Sarcasm, straight shooting, satire and snark - Christin tackles all with her sharp little bark!
This is a parody—meaning humor piece. It is not intended to be a serious study in Astrology, although the meanings below did indeed draw from challenging traits said to be associated with the various signs. This article was written with tongue in cheek. Please keep this in mind if you are easily offended!
Every sign is fair game in this article. It's going to be harsh, over-the-top, and all in good fun. There is no escape. Whatever sign you were born under, I will illustrate to you why it was written in the stars that you are a horrible human being.
If you leave here with a reduced self-esteem and your fragile ego torn into tiny tatters, then my job as a ruthless, backbiting Scorpio sadist is done.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You are not only arrogant and confrontational, you are also extremely rigid and dogmatic. Like a boa constricting its prey with its relentless death grip; your ego avoids being bruised at all costs, even if it means alienating everyone around you.
No such thing as a purposeful debate with an Aries. You don't need things like facts and empathy for others getting in the way of your opinion. Nope, once you've made up your mind nothing, truly nothing at all, will change it.
When you're not busy annoying the will to live out of everyone around you with your aloof, know-it-all, condescension, you spend a great deal of time engaging in reckless, impulsive and undisciplined behaviors.
When a project needs to be done, you're the one who will systematically "half-ass" it, leaving it sub-par and unfinished for everyone else to attend to while you set off on your next adventure. You're the person that makes the office a truly wonderful place—when you leave.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Your tendency towards self-indulgence and laziness is truly perplexing. You believe very much that the world owes you something, but lack the motivation to get up and actually work. Your possessiveness and materialistic nature often makes you jealous of others, especially the ones who actually work for the things you covet.
Your possessive nature and tendency towards jealousy also make you prone to stalking and never knowing how to take "no" for an answer, in anything, ever.
You mistake the term “frugal” with “cheap”—meaning you don't date much. You are not only cheap and self-indulgent, you tend to be rude as well. Another reason many of you live in your mother's basement well into adulthood.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
You're a nervous Nellie who lacks decision making ability. Your inability to focus is not only annoying, it causes you to miss out on opportunities in life, which is odd considering how much value you place in superficial things like status symbols.
Gemini people are so naturally intelligent they bore easily, which is really just a lame excuse for being flaky and undependable.
What you lack in organization, you make up for with almost limitless energy. No one can create a chaotic workspace with as much enthusiasm as you.
Your dual personality means you are bi-polar moody with no direction, boundless energy and a tendency towards intense anxiety. In other words, you are a high-strung basket case and most people think you're nuts.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
You are moody, oppressive, chronically pessimistic, hyper-emotional, and suffocatingly clingy. If that weren't enough, you are also prone to being a nag and will find something in any situation to unceasingly complain about.
You see every tiny challenge in life as Everest and are a chronic victim. No one on Earth has known the troubles you've seen. Everywhere you go, a violin should be following you playing a sad song.
You are more drawn to home life than excelling in career areas because—well, you can't. Your brooding pessimism and hypochondria cause you to miss too many work days and eventually you get fired, either because you don't show up, or because people really just don't want you to anymore.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Your ego truly knows no bounds. You are indeed a legend in your own mind; and can't understand why others don't share the same opinions you beat them over the head with constantly while tooting your own horn.
You have an uncanny flare and excessive need for drama, coupled with an equally large lack of talent. You never let that stop you from hogging the spotlight though, because at least you are incredibly good looking.
Your sexiness and good fashion sense is of course what truly matters in your superficial world. Forget the ocean, you're about as deep as a birdbath—one that hasn't been filled in awhile.
Your controlling nature, obsessive need for attention, constant demands and lack of patience make your good looks the only thing that keeps you alive. This is especially true for Leo children who would never survive into adulthood were they not the cutest kids ever born.
Virgo (August 23 – Sept 22)
You're fussy, hyper-critical and stubborn. This, coupled with your wholly anal retentive nature and inability to ever be pleased, make you easily one of the most excruciatingly painful people to ever have to work or live with.
You have a tendency to remain stuck in the past and to avoid all forms of modernization, while constantly complaining that nothing is working as well or efficiently as it should. No one can teach this dog any new tricks. You might learn something. Of all the signs in the zodiac, your lack of ingenuity and creative problem solving abilities is truly astounding.
You speak your mind and know that it's through “tough love” that great things happen. You value constructive criticism and brutal honesty above all else, especially when you're the one constantly dolling it out, but not so much when the favor is returned.
No matter your age, your stunning lack of personality makes you the epitome of the grumpy old man screaming at the neighborhood kids to get off his lawn.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
You are the ideal partner for the zodiac's more dominant signs. Your excessive vanity, inability to ever make up your mind and to be easily swayed by the opinions of those around you, make you an excellent trophy wife or doormat.
The Libra mantra is why bother having an actual thought or doing any hard work so long as you can get by with your good looks? All that thinking and being independent is hard! Libra's don't do well with anything that is emotionally challenging, unless it's their natural knack for passive aggressive behavior.
You actually have an amazing gift for playing other people. Most see you as indecisive and sort of gullible, but that's not always true. You are actually quite clever and able to show people exactly what they want to see in order to charm them into giving you your own way.
It's almost as if you aren't stupid at all and are actually very, very manipulative despite appearances to the contrary. Hmm how about that? Well played Libra, well played.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
You are the most ruthless and despicable sign of the Zodiac for a reason. Seriously, no one has anything nice to say about Scorpios except you're sexy—and well that's because all the idiots from the other signs love the challenge of a “bad” boy or girl to tame who also happens to be kind of hot.
If you are unfortunate enough to be a heartless, vindictive Scorpio you've probably learned by now that your seductive nature is about the only positive thing you have going for you in the eyes of humanity. It's a good thing you take pleasure in the suffering of others or your existence would be utterly woeful.
Scorpios are by far the worst of the worst. Narcissism, jealousy, rage, blind ambition, and shrewd intellect with no compassion; you've got it all. It's like a smorgasbord of pure evil. No one is as manipulative, cunning, secretive or power hungry and nobody holds a grudge like you.
A scorpions competitive nature and need to be the leader of the pack make them formidable enemies. They will hunt you to the ends of the Earth and they never let go of a grudge. Even if you didn't do anything, if a Scorpio just doesn't like you you'll find yourself the target of their blind fury and they will delight in your destruction.
Scorpions often sneak up on their prey before stinging them and the people with this sign are no different. Even when they are smiling in your face, they are plotting your demise, unless they have a use for you, then you may be safe for awhile.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Your utter lack of tact and diplomacy should ensure that everyone hates you, but for whatever reason, you have a fiery, magnetic personality that draws people in. Like a moth to a flame that is.
You have a passion for brutal honesty and claim to be a believer in great truths. This unvarnished truth only applies to the often distorted visions of reality in your head however, and your love of brutal honesty only travels one direction—out of your own mouth.
Despite your amazing talent for being blunt, you have a stunning inability to accept even the most constructive criticism without it being viewed as a personal assault, which is really rather ironic.
As a Sagittarius, it is your tendency to overestimate pretty much everything about yourself. You never screw up because in the land of your own mind, you can't do anything wrong and someone else is always to blame.
It's a good thing you are such a unique, quirky person with a sense of adventure otherwise your tendency towards inconsistent, careless and impulsive behavior might be seen as just reckless or stupid. Actually, it still kind of is.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
You have the personality of a tree stump. Of all the signs, you are the most whiny and boring. You will always see the glass half-empty (or more), and nothing will convince you otherwise. You are the buzz kill at parties and you can suck the light out of the sunniest day.
You have never done anything spontaneous in your entire life and are quite confident that your unimaginative way of doing things is the right and proper way for everyone.
You are so preoccupied with yourself that you likely don't even notice how quickly people work to escape your presence. You are deeply in tune with your own rich emotional depths and can lament endlessly about anything, so long as it is about you.
You feel emotions with such passion one might think you should be an empathetic, caring soul, but that would be untrue. You have an astounding inability to empathize with others and only view their pain by comparing it to your own eternal suffering.
Some say you're shy—you're actually not, you're completely self-absorbed and anti-social. You aren't an introvert, you're an a**. Oh, nevermind. Suffice it to say, you have zero social skills and spend a lot of time alone because you are your own favorite person.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
You are unpredictable, inconsistent, unyielding and stubborn. Your all or nothing attitude secures your spot as an extremist in whatever areas you obsess about in life. You are a control freak and probably a bit of a narcissist which enables you to turn your emotions on and off at will and as needed.
You feign good listening skills, but the truth is you have your mind made up and no amount of reasoning, facts, or other such inconveniences are going to get you to part with your own version of the truth. Wherever a passionate, illogical, irrational extremist is needed an Aquarius is there to heed the call.
You have never been on time to any event ever. If it was possible for anyone to actually be late to their own funeral; it would be you. You are unpredictable, detached and don't care if your tardiness impacts others in a negative way. The team members you work with hate you.
You do what you want when you want and laugh in the face of any semblance of order. The only time you don't do this is when others happen to be running late—at that point you get all cranky and moody and wonder how anyone could have the audacity to inconvenience you.
You are manipulative, moody, melodramatic and probably pretty much any other negative M word there is - or any other letter of the alphabet for that matter.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Your idealism knows no bounds, which is probably why you spend most of your life escaping from reality rather than doing any actual work. You're the wounded idealist who is chronically demoralized and you have the ability to turn any molehill into a mountain larger than Everest.
Your perfectionism stops you before you ever really try. Everyone else's best could never be good enough for you because you are such a special snowflake.
You are very fussy and unreasonable to most people and others don't really like it when you seek to help them, since you are only doing it for selfish reasons.
You are not as altruistic as you would have people believe. Your need to be needed and recognized fuels your desire to help others. The motives of a Pisces are never pure and they often come with a price. Munchausen anyone?
Your over-sensitive and pessimistic nature, combined with your self-sabotaging perfectionism means you are destined for a life of mediocrity. You will never be truly successful at anything, because doing that would require you to get out of your own way—and that's just not in your nature.
So there you have it: the dark side of Astrology and the reasons why, no matter who you are, you are an awful human being, especially if you are a Scorpio like me.
Know any negative traits I missed? You're welcome to share them in the comments below—if you dare!
© 2015 Christin Sander
M on October 21, 2020:
Taurus is not true, we wake up every day and work hard we aren't appreciated and called lazy when what is the use in trying if never gets you anywhere.
raging bull on June 09, 2020:
Totally crap the part about taurus. Can't relate to anything
Meagan Ireland from Maine on April 21, 2020:
Aquarius here! You did nail a lot of that, lol.
I'm always late. No matter what I do to be on time, I still end up being late. I've often said I woukd be late to my own funeral!
Lexi on December 16, 2019:
Yes I admit that aries is like that and that is my personality in a nutshell
Regina on November 17, 2019:
Well, I won't say I hate to admit it since I've already acknowledged these traits, but yes, I am a true Scorpio (not proud of the traits but you know, you gotta admit the reality as it is)
Amanda on September 01, 2019:
Sun in Virgo moon in Scorpio, scorpio brutally pegged though. Virgo sort of, but not really. But I couldn’t help laughing at quite a lot of this list, I definitely see most of it
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on August 05, 2019:
Hi! Nice to see you. I no longer write on or support HubPages in any way. We had a disagreement on how they wanted to completely rework "this hub" actually and I said no and their response was to demote all of my work back to Hubpages. I lost all the income I was earning because Robin overreacted when I told her the editors could do whatever they wanted to any of my content but THIS piece because it's satire and my baby and you can't rewrite and edit satire. They consistently run off their best writers. When I have time to remove my work to my own blogs/sites I will never grace this place again with my presence...
Now, as for your sister, I am so sorry for what she endured :(, that's horribly sad. I'm glad she had a great sense of humor that gives you memories of happier times! It's so hard when those we love deal with mental illnesses, been there done that! Thanks for commenting and I hope all is well with you!
Doris James MizBejabbers from Beautiful South on July 23, 2019:
Christin, I realize or at least I think, that this is an older hub, so I'm not going to go through the hundreds of comments to see if I've read and commented before. I just want to say that I got on your follower list years ago, but I don't get any notifications of your hubs in my feed and I wonder why. You have some of the most interesting ones on HP, and I'd like to know how to get your notifications.
Anyway, in case I haven't left a comment here before. Back in the 70s I either had this book or one similar to it, and my (at that time) darned Scorpio boyfriend snitched it from me. Now being a gullible Libra, I accepted his explanation that his newly acquired one was a gift from a family member. Anyway, I couldn't remember the name of the book so I could buy another. I also have Virgo rising and a Gemini moon so I see those characteristics in me too. My sister was Capricorn, and as I remember it, the book I had said Capricorns didn't know what to do with their tails. My sister committed suicide from a mental illness caused by an undiagnosed thyroid problem, but before she died, she said she'd figured out why she was crazy, she couldn't didn't know what to do with her tail! Even in her last days, she kept her sense of humor.
JJ B on April 14, 2019:
Someone finally managed to say the cold harsh truth about me
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on March 18, 2019:
Nice cloud way to admit it :)
Cloud on March 11, 2019:
libra...so 99.9% true.... someone finally decoded me... "You actually have an amazing gift for playing other people. Most see you as indecisive and sort of gullible, but that's not always true. You are actually quite clever and able to show people exactly what they want to see in order to charm them into giving you your own way.
It's almost as if you aren't stupid at all and are actually very, very manipulative despite appearances to the contrary. " ... and these part HIT me hard... hahahaaaaaa.....thank you
A&*quarius Legend N'MyOwnmind on February 07, 2019:
AQUARIUS.... and this was hilarious!!! (And yes, there's enough truth to this that I had a few hearty laughs...and read all the other signs... and laughed some more.)
I LOVE your wicked sense of biting humor !!The world needs more of that and less "you hurt my feelings, I'm a special snowflake" attitude.
Another example of an Aquarius, from an old fogie who grew up listening to '80's hairbands is... Axl Rose. LOVE the man's singing , but before 2017 …. Boy, could he fit your description to a T, lol ;)
Evie on December 20, 2018:
Imma Picses and I recognise some of my negative traits
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on November 21, 2018:
hahaha Valentino - thanks for the read and comment - glad you have a sense of humor, even if it is awful ;).
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on October 15, 2018:
No doubt about it. You're as terrible as everyone else in the zodiac.
bala on October 15, 2018:
I guess I am a badass n a self lover too.
P.Sanjeeva Reddy on August 31, 2018:
Really very interesting.Being a Libran I could easily identify with many of the traits mentioned.
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on August 28, 2018:
You're brave and refreshingly honest random person lol
random person commenting once and leaving the website afterwords on August 28, 2018:
im a gemini and id say thats sorta accurate
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on August 27, 2018:
I'm scared of you Beth ;). I'm a Scorpio with Capricorn Rising so I'm scared of me too when I'm not boring myself to death.
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on August 26, 2018:
Well played MrFsMrs lol
MrFsMrs on August 26, 2018:
Hahahahahaha good article. I realize it's satire but there IS some truth in statements! Too bad people take themselves too serious to know that. Anyways I'm taurus and too lazy to.....
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on August 18, 2018:
Haha Mellissa, nice one. I can definitely see the miser in the Cap sign ;) good luck at work.
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on August 18, 2018:
I'm sorry Fatima. I'm surrounded by Leos, I have the good fortune to not know any Virgos though.
Mellissa on August 18, 2018:
Im a Cap and I have tonnes of empathy.....now I know why. I guess I'll go back to reading my gothic novel in the candle light. I have to save money on electricity....I love money. Then Im off to work again!!
Fatima on August 17, 2018:
I have no words everything so true about Virgo.Word by word.Btw I’m Leo and I agree about us too!
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on August 13, 2018:
Your hyperactive emotional response to satire kind of ironically proves my satirical point about Cancer Arit lol
Arit on August 12, 2018:
The most inaccurate description of cancer!
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on August 05, 2018:
I'm sure James lol it's not you, it's everyone else.
James on August 04, 2018:
Incredibly accurate about my most recent ex (Scorpio) but 100% off about me (Aquarius).
Beverley on August 02, 2018:
Devorah, i agree with you im also Capricorn born Jan 12th. Sag nails it.
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on July 22, 2018:
Well I suppose your name is very fitting then ;).
I'm an Aquarius on July 21, 2018:
And I find it funny how it said every negative word that starts with a letter M is about me. My name starts with a letter M!!
Annelise from copenhagen Denmark on July 05, 2018:
Christin Sander Lol I was sarcastic to about my genius light
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on July 03, 2018:
As Scorpios we also have dark humor and an appreciation for satire as well - good job.
Moon on July 03, 2018:
Hmmmm Scorpios are famous for being evil, but I do believe there are other sunsigns like Sagittarius, aquarius, capricorn and taurus who can be quite as evil and sometimes even more. I'm a scorpio myself and I agree about us being manipulative lol. Anyway it was a fun read. I was laughing out loud while reading about scorpio.
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on June 26, 2018:
Charlotte, you may not be successful at reading comprehension as this article states in numerous places that it's Satire. Satire means snarky and not serious - it was dark humor, a joke etc.
Charlotte on June 24, 2018:
I am a Pisces and overall I can agree with the negative traits listed, but I don’t agree that the motives of a Pisces are never true, I I also don’t believe that I’ll never be truly successful at anything. I do recognize from past experiences that it is more difficult for me to be truly successful, but I know I can
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on June 17, 2018:
Sorry you feel that way Annelise, but this was a satirical look at astrology. Perhaps you need to find new friends who do value you. Every human being has flaws and strengths and they have nothing to do with your date of birth, they are all human.
Annelise from copenhagen Denmark on June 16, 2018:
Born 3 feb. and that is me .......but it hurts me when ppl cant se my genius my ligth
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on June 02, 2018:
If you actually believe that astrology can tell you everything you need to know about yourself by only your sun sign you haven't really studied astrology, or met a varied amount of people. You also probably missed where this article is a satirical look at the dark side of astrology and in no way a serious study. I have no idea why you are a Sagittarius trapped in a Capricorn's body - but I wouldn't go bragging about either one.
Devorah on June 02, 2018:
Im a true and blue Capricorn. Born January 15th. But I relate insanely to almost everything about the Sagattarius! Any explanation? I relate to Sags all the time. Stuff running through facebook, pinterest, and the internet. It all matches my personality (A capricorn) with a Saggitarius. Its crazy!
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on May 07, 2018:
Of course it is Kat ;)
Kat on May 07, 2018:
I'm a pieces and no. This is horribly wrong lol
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on April 24, 2018:
Sounds like you need a new circle of friends June hehehe signed a Scorpio ;).
June on April 23, 2018:
Gemini with virgo rising.. I found this to be mostly true for not only my sign but everyone that I know, well everyone that I know their signs...the Scorpio is on spot with the ones I know... Kinda freaky actually....
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on April 15, 2018:
Thanks Aditi, critique doesn't bug me at all. Cursing and threats to me do and that has happened - over an Astrology hub and it's happened several times actually. I know it's over the top - that's the point of Satire ;) It's supposed to be brutal which is the dark humor of it.
aditi on April 15, 2018:
truly speaking though it may seem like its too negative (well I guess that's what the post is about ) but its perfectly true well at least in my case and true in a way that when i think of it now it seems quite correct . I realized that I act that way sometimes well maybe not all the points but atleast some of them well unconciously
and either way dont let this bother the shit outta u
ur perfect in your own way
Savio Koman from Mumbai, India on April 06, 2018:
I realize that the people who have commented here are the more jolly ones. My earlier comment is in fact, meant for such future irritants who may come across this particular article. That said, after reading your engrossing post, they wouldn't have time to read my comment.. :)
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on April 04, 2018:
Thank you Savio :) It amazes me the amount of people who don't get this concept sometimes lol. Of course, they likely aren't reading the parts that say it's satire, yet alone other comments before opening their mouths. Fortunately the worst of the worst (cursing, name calling, threats) are filtered out and don't appear here, you should see what some have had to say. People take their astrology very seriously and themselves too! :D
Savio Koman from Mumbai, India on April 04, 2018:
Guys, just do one thing before posting any more comments. Please go on Google and type "Satire Meaning" and see what it says. Once you do, come back and read the article once again with a bit of perspective. Hope it helps.. I am Aries by the way... :)
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on April 04, 2018:
SATIRE. Apparently you don't understand what satire means.
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on March 27, 2018:
A fun Capricorn? Well, there's a first time for everything I suppose ;). Glad you recognized this was satire and not a serious study in astrology - signed the "evil Scorpio" writer ;) lol.
ddayvies on March 26, 2018:
If anyone is taking this hard, don't. You'd have to consider more aspects in your chart to make a true assessment. I'm a Capricorn with a Sag moon and Leo rising sign.. I'm way more awesome than this thing is describing me! I'm fun! I swear I'm so fun! . . The sun sign is a small piece of the puzzle. So don't let this get you down folks. (Although it's funny to look at signs other than yours and go yep mmm hmmm yep lol)
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on March 21, 2018:
what piece were you reading GMoney? no one had positives in this article because it was meant to be snarky and full of satire :).
GMoney on March 21, 2018:
So funny how everyone had positive traits mentioned except Aries.
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on March 16, 2018:
Thanks Beth - if you refer to the piece you'll see I didn't intend it to be a serious study in astrology ;). Most of us aren't as bad as I portrayed lol.
Beth on March 15, 2018:
VIRGO here and while most of the post for us is true, not all Virgo have difficulty with problem solving and creativity. I am on the opposite side of the spectrum. I brainstorm well, I have several invention ideas and I have never met a craft I didn't enjoy.
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on March 12, 2018:
Sagittarius folk know how to read and have a sense of humor - :) The worst of the angry ones (those who threaten or curse) were deleted by moderators - imagine that lol :D
Happy Sag on March 11, 2018:
Sagittarius here! (capricorn moon, libra rising). I'm so surprised so many people got angry!
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on March 09, 2018:
I'm sure you're the coolest Gemini that ever was Robert ;) thanks for the comment.
Robert on March 08, 2018:
Im a Gemini and most of this was way off, though it may be due to my Capricorn moon. Mellow-ist Gemini you ever met, half the time ;P.
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on March 07, 2018:
Glad you got the humor in it Mercedes, now go use your good looks to manipulate some poor unsuspecting soul ;).
Mercedes on March 07, 2018:
This was amazingly funny. Rolling around laughing!!! Lovely libra here. Looking in the mirror right now ;)
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on March 06, 2018:
Real Scorpios don't cry Izzy. Also, it was satire ;) lol
Izzy on March 06, 2018:
Wow... The Scorpio one hurt, Just a little bit. *crying inside*
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on March 05, 2018:
Yes, while I'm at it Earthly I'll also explain how to reread the several portions of this article that state it's Satire.... you're welcome.
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on March 05, 2018:
I'm a Scorpio and I hate you forever now because you say you've never met a decent one ;) lol
Earthly the frog on March 04, 2018:
Can someone please tell me why it says pieces and Gemini don’t connect but it also says they do wtf
Xijah on March 04, 2018:
Honestly the scorpio is so spot on, its funny cause everybody makes mistakes in life, including scorpios which then leads to holding a grudge part..should all the other signs hold a grudege forever too ? dont like tar everybody with the same brush but i have never met i decent scorpio...
Look here on February 27, 2018:
Scorpio's aren't that hard or tough. Seriously, the only people that would say that are those who either played a Scorpio, embarrassed a Scorpio when they did opened themselves up in all honesty. See the people that are in the Scorpios trust worthy circle... are those who see and understand our approach to life and anything for that matter. Yes.. there are some pretty messed up Scorpio people out there. But keep in mind every single one is different. Some died and are hateful. Some learned how to open up more to the world. So stop being a whiney bitter jerk and fess up to whatever you did wrongly to that Scorpio.. you will see things in a different light! Trust me.. that Scorpio wouldn't be like you going around blabbing about how horrible they are. A Scorpio is the type that would say good things about you before you crossed them. And keep the rest hidden until you acknowledge your misunderstandings. Not hard at all. That gives Scorpio people a chance to admit they were wrong and learn to grown as a better person. It does work.. use compassion.. not hard at all. Fyi
Ginsgirl on February 07, 2018:
Proud Aries woman here! Yes, it is about me! Hello? Are you listening to me? Hey! Do i need to slap the taste out ya mouth!?
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on February 05, 2018:
thanks for the read and comment Liz, I did mention initially it wasn't meant to be a serious study in astrology ;) so I'm sure a lot of things are more than a tad off lol - at least I hope so!
Liz on February 05, 2018:
- dying on the inside- too funny ! almost spot on! I think some stuff about a couple other signs is a tad off but I def see the stuff about Leos- especially guy Leos! I think I'm on the cusp so I see traits of Virgo in me too though .
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on February 05, 2018:
Yes, we Scorpios have the ultimate power and ability to say words that are both true and untrue simultaneously ;) thanks for the comment.
Jamal on February 05, 2018:
Hi I'm pisces everyone learn from his mistakes we pisces for sure not selfish people we want to help to make the world better place ur article is soo funny but because you have the nature of Scorpio you feel you have the power and the ability to say theses words. Your words it's not true I laugh on it laugh is good thank you
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on January 05, 2018:
I believe you Dolores - mine's all wrong too ;) lol thanks for the read and comment.
Dolores Monet from East Coast, United States on January 05, 2018:
This is so wonderful that I was reading it over the phone to my sister. Funny how so many people I know fit your descriptions perfectly. Except me. Mine is all wrong!
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on January 05, 2018:
SATIRE Far too many people take this article way WAY too seriously.
YP ~ on January 05, 2018:
Hi, don't get me wrong but as a piscean I really dislike the fact that you wrote my sign is destined for mediocricy.
I can relate myself to some extent to what you've mentioned like i do seek perfection (who wouldn't really?!) Don't we want to do everything well e.g. students want good grades, parents want the very best things for their lads; i am not selfish to that extreme, everybody is, isn't it? I ALWAYS TRY to help my friends; hypersensitivity - i am not an emotional fool, i do get emotional like once in a while but as a student i am really stressed/ depressed over silly mistakes i do in exams maybe because as you said we (my sign) will never be successful because of the predestined failure inpending on Pisces, to be honest we are human and as such we are bound to have emotions and feelings, who wouldn't cry over death of loved ones or other things like marital breakdowns or failure; pessimist and defeatist, IF BEING AFRAID OF FAILURE counts then YES i am these 2 but believe me everyone be it students, investors, businessmen are always afraid to fail, I am more realistic in the sense that i do evaluate my chances in everything now if i point out the risk of my failure should it be pessimism?!
I would like to say that I hate being a Piscean since it is considered to be the weakest (all the positive traits it has are not really valued nowadays)
I am not posting this so as to get any emotional support of any sort because it is assumed that Pisces lack mental strength and get emotional & hyper sensitive and as such want to get attention and help.
I would like to thank you for your article, it was interesting and it will help me on focusing to reduce these negative traits.
But if really these stuffs (destiny being written before) are true that I better not live such a predestined life!
I am a Pisces sun, aries in moon and rising gemini!
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on December 27, 2017:
Do I sense a kindred spirit Natasha? ;) lol
Natasha on December 27, 2017:
It applies to me. Scorpio here.
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on December 16, 2017:
Right? so on the money ;) lol
brownin329 on December 15, 2017:
(Aries) Nailed it! hahahahaha! And Scorpio too. My brother is exactly like that.
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on December 13, 2017:
Sam I said throughout it was SATIRE - meaning a parody. I always find it ironic the people who don't read, then attack me and talk about how awful I am. I'm not the one running around attacking people on the internet. Get a grip - whatever sign you are, you need it.
Sam Ates on December 12, 2017:
Most horrible and sadistic writer ever! No zodiac is as bad as you made them up! A quick dose for anyone to get depressed by reading your awful article!
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on December 07, 2017:
I sure hope not Nupur ;) but thanks for the read and comment.
Nupur on December 06, 2017:
You wrote it all correct!
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on December 05, 2017:
I see what you did there somebody ;) well played.
Somebody on December 05, 2017:
You are the most horrible writer about zodiacs i have read. you are so mean and nobody likes you. You have no friends. lol
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on December 03, 2017:
You're welcome Serenity ;) glad you enjoyed the article.
Serenity on December 03, 2017:
Wow , true i am a Pisces and dream more about perfection than actually trying to achieve it , thank you for the kick in the b*tt loll
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on November 30, 2017:
Oh my Ollie - that is kind of bad. Of course, I'm a Scorpio and I like silence so maybe not.... lol
OllieNamikaze on November 29, 2017:
So awful we dont talk for 2 weeks lol
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on November 28, 2017:
Oh dear Ollie - I think you and your gf have a very strong blend of awfulness going on ;) lol thanks for reading.
OllieNamikaze on November 27, 2017:
Im a leo, cancer moon and gemini rising it hit right on!! Except the clingy part lol im more extroverted abd caring i show it all... Peoples are scared to approach me when they wanted to know me lawl...
My gf tho it nailed right on so lazy taurus , virgo, aries and pisces
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on November 25, 2017:
haha annamay, glad you got the humor and I'm sure you're a lovely person - for a Capricorn ;).
annamay on November 24, 2017:
Oh me oh my. I spend a lot of time alone, with my favorite person in the world, ME! Only because I have to! Capricorn here. You are very right about the Scorpio too. moo hahahahahaha.
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on November 21, 2017:
You say I'm too nasty and then call me vulgar names - typical. If you don't understand dark humor than kindly keep your unwarranted opinions to yourself. No f's given about your opinion either there Jill.
Christin Sander (author) from Midwest on November 19, 2017:
Glad you got a kick out of it Humaira - although if you found it to be that accurate that's a bit scary ;) lol.