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Protect Yourself: 12 Best Books to Help You Spot, Understand and Deal With a Narcissist

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Fuel:What makes the narcissist Function

Author: H.G.Tudor

Average Goodreads rating:4.3/5

I would highly recommend that Fuel be the very first book anyone reads on the subject of narcissism if they have the misfortune of having to deal with a narcissist. You have to understand what fuel is to a narcissist, before you can ever understand why they do the horrible things that they do.

They live for it, it's the first thing they think about when they get up in the morning, according to Tudor, and they will scheme every waking minute to figure out how they can get the highest amount of it. He explains that there is positive fuel and negative fuel. Positive fuel is "praising them," telling them how beautiful or handsome they are, telling them how smart they are, and things of that nature, which the average person could probably deal with if they knew that is what they are after, but .... WOE be unto you if they don't get enough positive fuel, because then they will require negative fuel, and this is the horrific part. They get negative fuel in a way that is very similar to sadists. They get fuel from hurting their victims, by demeaning them, by falsely accusing them, by crazy-making, and sometimes even by physical violence, but most of the narcissists I know, seem to enjoy mentally and emotionally abusing their victims the most. If you live with a narcissist, you know exactly what I am talking about. This book will help you understand them. They do not act like or think like or have the values of normal people, and if you don't know this and do not understand what fuel is to them, you will be an easy target.

Red Flag : 50 Warning Signs of Narcissistic Seduction

Author: H.G.Tudor

Average Goodreads rating:4.4/5

This book provides you with the inside knowledge of about fifty red flags that are evident when the narcissist is seducing you.You will learn what to look for, how the narcissist cons you and essentially what the narcissist is really doing. Red Flags is a must-read for anyone who is looking for an intimate partner. This book gives you the means for identifying a narcissist as he or she seduces in the beginning stages of a courtship. The earlier you detect the toxic person, the better. This book along with Prepared to be tortured can save you from a life of anguish, pain and misery.

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get on with Life

Author: Margalis Fjelstad

Average Goodreads rating:4.3/5

If anyone has hurt you emotionally, physically or mentally on a continued basis and you're trying to decide whether to leave or not, then this book is for you. If you have already left an abusive person, and trying to make sense of what happened, Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist can help. If you have or had controlling parents, boyfriend, girlfriends or boss, you need to read this book. This book could also be helpful if you are or have been involved with an alcoholic or addict. The author does an excellent job at the describing these abusive people, how to let go of them and how to rebuild your life.

A bonus is that the author clearly defines what to look for in a healthy relationship. The most valuable gem of wisdom that I learned from this book is that a real relationship is based on each person giving the other approximately the same amount of energy as the other receives. Whether this energy is in the form of attention, invitations, gifts, advice, help, or understanding does not matter. This is called reciprocity.

Prepared to be tortured

Author: A.B. Jamieson

Average Goodreads rating:3.9/5

This easy-to-understand book explains the standard process from start to finish - through being completely bowled over and convinced that one has found their true soul mate to the games and tests narcissists play once the partner has been successfully seduced. This is a form of narcissistic handbook, essential to keep close at hand when our head is saying one thing but our heart is saying another.

With NPD on the rise and if you are an empath and/or people pleaser, I recommend you read this book, it will help you to spot a narcissist as they navigate through the early stages of a relationship and beyond.

The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitative Relationships

Author: Patrick J. Carnes

Average Goodreads rating:4.2/5


This is a well-written and accessible account of the trauma bond, or betrayal bond, that abusers create with their victims.

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All victims of narcissists are trauma bonded. If you want to understand why you cannot leave the narcissist or how you can become so attached to a person who mistreats you and gives you so little,Betrayal Bond is the book you need to read. This book very clearly makes sense of how this mechanism occurs and the many different forms it can take.

At the end of each chapter, after educating you about every facet of betrayal bonds, there is a work book area for you to analyze and write things down, to come to a thorough understanding of yourself and your relationships, and to outline specific recovery strategies for you.

This knowledge in this book will contribute towards protecting you from exploitation. Every victim of abuse needs to read this book.

When Love Is a Lie: Narcissistic Partners & the Pathological Relationship Agenda

Author: Zari L. Ballard

Average Goodreads rating:3.9/5

This is a personal, non-clinical narrative that shines a light on behavior patterns of narcissistic partners. Ms.Ballard has the firsthand knowledge of what its like to be in a relationship with a narcissist. When Love Is a Lie is an excellent resource to help you spot a narcissist and make sense of his crazy-making behavior. This book makes no medical or other justifications for narcissism, nor does it urge readers to cut a narcissistic spouse any slack. Instead,it explores the truth of the situation, why we become addicted to the drama, and, most significantly, what we can do to save our own lives in the face of it all.

Why? Understanding the Narcissist's Behavior

Author: H.G.Tudor

Average Goodreads rating:4.2/5

The head of an abuse victim contains a torrent of inquiries that consume, perplex, and paralyze him/her. Victims keep asking themselves why the narcissist acted the way he or she did.This book answers the common questions that abuse victims often think about and seek answers to. Why? Understanding the Narcissist's Behaviour answers a variety of intriguing questions dealing with various aspects of the narcissistic entanglement. These essential issues are answered in a straightforward and accessible manner, free of jargon and in an instructive manner that will benefit any reader. Understanding is the first step toward liberation. Stop asking why after reading this.

Revenge

Author: H.G.Tudor

Average Goodreads rating:4.2/5

In Revenge H G Tudor teaches you how to take revenge from a narcissist. You may not need to take revenge but this book is still worth reading because Mr. Tudor explains in detail the different schools of narcissists and eight different pillars that form narcissistic personality. This information can be very valuable as you are gaining an in-depth view of what makes a narcissist. Once you have a clear understanding of a narcissistic personality you will be able to quickly spot them in the wild.

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Author: Lundy Bancroft

Average Goodreads rating:4.3/5

A complete exposure of the heart and mind of abusers─unmasking their manipulations and exposing the many myths surrounding such baffling, irrational behavior. It's a difficult plunge into a dirty pond, as Bancroft warns, but you emerge with an understanding that is comforting and empowering, particularly to the victims of such deliberate manipulations, for whom this volume is written. Abusers KNOW what they are doing─they blame shift, minimize, deny and do and say anything to avoid responsibility. Lundy has dealt closely with thousands of such twisted souls and may understand them as no one else. Few of them ever change;there is hope that some may, but most have given themselves over to their selfish whims above all else. Normal people cannot understand (and therefore often cannot anticipate) such gas-lighting attacks. With the alarming increase in narcissism, this volume is a regrettable MUST to help guard oneself from the influence of incredibly destructive people. Yes, they exist─yes, they mean it, no, you are not perfect, but you are NOT to blame for their evil behavior. Clear, constructive counsel is given to move out of the miry clay and onto solid ground. Practical and powerful Why Does He Do That?is the bible of emotional abuse.

The Psychopath Code: Cracking the Predators that Stalk Us

Author: Pieter Hintjens

Average Goodreads rating:3.6/5

Don't look for serial killers... one in 25 of the people around you is a psychopath, hiding and living a secret life. Psychopaths take what they want, using their charm and wits. They feel only the emotions of a predator. In this book Pieter Hintjens decodes the mystery of the psychopath. Why do such people exist? How do they operate? How to spot them? And most critical of all, how to break free from their toxic entanglements? The answers will enlighten you. This book delivers practical tools and techniques that are effective against any controlling and abusive personality.

The author really shines when he discusses various types of emotions and shows you how to keep your emotional house in order, just like a financial advisor will guide you how to keep your finances in order. This means that we must be aware of the appearance and structure of emotions inside ourselves and others.

Smeared : Knowing and Beating the Narcissist's Campaign

Author: H.G.Tudor

Average Goodreads rating:4.2/5

Most recommended reading on what to do and (most importantly) what not to do when confronted with a smear campaign from a narcissist ;

Smeared: Knowing and Beating the Narcissist's Campaign gives comprehensive explanations as to why a campaign is started, how it proceeds and why it works so well.It contains examples of most common types of smear campaign, and then goes into very practical advice on how to counter it, or at least how to limit the damage.

Black Flag : 50 Warning Signs of Abuse

Author: H.G.Tudor

Average Goodreads rating:4.5/5

So often people see a type of behavior, they realize it seems odd but they cannot make sense of it.Since they don’t understand it they do not give it the importance it deserves. They do not realize that it is actually a form of abuse and they even less understand why this is done and what the abuser hopes to achieve in behaving in this manner.This book helps you SEE abuse and recognize that you are dealing with a toxic person.

For one to survive the vicious cycle of abuse you need knowledge to either gain strength to leave or the awareness to not even go down this road. I appreciate the author’s candid openness which is mind blowing at times!

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