Skip to main content

Perfect for You

TaJuan is an aspiring writer hoping to gain experience and growth through publishing passionate works, like this one, online for the world.

Remember last summer? Wasn’t it summer when we met? I remember the day was hot, the sky was clear, and the world was green, so much green. Maybe it was spring? No, there were so many bugs, so it had to be summer. I remember the bugs were eating up our legs. That was one of the first things we talked about. We met in that park. Our sweaty bodies collided on that trail. I was on my fourth mile of my run, and you were on your fifth. Running was the first thing we bonded over. Could I call it love at first sight? I can at least call it infatuation. You were stunning beyond belief. Your glistening body was a delight foreign to my eyes. Your lovely voice was a blessing foreign to my ears. You were a Godsend, and I needed to be yours. I remember asking if you wanted to finish our respected runs together, and to my surprise, you said yes. You were in much better shape than I was, but I gave my everything to keep up with you. The sun was beating on me like a percussionist on a drum, breathing was a trial, and, eventually, everything just went dark. I had passed out from exhaustion, and when I woke up, there you were. You were worried because there was no one around and you had no connection on your phone. You just went on and on about how distressing the situation was, and I was just stuck on your warm brown eyes. I’m sorry I kissed you; I have no self-control…thank you for kissing me back. Remember our beach days when we held each other in the deep blue? You held me so tight. You promised me that you wouldn’t let me drown. I had never felt so safe, so secure, in my life. Don’t you remember the birds? There were only two, and you said that could be us one day. You said, we could fly away from all of this, all of this pain. I responded, but I'm so flawed that I probably would just fall victim to gravity's pull, and you just laughed, kissed my forehead, and said, one day. I asked you to build sandcastles so we could play make believe. I’d be the king, and you’d be the king, and we’d rule over my many sins and flaws. I wanted to be perfect for you, baby, because that’s what you deserve. Remember when I took you to a different galaxy? You were hesitant because you never left Earth before, but I reminded you that Earth isn’t the center of the universe. You coughed a lot after your first hit, but you pulled through. I remember this night fondly, a memory held not in my brain, but in my heart. It was the first time those three magical words were spoken. It was the first time, in a long time, I felt like my life wasn’t a tragedy, that God was real, and His plan had a happy ending for me. I remember our dance that night was glorious. I remember every moment that summer was glorious. So, what happened? Do you remember autumn? Remember the changing leaves and your changing eyes? You looked at me differently, which is to say, you rarely looked at me at all. You became…distant. You were never present when I needed you, which yes, was all the time, but you promised you’d be there all of the time. Remember when the angels wept during our first argument? You threatened to leave the relationship, so I threatened to leave the world. I’m sorry for saying that. It wasn’t fair to you, but I needed to know you still cared. I needed to know I meant something to you. I started smoking more and more to fill the void that you were leaving with your distance. In-patient hospital visits became more and more frequent, and I broke down every time you missed visitation hours. You still haven’t given me a straight answer to why you weren’t there. I don’t think I will ever get it. I tried my hardest to fix us, to fix me because I know I’m the problem, I’m the flawed one searching for perfection because that’s what you deserve. Remember now? Winter. While everyone is cozying up in their homes watching the falling snowflakes, I watch the decaying flower fields that we used to frolic in. It reminds me of the dead roses I gave you for our anniversary because it was all I could afford. It reminds me of me, as I die slowly from the poison I inject into myself. It’s a crutch that I need. It’s a knife to my throat. It reminds me of us. Tell me, was I just a summer fling? Was I just a mini escape from your own house of boredom? You say no and beg that it’s just a coincidence, but I don’t want to hear it. I’m tired of hearing your lies. I’m tired of hearing your lies. I’m tired. If you still care about me, prove it. Hold me tight and say you will never let go like you used to. Kiss me softly on my forehead like you used to. Though I know it’s a lie, tell me that you love me like you used to. Call me by your name and say I’m yours forever. I know I used to say forever is a long time, but now, my love, it’s not long enough. But, if you’re going to go, then go. I know I couldn’t be your perfect lover, I’m a broken man. I’m God’s greatest failure since Lucifer himself, but, I promise, I’ll find a way to Heaven. I promise I’ll find you in Heaven, in the Garden, amongst all of the things beyond our imagination. And, once that day comes, tell me, would you love me? Would you love me when I’m finally perfect? Or maybe the better question: did you ever love me?

Scroll to Continue

Related Articles