:

Hello Kenneth,

I just had to read the article when I saw the title picure. Very interesting topic choice. The restroom without the light must have been ripe for pranks.

Restrooms and kitchens, I admit, are two things that shape how someone views your home, office or store. Of course your article proves that as you remember your experience in them.

Thanks for sharing


Liz Westwood from UK on August 10, 2018:

I read your article with interest as bathrooms make a big difference to our impressions of a location. If a bathroom in a restaurant is sub-standard it concerns me as to what state the kitchen is in. My impression of a hotel is often coloured by how good the bathroom is.

Christopher Wanamaker from Arizona on August 10, 2018:

Very interesting topic! I saw the title and just had to come in to read this.I am surprised to see a Walmart bathroom as your number 2 choice. Every one that I have ever had the pleasure of visiting at least needed to be mopped really well.

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