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Pain and Hurt, Part 1




Hello, my name is Richard Brown. I have lived a life of pain and have watched those around me suffer. I'm answering the question: how have you or the people you know been hurt?

I'm from a rural desert in the middle of Washington State known as Grant County. I am willing to take an oath of perjury. I can evidence all that I say through the friends that I have made, the scars that I bear, and the bodies in my wake. The tiny details are as best as I can remember them. The reflections are what I believe to be true. Some of the names have been changed out of respect for the victims.

My family history is murky. No one knows, just hand me down tales from liars about how a blue child was given to natives for safekeeping. They carried her from village to village keeping her safe as white people searched behind them. They gave her the best of everything they had. They were told that her mother didn't survive her wounds. She married a nephew of a chief. They had a son my grandfather on my mother's side. I'm her oldest son. The stories might be largely fabricated, but I and my mother's side of the family carry the DNA of the Romanovs. While the world doesn't know yet, the Cabal does. My family tree on either side is far from boring, but context is important.

The desert is irrigated by the Grand Coulee Dam in Grant County. Where the ground isn't covered with large rocks corn or wheat grows. If it's near the mountains made of silt from ice age floods then it's covered in apple trees ripening in the desert sun. The desert gets cold and snows in the winter. It's known for being one of the most beautiful places on earth with a dramatic landscape of canyons, mountains, and boulders; vivid with red, purple, and yellow wild grasses, and a heavy coat of wildflowers. People come for the fishing and duck season in the massive deep overturn reservoirs. The Gorge Amphitheater is renowned as the best in the world looking west across the Columbia River gorge. Small towns are well spread. Our big city is Moses Lake with 17k people. The next closest major cities are hundreds of miles away. Many celebrities quietly keep vacation homes out in the farmland.

The smell of sagebrush is always pungent in the air and coyotes yipe in the silence of the night. We eat a lot of Mexican food. Cayenne pepper, cumin, and paprika are the most familiar spices. Our local delicacy is river-run sockeye salmon smoked over 50% apple wood. The waters are always ice cold as they plunge from the summer snow-capped mountains.

This is one of the few places left where the natives haven't been erased. There are still Pow Wows and churches that have pot lucks, these aren't tourist attractions. Chiefs give away all of their possessions to the tribe as a show of wealth at a Pow Wow. Potlucks are feasts where everyone brings 1 dish, all are welcome.

There are 3 periods of building. Early settlers built with field stone basalt amateurishly mortared together with native concrete from around 1900. There's a bunch of houses and infrastructure from that time. In World War 2 Moses Lake became the training base for B-17 pilots. Extensive officer housing was built near the airport. The runways are the longest in the United States. Moses Lake is the 3rd option for space shuttle landing. The base is now used for refueling.

Then post 1970 modern homes developed because of the interstate and highway system. Almost all the buildings and roads are modern.

The natives use the area for seasonal hunting with long destroyed villages along the river. Painting on the rocks and pads of cement are all that remain.

I was born in 1985 in Moses Lake as a living Conspiracy Theory. My family shortly moved to a farmhouse about 15 miles outside of town. We moved around a bunch. A couple of years later moving back to Moses Lake. Then when I was 4, too Othello

Eastern Washington State



Othello is a small town of about 5k people just south of Grant County. It exists because of apple orchards. Every fall the population of the area quadruples with migrant workers. There's an otherwise ghost town just outside town limits called Little Mexico that overflows with green card workers. Many orchard owners won't hire anyone not attached to a green card worker because of green card labor laws. It's slavery by another name. They have to work the required fields for the required hours with constant labor law violations, always under threat of losing their sponsor. Wage theft, sexual assault, and even trading workers are very common. If they lose their sponsor they are then branded as illegal. If their sponsor reports them they are hunted by federal agents. So if they or anyone else ever complains, not only do they get old in trouble they use collective punishment. Not just them, but their families, and coworkers are also punished. It creates racial tension as children learn to hate.

My dad is offered a job at the school as an electrician. He's a beer-bellied 5'7" lightly muscled redhead with coke bottle glasses born mostly deaf but hears even worse. Thankfully, I look like my mom. At this time he had swapped the afro for a mustache. What my mom sees in him is a mystery. He has a side hustle of selling drugs and growing weed. He avoids bribing the cops by keeping dispatch operators on the payroll. Those girls know about raids before the officers going on them do. We keep several refrigerators chained up in the garage. The refrigerators don't leak the smell of several hundred pounds of marijuana. He grows it in corn fields using pheasant hunting as cover, giving the farmer plausible deniability. My dad is a terrible shot. The only pheasants he ever bagged were road kill. Barney our cocker spaniel was patient with him and always eagerly flushed. She never had a face of disappointment because she never knew to return a bird, the situation never presented itself. It is a great excuse to have a group of armed men in a corn field. Corn grows as tall and as fast as a weed with identical fertilizer requirements. Harvest the weed a week before the corn.

There's an ice cream parlor down the road. I call it the candy store. It's all I can see from the outside. When my family goes I have to wait outside on the curb because I'm not good enough. I would wander off to the park. I collect quarters from the ground to trade with my sisters. They would give me some of their candy for TV time.

My dad hooked up a quarter-fed timer to the television. I would watch He-Man and fragile rock on Saturday mornings. The rest of the change I would find would be given to my sister's for candy.

Map of Othello



I make friends with Matt. His grandparents live next door.

I'm neglected growing up. No one ever cares where I'm or why I have bruises. I spend most days at the park. I learn about stranger danger and bullies quickly from other kids. Mostly I spin on the Merry-Go-Round.

Luticaga Daycare

My 1st daycare was by Luticaga Elementary. The schools aren't desegregated but my parents don't know this. That's where the Mexican kids go to school. They steal my stuff, coat, and rabbit fur blanket, and the ladies let them. One day they decide to play keep away with my favorite stuffy rascally. I carry him everywhere. When I start turning violent that's when it's broken up. I hide rascally in the Legos and grab a push toy. It has a long handle with a clear globe. Balls pop up inside of it when the wheels rolled. I walk up behind one of them as they sit and wallop him as hard as I can. I run to get rascally from the Legos as the ladies chase me. It's my last day at preschool, wasn't there long.

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Stolen Panda



I can't ride any of the rides at the Grant County Fair, but I do play the carnival games. I've always been a good shot and shot out the star with the bb guns. Some say it's impossible but nope. I get the biggest panda bear they have as a prize.

It doesn't take long for the panda bear to be locked away in the garage. "You don't deserve it". This is when my dad makes a foul-smelling friend with an oversized chin named Jeffery Epstein. He smells so bad that I can always smell him before I ever see him. I've since learned that that's the smell of an Adrenochrome addict, musk emanating from his pores. He steals my panda with my dad's approval to use as child lingerie.



Lory Ochoa

I start going to Lorry Ochoa's while my mom works at the pizza parlor. Time-out pizza is a local chain. My favorite pizza comes from time out, even as an adult. I only run away from Lorry a few times.

One day I'm playing catch with another little girl. Her big brother got out of school and demands that she play house. He's going to "show her what for" in the play house just like daddy. I beam in the face with the baseball. I get in deep trouble. She has permission to spank me with a paddle. I don't care. Lectures are the worst punishment for me. Beat me until my ass is bruised, just don't lecture me. Grown-ups always choose to beat me. It's important to them.

No one likes Lorry’s son. He's a jerk. He's a fat slob in his 20s that makes wild demands. Kids have to have playtime with him in his bedroom, while we are forced to watch Barney when Lorry goes to the store. That's how it started but eventually, Lorry knew and allowed it over the next couple of years. I didn't understand what was happening but now I do. I'm always a challenge. Grown-ups always assume it's a lack of beatings that I have such a mouth. I stopped caring. I know that it doesn't matter what I do or don't do. Lorry gives my mom a handmade paddle with holes drilled into it, for better aerodynamics, as a Mother's Day gift.

Learning to Read

VHS tapes can easily be pirated by recording rented tapes on a 2nd VHS player. A piece of tape over a square hole. You can use 2nd hand (free) tapes to do it.

I start paying attention to the squiggles on the white tape of our pirated video collection. I can identify which ones were my favorites. I start noticing that groups of squiggles correspond to words and those broke down into sounds. I always struggled with vowels.

When my older sisters find out its class time instead of tea time. They were 4 and 5 years older than me. They liked to dress me up in make-up and dresses, then sit me with their stuffed animals for tea. I never did this willingly. There are pictures of me with black eyes grudgingly playing tea. For a special affront, I turn the tea cup upside down with my pinky out and drink from it. Evil is what my sisters call it.

One day we are driving down the street and I start reading off the names of the streets. My mom is astonished and tells my dad. He calls her a liar and gives me a newspaper to read. I struggled through the first paragraph when he goes into a rage. He starts beating my mom for trying to trick him. Clearly, she had me memorize it.

I learn that I should never read in front of adults quickly. When after this I challenged the Sunday school teacher for lying about what the Bible says. It's a small neighborhood church just up the road. The name doesn't matter these are evangelicals that believe Satan is waging a war on God using science. It's a brick building with pointy bits poking out in a bad single-story interpretation of gothic cathedrals. They like to call it Romanesque among themselves.

My Sunday school teacher is a sickly-looking lady too young to have the folds of skin running down her neck. Pale, weak, and slow. She walks like she might need a cane, but is too proud. She is reading Genesis from the Children's Bible saying that Adam and Eve lived with dinosaurs in the Garden of Eden. Grandma had told me the King James Version is the real Bible and all other versions are a lie. I start screaming that she's a liar and giving the class a demonstration of what T-Rex would do to Adam and Eve. I pretend that my arms over my head were jaws and chase the kids around the classroom. This was the 1st riot I ever started and I reveled in the mayhem. I was as taken to the Pastor. My Sunday school teacher believes that I'm possessed by a demon. They are talking to my parents about exercising me. I start doing jumping jacks.

Principle Exchange Program


Scootney Springs 1990

I go to Scootney Springs for kindergarten. Scootney is the modern building where all the white kids go. Othello has racial tension and they haven't yet desegregated. There are some brown kids but there are simply no black families in the area. We have an exchange principle from Australia. We have school assemblies and learning about Australia is the curriculum theme.

I hear Epstein and my dad always talking about the principal exchange program. The idea is that if you're a teacher anywhere else, you are a principal in the US. It's a means of shuffling pedophiles just like the Catholic Church but with international Departments of Education. It's officially called the Principal Exchange Program. They send teachers and administration to foreign countries when they begin to be exposed for sex crimes. It makes the appearance to locals that they are tough on child abuse. Really they just send them to another school and if it's really bad to another country. The reality is that pedophilia is extremely common, especially among people who want to work with kids. If they got rid of all the pedophiles then there simply wouldn't be a government.

Ms. Peek

I'm so lucky to have the most beautiful and kind kindergarten teacher. To me, she's like a real-life Ms. Frizzle. She a 10. Not exaggerating, she could've been a supermodel. My dad makes excuses to be involved. She's the only person in my life that isn't mean. I instantly attach. She always entertains the incessant questions that normally get me in trouble. With even better luck she has just moved in across the street.

On the first day of snow, she gives us a lesson on Napoleon and how he learned artillery warfare during snowball fights. I'm too distracted by the snow outside. I have no idea who or what Napoleon is, sounds like Neapolitan ice cream. The recess bell rings and she says that we'll continue the Napoleon lesson when we get back from recess. I hear it as Neapolitan ice cream when we get back from recess. I run out screaming about it. The schoolyard erupts into a massive snowball fight, 2nd riot.

Cheap Parlor Tricks


Violet and Esmeralda 1991

Ms. Peek has a niece named Violet. She's my age and has a crush on me. She looks like a child version of Ms. Peek. I'm invited to her birthday party. I've never been to a party other than the ones my parents throw, where I ask for sips of beer. Matt is with his parents that Sunday so he can't come.

I've been practicing magic ever since I was 3. The old man down the street could make quarters disappear and pull out of ears. I got hooked. I had just developed a new truck so I came prepared.

It was a new place with a bunch of kids I didn't know. Ms peek was helping the host and Violetta was busy thanking adults for all the presents they brought. It's just after Pin The Tail On The Donkey when Esmeralda walks in. I'm instantly smitten. She's the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen. I tell Violet "sorry, you're my friend but I just fell in love with Esmeralda "

"That's alright she's my best friend," Violet says happily.

I stare at Esmeralda the rest of the night. She seems to enjoy it.

Just before the cake cutting the stench rolls into the house. It's him, Epstein. He burst through the sliding glass back door, boasting that he made it snow. He's a terrible birthday magician, just terrifies the kids. I tell him as much. He challenges me to do a magic trick. I ask for the magic birthday candle. Sven hands it to me. After showing clean hands. I snap my fingers and light it. Like a child, Epstein takes the candle and starts snapping his fingers trying to light it again.

She did like me staring because she kept coming back.



Old Movies

When Esmeralda comes to visit we watch old black and white movies. She's a Gary Cooper fan. When he says, "I wish cars could break down every day." That's me smitten with her. The snow is our cars breaking down.

She nicknames me Houdini when I show off my mastery of escape. They tie me as best they can to chairs using rope and duct tape.

I'm still pretty good at escapes. Haven't gotten my hospital restraint escape time down to functional yet. Stacked security is always a major problem.

Honorary Membership


Magicians guild

I receive a mysterious package. It's a small box with a videotape that says destroy after watching. A magician named James Randi congratulates me on my acceptance into the Magician's Guild. My renown and temperament have traveled far. As an honorary member, he is giving me an exclusive magic lesson. I must promise ever to reveal its secret, especially to adults. This is a variation of the cups game. There are 3 cups and appears to be 2 balls, then the truck gets a world-class magician twist. I continue to develop it further than he showed me into one of my best tricks. The impossible game of 2 cups.


Ms. Peek has this wonderful idea that we can make stuffy monkeys for orphan children. We use old dresses and business suits from thrift stores. The raylon on the bellies and paws, hounds tooth for the rest of the body and head. I cut most of the patterns. Ms. Peek sews the bodies. The girls stuff them. We make dozens, but I make one special just for Esmeralda.

Learning to Swim

Othello public pool is a rectangle with diving boards at one end. It's on the east end of the park a few blocks from my house. It lacks all the frills. Its chlorinated water burns my eyes. I prefer the lake with little fishes nibbling my toes.

I'm being ignored during a family gathering at the local pool. A bunch of my aunts and uncles are here. My grandparents are coming later today. It's a hot summer day and I sunburn. I wade and doggy paddle around in the crowd. I start bobbing up and down. Pushing off the bottom of the pool and coming up for breath. I struggle and manage to grab a line of buoys on a rope. There are people swimming laps on the other side. I mimic what I see.

Swimming on my belly is a lot harder than on my back. I lay on my back, fill my lungs so I float, and kick like a frog while I make snow angels with my arms. The backstroke is just like a frog making snow angels. Swimming on my belly is like doggy paddling except stretched out with bigger arm movements.

No one cares what I say, and won't be bothered to watch me show them what I've learned. Eventually, when they come looking for me they see me swimming in the lap area. They're surprised but nothing beyond that.



Mrs. Guzman

I have Mrs. Guzman for 1st grade. They decide to desegregate the schools. A few white kids from Scootney will be attending Lutacaga. Mrs. Guzman doesn't like us because we're white. She makes herself very clear on this. It's why me and Matt, the other white kid in the classroom, have to sit on opposite sides. Other white kids come and go, usually no longer than a month. I have to bring something to read from home. I bring one of my sister's Nancy drew books that I've been reading. I'm not allowed to read it. Instead of letting me show her I can, she insists on Green Eggs and Ham. Me not wanting to read Green Eggs And Ham was proof enough that I was lying and couldn't read at all. Over the weeks it becomes obvious to her that I'm cheating by reading books. When it comes time for the reading test she stands over me to make sure I'm not and keeps shouting at me for sounding out words or getting vowels wrong. This is special treatment just for me. For my poor performance, I have to sit alone in the corner. This was confirmation from her that I was clearly cheating and told the whole class not to play with me because I'm a cheat, just like all the other white people. This was further confirmation for me not to read in front of grown-ups.

Christmas List

We make a Christmas list early this year, me and a bunch of kids Ms. Peek has around her. #1 kill all pedophiles this way he knows it's from US (asking for a friend).

We had already formed a secret group called US as opposed to Them/They. That's their preferred pronouns. It's a way for them to displace the credit for their actions. Epstein has a habit of appearing like the devil so we nicknamed him the "sorcerer" like Jafar. A nickname that went straight to his head. It had to be flattering for him if he overheard so he could never know what we meant by it.

A friend of my mine was being molested by the pedophile principal that lived behind us. No one ever believes him or says he deserves it or that he should learn to like it. Other kids put what they wanted. It came back around to me.

I asked to live with Caro so I could spend every day with her. I was told that wasn't possible.

So I asked, "for it to snow every day."

"Anything realistic?"

"Coupons for my mom so she can take us to the candy store". My mom loves coupons she's always cutting them out and buying things with them. My friends like my mom but not my dad. I never told them anything. I think my world is normal.

Dirty Boxing

Going to a school where racism is encouraged by teachers turns some of the kids violent against us. I'm getting beat up at recess and before and after school. Most of the kids are still kind and compassionate, but it only takes a few to make our lives miserable. If racism is natural then why don't all the kids learn it when it's being pushed so hard by adults?

My uncles don't think this is right. I come from a proud family of vicious fighters. Our last name comes from a boy stow away that landed in Charleston and was recruited off the docks into the confederate army as a drummer boy. My granddad was a red devil. My uncles are notorious bar fighters. The hell if the next generation isn't going to dominate the playground. They take it upon themselves to teach me dirty boxing to preserve the family honor. It's mostly stepping on toes and eye gouging.

There's a move they call the pull, punch, and push. The pull and punch is where you grab another kid by the collar pull, punch, then push them away in a jerking motion. It's extremely effective and now I stop being beat up by the bigger kids.

I learn a couple of takedowns. Leg reaping becomes my standard. To leg reap is easy. Cover my face and head as I push in. Hook my heal behind theirs. Elbow the adult in the crotch. This always works for several reasons. Adults don't expect actual violence from 6year old, it plays into their attempt to grab me, and I'm well guarded against punches, and it's hard to defend against even if I've done it to them before. Sends them hard on their butt every time.

Man Made of Snow


Snow Forts 1992

Snow comes again. I ask my dad if I can have something. I rarely ask for anything and if I do it's small. He responds with "get a job". I'm 6. I ask "how do I do that?"

He tells me "find something that other people need doing and do it. Not what I need doing that's called chores."

I start asking the neighbors if I can shovel their snow. Matt joins in, he wants money too. "Pay us whatever it's worth". To our 6-year-old brains, it made no sense just to make a boring pile of snow. We turned them into slides and snow forts. The business turned good. We had other kids from the neighborhood helping us and we were getting stacks of cash. Once my dad found out he took all the money and the neighbors didn't want to pay us anymore when they find out. Still not allowed to go to the candy store.

Man Made of Snow

Esmeralda, Violet, and I are building snowmen. An older boy jumps out from behind the snowman. He's holding a knife. "Kill the witch!" he says looking at Esmeralda.

"Stop there or I'll kill you where you stand!" I tell him.

He looks at me bemused "what are you going to do?"

"I can fight full-grown men."

"I've got a knife"

Just then my uncle ted walk out. He's been visiting. He's a short but extremely well-built bodybuilder, brother to my mother. Has a mop of blonde hair.

"Who's this?"

He hides his knife "I was just passing by and wanted to play."

"LIAR, he's an assassin!"

"He is!" Esmeralda exclaims.

"He says he can fight a full-grown man." The teen boy says pointing to me.

"He most definitely can."

"I'll end him now.". I move toward him.

"Stop he's just a boy." Esmeralda halts me.

"What should we do with him".

"He's been corrupted by evil people"

"They aren't evil, they are powerful Hessians!"

"They sent you to kill my Gelfling" Esmeralda and I make songs together and have started to be able to cold read each other. I feel that I have found the only other person like me.

"If he agrees to join us and not be evil his life will be spared," Esmeralda says

"What?" Olaf says

"Isn't she merciful?"

Olaf looks at me and then looks at Ted, who's now taking this more seriously. "She's merciful indeed".

Olaf becomes a made man. He was raised by the Hessian pedophile cult as a child soldier. Since that day he has operated as our inside man. Loyal to Esmeralda. He asks silly questions as personality trait.

Jamming with Alanis

I don't know what a Mouseketeer is, it sounds like musketeers but with mice. That's as far as I think about it. So when they talk about it that's what I think. One day Alanis comes over and wants help with some song prompts. Paul McCartney gave her some song prompts to work on. I recognize that name. My dad's favorite records have a picture of him on the cover. The prompts go "what if, just, just..." There was more but we already got a song going by then.

I had this idea from church. If we are made in gods image what does that make god? We started rocking in my front yard. Finished 1 song and started with another. This one was round robin style where each person says the next line that comes to mind as it goes around the group. "Don't you think" was an echo. Alanis and I start doing impressions of each other's line delivery. "It's like 10 thousand spoons and all you need is a knife" just like her in her hard-hitting poetic style.

"It's like meeting the man of your dreams than his beautiful wife" "delivered cool like that cause you".

We start getting loud, too loud, and Ms. Peeks new fiancée comes out to quiet us. Can't have kids acting like that it's unbecoming. Atlantis promises to finish the song for us later.

Ms. Peek's new fiancée is named Adam Levine. He's a giant, cousin to Andre. He's a very high-ranking Mossad agent. He's very amused by calling Ms. Peek his trophy wife ‘empress’. He's a very strict and orderly man. He likes to keep all the kids in a line.

Our family line on my mom's side has remained a secret for several generations. I'm guessing it changed when Alanis showed Queen Elizabeth a picture of the 2 of us. We have a very rare set of facial features inbred for thousands of years, like our jaw angle. Only a thousand or so people in the world have that jaw angle and the queen knows them all, except us.

One day Epstein and Adam are in a panic. The Queen has just landed at a small airport about 30 miles away. It's minutes before she pulls up in a limo. She climbs out and waves away Adam.

Turning to Atlantis "This doesn't concern you, Darling".

She looks me up and down "I've seen what I needed to see".

She climbs back in her limo and gives a finger wave out the crack of the window as it drives away.

She had spent her whole life chasing down rumors of us, like her mother before her. Up until now it's been only known to me, my mom, her dad, and our watchers. 3 men keep watch of us from a short distance. She never let my dad know. She didn't tell my siblings. My siblings found out when they started taking a DNA test to solve the mystery of our mom's side. My mom's half-sisters teased her as the "Cherokee Princess" because her dad is Lakota, an enemy tribe. She was raised with her half-sisters with the Cherokee and is light skin with ice blue eyes.

There's a conspiracy theory that Paul McCartney was swapped for a body double during the Beatles' American tour. It's a political science conspiracy theory involving life insurance plans. If it's not true then Paul's face, voice, and intellect changed in a few months. So I'm going to call him the fake Paul McCartney. Why would the real Paul McCartney need to steal songwriting credit from children?

Cat Shit

Esmeralda's guardian is a particularly fancy man. He has a fancy Dutch accent. Every detail of everything around him is extra fancy. I learned the difference between machine and hand-stitch making Louie. I don't know what a Saville Row suit is, but I can tell by the belt line its hand stitched.

I have a rough and crude manner of speaking. Esmeralda's guardian corrects me on my grammar.

"Whatever fancy pants," I say dismissively.

"It's Mr. Fancy Pants to you!"

Ever since then I have only ever called him Mr. Fancy Pants. It was only decades later that I learned who he was. I have only ever associated with him around his family.

Mr. Fancy Pants was doing some accounting, that's all he knew. The importance of keeping the rest secret was relayed to my dad.

Esmeralda comes into my fort. You may not have been a little boy with a fort but it's a big deal when your crush comes into it.

It's more of an oversized dog house that my dad made for the dog but I took it over. I keep a hole under the fence with a couple of rocks in it. I use it as a quick escape from bullies and to escape my home. The floor was sand and frequented by stray cats. We played a game of secrets whispering into each other's ears. She already knows that I'm descended from the Romanovs, Atlantis told her. She promises to keep it secret. Only her Alanis and the Queen know. They already know how dangerous it is for us. Our family was slaughtered for a reason that persists to this day.

We could see Epstein's silhouette leaning in to eavesdrop between the gaps in the boards. He starts to demand the secret when we leave the fort.

"Cat Shit" is what Esmeralda tells him.


Matt and I have to be careful on the playground. We stick together and only play with specific children. Marbles is our game. We draw a circle and try to shoot out our opponent's marbles. We like to play for keeps. We use larger glass marbles as shooters to knock out the smaller marbles from the circle. One day a kid brought a ball from a tractor bearing. The steel shooter would shatter the glass marbles. He thought he was clever but I realized he wasn't knocking them out any better. I won and told him he could keep all the shattered marbles. The excitement of the game drew a crowd. A crowd of the wrong kids. I start motioning for Matt to come over to me and say that the kid can keep all the marbles. "I don't want them anymore."

As soon as Matt realizes who's behind him that's when the chase begins. They chase us and the other few white kids to the top of the monkey bars. The teachers are chanting "Guero!" Even the kids that are normally nice to us turn. They keep trying to climb up after us but we stomp on their hands and kick at their faces.

I get a fuck it idea in my head. I jump off and land a kick coming down in the face of the biggest kid in the crowd.

I wake up battered and bruised in the nurse's office. I'm in deep trouble for what I did to the kid. How dare I jump off the playground equipment and intentionally kick another student, "they were just playing and I took it too far."


I joined spring soccer with Matt. My dad decides to be an assistant coach once he saw who our coach is. He spends most of every practice flattering her. He's there for every practice and game.

Matt and I make a system. Every time the other team groups up on us, we pass it to the other before we get swarmed. We pass it to other kids too but we always made sure we are open. Our other teammates are encouraged by their parents not to pass to the white kids. Once we get another kid in on it we can dominate 1st-grade soccer. We win every game by a large margin. By passing it right before our goal shot, goalies never stand a chance. Simple strategies but in 1st grade with an emphasis on passing drills during practice we are unbeatable. All the other teams focus on scoring and ball stunts.

I'm Optimus Prime


Optimus Prime

I spend the day at the park. As the street lights come on I start heading back home. Ms. Peek’s living room light is on and I drop by to say hi. She's in tears. There's a little girl hurt badly and she can't go to the police about it, Epstein owns the police. A client stabbed her during knife play under the ribs. There's nothing anyone can do and she going to die. They are going to make Dip, like in who framed Roger rabbit, to dissolve her body in the tub.

Dip is made from hexane and lime. Unlike acid, it doesn't dissolve fiberglass or pipes.

They're getting the supplies now and will be doing it at the house of bumblebee tuna. The houses get their names from a look in the pantry. They get names like bumblebee tuna, soup, mouse, fort hood, pineapple, and squid. These names are then tattooed on the back of girls' necks in Japanese characters. Feudal Japanese prostitution castles are an inspiration to them.

I've already developed a superhero complex from being at the park and helping other kids with bullies and stranger danger. Ms. Peek doesn't realize that this is the stuff 6 year old me lives for. Running around with a towel tied around my neck and a dish towel around Rascally's wasn't just my imagination.

The House of Bumblebee Tuna is 2 blocks away. I run all the way there. They are bringing in bags and Jerry cans from the back of an SUV. I sneak up to the driver's side door and slip in. I'm too short to see over the dash, or touch the pedals. I search around looking for something.

I whisper to the little blonde girl in the car seat. "Is there anything that can help me reach the pedals?"

She points to the floor behind the front seat.

There's a wooden spoon. I slip it under my shoe laces. I tell her "I can't see so she'll have to call out the corners."

I start up the vehicle and throw it into gear. I drive out of town. The spoon works well enough for the throttle but I can't apply enough pressure for the brakes. We get many miles away before I crash.

I wake up to the sound of sirens and flashing lights. The little girl is begging me to wake up.

I have to run. I'll be in so much trouble if my parents find out. I tell her that she can remember me by "I'm Optimus Prime, let me teach you how to beat box." In 2nd voice. Then made a simple beat box demonstration.

I always figured that no one would ever know it was me and this was going to be an adventure that gets lost forever. That little girl's name is Misty Arabia. We used it in an adaptation of Guardians of the Galaxy.

I walk towards the lights after escaping the rolled vehicle as emergency vehicles were headed to the scene. It's a gas station. I wait for a single female. A trick I learned when I wanted to go somewhere in Othello. I would wait for a female to get into a car and walk up and ask.

It worked. She gave me a ride back to Othello. We come in the back way and I ask to be dropped off early so she wouldn't talk to my parents.

I underestimate how far it is home. I struggle home having to take breaks as my legs turn to lead. By the last couple of blocks, I can only move half a block at a time. I have to wait in the mechanic's pit just down the alley before I can slip through the fence. My dad is awake in the early morning, maybe never having gone to sleep. I use the trash to help me over.

He goes into a rage as he thinks that it's the cats in the trash again.

I wait on the swing set for my legs to recover before I wander in and go to bed. I wake up just before dinner.

I'm not allowed to eat for all the trouble I caused yesterday. No one noticed I was gone. I go to bed relieved.

Even then I wondered what kind of parents don't notice that their 6-year-old never came home last night? From then on I knew that the street light curfew didn't apply to me.

Breaking Windows

My friend is still being raped by the pedophile principal living behind us. We take up the sport of rock throwing. He has a detached garage with a large window. In it is an expensive car. We break 2 windows with one stone, or dozens of stones. He keeps having the windows replaced. I get caught having too much fun with it. My parents call the cops to threaten me with arrest and tell me about the horrible things that happen to little boys in jail. I tell the cop why I'm doing it.

"That's no excuse to break the law".

I find it impossible to lie to my mom and narc on my friends after the cop leaves. I'm not arrested but as punishment, I have to pull weeds for a couple of weeks, while the pedophile principal takes pictures of me.

"He has to get paid back somehow" when I mention the pictures.

I learned early that society protects its most powerful, not the vulnerable. This works the same throughout the United States. It's why Epstein is afforded the full protection of the law along with his clients. It's the little people that are screwed.



Goose Lake Swimming Lessons

There are a bunch of lakes out in the worst land. We call it the worst land because the desert turns into rocky pockets, bluffs, and coulees. Deep coulees fill up with water creating scenic lakes surrounded by cliffs, called The Potholes. Goose Lake is the biggest of them located behind Dead Man's Bluff. Dead man's bluff is so named for a dead cowboy who jumped off trying to avoid being trampled in a stampede. His grave is just off the road leading to goose lake.

My dad takes me and Patrick out for a ride in a row boat. When we round a spur out of sight, it's time for swimming lessons! He abruptly throws me into the lake and rows away threatening Pat not to tell. I swim to shore and scramble over the rocks and short cliffs back to the parking area.

When I get back I can hear him shouting "RICHARD!". He turns to my mom "I've looked everywhere for him he must've wandered off".

I'm accused of living when I say he tossed me out of the boat and rowed away. Pat is too terrified to say anything. He'd forgotten that I had learned to swim last summer. As a kid, you depend on these people so you bury it deep.

Shetland Pony Ride


Shetland Pony

I get invited to another birthday party. The Mouseketeers want to introduce me to more of their friends. As were walking up I'm being told that the girl next door to Matt's parent's house will be there.

"Her name is Sarah Bumbum" they try telling me.

"No, it's not! it's a funny name but not that funny. Her name is Jennifer." Her parents keep a vacation home as a big city getaway. Normally they're in New York.

Even out here she's never allowed to come out and play. They have a Shetland pony that circles a small corral every day and she can only watch it from the window. I've never met her, but I've seen her looking out the window. She's either watching the pony or us whenever there are cars in her driveway.

I can smell him as we approach. What a clever trap, offering me more Musketeers to jam with. I refuse to go inside.

"I can smell the sorcerer! I'm not going in"

"He's not here."

"Yes, he is! I can smell him he's hiding somewhere."

"We promise you he's not"

I don't believe them. They're lying to me trying to trick me. Grown-ups do that stuff all the time and can never be trusted. Even knowing how angry I'm making people, I still won't go inside.

Matt and I stay outside by the pony corral. We have an idea. He starts offering it a handful of alfalfa, luring it closer to the fence. As the pony munches, I climb the fence and hop on its back. The pony's completely unbroken and unsocialized. It bucks me instantly. I fall into the mire and roll as its front hooves come down where I had just been. I run and scale the fence. The pony headlong is trying to bite.

Matt's mom is taking pictures right as it happens. She takes a picture at the perfect moment. Matt turns to her smiling with a handful of alfalfa. The pony giving a high twisted kick. Me, a blur catapulted a into the air. It became her Christmas card. With the caption "some are born".

They kept telling me it's safe, Epstein isn't here.

"I feel safer with the horse"

Shortly Epstein makes his appearance. He'd been in the basement. He comes up when it's time for the cake cutting. A train of limos pulls up the driveway and around to the back of the house signaling the end of the party.

With Epstein now gone I wander inside. It's just a handful kids dotted with people I haven't met yet.

Wierd Science



I go back to Scootney Springs for 2nd grade. Things are going smoothly. I can read as I wish.

This is the 1st time other people start to notice the things that happen around me. I have lived with it my whole life. These things are normal to me. Wild animals following me around is something animals do. The power grid is always inconsistent. The lights flickering is what lights do. The street lights going out is a quirk of the street lights. Doors when the hinges aren't aligned swing back and forth. Automatic doors just ignore me sometimes, I'm sure it happens to everyone. Gusts of wind happen indoors, must be the vents.

I don't realize it at the time. When my teacher gave me Matilda to read over Christmas break "there are stories about kids like you",

I thought she meant kids that are hated for reading. It wasn't till years later when I was in the military that I found out that street lights going out isn't normal. My fellow soldiers even had a theory about it. The Jinn are in love with me. It started circulating when street lights turned on during the day over my head.

I never got to read the book.

War In The Candy Store


War in the Candy Store

My dad has a surprise for me, my Christmas wish! We head to the candy store, just me and him. It's a trick. He's there to trade me to Epstein so that he can rape one of my friends. He plays it off like I'm getting what I always wanted, to go to the candy store and live with my friends.

"I wanted coupons for my mom".

Epstein asks "what kind of horrible parent are you?"

"You can have him for anything."

"Anything includes chopped up into pieces".

"As long as I don't have to deal with him".

When Epstein tries to grab me I leg reap him. Send him flat on his butt. Despite his oversized chin, the guy can't fight his way out of a wet paper bag. I start smashing glass jars of penny candy. I throw the candy at the adults while trying to get a nice shard of glass.

The clerk says "it's all sugar glass".

I don't understand but keep smashing but its all little bits that I can't use. Frustrated I exclaim "who goes to war in a candy store!"

Sven heads me off at the end of an aisle. I look for a big hunk. I could do some damage with something like that. All I can find is a Charleston chew. I charge Sven who opens his arms wide to catch me. I drop into a slide tackle, just like I'm not supposed to in soccer. As Sven hops away, I thrust the candy bar up into his butt crack. "I violate you with a Charleston chew!" I route him. He runs out the door. Nervous Epstein jumps past and out the door. I hold the candy bar to the window so that the little girl they brought with them can see.

Dad tells mom that it was a kidnapping attempt when I try telling her.

Tammy Locked in the Closet

One day my dad decides to lock my sister Tammy in the closet again. My mom comes home very angry. She walks into the kitchen and when he follows, wham. A frying pan rings against his skull. Mom packs us up and we leave before he wakes up. We have 1 bag between the 5 of us.


I don't return to Scootney after Winter Break. We move to Moses Lake. My mom got a 3 bedroom house in a neighborhood called the base.

Its old World War 2 housing for bomber crews. It's been repurposed as low-income housing. No longer part of the air force base but the name sticks. Its roads are a maze with pockets of vacant fields. It's the ghetto of Grant County. The idea at the time is to concentrate all the poor people in one area to more easily manage them. Then combine this with police using street justice policies, and we get big city problems in a little town. Gangs are formed for community protection funded by drug trafficking. We live on a boundary between the "Ballers" in grey, and the "Crips" in blue. A sheriff s office is a block away but they are worse than useless. They encourage violence and target victims using gang activity to justify larger a budget. $ is the driving force behind "street justice" policies.

Larson Hieghts Elementary


Larson Heights Elementary

Larson Heights is tucked away in the labyrinth of roads. It's where 1st through 3rd go to school.

On my first day on the playground, I learn about the gang of bullies. I'm not an easy target so they choose someone else. The next day they start picking on Zack. It's his 1st day. I see them circle him, shoving him. I jog up and punch the leader, John, in the nose. The gang is routed.

We quickly form a group of other kids getting picked on. The bullies like to chase the girls, pull them down by the hair, and start stomping them. The teachers excuse it with "boys will be boys". They are the favorites in the local Boy Scout Troop so they get special treatment and exemption from all the rules.

We start defending the girls. We play games of chase too, but the girls try to kiss us at the end which sends us running.

Zack and I get sent to anger management because of this. We're the problem, not the bullies.

I ignore all the pink slips they give me. I don't mind staying in for recess. After I use the Whiffle ball bat, they have strict playground equipment check-out. Only john and his bullies are allowed to hit kids with stuff. The tether balls are padlocked to the poles after I try strangling one of them.

Baseball 1993

I start playing baseball in the spring. I have a knack for it. I can catch, have a cannon for an arm, and 1000 batting average. We use a pitching machine that I break twice with line drives. The machine doesn't like it when the ball is hit back inside the wheels.

We get 5 strikes but one time I got to 4. I remember it because it bummed me out. I know we are only supposed to get 3.

I have a habit of hitting line drives between 1st and 2nd. I almost always get on base. I hit it higher a couple of times but stop once it gets caught. Sometimes I get doubles and once a triple from an error.

I do so well that my parents start coming to my games. I make a triple play in front of my dad. Normally they have me in center field because I'm the only one that can throw it in. They have me on the pitching mound. I catch a line drive that whizzes toward me. I throw it to 1st before the runner can make it back. 1st baseman throws it to me to end the play but the runner on third is heading home. I throw it to the catcher just as the runner is sliding in. He's out. Everyone is excited for me, but I don't understand enough about baseball to know why.

Creepy Carolynn Daycare

The youth pastor at our church runs a daycare from her home. We have to watch Lamb Chops and Barney while other kids have special time in the basement. I'm very protective of my little brother.

They claim dandruff is live in my hair. I can't go there anymore, but they want my brother too. Dandruff lice choose my hair but not my little brothers. "If Richard can't go neither can Pat". My mom isn't going to drive to different daycares.




There's a Japanese couple that lives a couple of blocks away. They become our new daycare. The old man gives me puzzles to solve. He's finally found a puzzle that'll confound me. He bets me a million boxes of cookies I can't solve a Rubik's Cube. He becomes mad when he finds me eating cookies from the box in the pantry a couple of hours later. I solved it except for 1 corner piece. "I don't want a million boxes of cookies".

He chooses to start teaching me a secret language. It's called our language and we're forbidden to speak it in front of people who don't. It's nothing like Japanese. It sounds almost like the Venezuelan indigenous language spoken at Frankie’s house. It's a 3 Worlds language.

It becomes time to teach me how to use a sword. My first lesson is going to be a bout with him so that I know who he is. I've already been stick fighting. I learned years ago weapons win fights. When he swings at me his blow lack vim. I block and push in for a leg reap. When he swung at me he did so like I was a child. This wasn't a courtesy shown to me by others.

He brought me to a friend that he invited. They gave me some tests to see what kind of warrior I was. There were some toys for me to play with, a trick rock, a candle that pointed toward me as a guest of wind slammed the door shut. It was determined that I'm shadowing, the air is my sword. There is a fate worse than eternal hellfire, loss of honor.

Impossible Game of 2 Cups

I still get to see Esmeralda. When she does come to our side of the world we enjoy Bob's Cafe. Bob's Cafe is a small cafe with a lounge in the back. It's a favorite of truckers passing by Moses Lake on the I-90 freeway. It's at the intersection from Moses lake to Othello and then to Tricities at the southern border of the state. There are gas stations surrounding it. We love it because it has giant cinnamon rolls. Our favorite waitress is a lady from England with a thick British accent. She's working to get back to England and finish her book. Her name is Ms. Rowling.

Epstein has invited the world's greatest magicians to show a new trick he came up with. It involved 2 dollar bills one of them gimmicked purple.

After blowing him out of the water with a mind-reading demonstration we get into a wizard's duel. Me versus the sorcerer himself. Mono y mono. We have a crowd of onlookers including Pen, Teller, and James Randi.

I'm up first. I'll describe the trick according to what spectators and my opponent witness.
I touch nothing. 2 ordinary clear water glasses and 2 dollar bills. Magic only happens under the strictest of circumstances, can't expect me to work with just anything! My opponent balls the dollar bills one in each hand and holds them over the glasses ready to drop them in. I have the sorcerer repeat the magic words "Expialidocious." Immediately after he does so drop the balls in the glasses. Turn the glasses over fast enough that the balled-up dollar bills don't fall out, stacking one on top of the other. Now with enough belief, knock on the top of the glasses. The sorcerer is super skeptical now telling me this isn't how magic works. He only manages to knock one ball from under the glasses through the table.

The witnesses confirm astonished. The magicians watching weren't ready for this. They start inspecting the bottom of the table. They have no explanation.

He knocks again to pass the 2nd one through.

These are his gimmicked bills. The glasses are still stacked upside down. He starts guessing it must be mirrors inside the glasses and a trick table. If he unstacks the cups everyone will think he's in on it. We agree to let Ms. Rowling do the honors. The cups are empty and on an ordinary table.

They tip Ms. Rowling more than she needs to get home.

Mrs. Skaug

Mrs. Skaug is a bitch. She has a very strong opinion that bullies should be allowed to bully. She calls me stupid and retarded. She recommends me to special education for my behavior problems. I have no interest in her class or what she has to say. I just doodle all day and make paper airplanes. I don't care that I'm supposed to do homework. She thinks she is brilliant and highly opinionated.

Head Shot



My sisters are preteen drug addicts. Whenever my mom leaves they immediately have guys over bringing drugs. Patrick and I hide in our rooms because they like to hold us down and pee on us.

The girls are somewhere else for the moment and mom figures its fine to leave us at home. It'll be only for a few minutes while she gets tampons at the convenience store named Patton's Park Mini Mart.

As soon as she leaves there's a knock at the door. A woman is begging to use the phone. We won't let her in but she can use the phone if she walks around back. We can stretch the cord from the kitchen.

2 hidden men with her try to barge through the door. I stop it with my foot as Pat and I push back against them. They give up quickly and we slam the door shut quickly.

They rip the screen off and come through our sister's unlocked bedroom window. They aren't trying to steal anything they're after me and Pat. I'm in the living room while Pat hides in the bedroom.

I get knocked out almost instantly. I come awake as my little brother screams. A man is taking off my pants while I lay on my back. They have my brother over the other man's shoulder. The woman is laughing.

I recognize her. She is one of Trisha's friends.

I up kick. It lands on his face. I push off with the kick and roll back over my shoulder. I'm on my feet and run to the kitchen. I grab the biggest kitchen knife and the phone.

He rips the phone jack out of the wall and heads back around the corner as I call 911.

I come back to the living room. The one taking off my pants has his arms spread wide.

"What you going to do with that kid?" He says trying to sound confident.

I rush in slashing at the guy as his hands as he reaches for me.

"Fuck this shit I'm out of here" he turns and runs out the door.

The woman and the other man squeeze out before, being closer to the door.

I chase them out into the street and watch them run into a duplex a few doors down. I stand out there screaming with a knife.

The local gang has the duplex surrounded with a line of cars stretching the block before the sheriff arrives from his office a block away. A bunch of the neighbors have called.

Mom shows back up with her tampons. The cops have the three and are taking their stories. They put one of them in cuffs. They tell mom that there's nothing they can do because we could've kicked out the window screen. They're going to make a report.

My mom needs to go pick up my sisters. The cop says that we'll be fine with him, this is going to take a while.

As soon as my mom's car turns the corner he sits the man in cuffs on the sidewalk, takes off the cuffs, gets in his car, and drives off. As soon as the cop car starts to pull away, all 3 run back into the duplex.

The 2 not in cuffs escape through the back door, they had a short distance to run. The duplex isn't surrounded anymore.

The one that was in cuffs gets dragged out on the lawn. They take turns punching him. Beating him to a pulp as clear fluid runs from his ears. They joke about how the fluid tastes sweet. They pull out a black handgun. They hand it to me.

"Did he really do that stuff?"

I aim at his head and pulled the trigger. That's how I answered his question, with blood and chunks of brain scattered and splashed.

A burst of nervous laughter broke out. "I thought he was hesitating! Fucker was aiming!"

They wrap the body in a blanket and load him into the trunk of a car. We go for a ride out into a field that the railroad passes through. We drop the body and cruise back into the neighborhood.

They take me to a basketball court and ask if I recognize any of the players.

I say "no. I don't recognize any of them."

They take me to another duplex give me a gun and tell me to knock on the door. "The man who ran lives there".

I knock on the door and a woman I've never seen before answers holding a baby.

I ask for Jordan holding the pistol behind my back.

"He's not back yet, who are you"

I don't say anything I just turn and walk to the car. I imagine she saw what I was carrying.

When I get in the car and drive away I start laughing. The people I've lived in terror in are now afraid of me.

"Give us the gun back kid" the man sitting shotgun asks while twisting in his seat hand-stretched to receive it.

The guy sitting in the car next to me is sweating bullets. He was with the group that held us down and peed on me and Pat.

"But I do recognize someone him." I point to the man sitting next to me in the middle seat. "He and his friends like to piss on me and Pat".

Their jaws hang open. It's a moment before "just hand me the gun I'll take care of it this time."

Mom assumed a dog had been killed on the neighbor's lawn.

Wet Waitress


Esmeralda Gets Kidnapped

We're at Bob's Cafe; me, Esmeralda, Violet, her guards, Olaf, the Sorcerer, and a handful of other people. We are showing tricks off while waiting for our food. I get some wows by making the silverware dance. I lace a spoon and a fork together, then spin them to keep them standing.

Olaf ordered a Reuben. I had never had a Reuben so I asked for a bite.

"On second thought I need to watch my weight, you can have the whole thing."

When the food comes it's a different waitress. We have never seen her before. She's dripping wet, head to toe.

"Issue with the sink," she says as she hands out the food. She saves Olaf's Reuben for last with a grand sweeping motion she says "I present to you Excalibur."

Olaf slides his plate over to me I'm hungry and wolf the whole thing. We get into a sword fight with the plastic swords. Olaf's green one is unbeatable. This is where things start getting wired. I pull out the butter knife and swipe at his sword and it bends.

I start feeling funny, a spreading tingling warmth. I say something and everyone stops eating. My dick gets hard and starts hurting as it presses against my zipper. I unzip my pants to relieve the pressure. I have an intense urge to start masturbating. It feels like I'm on a warm beach with the sun gently warming my skin there's a sweet smell in the air. I'm relaxed and sexually excited at the same time. I resist the urge as the air sends orgasmic waves through my body. I look at Esmeralda in lust. I have an almost overwhelming urge to violently fuck her right now.


I grip the seat out of desperation. I need salt. I need all the salt. I pour the salt shaker out and start snorting off the table like scar face.

Everyone from my half the table sees the wet waitress bolt from the back and out the front doors.

We chase after her. I'm dizzy and find it hard to run.

I turn and see people claiming to be CPS agents show Olaf a piece of paper, while 2 others grab Esmeralda. One of them throws her over his shoulder and runs out the back door.

I chase. As I run past Olaf he grabs me. I grab a blunt steak knife, the common type in diners with dull serrates. I slash at him as my world goes black.

I'm wandering in a dark place. There are people all lined up holding a slip of paper. There are women's voices calling out numbers.

I switch my slip with a very big man's but can't find my body again. There's a shadow figure that waves me toward him. He whispers "Bohemotep", and then keeps repeating "Bruni" trying to get me to follow him. He leads me back to my body still standing in line.

I wake up in the hospital. I've been in a coma. The doctors start asking what I have eaten or the drugs I've taken. They were wanting to know how that much silver ended up in my blood.

Esmeralda had been kidnapped. Those were fake CPS agents, with a real warrant, signed by a real judge, with a bunch of false information. A group called the Hessians has been trying to blackmail Mr. Fancy Pants, but he wouldn't cave. The waitress didn't work at Bob's.

Olaf commits to carrying that little green sword.


Franky and I are Kidnapped

For a long time, I thought only a day had passed. Looking back on it, some months passed as I wandered through the world in a dream-like trance. Nothing seemed real or meaningful.

One day I was walking home with Frankie. I had been walking home with Frankie for most of the school year. He's a shot kid, like me. The Mexican kids make fun of me for being short. He has a big head like me too. He was getting beaten up after school. The bullies found it best just to leave me alone. We paired up since he lived near me. He's a math whiz and teaches me square roots. We learn things that aren't being taught in school. I'm especially interested in animals. I start memorizing Animal Explorer.

Today he is worried about grown-ups. He's been warned that people are trying to take him.

We are a couple of blocks from the school when a group of guys starts offering us money to come over to them. We turn and run. Frankie isn't as fast as me and they catch him with a literal net. I get shot with a dart gun.

I wake up tied to a chair. Epstein, Sven, Adam, and a new person I think his name might have been Owen are beating me. Epstein wants to know Esmeralda's secret from the fort. They are cutting off pieces of a kid in the bathroom and eating them. They joke how Adam must be growing sweet on him since he's almost last 3 weeks. I'm being prepared for Cabal Feast so I won't last that long. I'll be devoured alive by a group in a couple of hours. They are celebrating a new member joining the hessian faction.

They think it's important to let me know that I was sold and who they were selling me to. I'm white so if they didn't buy me then they consider it poaching. They poached Esmeralda as an exception. They could get tens of billions of dollars from her ransom. "Can't poach n*****s and s***s, more of a public service."

They have this ritual where they need to make me cry, betray a secret, and scream as they crush my balls with a pair of pliers. They call this guff initiation. People try to order pepperoni pizza boy there is no pepperoni pizza, it's called guff because you have to break little boys 1st. It's kind of like pizza but with a much shorter shelf life. The problem is I won't cry, I won't tell Esmeralda's secret, and I won't stop fighting. I wake up in a dark place like trapped inside a plastic blanket. I punch, tear, and claw I can't get out.

I can hear them talking. They talk freely in front of me because they know that I'm going to die. "He’s got his tattoos?" Epstein asks.

A squawking voice like one from a walkie-talkie says "yes Leviticus in the normal place and the open skull behind his knee".

Telling me about who they are and what they do removes any bad karma, in their minds. I was sold by my dad, I should remember, and I'm being sold to Donald Trump as his Cabal feast.

They explain the system of tattoos to me. Every member of the hessian faction wears a tattoo. "Leviticus" is spelled out in calligraphy on the inside of their dominant arm. This is normally inside the right bicep. Natural lefties get it on their penis. They live as righties.

A full member has a second tattoo. It's an open skull, 2 eyes, a nose, and pointy teeth. They keep this tattoo low quality.

They are forbidden to do these things to children without the group. This is a religious practice. They suck the souls of children by causing as much suffering as possible while performing rites described in the Kabala. The IT movie is based on them. They believe that they are powerful and anything that makes them more powerful is right for them to do. Evil is a matter of perspective. They believe that consumption is the ultimate good, and cruelty is the ultimate luxury. My prostate is the wishbone equivalent. Adam Levine, Emperor of the New World Order has claimed mine.

"It's an honor of sorts. We're all victims of the system."

They use a tooth file to mark one of my teeth. They call the file "nail on a board".

I keep getting knocked out. I freeze up as I come to and the first thing I do is shift my hips. My balls slip out of the mouth of pliers as they squeeze. The pliers are twisting my scrotum. I breathe out and hold my breath so I don't make a sound. I give them nothing.

"Super steamy!" Epstein says in a fit of sexual excitement. They are trying to catch my scream on a handheld tape recorder. "He didn't make a sound!" Epstein says into the 90's brick cell phone in his other hand, almost giggling.

A voice from the other side of the phone says "Cheese pizza, and an uh, guff! It's the best".

"As long as Adam gets his price, you get 1st dibs. Writing it in the log now. Donald J. Trump. 1 cheese pizza. 1 guff"

"Yeah Donald J. Trump, J spelt...”

Epstein cuts him off "I'll spell it like I know it's spelled! J with a period."

They look at me "anything to say?"

"Okay, you've convinced me. You're going to chop me up and eat me. I just want to know, who's going to eat my dick!?"

Sven laughs "I will"

"I always knew you were a fagot! Going to like to."

I wake up in the chair and in the bag being tied up. I keep wiggling and start slipping down out of the chair.

I wake up again I wiggle and fight but can't move much at all.

They are proud of their ingenuity. I must be completely in the bag. But they needed to cut holes to tie wrists and arms to the chair. Grocery bags to cover my hands using duct tape. My wrists are zip tied by Epstein. Adam doesn't trust them as much as his Boland knots. As he ties my right hand I flip him off. He grabs my middle finger and tries to break it. My finger slips out of his grip, wet and slippery on the plastic from the sweat of struggling. Frustrated he feeds the hat backward.

I'm dragged into the closet "to cool off". They are busy men and dealing with me has taken too much time. I can hear them talking on the phone. Another group is going to try to kidnap more kids from the Prayers for Violet service at church. They are leaving Owen as a babysitter.

I've been wiggling and squirming. I easily slip my feet free by tilting the chair back. I bring my shoe to my hand. I have a special way of tying and tucking them to prevent bullies from stealing my shoes again. It was too early for knife play so they didn't cut them off. I untie the laces and use them to saw through the zip ties. I work at the miss-tied Boland to free my right hand. The body bag tears with no effort now that there are holes cut.

The chair I'm tied to is the cheap metal kind found at Walmart. It has a U-shaped piece of box tubing forming the back legs and backrest. As I begin stress working the back of the chair the seat and back panel loosen and fall off. I keep bending the metal back and forth. I want a nice club to fight with. The metal gives a screech as the metal finally gives in a jagged rip.

The noise alerts Owen who tromps over to the closet. As he opens the door I thrust the chair leg towards his crotch. His hand drops to block. I swing the chair leg down and around back up top. I catch him on the forehead. He spins trying to run. I follow after him pinging the back of his skull. He falls in the living room.

I keep bashing in his skull until I'm pulled off by Peanut. They assure me he's dead by I give a couple of extra swings for good measure.

The phone he had starts squawking "what's wrong! We're on our way back right now!"

We come up with a plan. Peanut will get the other kids out while Frankie, Shadeen, and I escape through the crawl space. When Epstein and his goons chase us they escape out the back.

Peanut doesn't know where he is or where to go. I start describing Moses lake to him and tell him to head to Stratford road and then to highway 2 which runs east and west. "I'll tell the sorcerer that you're heading to Seattle on I-90"

"Detroit, tell him I'm heading to Detroit. I know where I'm at now. James Randi has a vacation home down Stratford road, I'll head there." Next, he asks "do you know where the post next to a berm in the Patton Park field is? Ms. Peek, you don't know her, said there's a motorcycle by it. It's the sorcerer's plan B. She tells me these things just in case I get a chance to escape."

"I know where it is, but you're not going to find it. It's in the middle of a big field with a bunch of berms that people use to jump dirt bikes.” The post is by the trailer park but unless you're right on top of it you won't see it because it's hidden in sagebrush."

"She said something like that."

The three of us head into the crawl space using the trap door in a closet. Shadeen covers the entry with a piss blanket. They lock kids in the closets and won't let them out to use the bathroom.

Under the house, we get punched in the face with the stench of death. As our eyes adjust we see the dismembered corpses of other kids.

"They are going to catch me right away," Shadeen says because he only has 1 foot. They cut it off. "If you guys get away come back for me with help. They have a rendezvous down the hill by the lake. Follow the shore toward the park."

We know that they'll catch him but catching him gives us extra seconds. I have every intention of coming back for him. I give him a nod.

We kick out a vent and hear the sorcerer and his goons coming in the back door. They are stomping around above us, searching. Frankie goes 1st to make sure he fits. We have to shove him to get his butt through. Shadeen and I slip out easily, malnutrition has its benefits.

They see us instantly as we bolt across the lawn together. Shadeen is caught instantly. They follow me, not Frankie. I see Frankie almost to his door unpursued as I get to mine.

Patrick's already home. They start kicking at the back door as I run to my room getting prepared to be taken again. Our mom pulls into the driveway in the yellow banana. This spooks them before the cave the back door. I get dressed and gimmicked while my mom wanders in.

Cover Up


Officer Justin Jones' End of Watch

"Sorry, I'm late kids. I got pulled over by a cop who accused me of having a fake ID."

There are 2 messages on the answering machine. The 1st is from pioneer middle school. Trisha is in detention again. The second is from Tammy. Other kids told her she was going to be kidnapped so she got off the bus early. She's waiting at Patton's Park.

I start begging mom to take me to church.

"I don't have time.”

"The one time I want to go to church and you won't take me!"

"Fine I can leave the three of you there while I pick up Trisha"

On the way to Patton Park, the AM radio news is on. They are calling Esmeralda a runaway now since Violet is missing now. Clearly, they decided to run away together. The city shouldn't waste precious resources looking for them. My mom changed the channel to FM and Casey's top 40.

When we get to church I dart into the crowd and slip out the side. My little brother follows me. I'm telling him to go back to mom when a van, the same make and model as the church's, pulls up. It has vinyl lettering down the side of it "The Ranch Daycare". It's being driven by one of the Trepanier Twins with Creepy Carolyn sitting shotgun. It's not the Trepanier married to her.

"Your mom sent us to pick you up"

"No, she didn't. Pat go back to mom."

"Yes, she did. She's right there." Carolyn pretends to wave to our mom.

"You're trying to kidnap us. Pat go to mom. I have important stuff to do and I can't if you come with me".

"We aren't trying to kidnap you. Your mom wants us to watch you while she's at church”

"Whatever, it's not here," Pat says. He knows it's a kidnapping but doesn't know about the child eating. I haven't had time to tell him about it. He just hates our life. At 6 years old constant abuse and neglect has made him happy to get kidnapped, anywhere but here.

"Whoa Pat, don't make it too easy for them," I say turning to them "What's the password?"

Carolyn guesses "Oh my darling, oh my darling Clementine".

"Just get in," Pat says, as he hops in.

"Jeez Pat, haven't you ever heard of playing hard to get?" I ask as I follow him.

Inside the van is filled with girls. Most of them have familiar faces. There's Esmeralda. Her hair is dyed blonde. Violet is sitting next to her. They stare in disbelief. J introduces herself. She's new here and wants us to know her dad is famous.

Creepy Carolyn starts telling the girls that uncle E is coming to visit. "He's bringing dresses, and special candy, and new friends. Violet even gets to go to a fancy party tonight!"

I come up with a song. The idea is to be as annoying as possible, bringing all the attention to me. They were talking about Trepanier's problem when I was being tortured. He and his wife are trying to have a baby, but he can't get it up for her. His solution is to use a little girl as a Fluffer. It's a chant that goes "Limp dick can't split a biscuit. I said a limp dick can't split a biscuit. What can't split a biscuit? A limp dick can't split a biscuit. Limp limp, limp dick, can't split, split split, a biscuit, biscuit biscuit.” I repeat this over and over.

Trepanier gets infuriated. Screaming at me to stop. Swerving, missing a stop sign, even threatens to pull over.

That would be perfect. I could lock him out, while I handle Carolyn 1 on 1. I chant "limp dick can't split a biscuit" louder and faster.

Esmeralda and the girls start motioning for me to stop. Esmeralda whispers "you never know who they're going to hurt".

"YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT WHEN WE GET HOME!" Trepanier is beat red with veins popping out of his forehead, shaking the wheel, and pounding on the dash.

"It's not my fault, blame Owen. He can't be saying these things in front of children. We repeat everything we hear, everyone knows that."


"You should call Owen it's his fault." I want to know if they have one of those phone walkie-talkies.

"I see what you're trying to do," says Creepy Carolyn, suppressing a laugh.


"Nothing, you should call Owen."


"Have you called him yet? He can't be saying these things to the kids" I say trying to press him.


Their house isn't far from the church we are already pulling up. The white minivan is parked out front and the full-sized van is driven into the garage. I run inside as soon as the van comes to a stop.

Inside I start organizing the girls. They form a circle around Pat. J is determined to not get in trouble. It's her first time and it's not clicking that her dad sold her.

Trepanier is frustrated that Owen isn't answering the phone. He takes a call from Epstein as a cop walks in.

Officer Justin Jones is tall and strong. His uniform is the black Moses Lake police uniform. He's on overtime and is here for basement special time with L.

Since now they have my little brother, I've been demoted to Adrenochrome. Adrenochrome is made by hooking kids up to plasma plasmapheresis machines, then torturing them. This is how they get oxidized adrenaline, a drug.

No longer being the Cabal Feast meant that they could now do anything to me, anything. They are going to bring me for Special Time. Trepanier wants to rape me first but Officer Jones is a paying client.

Carolynn is making a sandwich for Epstein as the smell rolls in. He likes his sandwiches with the crust cut off. Creepy Carolynn reaches into the silverware drawer and pulls out a fork. She laughs at herself "a fork splits a biscuit". She puts it back and grabs a parking knife from high in an upper cupboard.

I know he's on the other side of the wall so I wave Esmeralda over. I whisper knowing that Epstein can hear me "Peanut is heading to Detroit by hitchhiking I-90". I-90 is the wrong direction from Peanut's actual direction.

I turn to Justin Jones "Must have a small dick to need a little girl." I say making fun of him.

He unzips showing his dick to everyone. "Ha ha, won't be laughing soon."

Everyone turns to look at his dick as he turns to me in proud display. Creepy Carolyn isn't looking at the knife. She just laid down on the counter.

I lounge for it, pushing Carolyn out of the way from behind.

Officer Jones sees the struggle and charges trying to wrap his arms around me, dick still hanging out.

I pop him in the neck with the knife. It almost twists out of my hand as he drops to the ground in surprise. Movies don't show enough blood when someone gets stabbed in the neck. They make a guy fly back when shot with a gun but only a gallon of blood. Blood sprays everywhere. It sprays the kitchen ceiling.

I dash to take L hostage. I pull her backward through the back door and into the backyard with the blood-slickened knife to her throat. L is their daughter.

I start demanding that my little brother come to the backyard. I don't want him to be taken counter-hostage. He runs out the back door almost immediately.

They start begging me to put the knife down.

I counter with "I want my mom."

"She's on her way, calm down, we can get through this, just give us the knife and you won't be in trouble."

"I've had a good day of killing! Get my mom here."

A black arm with a Trepanier's voice starts waving for my attention on the other side of the 6' fence. "I'm with the police. Just put the knife down and we can talk."

"Nice try Trepanier! The cop is already bled out in the kitchen. I want my mom."

"She's on her way. Put the knife down or you'll be in trouble when she gets here

"I want my mom!” I've got the attention of the neighbors who are on the phone. Pat's talking to them through the back fence.

Our mom arrived in minutes with the actual police. I hear her call on the other side.

"I'm going to go check to make sure it's safe" as I hand L the knife.

She puts it to her own throat "don't try anything!"

I walk through the gate to the street where my mom is waiting. She's in tears grabs and hugs me. I go back to the gate. "It's safe my mom is here". Pat runs from the back fence, as L puts the knife down.

No one asks me what's going on, but I start saying that they have kidnapped girls inside.

"He's a crazy retarded kid," a Trepanier twin says. "I just got here but there definitely aren't any missing kids inside."

My mom starts explaining that she saw us get into a van and called the cops immediately. She thought we'd been kidnapped.

A cop comes around the corner. "Esmeralda wants to sing you a song." I walk over before I'm grabbed from behind. I watch her load into Epstein's black limo as she tries to say something to me.

"You've seen Esmeralda!" My mom says.

"Never mind it wasn't Esmeralda," the cop says. "That was a blonde girl."

Creepy Carolyn and the other Trepanier twin walk out the front door. Their hair is still wet but are in fresh white shirts and blue jeans.

"We need to gather for prayer. Everyone!" Says the cop. All the cops, all the witnesses, and all the Perpetrators gather in a circle. "Kids you should join in too". I twist free to stand with the kids in wonder as the adults hold hands with heads bowed. "Brother Trepanier will you do the honors."

"Our father who art in heaven hollowed be they name...”

Death of the Emperor


Saving Esmeralda

I don't hang around. "YOU'RE all fucking useless". I turn to run the several miles home and then to the rendezvous at the lake.

My little brother follows "If you're going I'm coming with." As if this was some sort of adventure.

We run down the block. As we head down the hill no one's following us. We find bikes in the weeds.

The bikes don't have goat head proof tires. In the west, we have goat head weeds with thorny seeds. They're the Fievel Goes West type tumbleweeds. They are notorious for flattening bike tires. The bike tires go flat within a mile or so. We keep peddling. Pat starts getting too exhausted after we pass Chico’s Pizza. Just past the Goodwill, he can't go any further. I have to leave him behind.

"I'm going to a rendezvous, whatever that is, behind the hole in the fence," I say panting hard. We'd covered a lot of ground from behind Samaritan hospital to the Goodwill behind K-Mart.

I take off on foot thinking maybe it will be easier to jog than ride on flattened tires.

I barely manage to walk no much further. I get to the highway intersection just below the hill. I see people with a bake across the way. I walk up and push the dude off the ten-speed.

"Sorry, my true love needs me" as I climb on.

The other guy passes me a motorcycle helmet. "Are those for you?" He asks as I

pedal the bike past him.

"Probably" as a cop car whizzes around the corner and further up the highway, lights and sirens on.

I head around to a path. I'm behind the field that the dirt bike is hidden in.

The dirt bike is right where Peanut said it would be. I kick-start it and ride it low. Trying to avoid being seen and shot at.

I see the cop waiting by Patton Park. My dad is in the brown van a couple of hundred yards down a road I have to cross. I figure my dad is less likely to shoot me. Even if he had a gun he can't shoot shit. I cling to the side of the motorcycle using it as cover. I almost sp