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Quirky Quips: Jokes so Bad You Can’t Help but Laugh, and Still Safe for Work!


I have decided that we all need to take a terrible joke break. The jokes here are clean enough to share at work. I cannot claim that they all make sense, nor can I claim that they will have you in stitches. I can, however, claim that I find them to be at least groan-worthy. This is the best the Internet has to offer. I hope it brings a smile to your face! Enjoy!

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean Beef

A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has mashed potatoes in his left ear, a carrot in his right, and green beans shoved up his nose.

He says, "Doctor! Doctor! I feel terrible! What's wrong with me?"
The doctor looks at him and says "Well, I'll have to run some tests, but I'd say you just aren't eating right"

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and asks "What is this, some kind of joke?

What is brown and sticky?

A stick.

Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.

A Prius just tried to race me at the lights. I totally had it for the first 100 metres, but I can only walk so fast

What do you call a fish with no eye?


If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off

What is invisible and smells like carrots?

Rabbit farts.

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A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, Doctor! I think I'm a moth!"
The doctor says, "Well, I don't think it's me you want to see, maybe I can refer you to a psychiatrist".
The man says, "Funny you should say that. I was a just on my way there when I noticed your light was on."

Why did the mushroom buy drinks for everyone at the bar?

He’s a fun-gi.

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, “We have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “You have a drink named Steve?”

What is red and smells like Blue Paint?

Red paint.

Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr. Dre.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

How do you make a plumber cry?

Kill his family.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?


What is worse than finding half a worm in your apple?


What is red and invisible?

No tomatoes.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick

What's green and has wheels?

Grass. I lied about the wheels.

How many A.D.D. kids does it take to fix a light?


Three blondes walk into a building. I don't know why one of them didn't see it.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.

What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.


A baby seal walks into a club.

How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.

Did you know that cigarettes are the leading cause of death by smoking?

What clothes does a house wear?


What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot!

How many engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just define darkness as the new industry standard.

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?


Why do ducks have flat feet?

To stamp out forest fires

Why do elephants have flat feet?

To stamp out burning ducks.

How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse?

Blue, because there are no bones in ice cream.

Two penguins are taking a bath. One says to the other, "Can you pass me the soap?" The other says, "I can't. I'm a radio!"


Mero on February 12, 2015:

You really make it apaper really easy together with your presentation however I to find this topic to be really something which I feel I might by no means understand. It seems too complex and very vast for me. I'm looking ahead for your next publish, I'll try to get the grasp of it!

Dreen Lucky (author) from St. Paul, minnesota on December 21, 2012:

They are not bad enough to give anyone cancer, but they are pretty bad :) I love sharing these with people. Thanks you for visiting

dailytop10 from Davao City on December 20, 2012:

Those are really bad jokes.hahaha.They remind me of a friend who seem to have a joke about anything. Thank you for sharing.

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