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Right to Scold

Hi,welcome to my Hubpages profile. I am Arun Kanti Chatterjee and live in Kolkata. My mission is to share experiences etched on my memory.

Scolding and message to one and all


People should scold as they care

I was accompanying my friend to a cinema hall during my school days when a neighbouring elderly person (we called uncle) looked at us with staring eyes which filled us with an apprehension of being scolded by my parents as I had not obtained prior permission to see a film. Although it later turned out to be a casual look on his part seeing us in another locality we could not ignore the gaze as we had deep respect for such elderly persons in our childhood days. Any senior person could rebuke, snub or even beat us like our parents for being naughty. But gone are those days. Now if we tick off a child for using offensive words he may protest saying “How does this concern you” or “Who are you to give me such a lecture?”

Nobody likes to be blamed these days. It is the ego that hurts. But as we understand rebuking is a means of rectifying something wrong in a person. It is generally accepted in our daily practice although we should take proper care not to misuse it by humiliating a person. Often we hear jarring notes in one’s voices and improper use of disparaging comments cause much harm than bring desired results. When a teacher, parent or guardian chides a child, student or a trainee he should take due care that the recipient does not take it as an insult and the desired result might not be obtained.

When during my school days I was very shy and avoided public speeches, our class teacher was very angry. He upbraided me for such avoidance. When my elder brother knew the matter, I received a severe reproach reminding me that I should change my habit and listen to my teachers. So out of anger and dogged determination I began to follow others who were successful and this yielded good results. Timely reproof has paid good dividends for me in later life.

Scolding then and now

Old-timers are at times found to seek a stern approach for correction of the defect in a child. But modern psychologists affirm otherwise saying that such negative approach often mar the very development of the mental faculties of the child who may become criminals out of a sense of sheer negligence. Anxiety filled child remains always vacillating in going for new things. As worrying takes much of his or her time learning takes a back seat. Children need a secure, loving and caring environment that will provide the right atmoshphere to discover the outside world without fear and shyness. This can fully develop their competence and talent to prove their worth in the society.

Proper communication and mutual understanding among the family members are pre-requisites for proper growth of children. Without trying to become the child’s best friends most parents now want to brandish sticks and use abusive languages to punish their wards. Communication between parents and children should be such that the latter do not feel neglected and fearful since lure of the outside world is too much. In an ideal environment, spanking should never be necessary. However, on rare occasions it may be needed to smack a child below the belt particularly on the bottom. Spanking given with fairness, love and care is an effective discipline technique.

My mother's way of reproach

As I have already written in another hub my mother would never beat us, nor she would use any abusive languages but her stern frown would benumb us to fear seeking the cover of another kind indulgent person. This approach proved efficacious and provided us the scope to apply the practice to our children with equal benefits to discipline them in a loving manner.

Respect to the elderly persons

Let me conclude this dissemination with a very pleasant real life incident on the subject. A Bengali novelist had once been writing a great novel on the short flight of steps leading to the front door of his residence when a teenage girl intimated him that an elderly person (Uncle to the writer) had sought to meet him soon at his residence. As the writer was very busy with his job he advised her to tell his uncle that he would see him later in the evening. When he met him eventually that evening the elderly person got very much infuriated and burst out angrily considering this as an act of disobedience and the writer was admonished right and left without any consideration for his just excuses and dignity. Later when the novelist was back home and confronted by his wife she began to remonstrate with him for such timidity in the presence of the so called old man who was after all an illiterate person. At this the writer replied that he was at least relieved to learn that there was still one guardian for him in the locality. He took the scolding as a right on the part of the senior person who definitely had sufficient affection for him as well.

Copy right reserved by the author.


ARUN KANTI CHATTERJEE (author) from KOLKATA on February 05, 2019:

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Sanjib Talukder

Thank you for your visit and such wonderful comments.

Sanjib Talukder on February 05, 2019:

The article is very much useful both parents and their children when we see in nowadays society, children are indulged for their unlimited wants.

ARUN KANTI CHATTERJEE (author) from KOLKATA on May 30, 2013:

@MsDora-Thank you very much for your visit and such apt comments.

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on May 25, 2013:

Great perspective. People should scold because they care, and older fold usually do. Younger people need to recognize that and accept their right to do it. Thanks for emphasizing this.

ARUN KANTI CHATTERJEE (author) from KOLKATA on April 05, 2013:

Girish-I always appreciate your visit and such apt comments.Thank you. Have a good day.

ARUN KANTI CHATTERJEE (author) from KOLKATA on April 05, 2013:

DDE- Thank you very much for stopping by leaving such wise comments.

Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on April 05, 2013:

Most parents fail in proper discipline for their children it is difficult when they try to bring in their traditional ways this does affect children of today. You have accomplished an excellent hub on RIGHT TO SCOLD

Girish puri from NCR , INDIA on April 04, 2013:

Arun, a very much thought provoking hub, here i agree with you times have been changing and now people are losing patience. useful hub.

ARUN KANTI CHATTERJEE (author) from KOLKATA on April 03, 2013:

Billybuc- Your comments only enrich my hub. Thank you.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on April 03, 2013:

Discipline is sorely lacking in the world today and I agree, a parent needs to correct a child in a loving manner. Well done!

ARUN KANTI CHATTERJEE (author) from KOLKATA on March 31, 2013:

Rajan- At your age you must now rue how with the advent of stupendous technological innovations we have lost our golden days when a senior person, highly literate or awfully illiterate would be treated with respect. Thank you for your such excellent comments.

Rajan Singh Jolly from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar, INDIA. on March 30, 2013:

Arun, wonderful hub and you raise some interesting aspects about raising children. Times have changed and the children no longer feel good about being reprimanded by parents not to speak of relatives.

Certainly food for thought here, the way kids are flying off the handle nowadays!

ARUN KANTI CHATTERJEE (author) from KOLKATA on March 28, 2013:

Thank you for your visit and and comment.

Martin Kloess from San Francisco on March 28, 2013:

Thank you for this.

ARUN KANTI CHATTERJEE (author) from KOLKATA on March 27, 2013:

@khmazz- As I have already written in another hub my mother would never beat us, nor she would use any abusive languages but her stern frown would benumb us to fear seeking the cover of another kind indulgent person. Thank you for your visit and wise comments. May God bless you.

ARUN KANTI CHATTERJEE (author) from KOLKATA on March 27, 2013:

@tillsontitan-I always appreciate your visit and such nice comments.

Kristen Mazzola from South Florida on March 27, 2013:

Great hub with wonderful insight. I am not a parent yet, but these are lessons that I love to learn about now as I look to become a mother in the near future. Thank you for sharing this great infomation.

Mary Craig from New York on March 27, 2013:

Communication, understanding, and affection...the keys to bringing up any child successfully. Scolding is something we will always need to use to get through to some children, but it is the love behind the scolding that makes the difference.

You have used some very good examples showing the good results.

Voted up, useful, and interesting.

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