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Poems From the Porch 58

John is a poet and short fiction writer who enjoys collaborating on stories with other writers, and partaking in challenges.


Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language.

— H. Jackson Brown Jr.

An English Lesson From the Porch

Well, I am a bit late with this addition of Poems From the Porch. This week there are only two poems and I don't really have an excuse other than these requests were quite challenging and took some additional thought and research. I did enjoy writing them though, so a big thanks to both Ann and Shauna for their prompts.

This is not really an English lesson, and there are people here like Ann Carr and Bill Holland, and others, that are much more qualified than I in that subject anyway. The topics this week, however, are related to the English language so I hope you find these two poems to be an enjoyable, or at least an interesting read for a few minutes of your day.

I have a suggestion for a future poem--the complexity of the English language. For example, consider how each of these words is pronounced--enough, dough, trough, furlough, through.

— Linda Lum

A Limerick

There was a young girl from Slough

who choked on a piece of dough.

But by the time she was through,

with a hiccough and cough

she woke everyone in the borough.

~ annonymous

Photo by Mike from Pexels

Photo by Mike from Pexels

The English Language is Complex

Every creature on this Earth

Wherever they are from by birth,

Even a deep-sea crustacean,

Has some form of communication.

Some languages may seem a breeze,

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Even young children learn with ease.

But English, well, where do I start?

My mother tongue, it’s in my heart.

English started out in Britain,

Just ignore the way it’s written.

Its rules are strict unless they’re broke,

And hidden under veil or cloak.

This piece of verse is very weird.

Like a char-grilled steak that’s lightly seared.

But hopefully, there’s something more

That has you laughing on the floor.

My daughter’s laughter and her smiles

Has me dancing in the aisles.

While similes and metaphors

Are like corps, or cause of course.

Use your head and read this poem

For it was written by a gnome.

While far away there is a war,

I wish conflict we could outlaw.

Take your wallet to the ballet,

Buy your love a nice bouquet.

When in France try a baguette,

Or in England watch cricket.

Give me food but don’t shed blood,

When it rains dirt turns to mud.

Worms rise up when there’s a storm,

When a hive is shaken bees may swarm.

Drink a pint, or maybe two,

Then suck a mint for fresh breath too.

It’s not beneath your haughty status,

If money’s short then ask for gratis.

My front verandah’s lined with lattice,

At bedtime, I like a firm mattress.

My cough is rough, I’ll draw a graph.

But when the bough broke I had to laugh.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

The word “Australia” has three “A’s”

Each pronounced in different ways.

This probably is not unique,

Especially in weird English speak.

My Dali moustache it needs a wax,

For perfect shape is what it lacks.

Alas, my toothache’s causing grief,

To ease it I’ll just chew a leaf.

Be careful not to cross police,

Especially when you’re with your niece.

For any time you break the law

A quick arrest may be in store.

A young female cow is called a heifer,

But how does that word rhyme with zephyr?

I also question womb and tomb,

Does that mean bomb should sound like boom?

Today we have auto spell-checks,

But English is still the most complex.

When hiccough sounds the same as cup

I think it’s time to take French up! .. or German, or Spanish, or Italian, or Japanese.. or..


I don't know if I missed it, but a while back I suggested you use oxymorons as a theme. For instance, why do doctors and lawyers refer to their vocations as practices? Shouldn't they have "practised" in school?

— Shauna L Bowling

What Is An Oxymoron?

An oxymoron is a piece of figurative language that joins two opposing elements to form a sensible idea. It should not be taken literally, however, for then statement may be misinterpreted. An oxymoron is similar to a paradox, but the key difference between the two is that a paradox offers a situation with the unlikely coexistence of two events, while an oxymoron is simply a figure of speech. Although most oxymorons are only two words in length, in some cases the oxymoron may consist of two contradictory phrases or clauses. (source:



I long to see a civil war

Where no side takes offence